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Never Let Me Go	By : Kikaisaigono Category: Kingdom Hearts > Slash/Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1266 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Never Let Me Go
- 1
I hate being in houses that belong to strangers.
Riku asked if I’d be willing to make a detour to his friend Sora’s house on our way to the movies to pick the kid up. I should have just waited in the car. Being in a house I’ve never set foot in makes me feel anxious and on edge. Plus, this kid’s house is somewhat eerie. It’s quiet and every floorboard seems to creak as I shift around, waiting for Riku to bring his friend down.
They’re more than just friends, and I know it. I’m not stupid, Riku has been my friend since we learned to walk; sometimes I think I know more about him than he does. But I let him wander up the stairs alone to Sora’s room, where’s he has been for the last ten minutes. I don’t even want to know what they might be doing.
I’m about to call and tell him to get a move on, when something appears in the corner of my eye. I glance up to the second floor balcony, where a blonde kid a few years my junior has stepped silently out of the shadow of another room. He stares down at me blankly without any kind of greeting.
“Hi,” I say cautiously, taking a few steps back. I’m already anxious from being in this horrid house, and this kid isn’t helping. I break eye contact with him to look over at the door Riku disappeared behind. “A-are you Sora’s brother?” I ask as I look back to him.
The boy nods once, never changing his expression.
The silence is killing me. Why won’t this boy say anything?
“My name is Axel, I’m Riku’s friend.”
The boy continues to stare at me.
“Um,” I continue, feeling uneasy and suddenly chilly, “Riku is your brother’s friend. He came by to pick up your brother.”
“I’m Roxas,” the boy whispers, and I can barely hear it. He averts his gaze downwards and the smallest hint of a smile spreads across his lips. It is somewhat heartwarming.
“Hi Roxas,” I say, returning the smile. “Listen, we were heading out to the movies. Would you like to join us?”
The small blonde boy caught my gaze again. The poor boy looked somewhat sickly, like he hadn’t seen the sunlight for many days. He shakes his head and his smile grows slightly bigger. “No, thank you.”
Roxas turned around, lingering a little to hold my gaze, and then went silently back in to his room. I found myself staring at the door to his room, somewhat longingly.
“Sorry!” came a yell that startled me out of my trance. Sora came bounding down the stairs with Riku following him at a much slower pace. Riku was refastening his belt. I rolled my eyes. “I was just showing Riku my new pet hamster.” Sure.
“Kairi will be wondering where we are,” I say, ruffling Sora’s hair. The boy grumbles and tries to pat it back down, not realizing that his spiky hair was already messy to begin.
Riku ushered Sora out the door. “Then we should head out, shouldn’t we?”
I took one look back at the closed door to Roxas’ room before shutting the door.
____________
I wanted to ask Sora about his brother. I’m not even sure why, I was just morbidly curious about the boy. But Sora seemed somewhat preoccupied in the back seat with Riku. There was giggling from the brown haired boy and I didn’t want to know why.
Kairi, whom we picked up from her house, sat in the front seat, glancing at the two boys in the mirror. “Are you guys at it again?” she laughed.
“No!” Sora cried unconvincingly from the back, but immediately started giggling again.
“You and Sora were never this annoying when you dated,” I said as I glanced over to Kairi.
“That was in fifth grade, Axel,” the petite girl replied, giving me a knowing smile. “He lost interest in me after I went through puberty, suspiciously around the time Riku grew those sexy pecs of his.
“Hey,” Riku growled.
Kairi shook her head and gave a small laugh. “Boys.”
_____________
After the movie, if they could call it that, I dropped Kairi off and headed back to Sora’s house to drop the boy off. Riku was lounging in the front seat, Sora had nodded off in the first hour of the movie, and Riku had to remove him once he started snoring loudly.
“I don’t know why we waste our money on these crap movies,” I say to Riku.
“Kairi and Sora wanted to see it,” he replied.
But Sora didn’t even watch it, I thought to myself, as I pulled up to Sora’s house. “I’ll wait in the car while you take him up.” Riku nodded and called back to Sora to wake up. The boy grumbed and never opened his eyes, causing the silver haired boy to half carry, half drag the boy up the driveway and to the front door.
I sit back in my in my seat and watch the couple as Riku reluctantly bends down to allow Sora to plant a light kiss on his cheek. Riku never was one for public displays of affection. I smirk at their awkwardness. Cute.
Out of the corner of my eye I catch a blonde blur pull away from an upstairs window as soon as I move my gaze towards it. I crook my neck to get a better look and see a pair of large, ocean blue eyes slowly emerge from the bottom of the window, eyeing me curiously.
Roxas.
I smirk and give the boy a short wave. The boy seems to blush and furrow his eyebrows in a cute display of agitation at being caught. He sticks his tongue out at me and pulls his curtains shut quickly.
Just then Riku opens the door and plops down in the seat.
“Hey,” I start as I turn the engine on in the car, “Does Sora ever talk about his brother?”
Riku gives me an odd look. “That’s… a pretty sensitive subject for Sora.”
“Oh.” I decide not to push the conversation further, but for some reason I can’t seem to shake thinking about that kid. I want to know more about him, but no one seems to want to talk about him. Not even himself.
“So are we heading back to your place, Riku? I could use a drink.”
Riku nodded. “You can stay if you want. I don’t have much going on tomorrow.”
“Except going to see that kid of yours,” I retort, and I can see the smallest hint of a smile dance across my friend’s face.
______________
“Riku!” I hear the annoying brown haired brat cry as he opens the door. His grin falters as he sees my ugly mug staring down at him blankly. “Oh, it’s you.”
“He’s getting something from the trunk,” I grumble as I point to the car and push my way past him. Why is no one ever happy to see me? I’m a pretty likeable guy.
“Hey, what are you doing?” Sora calls after me as I fall into the couch in the living room. “So rude!”
“Mhmm.” I grab the remote to the television and turn it on, finding the show that pops up to be a children’s show.
Of course.
“Hey, Sora, you guys got any nudie channels on here?”
Sora looked horrified. “No!” His whole face was red, and Riku was giving me a warning look.
“Oh, it was a joke,” I say more to myself than to anyone. I glance at Roxas’ door and see that it’s shut tight. Still not feeling sociable today I guess.
“So why are you here?” Sora has his hands on his hips, and he’s giving me the sourest look I’ve seen in a long time.
“Because, sadly, I have nothing better to do with my life than hang around you for a few hours,” I flick him straight between the eyes. He bats my hand away and tries to reach my forehead to return the favor, but even on his tippy toes while jumping he can’t reach. It would be cute if the brat weren’t so annoying.
“Come on, Riku, let’s get some lunch,” Sora sneers at me as he grabs Riku by the sleeve and pulls him towards the kitchen.
“What about me?” I call after them, noticing the rumbling in my stomach.
“Stop whining, we’ll make you a sandwich,” Riku responds from inside the kitchen.
I turn off the television; there seems to be nothing good on as usual. I glance around the house to find it covered in photographs in simple frames. One is of Sora in an awkward school photograph where he seemed to be distracted by something and wasn’t looking at the camera. Another shows two infants sleeping peacefully in a bassinet.
Could that be Roxas and Sora when they were born?
I get up to look at the picture closer, and that’s when I notice a picture that has been turned face down sitting behind the frame of the newborns. It is covered in a layer of dust. I pick it up and blow on it, pushing the dust off the glass.
It’s a picture of Roxas, likely taken at the same time as Sora’s awkward school photo, as Roxas is placed in front of the same back drop. Roxas is looking at the camera, a soft smile on his lips, but his eyes look strangely solemn; it’s almost like the two features don’t match. Roxas looks somewhat ill in this photograph as well, like he has never been a well child. Other than that, however, Roxas looks like a normal kid. Why would someone have this facing down?
I hear a creak above me and glance up to see Roxas’ door open just a crack, and a pair of blue eyes staring down at me silently. The door quickly shuts again as Roxas realizes that I’ve caught him again.
“Axel?”
I break out of my trance to see Riku holding a sandwich on a plate out to me. He sees me holding the photograph and gives me a questioning look. I immediately put the frame back on the table, but this time face up.
“Thanks,” I say to Riku as I take the plate from him. Sora takes one glance at the photograph I put down as he comes out of the kitchen and at once his brows furrow in a strange expression I can’t read.
But as soon as it comes, it goes. In a heartbeat a smile is back on his face and he’s pulling Riku up to his room with their lunches in their hands.
“Really, back again?” I groan.
“You chose to come here, it’s not my fault you don’t have anyone to entertain you,” Sora said from the top of the stairs as he and Riku disappeared in to his room.
I grumbled to myself a little before picking up my sandwich, but before I could take a bite I steal another glance up at Roxas’ lonely door. I look at my sandwich and before I can stop myself I start climbing the stairs, plate in hand.
When I reach Roxas’ door, I hesitate to knock. I don’t really know this kid, yet here I am with a sandwich on a plate in front of his closed door. With reservations, I knock twice quietly.
“Roxas?” I call quietly.
There’s no answer. I wait a few seconds before I realize that what I’m doing is stupid. Obviously Roxas doesn’t want to talk to me. And why should he? I’m just his brother’s friend’s friend. He doesn’t care who I am.
Just as I turn to leave I hear the unmistakable click of a door opening behind me. I turn to see Roxas standing in the doorway of his room, the door only open enough to show half of his body. He’s looking at me with suspicion in his large blue eyes.
“I was wondering if you were hungry,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck in embarrassment. “I thought you might like half of my sandwich.” Roxas looks at me without a word for a few seconds, which feels like an eternity. I feel so stupid for bothering him like this. But just as I think he’s going to tell me off for being a creep or a weirdo or whatever I’m being because I sure as hell don’t know what I’m doing myself, he opens his door more and says in a very weak voice,
“Thanks, Axel.”
I blink, unbelieving I’ve actually gotten this boy to talk to me. I walk past him, taking in the scent of his room. Suddenly a cold shiver runs over me.
“Jesus, Roxas, you keep your room really cold.”
Roxas just shuts the door. “The heat makes me feel sick.”
Way to go Axel! Way to make him feel awful. You idiot. You’re such a f—
“I’m sorry,” I apologize quickly, not wanting to scare him off. His room his small and very neat, very organized. It looks so clean it almost seems uninhabited. Roxas must be a pretty clean person.
Roxas just smiles as I swiftly take a seat on the floor. The blonde boy sits on the edge of his bed. He seems so small.
I remember the plate in my hand and tear the sandwich in half, giving Roxas a slightly bigger portion. He looks like he needs it. Roxas takes it in both hands and watches me as I bite in to mine like a pig. It’s only when I’m halfway done with mine that I notice he hasn’t taken one bite.
“I didn’t poison it, silly,” I say with a mouthful of sandwich. “Go on, eat it.”
Roxas looks at the sandwich and slowly takes a small bite, chewing thoughtfully before swallowing.
“Good?” I ask him. He nods at me. All of his movements seem so small and weak. He eats the sandwich silently as I watch him, having finished my half already. When he notices me staring at him he looks a little taken aback.
“What?” He asks, wiping his mouth to see if anything was on his face.
“Nothing,” I say, chuckling a bit.
The awkward silence that follows falls heavy on the both of us. Neither of us are sure of what we should say to each other. I don’t want to say anything stupid and make myself look like an idiot to Roxas.
“So I saw you watching me last night from your window,” I remark without even thinking. A little redness burns in my cheeks.
“I think you’re interesting. No one interesting ever comes here,” the boy replies in a whisper.
“Not even Riku? He can be interesting when he’s not trying to engage in a personality competition with the walls.” Roxas giggled, and I felt the redness on my cheeks burn a little more. I may not be a looker, but at least I have humor?
“He’s okay, but he and Sora spend all of their time in his room. No one really talks to me,” Roxas says and I instantly feel pity for him. The picture frame, the fact that no one talks to him or about him… “In fact,” he continues, “you’re the first person I’ve talked to in a long time. I’m glad that you came.” The boy looks away and takes the last bite of his sandwich. “I hope you can come back.”
I smile. “Of course, I can come keep you company any time you like. Or,” I start, but I stop myself.
He looks at me and waits for me to finish. The look in his eyes makes my chest flutter a tiny bit.
“We could go out somewhere,” I finish, and Roxas’ eyes go wide. I try to backpedal at once. “I mean, not like a date or anything, I’m not in to that. I mean, not that I wouldn’t be in to you, I think you’re great and all, but I mean we could go to the movies. Or somewhere in the daylight, it doesn’t have to be in a dark place close to each other. Not that I wouldn’t want to be there! I just mean that…” Fuck it all, shut up Axel. You’re rambling and making yourself look even worse. Stop before he’s completely creeped out by you!
“I… I can’t,” he begins, but he shakes his head. “I don’t really leave the house often. “
“That’s okay! We can stay here.” I feel sorry for bringing up the subject. Of course Roxas doesn’t get out often, he looks ill enough as it is. He probably hasn’t been outside in weeks.
Roxas sinks down to the floor. He sits dangerously close in front of me, sitting on his heels. “I like your hair,” he says, seemingly out of the blue. He hesitantly reaches a hand out to touch it, but pulls it back at the last minute.
“It’s okay,” I lean my head in close to him. “It spikes like that pretty naturally, as crazy as it sounds. Go on, feel it. There’s no gel in there.”
The boy slowly reaches for my hair again, this time lightly touching my red locks. I feel him finger through them ever so slightly. He smiles as he realizes that I’m right about my hair being pretty wild of its own accord.
Roxas has leaned over so far to touch my hair that his face is alarmingly close. I glance at him and look into his blue eyes, and see the sparkle that gleams in them at his happiness.
At this, he seems to notice me staring at him. His eyes go wide as he slowly pulls his hand away. He starts to back away from me, and without thinking I put a hand on his cold arm, keeping him in place.
I can feel his breath on mine. Cold, just like the rest of him. Just like this room. Cold and yet strangely sweet.
When I pull him towards me and his lips touch mine, an icy chill runs through my body. He whimpers slightly as I push into him, pressing harder against his lips, grabbing his wrist to keep him in place, but it’s not like he could fight against me as weak as he is.
After what feels like forever, I finally pull away from him, gasping just a little for air. He slowly opens his eyes and those huge blue orbs give me the most intense look I’ve ever seen. It’s an unmistakable look between fear and lust; I’ve seen it in girls plenty of times before. They’re not sure if they want to keep going or put up a fight.
As soon as I see this look on his face, I know I’ve made a terrible mistake. I pull away instantly, rubbing my mouth with the back of my hand and bolting from the floor. “I-I’m sorry,” I manage to blubber out before heading for the door. I don’t even look back at Roxas to see his reaction; I just bolt right through the door and close it behind me, breathing heavily.
What have I done? I took advantage of a sick, lonely kid, that’s what. I don’t know what came over me, I just went straight for the kill without thinking. It’s not fair to him for me to do that. I have to leave.
“Axel?” I hear a voice call for me. At first I think it’s Roxas, but it sounds slightly different. I look up to see Sora and Riku staring at me from the top of the stairs, like they were just about to head down.
I’m still panting and try to calm myself down. Here I was just violating Sora’s brother. How much of an idiot can I be?
“Axel, what were you doing?” He asks, looking from me to the door and back again.
I can’t answer him. Instead I blurt out something that sounds like a mix between “I’m sorry” and “See you later” and bolt down the stairs past the two. Riku calls after me to wait up, but I’m out through the door and in to my car before I can even blink.
___________________
Riku and I sit in silence on our way back to his place. Well, half-silence. Riku keeps trying to ask me what happened, but I refuse to answer. I’ve gripped the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles have gone white.
“Eventually you’ll have to tell me what the hell happened, Axel,” Riku said in exasperation, folding his arms.
How do you tell someone that you violated a teenage boy who had no chance of fighting back?
“Drop it,” I growl, taking a sharp turn much too fast for comfort.
“Watch it!” Riku cries out as the car skids and I jam my foot on the breaks. “Fuck, Axel,” Riku says as he gives me a glare and fastens his seatbelt tightly. “Whatever the hell is bothering you—”
“Have you ever forced Sora to do something he might not want to do?” I stare at Riku with my eyes wide open, probably looking a little maniacal.
Riku just stares back, his mouth agape with shock.
“What?”
I wince. “Let me rephrase. How do you know that Sora enjoys the things that you do to him?”
He continues to stare at me with his stunned look.
“…What?”
I let out and exasperated sigh, frustrated. “Something… happened. With a girl,” I lie, trying not to bring too much suspicion to myself. “I think I might have forced her too much.”
“Shit, Axel,” Riku breathed, leaning slightly back in his seat.
“No! Nothing like that, it didn’t go too far. Let’s just say that I’m not sure she’s exactly… in to boys,” I say.
Riku blinks at me. “You tried to force yourself on to a lesbian?”
God dammit, I’m digging myself in to an even deeper hole. “Yes, sure, I tried to force myself on a lesbian,” I reply. “What I’m getting at is that I’m worried that I might have been a little too forceful and messed up our…friendship.” Would Roxas even be considered a friend?
Riku cocked an eyebrow. “Friendship.”
“Yes,” I snarl, fed up with Riku being a useless source for advice.
There was a long silence between us. Riku was staring at me, and I was trying to read his expression. Suddenly his eyebrows furrowed.
“Did you force yourself on Kairi?”
I give up, I think to myself, slamming my forehead against the steering wheel. The horn blares.
___________________
“Axel.”
The voice calls me, and it sounds so sweet. Could that be Roxas calling me?
“Axel…”
No, that can’t be Roxas. It sounds too—
“Axel!”
I look up, snapped out of my daze and find Kairi looking at me with worry. “Axel, you’ve massacred your spaghetti.”
I look down at the plate in front of me. The spaghetti—or it must be spaghetti, it doesn’t look like it at this point—is smashed and slashed into oblivion. The waiter refilling my glass with water gives me an agitated look. I smile sheepishly at Kairi.
“Sorry, I got distracted.” I put my fork down, far out of my reach.
Kairi smiles warmly at me. “You seem pretty troubled. Is that why you asked me to meet you?”
I take a sip of water to bring some moisture to my dry mouth. “I’m having a problem with… a girl.”
“That’s code for a boy,” Kairi says instantly; she dismisses my shock and protests with a wave of her hand. “Don’t even, Axel.”
I sigh. “I don’t know what to do with myself. I get all… weird and choked up just thinking about him. I don’t know if I like him or not.” I take another sip of water, my nerves causing my mouth to go dry again. “And I kind of… forced a kiss out of him.” I glance up at Kairi, embarrassed, but she surprises me with a blank expression.
“Are you sure you forced him?”
I’m taken aback. Didn’t I? “I sort of… held him in to me while kissing him.”
“Yes, I got that part. But how do you know he didn’t want it?”
I’m quite shocked about this. Kairi is sitting there, smiling at me sweetly. I would have expected her to chastise me greatly, call me a pig…do something. Instead she’s suggesting that Roxas wanted it.
Did he?
“Perhaps you should go talk to him. Whoever he is,” Kairi said as she took a bite of her food. “I expect to meet this boy soon,” she added sternly. I smirked.
__________________
What am I doing here? Seriously.
I’m sitting in my car, parked in front of Sora and Roxas’ house. Surely their parents are home now, being midnight and all. I parked away from the driveway so no one would grow suspicious, but I still feel like the creep of the century.
Why do I have any reason to believe Roxas is even up right now? Still, I wrench myself free of my seatbelt and crawl out of my car. I’m compelled to see Roxas right now. I have to know what he thinks of me and what happened between us.
I slowly make my way up the driveway, trying to decide my plan of action. But I don’t really have a plan.
I grab a pebble from the garden and toss it up to Roxas’ window, hoping for all it’s worth that the glass doesn’t shatter. It makes a little poink! but after waiting for a few minutes I decide that it hasn’t gotten Roxas’ attention.
Determined, I grab another pebble and toss it a little harder. It hits the glass with a louder sound, and a few seconds later I see two small hands push the window up. Roxas sticks his head out of the window, looking around for the source of the noise.
“Psst!” I call, and Roxas looks down at me instantly. He looks shocked.
“Axel, what are you doing here?”
“I came to say I’m sorry,” I call up to him, trying not to be too loud. “About earlier.” I can’t tell if I’m apologizing for kissing him or for running away. Perhaps both?
Roxas looks down at me for a moment, contemplating something. Finally he says, “Wait there just a moment,” before closing his window and disappearing back in to his room.
It felts like ages as I stood there hopping back and forth from one foot to the other. Finally I heard a click and l watched as Roxas opened the door slightly. “Come in, but be quiet.”
“It might be better to talk out here, so your parents don’t here.”
Roxas shook his head. “I can’t go outside. Just come in here, my parents won’t hear anything. They never do,” he added that last sentence with a small sigh, and instantly I felt pity for him. He stepped aside to let me slide in through the opening of the door and then shut the door again with the smallest of clicks.
I follow Roxas up the stairs, wincing at every creak they make. Roxas seems to almost float to the top; he makes no noise whatsoever. When we make it to his room I am finally able to breathe again. I am just turning around from closing the door when a pillow collides with my face.
“I thought you hated me!” Roxas, red faced and looking stupidly adorable, holding the pillow in his hands, ready for another strike. “I thought you regretted kissing me and you weren’t going to come back.” He smacks me again with his pillow.
“Ouch, hey stop it!” I say, grabbing the pillow away from him. Roxas instantly grabs for another. “I’m sorry, okay? I was scared. Not because of you, not because you’re a boy, but because you’re…” I trail off, not sure what I’m trying to say. Should I say because he looks weak? I imagine that would just get me another smack to the face.
Roxas huffed and sat down on his bed. “I was scared too. I haven’t had a friend in a very long time.” He lays down face first into the pillow he was holding and lets out a long breath.
I stand awkwardly by the door with the pillow I’m holding weighing heavily in my hand. What should I do now? Comfort him? Touch him?
I move to sit down on the bed besides him and lightly tap him on the head with the pillow. “Stop moping, I’m here now,” I kid. Roxas unburies his face and look but at me. His oceanic eyes stare at me for so long I lose track of time. I could get lost so easily in those eyes. Suddenly he’s sitting up, face to face with me. He slowly reaches his hands up to my face, both hands keeping my head in place as he continues to stare silently at me, studying me. I move to place a hand on his but stop myself. I want to see if he actually wants this.
I get my answer. Roxas slowly starts to pull me into him, down with him, on to the mattress. When his back is completely connected to the bed and I am leaning over him, he lets his eyes flutter shut and he pulls me close enough to him to press my lips against him. It’s a light kiss at first, but then his mouth parts and I take advantage of it and deepen our kiss, using my tongue to explore the cavity of his mouth.
When I finally pull away enough to cease our activity, I breathlessly tell him, “How is it you don’t have more friends with benefits like these?” I regret my joke instantly as I feel like I’m making fun of his loneliness, but his giggling makes me relax a little.
I realize I’m still on top of him and my cheeks redden slightly, but I see his cheeks have done the same. I attempt to detangle myself from him but to my surprise he tightens his grip and moves his arms around my neck. He’s asking—no, telling—me not to leave. I look at his eyes, his pupils have dilated and his breathing has become slightly shallow.
“Don’t let me go of me,” he commands, tightening around my neck a little more.
My breathing is heavy and I cup his face with my hand tenderly. “I’ll never let you go, Roxas.” He smiles.
I see that this situation has become dangerous, but I can’t seem to fight back. I’ve been with girls before, and I’ve always been a sort of rough and tumble kind of guy, but I can’t be with Roxas. He’d break under me like a twig. I’m worried that I may not be able to stop myself. But he’s looking at me with the most needful eyes I’ve ever seen.
Fuck it.
I pry Roxas’ arms from around me and pin them down. At first Roxas looks upset, like he thinks I’m mad at him. When I lean my head in to plant a kiss on his neck he gasps and his breathing starts to become a little ragged.
I place my forehead on top of his and stare directly in to his eyes. I need him to tell me that he wants this; I can’t be regretting this later. “What do you want me to do, Roxas?”
Roxas breaks eye contact and his face turns a deep shade of red. “I’ve never done this before.” He glances back at me to see my reaction. I smile at him warmly. This seems to embarrass him even more and he whines, “What? Please don’t look at me like that.”
“I’m not making fun of you, I think it’s sort of…cute.”
“Cute? It’s embarrassing!” Suddenly he looks down and shifts beneath me. It’s then that I notice that my pants have a tell tale bulge in them, and I grimace.
“Sorry,” I say as I begin to move.
“Wait,” Roxas says, and I do. He smiles. “It’s okay. I want to.”
I sigh. “I’m just…afraid,” I begin, trying to make it sound as inoffensive as possible.
“It’s okay,” Roxas replies. “I can handle it. I’m feeling good today. I think what happened earlier had something to do with it.” He winks at me.
“Are you sure?” I look at him sternly, trying to decide if he really will be able to handle it. He nods. I brush a few stray locks of hair from his face and watch him stare back at me. I take his arms and pin them again, and at this he gasps in surprise. I expect him to beg for me to be gentle, but he keeps silent save for the small sounds of pleasure that escape him when I begin to kiss his neck again.
I reach down to tug at the waistband of his pants and feel a hardness similar to mine. When I firmly place my hand over it, I hear a hitch in Roxas’ breath.
I pull away slightly. “Wait, we’ll need something to… to help things along,” I say, hoping Roxas knows what I mean. He frees one hand and tries to blindly find something on his nightstand, knocking over a few knickknacks along the way. I see him open a drawer and find a bottle of hand lotion. I wince. It’s not the best lubricant in the world, but it will do. I just hope it doesn’t irritate him after the fact.
I’ve never been with a boy before, so I’m unsure how to proceed. I want to make sure he finds some pleasure in this, but I know that the act itself may be painful for him. I’m trying to be as slow and gentle as possible, but my instinct is clawing to free itself and just take what I want with no mercy. I hope I can find a good balance between the two.
I let go of Roxas’ wrists to take off his night shirt. I’m so impatient to get it off that I hear a few seams rip, but I let it go. Roxas seems to have already forgotten about it.
I then sit up on my knees and use one hand to yank down Roxas’ pants and underwear, and the other to grab his hard length firmly. His eyes goes wide and his hips twitch slightly. He’s obviously not used to this kind of attention to these parts. I wonder just how sheltered he is.
I begin to pump my hand at a steady pace, watching with amusement as Roxas leans his head back and tries to muffle his sounds by biting his knuckles. I don’t want to be caught, but it’s nice to see a little appreciation for your work.
I stop only to remove my own shirt and boots and return to stroking Roxas, who has turned to putty in my hands. Being with him isn’t so different from a girl. The end goal is the same, after all. I use my one free hand to unbutton my pants and free my length, and it feels so good. Roxas stares at it through pleasure-ridden eyes and his expression is a strange mix between fear at this thing during an act that he’s never engaged in and lust.
A primal growl escapes my throat as I grab his hair firmly and pull his head back, exposing his neck and collarbone. I kiss and suck at the sensitive skin mercilessly and I run my tongue all the way from his collarbone to just beneath his chin. The gasp of my name that escapes his lips makes me keep going, kissing, biting lightly all the way down his body before enclosing my mouth around him and trying my best to mimic how I think oral sex on a guy works. It seems to be enough for him, as his hips start to involuntarily buck and move.
I continue my ministrations for a few more minutes before removing my mouth and instead continuing with my hand.
“Spread your legs,” I command, and Roxas obliges wordlessly. I can see that while my attention to him has distracted him somewhat, there is still quite a bit of hesitation in his eyes.
“Don’t fight it, try not to tense up.” I try to sound soothing to him and hope that he’s not scared. There’s no way I can’t not make it painful, but I can try to lessen it as much as possible. I keep stroking him as I pump out a little bit of lotion on to my fingers. I spread his knees slightly farther apart and press one finger against him and slowly push it in.
I can feel that he has tensed up; but at a strange sensation he’s never experienced before it’s not surprising. He tries to take my advice and relaxes a little, making it easier for me to push my finger all the way in. My own length is sadly untouched, but I ignore it, trying to pay as much attention to making Roxas as comfortable as possible. When I push a second finger in, he visibly winces and I stop all motions to let him recover.
“Are you okay?” I ask breathlessly, already wishing I could just hold him down and take him without mercy. I’m impatient and my needs are calling. But I hold back.
He nods and I can feel him trying to adjust to this new sensation. He only utters one word, “Hurry.” A jolt of excitement runs through me as I move my fingers around, trying to loosen him and I slowly add another well lubricated finger.
He whimpers softly, torn between pain and pleasure. I lean down and kiss him gently and continue stroking him.
“Roxas,” I whisper, unable to stop myself. Roxas opens his eyes and locks them to my gaze.
“Axel, please hurry.” Roxas’ breathing is shallow, and I can’t tell if it’s from feeling weak or from me, but at this point I can’t care. I remove my fingers and stop stroking him. “I grab his knees and push them slightly up and apart.
I position myself in front of him, trying to hold myself back from entering him quick and hard. Roxas never loses eye contact with me as I guide myself to his entrance and start to slowly, very slowly push in.
The pained whimpers that escape his lips hurt me to hear, but I can’t stop pushing forward. Roxas holds his eyes closed tightly, trying to stop the tears that are starting to flow from them. His face is scrunched up in a look of pain. I place one hand on his cheek and try to brush away the tears; I try to soothe him and tell him that it’s okay.
“It’s almost over, I promise,” I whisper as I lean down and kiss his forehead. Roxas is choking on sobs now. At this display I stop, not wanting to continue further if it pains him so much. I halt my motions, holding completely still inside him.
Roxas starts to loosen up and opens his eyes, breathing heavily at me. He whimpers pitifully but manages to say, “Keep going.”
“Not yet, it’s hurting you.”
“Please,” he says, placing one hand on top of the one I have on his face. “It’s okay, I promise.”
I nod and kiss him lightly as I begin to push in again. When Roxas cries out I kiss him again, silencing him. He leans in to it eagerly but I can still feel him shaking slightly as I finally push all the way inside him and still.
It feels good. Too good. Incredible. It’s so hard for me to keep still at this moment that I curse under my breath has Roxas lays beneath me, panting heavily. I feel him relax. Without permission I being to move, watching as Roxas’ face alternates between expressions that are pained and full of pleasure as I return my attention to his cock and begin stroking it again.
“Axel,” he calls hoarsely, his voice cracking as I thrust in a little rougher. “I’m glad that I can be with you like this,” he continues between gasps and whimpers. “I’m glad you’re my first.”
My initial look of shock turns quickly into a smile and I chuckle softly. “Always happy to help,” I joke, brushing his blonde bangs from his face and kissing him deeply as I begin to quicken my pace. The sounds that come from him now sound much more pleasurable and he places both of his hands on my chest. His arms are shaking with pleasure and he’s staring at me with those enormous blue eyes.
“S-stop staring at me, it’s embarrassing… “ he says as he covers his eyes with one arm. I grab his wrist and pin it down.
“Not embarrassing at all.” I pull out of him and pull his legs to one side. “Turn over,” I say softly and he obliges with a quizzical look on his face. He grabs fistfuls of his blanket and buries his face in the sheets as I enter him again. I study the small details of his back, the hint of muscles and the milky tint of his skin.
I start to thrust faster, my primal urges taking over. I grab the back of his neck firmly. Not enough to hurt him but enough to show him force. He gasps and I feel him pushing back in to me. I can already see a small bruise forming on his pale skin and press my hand against his back to hold him down as I continue to push in to the boy.
His gasps and small moans are much more audible now, sounding more and more heavy and wanton. I reach around to his front and continue to stroke his cock with more and more urgency.
“A-Axel,” he cries out, reaching his hands around to grab on to me. His grip is weak, but all thoughts of his illness has left me. He’s pushing back in to me and moaning so loudly I’m afraid he’ll wake his parents or Sora, but at this point I’ve stopped giving a damn.
I feel a sudden sticky warmth spread across my fingers and realize that Roxas has come and his whole body his shuddering and he lets out a breathy moan. He tenses around me and it sends me in to such a frantic pace that I’m scared I might be hurting him, but it seems as though he’s numb to anything but the pleasure that is racking his body right now.
I lay on top of him and place kisses on his body as I come myself, calling his name softly and holding him to me firmly. Roxas’ breath hitches as he feels me finish inside of him and he lets his head rest on the mattress, satiated. I lay there for a few minutes, trying to catch my breath and let my heart slow. When I roll to the side and catch his gaze, I see Roxas looking at me with such a curious expression that I chuckle and brush his lips with my thumb. He smiles at me.
“I’m sorry, I might have left a few marks,” I say as my fingers brush over a bruise forming on Roxas’ neck.
“That’s okay, I enjoyed it greatly,” he replies. He shuffles closer to me as I bring his blankets over his body. He leans against my body contently. He’s drawing tiny circles with his finger on my chest as my eyes close. I’m so tired I could pass out.
“Axel,” Roxas whispers. “Did I do okay?”
“Mmm, you did wonderful, better than wonderful.”
“Thank you for doing this with me.”
I pop one eye I open to look at him. “You say it like it’s a chore or something.”
Roxas shrugs. “I just want to make sure that you’ll still be interested in coming back to see me.”
I pull the blonde closer to me and shush him sternly. “Don’t say that. I will keep coming back as long as you don’t get too annoyed with me.”
Roxas laughs and his eyes very slowly close. When I hear his breathing become slow and deep I know he’s fallen asleep, and soon after I join him.

____________________
When I open my eyes the next morning, I’m blinded by the sun coming through the open blinds. I try my best to shield them and plead for a few more minutes of sleep. I turn over to snuggle against Roxas, but instead of finding the boy huddled up under the warm sheets I find empty space. He’s nowhere to be found.
That cheeky little bastard left me!
I reluctantly roll out of bed in search of my clothes, noticing that I’m clad only in boxers. I would hate to have his mother barge in to his room to find a strange man wearing little clothing in her son’s bed. That’s a terrible way to make a first impression. I would know, it’s happened.
I know I’m stuck; I can’t go outside and down the stairs and just waltz out of the front door. I’ll likely have to climb out the window.
It’s not the first time I’ve done it, but Roxas’s bedroom is higher up than any I’ve climbed out of before.
I pull out a crumpled up receipt from my back pocket of my pants and scribble a note to Roxas on it:

Had to run, I’ll be back later today to see you.
-Axel
After contemplating it for a minute, I smile and add beneath the note,

Love you.

I lay the note on his bed and pull the window up and open. It’s only two stories, but it still makes me nervous. I spot a couple of hedges to the right of the window and decide they are to be my target. Let’s just hope there isn’t a hornet’s nest in them like last time…
I take a deep breath and let myself drop down in to the bushes. I land with a little explosion of leaves and hide there, waiting to see if anyone saw me before I detangle myself from the branches and crouch down, walking quickly to my car. When I’m inside, I notice an old woman who lives across the street is eyeing me with a very disapproving look. I sneer at her and start my car. I take one last glance at Roxas’ room before I drive away.
__________________
“Riku!” I bang on Riku’s apartment door with such force the door rattles. “Riku!” I bellow again. Finally I hear some locks on the other side being unlatched and seconds later I am met with the still half-asleep silver haired boy glaring at me from the door frame.
“What?” He hissed.
“Are you going to Sora’s today? We need to go to Sora’s today,” I blurt out without thinking. Without Riku I wouldn’t have a legitimate reason for going to see Roxas without giving our relationship away, and I’d like to keep it a secret for at least a little while longer.
Riku looks taken aback. “Wait, slow down. We need to what today?”
“We need to go to Sora’s place.”
“Why?” Riku asked exasperated. “Sora’s here.”
I try to crane my neck around Riku’s body to see if I can spot the brunette. Sure enough I see the boy spread out, asleep and snoring loudly in Riku’s messy bed in his small one room apartment.
Riku looks at me with suspicion. “Why do you want to go to Sora’s place?”
“I… I left something at his house,” I lie, trying not to sound like a creep.
“Oh,” Riku said. “That’s okay, I can pick it up next time I’m over there. What is it?”
Shit. “It’s… it’s really small, you won’t be able to find it.”
“Then just tell me where it is and I’ll look.”
Double shit. “I don’t remember where it is.”
Riku cocks one eyebrow at me. “Then how the hell do you expect to find it, Axel?” I want to kick myself.
“Whassamatter?” I hear a small voice say from behind Riku. I see that Sora has been woken up by our talking. He rubs his eyes sleepily.
“Nothing, Axel’s just being weird as always,” Riku pats Sora’s head affectionately. It’s quite cute, and I remind myself to try it on Roxas some time.
“Whatever, I’m going to go make some eggs,” Sora says as he turns back around and heads toward the small kitchenette.
“Axel says he needs to go to your place to look for something,” Riku calls to Sora without breaking eye contact with me.
“Whatever,” Sora says again. “Have to get back before my parents get home from work anyhow.”
Yes! “I’ll drive!” I say quickly and sprint back to my car to wait for them. I don’t look back to see the stunned expression I know has surfaced to Riku’s face.
________________
I look in the rear view mirror of my car to see Sora in the back seat staring out of the window absent mindedly.
“Sora,” I say, and I see him perk up and look at me. “I wanted to ask you something about your brother.”
Sora’s eyes widen. I can see out of the corner of my eye that Riku has suddenly shot me a look.
I don’t want to give away how intimately I know Roxas. He’s such a recluse that it would look suspicious for me to even know of him, and that would probably get me kicked out by Sora forever.
“I looked at the picture of him on your table, you guys look a lot alike. Twins, right?”
Sora looks down. “Not identical.”
“Still, that means you’re probably pretty close to him?”
“Axel…” Riku warns me under his breath.
“I’m just curious, Riku,” I reply, looking back to Sora.
The brunette suddenly furrows his eyebrows. The expression on his face is hard to read. Is it anger or sadness?
“We used to be really close.”
The car is silent as I take a sharp right turn. Roxas mentioned that his family ignores him most of the time now. I would have thought it was because of his orientation, but Sora is just like him and seems to be on good terms with his parents.
“So what happened?” I ask, trying to sound dense to the situation. Sora opens his mouth to respond.
Before I can hear anything, however, Riku drowns out his reply. “That’s enough,” he snaps. “I told you it was a sensitive subject and Sora obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. Not right now.”
I don’t protest, and neither does Sora. Sora just keeps his head down for the rest of the trip, his demeanor suddenly solemn.
What could have happened between them to cause them to hardly speak of each other? It makes me sad for Roxas. He should be able to count on his brother no matter what. But even the mention of Roxas seems to leave a taste in both Riku and Sora’s mouth.
We’re pulling in to Sora’s drive way before I know it. When the car comes to a stop I let Riku get out of the car before pulling my seat up and letting Sora out.
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly to Sora. He looks surprised as he looks up at me. His eyes are exactly like Roxas’.
“It’s okay. I’m just not good at talking about it yet,” he whispers and I ruffle his hair a bit.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say, and Sora wanders off to unlock the front door.
When we get inside, I wait for my friend and Sora to slide off to the boy’s room so I can sneak up to see Roxas. To my disappointment, Sora seems to have little intention of playing with Riku today. And that means no playing with Roxas for me.
Riku and I are lounging on the couch when Sora comes in with a wide, thin box in his hands, a stupid grin on his face.
“What’s that?” Riku asks.
“Ouija board,” Sora grins. “Kairi loaned it to me. We played it at her house a couple of weeks ago. It was really fun.”
I stare blankly at him. I have no idea what a weejee board is. “I’ve never played that game.”
“It’s not a game, stupid,” Sora said. “You use the board to contact spirits.”
“Spirits?” I say, and I know I must sound dumb.
“Yeah,” Riku continues for him. “Like, ghosts or demons.”
Well this sounds stupid. “How does it work?”
Sora opens the box and lays out a board with a bunch of letters and numbers on it, along with a little dial of some kind with a glass hole in the middle. “Everyone puts their hands on this slider and spirits move it along the board to send messages.”
“Supposedly,” Riku adds.
“Hey, it’s true! Kairi and I connected with tons of spirits at her house,” Sora whined, motioning for all of us to join around the board.
I reluctantly move closer to the board with Riku and Sora. I wonder if Roxas might want to play with us, and I glance at his door, but I decide not to push the matter.
“So how do you know it isn’t one of us that is pushing it?” I ask curiously.
“You’re not supposed to push it! You would be ruining the fun,” Sora says, placing his hand on the dial. That doesn’t really answer my question.
We all place our hands on it and wait anxiously. After a few minutes of literally nothing happening, I say, “This isn’t working Sora.”
“Shhhh,” Sora hisses. “You’ll scare away the spirits.” Sora reaches back in to the box and pulls out an information packet about the game. “It says that if nothing happens you’re supposed to call out the spirits.”
“How do we do that?” I ask, giving in to morbid curiosity about this game even though I know it’s a sham.
“It says that you can attract them by either welcoming them or telling them to leave. But angry spirits are easier to detect than happy ones,” Sora says as he fingers through the pamphlet.
I glance over at Riku and see him roll his eyes. Sora grabs both my hand and Riku’s and tells the both of us to link our hands as well. Something feels grossly wrong about holding Riku’s hand, and I can tell he feels the same way as he grunts.
“Spirits of this house,” Sora begins, closing his eyes. I snicker at his seriousness. “You are not welcome here. We command you to leave at once.”
“But not before spelling something on our board,” Riku adds and I snort with laughter. Sora pops one eye open to glare at Riku.
“We command you leave at once,” Sora repeated, closing his eyes again. “If this angers you, show us some indication.”
After a signal from Sora we all place our hands on the dial. Suddenly, it begins to move.
“Stop moving it, Riku!”
“I’m not moving it.”
“You are moving it!”
“I promise I’m not, Sora.” Riku winks at me.
“You’re going to make the spirits angry,” Sora warns. The dial slowly moves over some letters, but never stops at any.
“Well, Sora, it seems the spirits are indecisive today,” I say, pulling my hands of the dial. Sora looks like he could murder me and Riku.
“You guys ruin all the fun, seriously,” he folds his arms across his chest and pulls away from Riku when the older boy tries to pat his head.
Riku grabs him anyways. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Come on.” He pulls the brunette to his feet but Sora still has his arms folded and a sour look on his face. When they head up the stairs I sigh with relief. Finally.
When the door shuts I quickly sprint up the stairs two at a time to Roxas’ room. I knock once, then twice, but still no answer. I wonder if Roxas is even in? Of course he is in, it’s not like he would leave the house.
“Roxas?” I call softly and press my ear against the door. I want to see him again, want to make sure he’s okay from last night. I knock again. At first I hear nothing. But then I hear it; it’s faint, but there. A small whimper.
My eyes go wide and I force the door open quickly. I search the room frantically with my gaze for the blonde, and soon I find him, face down on the floor.
“Roxas!” I cry as I fall to the floor beside him, grabbing him and turning him on his back. He is paler than I’ve ever seen him and his breathing is shallow and slow. “Roxas, what’s wrong? What happened?”
Roxas’ eyes barely opened to see me and he tries to say something but the words can’t form, he just mouths something.
Dear god. What am I going to do? I pull Roxas up to me, holding on to him as I lift him up and lay him on his bed. His body is as cold as ice and I know something is horrifyingly wrong.
“Roxas, hang in there. I’m going to take you to the hospital.” I turn to search for my keys in my pockets and feel his fingers brush my arm. I whirl back around to see him staring at me through half-lidded, weak eyes. He whispers something and I lean in to hear it.
“What, Roxas?” I lean in closer.
“Don’t want to leave,” he says, his voice hoarse and barely audible.
“No one is going to make you leave, Roxas, but we’re going to take you to the hospital. Just for a bit, I promise,” I brush his hair away from his eyes; the cold sweat on his forehead has caused it to stick. “Okay?” Roxas tries to shake his head and tell me something else, but I know that the best thing for him right now is a hospital. I silence him with a gentle and light kiss to his lips, and then again to his forehead.
“Axel,” he says quietly. “Please don’t let me go.”
I smile at him, my eyes are red and sting with tears. “I’ll never let you go, Roxas.” I squeeze his hand, and head for the door in wide strides.
I have to find Sora.
I know that Sora and his twin do not have the best relationship, but surely when his brother is so ill he will care for him. I know he will. I don’t even close the door behind me when I leave, I just run across the hall to Sora’s room and barge right in.
“Sora, Riku!” I cry. I find Riku on top of Sora on the bed, both of them clothed but looking a little disheveled. Sora’s blush on his cheeks grows redder.
“Axel, what the hell,” Riku growls as he removes himself from the boy. Sora sits up.
“What’s wrong Axel?” he says to me.
“It’s your brother,” I begin.
Riku flashes a glare at me. “Axel, I told you to drop it—”
“I know, but this is different,” I cut him off. Doesn’t he realize that there are more important things going on right now than a petty brotherly grudge? “He’s sick. He’s really, really sick.”
Sora’s gaze widens as he continues to just stare at me.
“We need to take him to a hospital.” My brain is working a thousand miles a minute and I’m pacing in the doorway frantically.
Sora and Riku exchange a look of worry—but not a look of worry for Roxas.
“Axel,” Sora begins, but I slam my fist against the wall in frustration, causing Sora to jump back slightly. Dammit, why isn’t anyone moving? Why doesn’t anyone want to help him?
“Look, I get it. You don’t get along with him,” I spit out, looking to Riku for help but finding none from him. He continues to just sit on the bed. “But he’s sick and he needs your help right now. He needs his brother.”
Riku launches himself from the bed and pushes me against the wall roughly.
“I said to stop this,” he hisses at me. I try to pry myself free but am unable in his vice-like grip. “You’re upsetting Sora, and I will not let you do this to him. He doesn’t need to relive this and if this is your idea of a joke then you have serious problems.”
I finally pry his hands off of me and shove him away, livid. I grab Sora by the wrist and drag him off of his bed, pulling him so fast that Riku can’t grab on to him and stop me.
“Fine, see for yourself,” I say and pull Sora harder. I hear him hiss in pain behind me and plead for me to stop, but I continue. If no one will stand up for Roxas, then I will, and I don’t have time for Sora’s games.
I grab the door knob to Roxas’ door and try to open it, only to find that it has been locked. I wiggle the door knob again to no avail. Riku catches up to us and folds his arms across his chest, an insane look of anger plastered on his face.
Without a word I begin to slam my entire body against the door. I haven’t known Roxas long, but damn it if I didn’t fall for him harder and faster than I ever thought possible. When he said that no one cared for him I thought he was exaggerating, but I see now that no will stand up for him but me. I will not let him die.
I finally bust through the door, breaking the lock and falling through the doorway. I hear a cry from Sora behind me, but ignore it as I blindly race to the bed, crying Roxas’ name.
…But the bed is empty.
Horrified, I search the room, tearing everything apart, leaving nothing unturned. I rip open the closet doors, open the windows with such force that I’m surprised they don’t shatter. Roxas isn’t here. It’s almost like he was never here at all.
“Axel,” Sora says as I feel a gentle touch to my arm. I turn to him, panting heavily. “I don’t know what’s happened here but I don’t think you know everything about my brother,” he continues. “Axel, I don’t know what you think you might have seen, but Roxas isn’t here. He never was.”
“And just what are you saying?” I growl in an overwhelming mix of anger and frustration.
“Axel,” Riku cuts in just as Sora begins to sob. “Roxas was really, really ill for his entire life. He was never healthy.”
“I know that, don’t you think I know that?” I wail, almost to the point of sobbing myself.
“Axel, please,” Riku tries to touch my shoulder but I jerk away from him. It’s almost as if I know what’s coming next and I don’t want to hear it.
I don’t want to hear it.
“It was in this room, in his sleep. Axel… Roxas died a year and a half ago.”

The End
_______________________________________________________________________

A/N:
Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for the angst in this, but at the same time I love angst and feel no shame. Unsurprisingly the working title for this used to be "Angst: The Fic".
This is a plot bunny that has been in my head for years, but due to my commitment to There is No Utopia, I never wrote it because I had planned for it to be a long, multi-chapter fic. I was staying with my friend Ashley recently and told her about wanting to write it, and decided that I would compromise and make it a oneshot instead.
Anyways, it's super long for a oneshot, but I hope that's alright. I have been wanting to write this for a reeeeeeally long time, so I sincerely hope that you enjoy it.
Thanks to Ashley for beta'ing for me even though she's not a Sora/Riku, Axel/Roxas fan. She's a trooper.
Let me know if you guys like this. It would mean a lot to me, as I live for reviews. Thanks so much for reading!

Kiki
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Never Let Me Go