schedule
November 24, 2009 at 12:00 AM
not to flame, I swear this is just constructive critisisum (how ever that is spelled) but this doesn't seem to be written all that well, I am sad to say your ofc is not holding my attention. But props on finding a new plot to introduce an ofc, I may suggest putting a little more effort into it though, haveing a ofc so imediately be interested in Jak is just predictable and she was waaaaaay too willing to give up a lot of information. Take it slow. You got yourself the makeing of a good story just rework it a little.