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schedule
December 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Sexy. Write more.
SailorNemesis
SailorNemesis
schedule
December 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hi! Great story! It's amazing how two people can come up with the same idea for the same series, too; a couple weeks ago I started thinking of eventually doing one where Kunoichi spies on Ginchiyo and eventually blackmails her.
I love the revelation of Yue Ying and Xing Cai turning out to be fully-functioning dickgirls. For some reason, it was just a bigger thrill here than a lot of cases where I see it used. For what little I know of Xing Cai, I like it especially with her because she comes off like such a prim and dainty woman, like a dick is the last thing you'd expect on her. Or maybe the impression she works to give off is to compensate?
Only criticisms: the first, you use a lot of 'to be' and 'have' verb variants. This draws out the sentences; in a lot of cases, you could have shortened it, for instance "people tried" rather than "people had tried." The other one, not really a criticism, I feel more dialogue could make the story a lot more interesting. The revelation at the very end where you use dialogue worked out awesome, though!
That's all I have to say here! :) Keep up the excellent work.
I love the revelation of Yue Ying and Xing Cai turning out to be fully-functioning dickgirls. For some reason, it was just a bigger thrill here than a lot of cases where I see it used. For what little I know of Xing Cai, I like it especially with her because she comes off like such a prim and dainty woman, like a dick is the last thing you'd expect on her. Or maybe the impression she works to give off is to compensate?
Only criticisms: the first, you use a lot of 'to be' and 'have' verb variants. This draws out the sentences; in a lot of cases, you could have shortened it, for instance "people tried" rather than "people had tried." The other one, not really a criticism, I feel more dialogue could make the story a lot more interesting. The revelation at the very end where you use dialogue worked out awesome, though!
That's all I have to say here! :) Keep up the excellent work.