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June 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I really like it! Its nice to see an old game like BoF II get some stories. Especially with a character as hot as Nina. You're writing is really top notch-not needlessly frilled, not amateurishly rushed, although I would like to see it be a little longer next time. It'd be great to see more, either the alluded to Rand/Kat pairing, or pretty much anything else you could think of.
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January 22, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Wow. I think this is my first time reading a het story on AFF all the way through, lol. I was just poking about in the forums and saw your thread, so I decided to take a peek. I have no idea what Breath of Fire II is, so I was unfamiliar with the characters, but that didn't really matter for this story, I followed along well enough regardless.
I'm lame at feedback, but I think you write very very well. Good spelling and grammar. You are descriptive without being over-descriptive. I think you have good paragraph length too. Also, you use a variety of words, and not the same ones over and over again. Seeing 'dick' repeatedly adds up. I like that you use other words/phrasing instead of being repetitive.
And another big one for me; I like that you don't use 'She/he' a ton or 'Nina' this and 'Nina' that. You use a mix so that the reader doesn't see 'Nina' three times in the same senetence, or a bajillion times in the same paragraph. Uwah, I guess it's not so much I'm lame at feedback, but that I'm not that awesome with criticism. I'm optimistic, so I like to point out the good things.
Well anywho. I know where your coming from with the lack of reviews. Just one review can make your day, nee? I think stories that are in the busier/more popular areas get more attention/reviews than those that aren't. So, from one author to another (though I'm not all that fabulous, lol), here's a review so your no longer at 0, and keep on writing!
I'm lame at feedback, but I think you write very very well. Good spelling and grammar. You are descriptive without being over-descriptive. I think you have good paragraph length too. Also, you use a variety of words, and not the same ones over and over again. Seeing 'dick' repeatedly adds up. I like that you use other words/phrasing instead of being repetitive.
And another big one for me; I like that you don't use 'She/he' a ton or 'Nina' this and 'Nina' that. You use a mix so that the reader doesn't see 'Nina' three times in the same senetence, or a bajillion times in the same paragraph. Uwah, I guess it's not so much I'm lame at feedback, but that I'm not that awesome with criticism. I'm optimistic, so I like to point out the good things.
Well anywho. I know where your coming from with the lack of reviews. Just one review can make your day, nee? I think stories that are in the busier/more popular areas get more attention/reviews than those that aren't. So, from one author to another (though I'm not all that fabulous, lol), here's a review so your no longer at 0, and keep on writing!