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In secret, between the Shadow and the Soul	By : Stella-Siha Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 1682 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-In secret, between the Shadow and the Soul
- 1
Author's note: Hi! Here is my first fanfiction. I willfully chose not to give details about Shepard (first name, physical appearance) so everyone can picture their own Shepard.

I hope you'll enjoy this story as much as I did writing it. For the moment, it'll be a one-shot yet, if more ideas come to my mind, I might write some more. Reviews are welcomed and appreciated. Now I stop talking and let you enjoy the story!

James was gazing at Shepard, tenderly. They had been laying on the bed, face to face, for a long while now and he still could not get over how peaceful she looked at this moment. She was half asleep, needing a nap after the rough mission on Thessia. When had granted him the opportunity to become her guard on earth, he had discovered the woman behind the legendary Commander. Since she had gotten onboard the Normandy, Shepard had been bearing the fate of humanity in her hands. War was, slowly but surely, taking its toll on her. The dark circles under her eyes, the tension of her jaw, and the emptiness that could be seen in her eyes were all apparent signs of deep exhaustion. Shepard was aware she had to be the strong commander before allowing herself to be a woman, especially for her crew. Although, it was in these particular moments of peace, that in his presence James knew she could finally allow herself some rest. Shepard had once told him that she felt like she could only be her real self around him, for she knew he would never judge her and would only take her as she came. She despised showing weakness, more than anything and he knew that. Yet, it had always occurred to him that he had easily gotten under her skin, even if she would never admit it.
The Normandy was heading to the Cerberus base and the crew knew it was only a matter of time until they finally got to earth, in the heart of the fight. They also knew that this could be their last moment together. James tried to fight off this unbearable feeling, but in fact accomplished quite the opposite. He reminisced about their “prisoner to guard” relationship and how it had evolved into something between friendship and love, then to this inevitable state of an everlasting feeling of love. They could no longer ignore the attraction between them and after months of flirting, and gave into the temptation of being a couple. The circumstances made it everything, but easy to start this relationship normally. The Reapers threat was always on their mind, as well as keeping their privacy separated from the battlefield. James knew she was a strong soldier but seeing her fight against loads of Cerberus troopers, Brutes, Atlas, Banshees, it always took him quite some self-control not to remind her that sure, Cerberus had rebuilt her and she was certainly the only being that had been back from the dead, yet she wasn’t invincible even if she liked to think so. She was strong, reckless but most of all, wise. She was branded by the years spent in the Marine Corps, avoiding the bittersweet world outside like the plague. There was no place for doubt and feelings there; she had found her place, belonging in this world of order, action and effectiveness. Every drop of sweat, blood, and silent tears shed at night had led her to the top of the ladder, the highest branch of the Special Forces and she was proud to be among the best N7 soldiers in the alliance.
James did not know much about Shepard’s past. She kept it at arm’s length, in the shadow. He never felt as if she was trying to hide something, more like avoiding some unpleasant memories. He always thought of asking her about it but never found the courage to do so for he knew there were enough to worry about now. In this moment though, he was almost tempted to ask her, to tell her that she could get rid of all that was haunting her, he could take it all away for her. Instead, when she opened her eyes, he saw how relaxed she looked and decided to keep it for later.

“Hey you.” he said, cupping her face with his hand, and slowly brushing her cheek with his thumb

“Hmmm, hey stranger” she whispered, leaning her cheek in his hand and bringing her own arm on his side, closer to her. He placed soft kisses up her neck, jaw, then on her nose and finally on her lips. Shepard immediately reacted to the gesture and brought her body as close to his as possible. When he felt her starting to tug at his shirt, he said:

“Calm down lady, you’re supposed to sleep not get all over me!”

“Stop being so careful with me”, she complained, now kissing the outline of the tattoo on his neck, “you know I want it as much as you do.”
None of them were willing to break the serenity of this moment by talking about the Reapers and what was to come once on earth.

His resolve melted, when she started nibbling at his ear, his arms wrapping around her on their own. He let his hands wander down her back (well it’s she let his hands wander, or it’s his hands wandered down her back) slowing taking off her shirt. She was wearing a black bra with dark pink lace at the bottom. He knew it all too well.

“Commander, I do not think this underwear is regulation”

“And who’s going to complain about that, soldier? Plus, should I remind you that this is my favorite bra because of…”

“I know exactly why this is your favorite bra.” He unclasped it, and she extended her arms so he could completely take it off. She let out a long breath and smiled. James still felt a point of guilt for not letting her get the rest she needed. When she saw him hesitate, she placed her hands on both sides of his face, gently kissing his forehead. Her smile was trying to tell him that everything was okay but her eyes said otherwise. He told himself that this privileged time together might be the only way to make her forget everything for a short while. James then muttered to her, “You were wearing it that one time, when we started dating. You had bought it in the morning and were secretly hoping I would make a move on you so I could see it; I didn’t let you down and did take advantage of these lovely breasts of yours.” As he was tracing his hands up and down her body. “We ended up talking that night, especially about this poem you did not know back then “No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio,” His arms moved lower, sliding in the hem of her panties, Shepard bending her knees so he could take them all the way down, her hot and soft skin now bare against him. “O flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego” Her eyes, so empty and lost, suddenly lit up with a hidden flame that sends fire through his body, settling in his groin. In no time, she was straddling his hips and rubbing her hot, silky core against him. He grabbed her hips, making her moan. As she was doing quick work of his zipper, forcing his pants and boxers down his hips, she bent down, her heavy breasts rubbing against is sweaty chest. James thought he was about to lose it when she wrapped her hands around his bulging erection. She slowly started pumping all the way down, increasing the pace until he decided to stop the torture. He grabbed her hand, bringing it to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on it. He wanted to give her as much attention, love and pleasure as she was giving him. He brought himself in a sitting position, Shepard still straddling him. He nuzzled his head in her hair, enjoying the smell of her, caressing her back all the while pushing her against the bed. Shepard had wrapped her arms around his neck and did not want to let go of his warmth. When she was finally on her back, he kissed his way down her body. She was magnificent, not in the common sense of it. She was covered with scars, battlefield wounds. James had been with what most people would call flawless and perfect women but to him, Shepard embodied flawlessness and perfection. The marks on her body were just the reminder that she was alive and real. Those marks were who she really was, a woman who was giving her life to protect the Galaxy; and she needed comfort too, something that people tended to forget; so where others would see ugliness, he saw the wholeness of her and one of the many reasons why he loved her.
When James arrived near her center, he looked at her swollen lips, parted, anticipating and yearning for what was to come. She looked at him through half-closed eyes, conveying with no words all the desire she held for him. This sent waves of pleasure through his body, reminding him of his throbbing erection and the fact that he wanted her, so badly. He finally slid his hands under her thighs, slowly moving his face closer to her core, his lips leaving wet kisses all over her skin, until they found her velvety lips. He found her pulsing nub of nerves and placed gentle kisses on it, until he heard her beg for more. With a smile on his lips, he finally started sucking and licking her, her hips moving in rhythm with his mouth. He undid his right hand from under her thigh and brought two fingers inside her, deliberately moving them slowly. “James…” Shepard said in a whisper, “Please… “

He knew what she was asking for. He placed one last open mouthed kiss on her nub, making her gasp. When he felt her hands grasping his shoulders, urging him to lay on top of her, the intensity of his desire almost reached the point of no return and in no time, her mouth was on his, sliding her tongue past his teeth, tasting him. Suddenly, Shepard took hold of him, placing him at her entrance. Then in one swift movement, he was filling her. James closed his eyes, thinking that there were no words to how good it felt to be at one with her with her warmth around him. It was a connection he had never experienced before. When he finally looked at her, she had her eyes wide open and a noticeable smile of contentment on her face. He smiled in return, enjoying the moment for it might be their last. Her hands came resting on his hips before grasping onto his buttocks, asking him for much harder and even faster movements. The tension in his abdomen increased and he realized he was about to release. That is when he felt her swift under him, allowing a better angle, her soft walls finally clenching around him, as her orgasm hit her, loud moans filling the room. Shepard was still gripping his back, her nails digging in the flesh, her back raised from the bed so that she was flushed against him; that was his undoing. In one last push, James came in an explosion of pleasure, filling her, letting her own warmth and tightness overwhelm him. They stayed like this for a while, his head resting on her chest, her hands caressing both his hair and back. James thought that this is where he belonged. “Te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,…” James whispered in her ear.

« …in secret, between the shadow and the soul » Shepard said, before falling asleep in his embrace.

AN: As said somewhere in the chapter, the poem used in the story is Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda. (I totally recommend reading the whole poem, it's wonderful) Here are the lines said by James (in Spanish) in English:

"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,"
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In secret, between the Shadow and the Soul