rate_review Reviews

First of all, I liked your scenario. However, I think there was too much pre-amble to get to the sex and when it did start it was jarringly sudden. Yes, I realise Lara was struck with the effect of the Braid but it feels like it needed a better transition. When we did get to the action there wasn't a huge amount of description despite the lengthy set up, maybe that's just your style but for me it made the chapter feel a bit lopsided.

And what the hell was up with the kid calling Lara mum? Is this what Americans think English children call older women or something? That really took me out of it.

All in all, IMO this is a better than average fic but could be greatly improved with a few small changes.