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Gal's Night	By : undeadclown Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 22042 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect or its amazing characters. I will make no attempt to profit from this.

Chapter List
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Author's Note: This story kind of went on long. All of the poker hands were done randomly, though. Thought some of you might find that interesting.
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    It was gal’s night. Shepard wasn’t exactly sure why there was a gal’s night, but somehow Kelly had talked everyone into it. So here they all were in Shepard’s now seemingly cramped cabin on the top deck of the Normandy. In addition to herself and Kelly there was Miranda, Kasumi, Tali, Samara and, probably most surprisingly of all, Jack. Most of them looked incredibly awkward and out of place.

   Shepard wasn’t feeling much better about it. She was dressed in a standard Cerberus uniform, as she liked feeling more on the level with the crew. Her blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She slowly slipped more wine from her glass as Kelly looked excitedly between all of the participants. Miranda shifted uncomfortably, Samara looked passive as if she was studying the odd scenario in front of her and Jack looked at though she couldn’t decide to be snidely uncaring or genuinely freaked out.

   “So…this is great, isn’t it!” Kelly chimed in. “Just us girls.”

   “Uh…sure. Great.” Shepard said uncertainly.

   “Dr. Chakwas and Gabby said they were sorry they couldn’t make it. They apparently had some really important things to do,” Kelly added. Shepard was fairly certain the good doctor and Engineer Daniels had just been smart enough to get out of this rather than actually having something to do.

   “Is this something human females do often? Get together in groups and just…sit around?” Tali asked.

   “Well…generally we’d be doing activities. Like talking or drinking or games. Something like that. Didn’t anyone here have a slumber party growing up?” Kelly asked.

   “I was an only child and usually the only kid on the ships my parents served on. I sort of skipped that phase of my childhood,” Shepard said.

   “My father didn’t like me to spend time with other children. He insisted that I continue my studies rather than bother with childish nonsense,” Miranda added.

   “Yeah. I had a lot of slumber parties in my cell. It was very fun. All the kids came over. That was the same place I picked up my sunny outlook on life,” Jack retorted. Kelly’s face darkened and the atmosphere in the room got, if possible, even more awkward.

   “W-well…then I guess it’s time you girls finally had a real slumber party, huh?” Said Kelly gaining back her cheerful demeanor.

   “Excuse me, Miss Chambers, if I may interrupt.” The calm, calculating voice of the ship’s A.I. filled the room.

   “EDI? Is something wrong?” Shepard asked, immediately on point. Secretly she hoped something was just to get them out of this uncomfortable situation.

   “No, Shepard. Everything is normal. I only wished to asked Miss Chambers if I may also join in on this gathering,” EDI answered.

   “This keeps getting more and more surreal,” Kasumi noted, chuckling.

   “Of course, EDI. We’d love to have you here…so to speak. I suppose you were already kind of here, though?” Kelly said.

   “Yes, though it is nice to know I am invited in an official capacity. Though I am technically a synthetic construct with no discernable gender, my personality profile and vocal projection are intended to be interpreted as female, so I have come to consider myself as such.” EDI replied.

   “Well…since EDI’s here now I guess we have a full house! Why don’t we play a game?” Kelly asked.

   “Okay,” Shepard said, resigned. “What game?”

   “Truth or Dare was always a favorite at my slumber parties,” Kelly responded.

   “I have no shame and most of my answers would probably disturb you,” Jack responded matter-of-factly.

   “Or we could play I Never. I had fun with that in college,” Kelly tried again.

   “Yeoman Chambers, I have been alive for almost a thousand years. There are not many things I haven’t done,” Samara answered kindly.

   “Well…shoot. You guys aren’t making this easy!” Kelly exclaimed.

   “I wonder what Donnelly and the rest of the men do when they have their ‘guy nights’” Tali mused.

   “They typically pass the time drinking and engaging in poker games,” EDI responded simply.

   “Heh. Sometimes we’d play poker at my slumber parties too, but it was always…” Kelly trailed off and went a bit pink in the face. Kasumi smirked.

   “What?” Kasumi looked like she probably knew the answer, but she wanted Kelly to spit it out anyway.

   “Well…when we played it was always strip poker,” Kelly answered with the tiniest hint of a giggle.

   “Somehow I’m not surprised,” Kasumi said, giggling a little too. Miranda stiffened and looked more uncomfortable, Jack rolled her eyes and Samara smiled nostalgically, as if she remembered nights like that as well.

   “Are you saying we should play strip poker, Ginger?” Jack asked.

   “I didn’t-” Kelly began.

   “’Cause that’s an idea I can actually get behind. I’d do it solely for the chance to humiliate Cheerleader here. I’d love to see the look on her face as I literally beat the pants off her,” Jack finished. Miranda flushed, but looked as if she was trying to compose herself and not rise to the bait.

   “Yeah, I bet it would be pretty funny seeing Shep here in her birthday suit. We could take a holo and put it on the extranet. I bet that would give the gossip sites something to talk about. ‘Famous war hero bares all.’” Kasumi was giggling full-on now.

   “Yeah, well the famous war hero might not take too kindly to that, if you know what I mean. Famous war hero might just show you why she‘s such a famous war hero,” Shepard said icily, but betraying a smile. In truth, she was actually starting to have fun.

   “Uh, not to sound like a little kid here, but what’s ‘strip poker’?” Tali asked. Kelly and Kasumi giggled again.

   “Well, it’s like regular poker,” Kelly explained. “Except the loser has to take a piece of clothing off. You play until all but one person is naked, and that person wins.”

   “Oh…” Tali said. Shepard wondered if she was blushing under that helmet.

   “Well, it’s not like we could play, anyway,” Miranda explained. “EDI’s a computer. She doesn’t have anything to take off.” Shepard got the sense Miranda was relieved to be pointing this out.

   “I believe I may be able to rectify that,” EDI said. “I am more than capable of creating a virtual avatar for myself.” And with an electronic whirring a holographic projector came to life and a projection of a young woman materialized on Shepard’s bed. She was in her 20s, platinum blonde and sporting a standard Cerberus uniform like Shepard and Kelly. Shepard also noted that her chest was…rather ample. “She, that is to say I, am fully anatomically correct and completely capable of playing this game with you.”

   “This night keeps getting weirder and weirder,” Shepard responded. Miranda looked dumbfounded.

   “But…you’re a computer. It wouldn’t be fair,” Miranda protested.

   “On the contrary, Ms. Lawson, if we are playing according to standard strip poker rules, then the game is mostly based on luck. The only edge I would have is guessing the probability of acquiring a superior hand with a draw.” EDI answered. Shepard’s eyebrow raised. Yep. Definitely getting weirder by the moment.

   “I hate to be the wet blanket here,” Tali cut in. “But…I can’t just start taking off pieces of my exosuit if I lose. I could get sick. Or worse.”

   “Heh, I never thought about that. I guess that would make strip poker like Russian Roulette to quarians, huh?” Jack mused.

   “Exactly, Shepard. We have the crew’s safety to think of here,” Miranda piped up, sounding almost desperate.

   “Actually, Ms. Lawson, I believe I have a solution for that as well,” EDI interrupted, once more. The sound of machinery whirred again and a second projection appeared right next to Tali. In fact, it was Tali, sitting in exactly the some position. It mimicked her movements as she reacted in surprise. A perfect mirror image.

   “What…is that…me?” Tali asked, dumbfounded.

   “It is a digital recreation of you, yes. As it is merely a projection, it can disrobe in safety, without risk of infection,” EDI answered.

   “But…how do you know what I look like?” Tali asked.

   “I can accurately recreate your entire appearance based on medical scans, extranet databases and a variety of other sources. This projection can depict you, as you are, with a .000001 margin of error,” EDI responded.

   “I don’t know if that’s impressive or disturbing,” Tali said.

   “I’d go with both. Both is a very good answer in this case,” Kasumi chuckled.

   “Hold on a second. Are you guys…are we actually doing this? I thought we were joking, here,” Miranda interjected.

   “I already said I was game, Cheerleader. What’s the matter, scared of showing a little skin?” Jack asked with a smirk.

   “I don’t mind. This whole night has been one big ride of weird so far, and frankly I’m more than a little curious to see what some of you look like naked,” Kasumi added.

   “I guess this could be a unique experience?” Tali said. “Besides…it’s just a projection doing the hard work for me. I kind of get a free pass.”

   “I have no objections to this game. I am comfortable with my body, if everyone else is,” Samara offered.

   “I am curious to see the outcome of this. I support us playing this game,” EDI said.

   “Well…I wanted to play anything, and I’m not shy, so I’m okay with strip poker,” Kelly giggled, blushing a bit. “What about you, Commander?”

   “Yes, Shepard. Clearly this silliness doesn’t need to take place,” Miranda cut in, desperate for any ally now. Shepard sat there for a few seconds and weighed her options. On the one hand, humbling her team did sound fun, and frankly she had to admit to herself that she really wouldn’t mind seeing any of them naked. Quite the opposite, actually. On the other hand, the thought of the galaxy’s biggest hero being stripped and humiliated by her subordinates was totally mortifying.

                        We probably shouldn‘t.

                       /

Investigate - ( ) - I should go.



                         Let’s play!

   Shepard downed the rest of her wine.

   “What the hell. Let’s play some cards!” All the girls in the room, save Miranda, seemed to approve. Kelly was in an outright giggle frenzy at this point. “Relax, Miranda. No one’s forcing you to play,” Shepard said.

   “I’m not a spoilsport. If you deem this an acceptable activity, Commander, then deal me in,” Miranda said in her stuffiest, most dignified voice. Jack smirked.

   “Okay, this is standard five card draw,” Kelly explained. “You get five cards, and you can turn in any or all of the five once you get them for new cards. Lowest hand is the loser and has to take something off. We play to the last girl standing.”

   “How is EDI going to see her cards?” Kasumi asked.

   “Slot the cards on that stand by the end table. I will inform you of which cards I wish to replace when the time comes,” EDI replied.

   “Gee, fun,” Jack responded.

   “Alright, here comes the first hand.” Kelly dealt the cards. Shepard started off with a pair of sixes. A pair wasn’t bad for draw poker. Naturally she turned the three other cards in and miraculously got a third six. Shepard smiled to herself, the chances of her losing this hand were basically nil.

   As it turned out, Kelly lost the first hand with an ace high and queen kicker, narrowly losing out to Kasumi’s ace high with king.

   “Well, I guess it’s me, huh?” Kelly said with a sigh. She unlaced her combat boots and tugged them off, exposing her plain white socks. She threw the boots over her shoulder and dealt the second hand.

   The second hand didn’t go nearly as well. Shepard was dealt an ace high, but sadly no pair to speak of, and her subsequent cards were garbage. Every other player managed at least a pair. The other girls giggled and “oooed” when they saw Shepard had lost.

   “Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up,” she grumbled. Like Kelly, she unlaced her boots and cast them aside, showing her socks. Being the second to lose didn’t exactly inspire confidence.

   Hand three was better. Shepard was dealt two queens, and while the three replaced cards yielded nothing better she was confident that it would be good enough. As it turned out she had one of the lowest hands, but not the lowest. EDI had the makings of a straight and had gone for it, but failed, leaving her with an ace high.

   “It would seem my hand is the lowest,” EDI said evenly. Her avatar unlaced her boots and cast them aside.

   “How is it that three girls who have lost so far have been the ones with the same outfit?” Kelly asked. The other girls shrugged. “Oh, well. Let’s keep going.”

   In the next hand Shepard had two threes. Not great. She had to hope at least one person came in with only a high card, and as it turned out, two of them did. Tali breathed a sigh of relief as Samara revealed she only had a king high, as opposed to Tali’s ace.

   “Hmm, I find myself wishing I had brought more appropriate attire,” Samara said with a smirk. “So if you don’t mind, I’m going to make things a little more fair. As you can see, I’m not wearing much below this,” she gestured to her breast-plate and the exposed v-neck that clearly showed the sides of her blue breasts. Samara undid the armor on her arms and her shoulders, and shrugged them off, exposing the entirety of her arms and shoulders. Shepard could tell she was well built, and despite her age the asari still had a nice figure. The next hand was dealt.

   Shepard smiled. A pair of aces. Not bad at all. When all was said and done, Tali had the lowest hand with a simple queen high.

   “Oh, Kheela,” she said. “So…what do I do?”

   “Simply tell the hologram what to take off,” EDI offered.

   “Alright. I guess we can start with the big reveal. The helmet.” Everyone watched as the hologram broke from mirroring Tali and reached up to her head. She undid the helmet and twisted it slightly. There was the sound of decompressing air and the real Tali winced. The projection pulled the helmet over her head and cast it aside. It vanished as she did this. Tali looked fairly close to human, as far as aliens went, anyway. She had pale purple skin, a longer neck, a slightly narrower head, slightly larger ears and a more pointed nose. Her eyes were electric blue and she had, unlike most aliens in the galaxy, hair. It was short, raven black and messy, which made sense given that it was pretty much always confined to a helmet.

   “You’re very pretty, Tali!” Kelly chimed in.

   “Um…thank you,” Tali said sheepishly. The hologram had gone back to mirroring her movements and her cheeks were flushed purple. “I guess…that’s a pretty accurate…I guess this won’t be much different from actually getting naked, will it? I’m still right there for everyone to see.” Kelly dealt the next hand.

   Shepard started with a pair of fours, which became a three of a kind with the three new cards. She breathed another sigh of relief. EDI once again came up short, sporting only a single king and very little else.

   “This game does not seem to be going in my favor,” she remarked. EDI’s avatar grabbed the end of her left sock and tugged. The then repeated the process with the right sock, leaving her feet bare. The avatar wiggled her toes.

   “Can you…feel when you do that?” Kelly asked.

   “Perhaps not in the way you do, but in a sense, yes, I feel what she does. I feel the flow of data between processes as I move her, but I do not experience ‘sensation’ as it were. It is difficult to describe.” Kelly smiled and once again assumed the role of dealer.

   Shepard was dealt a pair of aces and she smiled confidently. Miranda was dumbfounded when she saw she had lost.

   “But…I lost with a pair? Not one person had high card?” She was almost whining.

   “C’mon, Cheerleader. Take it off!” Jack sneered. Miranda sighed and unbuckled the belt on the outside of her jumpsuit. She dropped it beside her.

   “There,” Miranda said.

   “Wow, big loss,” Jack retorted. Kelly dealt the next hand.

   Shepard’s eyes widened in surprise. She was dealt a flush. She smiled as she was all but guaranteed another hand of safety. She noticed both Miranda and Jack looking nervous as they contemplated their hands, only increasing when they got their replacement cards. When they were laid down, Miranda looked on in horror and Jack smiled triumphantly. They both had king high, but Jack had a higher kicker. Miranda only had a ten.

   “Again!?” Miranda cried.

   “Ha ha! I told you this was how it was going down, Cheerleader!” Jack said. Miranda pouted, literally pouted, and began tugging at her high-heeled boots, finally managing to tug both off. Underneath her feet could be seen through sheer black stockings.

   “Stockings, Cheerleader?” Jack snarked.

   “Shut up,” Miranda said defensively and curled her toes. Kelly was smiling mischievously now and she dealt the next hand.

   Shepard was dealt an ace high. Not great, but not catastrophic either. She breathed a little easier when she picked up a king in the draw, giving her a strong kicker. As it turned out there were four other girls who also had ace high. Tali was the lowest, just barely losing out to Kasumi. Their top three cards were the same, but Kasumi had a higher fourth card.

   “I lose again, huh?” Tali considered her clothing. “I guess I’ll remove the boot sections of the my exosuit.” The avatar complied, unhitching and decompressing the boots and pulling them off, revealing Tali’s bare purple feet. Each foot had two toes. It was a bit odd to look at, but Shepard quickly got used to it.

   “You better not count all the sections of your exosuit,” Kasumi warned with a smile.

   “Don’t worry…I’ll probably just break it into top and bottom,” Tali assured. Her avatar showed she was lightly blushing again. “Damn that thing.” Kelly, Kasumi and Shepard giggled. Kelly began dealing cards again.

   Shepard looked at her next hand with frustration. She had the makings of a straight, but it was a very low straight. If she gambled and lost she’d be left with some really bad cards and probably a one way ticket to stripping town. She decided to call it a wash and turned in the lot. She didn’t get a great return, but at least there was an ace. She would have to hope it was enough. As it turned out it was. Miranda was left with a single jack high and a mortified expression.

   “And another loss for the Cheerleader!” Jack exclaimed with something close to joy. Miranda seemed beyond words at her run of bad luck. She reached behind her neck and undid her choker. She dropped it beside her. The girls booed.

   “Hey, I’ve lost more than anyone else here. You can cut me a little slack. There’s not exactly a lot of mystery left here,” Miranda gestured to her form-fitting jumpsuit. Kelly began to deal once again.
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Gal's Night