rate_review Reviews

Your character is what's called a Mary Sue. My advice is to work on that.

Mary sue?? lol even if you think I'm lying I seriously had to google that. But now that i know what you're talking about I will certainly take your advice. My apologizes to anyone else who was disturbed by my character

I've been following this since it came up. Although I usually detest OCs, I've really enjoyed this story. There's a few things here and there that I didn'tcare for, but mostly it was creative preference, and not anything lacking on your part. The only thing I can say for constructive critisism (besides a few grammar errors) is that "Shazz's" name kept switching back and forth to Shasta(which is a soda). Beside's that, the whole thing was very captivating, and the sex was great. I like how it was spanned out over a few chapters.

Well done, and I hope you continue writing,

Eli