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July 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This one's not so good, to be honest. Like most of your Riviera fics, this is basically just a contrived situation for the two to have sex. There's some good characterizations of Cierra towards the beginning, but the whole "love potion" idea is way too obvious. That's forgivable, though, since most of what we see on this site is considerably worse. Overall, the opening is pretty good.
However, the sex scene itself... Bits like the reference to Ein's "military training" are laughable, but nothing compared to Ein's cliched torture of Cierra, which so completely ignores his character that it's not even funny. There's no sense of passion between two characters here, just over-the-top sexuality that comes off as a little bit out there.
But worst of all is the ending. It really takes one of the hoariest of old cornball cliches and exaggerates it to the point where it doesn't even make sense. Painful.
I must say, the degree to which you improved your writing with "After the Game: Fia" is almost unbelievable.
However, the sex scene itself... Bits like the reference to Ein's "military training" are laughable, but nothing compared to Ein's cliched torture of Cierra, which so completely ignores his character that it's not even funny. There's no sense of passion between two characters here, just over-the-top sexuality that comes off as a little bit out there.
But worst of all is the ending. It really takes one of the hoariest of old cornball cliches and exaggerates it to the point where it doesn't even make sense. Painful.
I must say, the degree to which you improved your writing with "After the Game: Fia" is almost unbelievable.
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September 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
You gunna do Human Rose to finish the girls off?
I mean, she IS Ein's master after all..<_<
ANyway, great work. Keep it up.
I mean, she IS Ein's master after all..<_<
ANyway, great work. Keep it up.