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The Suicide Poem	By : Kerianya Category: +S through Z > Samurai Warriors Views: 1214 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Warriors, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-The Suicide Poem
- 1
The Suicide Poem.

By Kerianya_fijiteenia

It's a very sad story, viewed from Mitsuhide's point of view. If you don't like the prospect of someone committing suicide in any form, or homosexuality, also in any form, then read no further. Mitsuhide's ending 1, a random poem I was writing and the need to have Mitsuhide in tears instead of Ranmaru inspired the story. The poem is mine, but the characters of the Koei game are not.

Those who have read my story "Better" will know that at the end, Nobunaga suspected Mitsuhide of something, although he could not be sure. This can be classed as the sequel to "Better" or as a stand-alone. I leave it entirely to you.

Mori Ranmaru is dead.

It sounds so heartless, especially as I stand by his rapidly cooling corpse; his lavender robes stained red by the small pool of blood seeping from his beautiful body. With my tears blurring my vision, I keep returning to his corpse, feeling for a pulse every time I swear that I see him breathe. But I know my own skills, and find disappointment quells my hopes every time.

How beautiful you look, even in death, Ranmaru. If it were not for the blood around your death-wound I would believe you to be sleeping. You were always pale, weren't you, my love? So the colour has not yet drained from your skin enough to create the horrible miasma of death. I am grateful for it. I've seen so many friends, comrades, even former lovers die around me and not shed a tear for any of them. But you�you were different, and I knew it right from the moment I laid eyes on you. But I was scared of you, Ranmaru. I was terrified because I knew that if I made you mine I would fall in love with you. I knew you were the one, but I was too scared to admit it, and that's why you fell into the arms of Nobunaga.

I hated him. I hated him for taking you away from me, almost as much as I hated myself for letting him. I couldn't bear to hear you at night with him; you were so vocal. Even by day I got no rest, as Nobunaga saw fit to prove to the world that you were his even then.

Eventually you left him when he refused to choose you over the lady Noh, and this time I was waiting with open arms. To my joy you quickly fell into them, and I finally allowed myself to fall in love. Just as you were Nobunaga's Jewel, you were my Treasure. Every night I'd see the light, from the moon or lamp, light your naked skin like the finest ivory. Your eyes glittered like twin sapphires, and your hair became as dark as the night sky itself. How could Nobunaga call you a mere jewel? Such a name insults your beauty, as it can never justify it. You are a whole treasure, one that any shogun would be a fool to pass up. I loved you so much, Ranmaru, and I was sure you felt the same�

But one fateful night proved you did not, at least not in the way I had believed you to.

I rebelled against the Oda because I didn't agree with his methods of action. How could he not care for the innocents he trod on whilst on his quest for absolute power? I knew you agreed with me, but when I defected, and expectantly invited you to follow, you recoiled as though I had struck you. You had laughed at me when I told you that your loyalty to Nobunaga was your only failing, but I was right, wasn't I Treasure? If you hadn't been so loyal, you'd have been alive by my side now�

That thought is the trigger for my grief, and I collapse to my knees and pull you into my arms. I had threatened to kill you on the day I left you, and I'd accused you of some terrible things. I didn't mean any of them! As soon as the words had left my mouth I wanted to take them back because they made you cry. As I called you a whore, and fickle, and a liar you just stood and wept before me. Your tears were reflected in my own that night as the guilt of hurting you ripped my soul apart. I didn't mean it! I didn't mean for any of this madness to happen, especially not killing you tonight. Your blade, normally so accurate, swung too high as my own sliced into your belly. Our eyes met in the instant that my blade met your flesh, and although your mouth didn't move but I heard your voice in my head saying three simple words:

"I forgive you."

A crackling, papery noise cuts through the sound of my cries. Feeling guilty for doing so, I reach into your kimono and pull out a folded piece of paper. To my shock it's addressed to me. I unfold it with you resting against my chest, reminding me of how we used to read things together.

It's a poem. I knew you liked to write them but you'd never let me read one before, always throwing them onto the fire once they were done. I smile, despite my grief, when I see your meticulous writing. You were clever-a lot cleverer than people gave you credit for, and it reflected in your meticulous handwriting. I read your poem, and began to cry again at the first line:

The day that you got up,

And walked away,

I fell in love with you,

On that day.

I never thought I'd feel so sad

When you walked away from me.

My whole life changed from wonderful to bad,

And no escape could I see.

I've tried and tried to forget you,

But no matter how hard I try,

Something always reminds me of you

And I always start to cry.

I always knew I made you sad

And drove you to fits of rage

I never realised I could be so bad

Even you blamed it on my age.

Lord Nobunaga loved to see

That we were always kept apart.

One day you knew we weren't to be

And unwittingly broke my heart.

The only time

You walked away,

I fell in love with you

On that day.

I thought we'd always be together

As I knew your love was true,

But while I was bound to another forever

One day we would be through.

I now wish I'd taken your hand,

When you held it out to me

But by Nobunaga's side I chose to stand

My rejection plain to see.

I tried to forget what we'd had

But when I lay in bed

Memories of loving you, good and bad

Echoed in my head.

I cannot bare my life without your love

I can live my life no more

When I am in the world above

To tell you this was what my note was for.

Things may be said of me, false or true

Ignore what people say

Even in death I will ALWAYS love you

My darling Mitsuhide.

I've barely finished the end of the poem when tears once again blind me. I think I dropped your letter on the floor, but I don't care. I broke your heart, and you were apologising to me? Is there any way I could be made to hate myself more?

Everything makes so much sense after reading this poem. You wanted me to kill you, and find the suicide note telling me what you knew you'd have no time for. When I came to this room that would serve as your deathbed, I was alarmed by the sudden change in your eyes. They had lost their sparkle, and appeared as lifeless as their owner hoped to be. I thought that it was contempt before; how foolish I am! When we battled for this last time�

There was a point where I almost killed you but stopped myself. My blade was aimed for your head, and had I not stopped its course would have split your face in two. How could I do that to you my Treasure? I loved you, and still do. But you went wild after that narrow escape, probably with rage at my denying your end and I had no choice but to attack you with the ferocity that you showed to me. My final lunge towards you is tattooed in my mind, more so now that I realised your final intention. I lunged my sword at your midriff, which your blade was positioned to block. But at the last minute, you lifted your blade to your chest, allowing me access to the canvass of flesh on which I'd carve your death-wound. If only I'd known sooner, but who'd have known that someone as beautiful as you would have a wish to die?

I cry again into your chest, whispering the stupidest things in the foolish hope that they'd bring you back to me. Whispering between sobs that I was sorry and didn't mean any of it. Telling you that I loved you again and again. Begging you to come back-as though you could. Even if your soul returned to your body, you would die from the wound I inflicted on you again and again. I begged you and begged you not to leave me. Ironic, considering that I abandoned you so readily!

I've never wept so much in my life as I am now, not even when my father died, or when I called you all those terrible things. Before this battle I could picture my�our future so clearly. I would persuade you to join me and eventually gain your forgiveness for what I had done. The natural course of regaining your love would follow and we would rule the land together until the end of our days, nothing standing between us at last�

But now, with you dead in your arms, and me cursed with the knowledge that my hand slew you, all I see with regard for the future is nothing. In my foolishness I have slain my student, murdered my friend, and lost the one person that I could have been happy with.

What is there for me now?

I have never before experienced the sensation of my heart going numb, but as that last thought escaped my tortured mind, I feel a certain chill being spread through my veins like the first frosts of winter. Leaving the empty shell that I loved so much in life on the floor, I step outside.

It is winter and the snow has fallen. The land is cold, matching my mood. For a brief instant I am seduced by the prospect of slitting my throat and allowing my blood to stain the pure, untouched snow. I liked the significance; it will be the physical incarnation of what I did to your soul, Ranmaru.

I hear Nobunaga's mocking laugh ringing in my ears. I scowl, feeling spurred on by the need to protect you, my precious Treasure. Nobunaga will never ever get his jewel back!

But another sound stops the blade dead in its tracks. Your pretty chuckle. It's that chuckle that basically means: "Oh, don't be silly, Mitsuhide!" I can imagine you shaking your head at me whilst you do it, then your hand tilting my chin up to look ahead of me�

Hidemitsu's face stares back at me in horror, unable to tear himself away from the sight of his favourite brother about to kill himself.

You're right, Ranmaru, this isn't the right time�

I'll join you later.

As I lower my sword Hidemitsu runs up to me.

"What happened, oniiue?" I lower my head, not wanting to meet his eyes as I tell him the news that will hurt him almost as much as it did me.

"Ranmaru's dead." I whisper, choking as I admit my sin. "I�killed him�"

I look up to see Hidemitsu look crestfallen. He loved you too Treasure, almost as much as I do. He would have been the more natural choice for you, being two years younger than you, but you saw him as another little brother. I remember adoring the way you would assure him that his freckles, considerably faded since his childhood, did not make him look like a prat in any way. You were the only one that ever convinced him of that, you know. Who's going to tell him now that his freckled face is all part of his charm, and that the only reason you chose his older brother was because you were into older men?

He's crying, but trying so hard to be brave for me. Swallowing my own tears for his sake, I slip my arm around your shoulders. Again a memory of you cuts through my heart as I remember my other arm was usually around your waist. Slowly, we begin the walk back to the camp to arrange your funeral. Ironic that I always thought you would do that for me�

=========================================================================

Minutes passed like hours when I returned to solitude. The second we returned Hidemitsu had told Shingemoto what he'd seen me thinking of doing, and my older brother hadn't let me out of his sight. I've managed to slip away, but I have no idea how much time I have before he finds me.

What a perfect place for me to run to, at the top of a cliff facing the sea. Sat on this very log we shared our first kiss. It was summer and there wasn't a cloud in the night sky. The only sound in the air was the gentle crashing of the waves and the beating of our hearts as our lips were joined for the first time. The sea is as calm as it was then, although I wish it were as turbulent as the mood I have.

Everything reminds me of you Ranmaru. The now clear sky, the calm seas, the cool air. The only difference is the snow on the ground and the chilling knowledge that you will never be here with me again. Never again will I feel your fingers in my hair, or your soft lips tremble as I run my tongue across them. I'll never hold you in my arms and marvel at how our hearts beat as one. Tears prick at my eyes and escape down my cheeks. You're dead, and you made me kill you because you couldn't bear life with out me.

What am I supposed to do, now that you're gone?

Suddenly it becomes clear. Before today I could see my future because you were to be with me, but now you're gone I can see no future�because I have no future without you.

I unsheathe my sword like I'm in a trance, staring hypnotically at the light catching the metal. For a brief moment I could swear that I saw your eyes reflected in the metal, bright and twinkling like the sapphires they resemble so well. Don't worry for me Ranmaru, I'll be okay-soon.

My hands don't tremble as I fumble with my collar, exposing my neck. My lips seem impossibly dry despite licking them as I lift the blade to my throat. This is it, my darling, the moment when we will be reunited. I'll find a way to make it up to you after all the pain I caused us both. My blade is sharp, it won't take too much. I'm not afraid of the pain; after all I caused you I think I deserve a little�

Ouch!

The blade bites into my flesh as though I were made of butter. The initial sharp sting numbs quickly, both from the shock and elation that I will be with you soon. Hot, fast-flowing blood gushes from my throat and stains the clothing below it. I don't care much for them; I shan't be needing them where I'm going.

I feel a tickle beneath my ear as my vision begins to blur and fade. In my dizziness I feel something like arms wrapping around me. Ranmaru? Are you trying to comfort me as my life ebbs away?

I open my eyes to see the night sky above me. When did I fall over? And who's is the silhouette above me, who's arms engulf me so securely? I know this embrace�

"Ran�maru�"

Speaking is so hard to do now. I can barely hear your name as I call to you. My vision is so blurred that I cannot even see the stars you loved so much, yet your face looking down at my dying form is clearer than I ever saw it in life. You're crying, my Treasure! Why are you crying so? Is it for me? You should be happy, my love, I am coming to be with you. I feel your lips on my forehead before I hear your voice. It seems echoed and far away, but nonetheless sad.

"Oh, Mitsuhide�"

I close my eyes and take a laboured breath. My world goes black; I assume that I have died. The arms around me become firmer, as though their physical presence has become stronger. Warm sunlight caresses my face, and I open my eyes.

My head is rested in your lap, and you look magnificent. A halo of light surrounds your entire body, and from your back sprouts a pair of glowing wings. You're an angel; I couldn't expect anything else. What god wouldn't love you? You could spend your entire afterlife in the loving arms of the Buddha�

�and yet you chose mine.

You lean over to kiss me, making me realise that I have wings too as they flutter. It's my turn to embrace you as my arms engulf you.

A single solitary tear runs down my cheek. I can finally see my future. A future with you

I look forward to it.

That's it. I'm sorry but I honestly don't know how to finish the story. Please review; it depresses me when you don't.
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The Suicide Poem