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February 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
very nice. i love how u keep them in character. i would love to see more of this.
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February 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
wow. me like this. hope you update soon. i so want to find out what happens.
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February 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ha, you got rid of that prologue. To be honest, I didn't make it through the thing, that incessant rambling killed me in second sentence. LOL. But then I saw you posted first chapter and thought I'd skip the prologue... and I'm glad I did! ^_^ Your style is much nicer than the prologue suggested, grammar is OK and you have good story-pacing skills. You actually managed to draw the reader (me) into the story, and I can't say I disagree with anything in the layout so far ^_^
The only thing that irks me is characterisation of Dante... but it's only because I generally dislike him in his younger years. He looks 22-25 here to me. Still cocky as hell but able to feel intimidated by someone and back off. I guess he's in character then ^_^
I could totally picture him getting turned on by danger. Somehow it suits him well. He just looks like the type to get charged up by adrenaline and fear. But developing a hard-on over pizza? That was kinky! XD
I can't say anything about Riddick and thus I won't comment on plot development. Yeah, my knowledge about Riddick is pretty... negligible (it may be summed up to 'he exists', LOL). I hope you're not offended by crazy people poking crossovers they have no idea about ^^; I just got interested when I saw this challenge and wondered what type of guy could Riddick be to top Dante... and then you got me even more intrigued by that CBT warning. I don't think I've ever seen it in DMC section. Wonder how hardcore it would get. XD
Either way, it looks like a good read.
The only thing that irks me is characterisation of Dante... but it's only because I generally dislike him in his younger years. He looks 22-25 here to me. Still cocky as hell but able to feel intimidated by someone and back off. I guess he's in character then ^_^
I could totally picture him getting turned on by danger. Somehow it suits him well. He just looks like the type to get charged up by adrenaline and fear. But developing a hard-on over pizza? That was kinky! XD
I can't say anything about Riddick and thus I won't comment on plot development. Yeah, my knowledge about Riddick is pretty... negligible (it may be summed up to 'he exists', LOL). I hope you're not offended by crazy people poking crossovers they have no idea about ^^; I just got interested when I saw this challenge and wondered what type of guy could Riddick be to top Dante... and then you got me even more intrigued by that CBT warning. I don't think I've ever seen it in DMC section. Wonder how hardcore it would get. XD
Either way, it looks like a good read.