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The Bandle City Rundown	By : AfroDirector Category: +G through L > League of Legends Views: 12620 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of ficiton. All people, places, things, and events are ficticious and any relevance to real events are coincidental. I don't own or manage League of Legends or any of the over 100 Champions of Runeterra. This is not a work fo

Chapter List
- 1-The Bandle City Rundown
- 2-Tristana and The Eye of Twilight
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Disclaimer for fans of the league: This is a work inspired by all that is the league. If I bash your favorite character, chances are, I've also bashed your least favorite character, it's a roast.

The ambient light of the warm Hollow Bar melts the hours away. Day or night the din and the drinks are the same, only the company changes. The league was in recess for a recent patch, so the business was good today, each table full with its own conversations. They may not stand tall, but yordle tales reach the top shelf.

Gathered in a less lit corner were three blue sisters in arms, one trashed, one sober, and one on her way. Among them was a guest of normal stature, who's only real option at relaxation was to lay wing, hip, and elbow across the table, and skirmish for room among the drinks.

"Oh Whomper! You're the only thing Daddy left for me!" Poppy cried out sin a slovenly manner, hoisting her hammer up from the underside of the table and barely keeping it head up in the air.

" Dammit poppy, I just got you to take that thing off the table..." Morgana touted. Her living space was in jeopardy.

"He he, I once got this far up on the handle once, one time." Poppy returned with a mood swing, banging the pommel of Whomper against the iron triangle guarding her pelvis. "Bang! Bang! Bang!" She added, the girl may have drank her own weight at this point.

"Fwaaaaaaaappphlapweeee! Bu!!" Lulu added, sitting at Poppy's right hand side. The only one not drinking was also the only one not speaking a known language. The drool didn't help either. Pix Was infatuated with Poppy's ear. Fortunately for him, she didn't seem to mind...or notice. He would pop his head in every once in a while to suggest something to order for he and his maiden, but Poppy was slamming everything that came to the table. Tristana, however, took her drinks in hand.

"I bet I could do it, I climbed a mountain once." Tristana added, then sipped at her mead. Poppy stopped her commotion, and gave Trist a drunk look. Then she used one finger to indicate the last band of metal on Whomper before the head.

"Right here? -hic*" The Ambassador somehow managed to raise an eyebrow, then she lashed out at Trist, trying to slap her face. "That's my dad! You wanna fuck my DAD?!" Her assault was easily avoided.

Tristana leaned to her left and cupped her drink in both hands, bringing it to her lips and muffling her retort. "So you're saying you've fucked your dad."

"How sinfully succulent..." Morgana tagged, rimming an empty glass with her pinky.

"Pfft- NO!" Poppy said. "I doubt he was this big anyway." Lulu added some gibberish, but it was Tristana's reply that was reckognized.

"Keep it under the table Poppy, or I will hop on it, and you'll never look at it the same." Whomper was shoved under the table, staggering the fallen angel's position.

"You could never fit it anyways-" Poppy accented her words with finger jabs. "You're - Too - Small."

"I took Shen, didn't I?" Tristana said. Morgana was content to laugh.

"I took Shen, too, still wasn't that big." Challenge and inebriation were a strong handshake within Poppy. "Even with his sloppy mess."

"It is a bit much isn't it." Trist bubbled. The blue trio joined in a round of laughter, while the angel only pretended to understand. Morgana looked down at the empty goblet, then back at the two coherent speakers.

"Mess?"

Poppy looked at Tristana as laughter ebbed within her that turned into a laughing fit. It would be the gunner's duty to elaborate.

"Shen is hung like a beast, he'll find every hiding spot you've got in there, even with your..." She kind of waived her finger around insinuating something racist about non-yordles. "But he pops every eight seconds." Trist looked at the floor and giggled.

"That just sounds...dissappointing." Morgana replied.

"OH no, he can keep going, but it's not like it's even a little bit, it's a lot." She started pouring the remains on the table into the goblet Morgana was fiddling with until it was full. "Like a lot." Trist held the full goblet up drawing attention to it, then turned it upside down on the floor beside her, pointing at the puddle with her other hand. "A lot."

"Really?" Morgana tried to hide her curiosity and failed.

"Every time." To further illustrate, Tristana was flicking her wrist with the goblet overturned, ridding it of every drop. "Each and every time."

"That doesn't seem-" The angel's smile was twisted between heaven and hell at the prospect.

"I know, I have no idea how he makes it all, or where he keeps it, but every eight seconds like clockwork, he almost floods himself out."

"Sounds...messy."

"And disappointing" Poppy added, eyeing the bottom of her most recent beverage. "Still, he's not as big as Whomper, even with his mess.

"Wait, how did both of you girls..." Morgana noticed that Lulu was silent for the first time this evening. She was holding her sides and rocking form side to side the look on her face was one of remembrance. "How did all three of your girls happen to bag Shen, he doesn't seem like the 'active' type."

Lulu ended her silence by speaking the first real words of her night in unison with her yordle sisters. "Trade secrets!" Morgana didn't fell like begging for the password, instead she moved the conversation.

"Do you think there's anyone 'bigger' than Shen, and maybe not so...sticky?"

"Well, there's Garen." Poppy looked at the ceiling.

Trist finished for her. "He'll show you the world, and you won't get up for hours, but he only does one night stands, and then he won't even talk to girls for a month afterwards."

"But he's still not as big as Whomper. " Poppy had hoisted her tool of trade back above the table. There was a pause of silence until she put it away.

"Any others?" Confidence filled Morgana's eye. for the first time of the night she might be able to educate the group.

"Well if you're talking size of flesh and blood, no. Udyr and Tryn come close-" Trist was cut off.

"Tryn definitely comes close." Poppy used her hands to illustrate how she once caught a fish that big.

"But they all take it for granted, if you want skill you have to look elsewhere." Tristana finished.

"Have all you girls really shared that many on the fields out there?" Morgana blushed.

"If we didn't we would run out of things to talk about." Lulu popped in, turning heads. Morgana smiled and looked in the other direction, briefly imagining the dogpile of yordle women on every male she's ever faced in the league. Except Mundo and Sion...it's believed they posses no genitals.

"Well then, perhaps it is my turn to queue you girls in on something, it might even settle that matter." She pointed below the table. Yordles were all ears at this point. "As you well know, my sister and I are rivals in every way one can be. We fight a battle of attrition, and every small victory i can get against her justifies my position. I've even had her under my boot once, tortured and depraved her for a week, only to find she bagged the un-catchable."

She continued. "I was hit so hard by this intervention, that I loosed her shackles and let her go, because I couldn't stomach to have her in my sight." She focused her view on Poppy. "Your father may have given you a great tool, but the real hammer of Rune Terra sits under a diamond studded codpiece."

"No way..." two/thirds of the audience gasped.

"Kayle took Taric to her bedchamber, and she was able to accommodate everything he had to offer."

"Impossible." Poppy touted. "He's gay!"

"And that thing is massive!" Trist joined. "I caught a glimpse of the head of it at my tattoo artist's and it wasn't anywhere near his groin!"

"You have a tattoo artist?" Morgana asked, raising her voice to be heard through Lulu's blathering.

"Oh yeah, wanna see my latest one?" Tristana hopped out of the seat and undid the top button of her trousers. She cupped her hand and shoe-horned her undergarments down to reveal a black spider above her racing stripe. She continued as she buttoned back up. "I was fucking him the entire time he gave it to me. When he was done he was exhausted, and he didn't even finish."

"That still doesn't change the fact that Taric only wants men." Poppy said.

"My sister is a zealous bitch, a blonde stupid enough to follow faith blindly, but she is no liar. I spit on her when she told me. There is no way in a hundred years any woman will be able to do what she did."

"He's G-A-Y!" Poppy refused.

"And Kayle's a man until she takes her helmet off..." Tristana said. It hit her moments before her two yordle kin. All three of their mouths hung open.

"To tell you the truth, every time I see her face now, I still think she could pass for a pretty boy." Morgana said.

"But she's not." Poppy said unconvincingly.

"Oh me and my close group of friends have been all over down there, she's a woman all right. And by close group of friends, I meant anyone within earshot of that dungeon that was brash enough to come down for the 'slice of heaven'. Ionia knows she's female, and shaved."
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The Bandle City Rundown