Adult-FanFiction.org : Games

Lord Raptor's Big Night	By : whydidyoueatmyfries Category: +A through F > Darkstalkers Views: 2903 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Capcom owns Darkstalkers, not me. I'm not making any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Lord Raptor's Big Night
- 1
Lord Raptor was moping around the graveyard one night, thinking about Hsien Ko. He heard something sniffing and digging around near the back of the graveyard. It was Jon Talbain, burying something in the dirt.
"Oi, mate," said Raptor.
"Uh, hey mate, how's it going?" said Talbain, awkwardly sitting on the hole to cover it up.
Raptor didn't give a shit what Talbain was doing with the hole. He had one thing on his mind. "Listen, mate, you and Felicia are together, yeah? How'd you swing that?"
"Huh?" said Talbain.
"I mean, I've tried everything I can think of, and I just can't get any from Hsien Ko."
"Oh. Uh, I'm sorry to hear that, mate. Have you tried getting her drunk?" Talbain covered up the hole with his back legs while he talked.
"Right, no chance of that. I can't get her alone and her sister's a bitch."
"Oh. Well..." Talbain finished covering up the hole and sniffed at it, seemed satisfied, then turned to face Raptor. "Hey, Felicia's having a party tonight. Come over and bring some beer. She'll probably let you bang her."
"Seriously, mate? Are you cool with that?"
"Sure. I don't love her, anyway. She's just a slut." Talbain's ears were down and he was glaring at something in the distance.
"Sweet. Sounds like my kind of girl."
Talbain suddenly ran out of the graveyard on all fours.
"Uh, OK then. See you tonight, Jon!" Raptor took his guitar out from behind a gravestone and started playing happily. Finally, tonight, he would get some tail.
****LATER THAT NIGHT****
Raptor walked up to Felicia's house and knocked, avoiding the splintered claw marks on the door. He was in his human-looking disguise form because he knew there would be both humans and Darkstalkers at the party. Felicia would make friends with anyone, it didn't matter.
Felicia threw open the door and squealed with delight when she saw him. "RAPTOR! OH MY GOD, YOU BROUGHT BEER! THAT'S SO AWESOME!"
"Of course, baby!"
"COME IN!" She grabbed him by the hand and pulled him into the house.
He dropped the beer off in the fridge, grabbed an already-cold one, and walked around checking everyone out. There were plenty of hot human girls to choose from. Morrigan was there, too, but she was all over some human frat douchebag and didn't answer him when he said "Hey" to her. "Whatever, bitch." He chugged his beer and went to get another one.
Felicia was in the kitchen, checking on some Jello shots setting up in the fridge. "HEY, RAPTOR! ARE YOU HAVING FUN?" She ran up to him and drunk-hugged him.
"Yeah, awesome party, Felicia," he said, feeling up her ass.
"OH MY GOD, I LOVE THIS SONG!" She ran out into the living room, and he went with her, grinning. The music was shit, but he pretended to like it so he could grind on her. She kept laughing really loud and saying "OH MY GOD, I'M SO DRUNK!" and he was starting to get annoyed.
He pulled her close and whispered, "Hey baby, let's go watch a movie in your room."
"OH MY GOD, YEAH, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME! HEY GUYS, LET'S WATCH NORBIT!"
Felicia and a crowd of her friends all went into her room to watch Norbit.
"God damn it," Raptor muttered, and went to the kitchen for another beer. Morrigan was there getting one, too.
"Hey, Raptor."
"Oh, now you talk to me."
"What? Oh, sorry, I didn't hear you before. The music was too loud."
"Whatever, it's cool. So, how are you?"
"I'm gonna get naked in the hot tub. You can join me, or you can stand there saying dumb shit like that."
"Haha, damn. Okay, lead the way, baby."
They went out onto the patio. The frat douchebag was a shriveled-up mummy bobbing around in the hot tub with his tiny, wrinkled wiener peeking out the front of his boxers. He had a plastic cup of vodka and Red Bull clutched in his hand and it still had some left in it, so Raptor drank it.
Morrigan peeled off her clothes and got into the tub. Raptor got naked and followed her. She started rubbing his dick and things were really getting good when Demitri came outside from the kitchen, using his magic vampire powers to open the sliding glass doors.
"MORRIGAN AENSLAND! WE MUST BATTLE!"
"Go away, you faggot," said Raptor.
"I AM THE TRUE RULER OF MAKAI!"
Morrigan got pretty pissed when he said that. She got out of the tub and the two of them started fighting. It was nice watching her titties flop around, but Raptor wanted his dick touched.
"Screw this," he said, and got out of the tub, got dressed, and went back into the house.
Felicia was still in her room watching fucking Norbit, so he joined some hot human girls who were doing shots. One of them was really into his accent and hanging all over him. When she had to puke, he walked her to the bathroom. He was pretty sure he was going to get some after she was done puking, but alas, it was not to be. The bathroom door was closed.
B. B. Hood was outside, banging on the door and yelling. "Come out, you megafucker bitch! I have to pee!"
The girl suddenly puked on the floor, and some splashed on Raptor's boots.
"Aww, shit! I'm gonna kick your ass, whoever's in there!"
"It's Talbain. That little faggot locked himself in there when I called him a fucker emo bitch."
"What the fuck, Jon! Get out here! Some girl just puked on me!"
"Sorry, mate, but I'm not coming out until that bitch leaves."
"Fuck you, you're the bitch, you hairy fucker idiot bitch!"
"God damn it." Raptor left the girl in the hall, crying and talking about her mom and shit. He kind of had a take a piss too, so he headed back outside, wiping his boots off on Felicia's couch on the way.
Morrigan and Demitri were still fighting and yelling about the destiny of Makai. Raptor took his dick out and started pissing. Lilith came up from behind, put her arms around him, and started rubbing the base of his dick.
"Hey, hot stuff."
"Uhh. Hey."
"What's wrong, big guy?"
"Nothing, baby, I just kind of need to finish here."
"K." She took out a DS from her wings and played Pokemon until he was finished. Then she put her hand on his dick again and stood on her tiptoes, trying to kiss him. He put his hands on the top of her head and pushed her down to her knees, and she started blowing him.
"Yeah, that's good baby." He leaned against the wall of the house and let her do her thing.
She stopped after a few seconds. "I really like you, Raptor."
"Uh-huh," said Raptor, waiting for her to start again.
She did, but not for very long. "We should get together. I'm sick of Jedah's bullshit. He's such an asshole."
"Yeah." He didn't really give a shit.
"He raped me."
"Cool," said Raptor, grabbed the sides of her head, and put her mouth back on his dick.
She pulled away again. "I'm pregnant. I need money for an abortion."
"Whoa, wait, you can get pregnant?"
"She's fucking lying. We're sex demons, why the fuck would we get pregnant? That would be retarded."
"SHUT UP, MORRIGAN!"
"No, you shut up. Don't give her any money. She'll just spend it on stupid Pokemon shit."
"IT'S NOT STUPID!"
"Yes it is. Jesus Christ. I know you look twelve, but you're 300 fucking years old. Why don't you fucking grow up already."
"IT'S MY LIFE. I'LL DO WHAT I WANT."
Lilith was too busy yelling at Morrigan to suck his dick, and Demitri was staring at it in a really creepy way, so Raptor said "FUCK THIS SHIT" and zipped up and went back inside.
The kitchen was empty, and in the living room, everyone was either passed out or watching TV. Talbain was in the corner, drinking and not talking to anyone.
"Oi, mate, let's do shots," said Raptor.
Talbain just burped. He was too drunk to talk.
Raptor went out to the front porch for a smoke. B. B. Hood was lighting up, and he got a light from her. "So what's the deal with you and Jon?"
"He's a megafucker."
"Fair enough," he said. "Want to do shots?"
"Fuck off, pedo."
"Whatever, bitch." He finished his smoke and headed back inside. He was kind of hungry now, so he went into the kitchen. There was pizza, chips, and chicken wings. The girl who had puked on his boots was in there, eating.
"Hey, oh my God, I'm really sorry I puked on you."
"It's all good, baby," he said, then morphed into his regular form and impaled her with his rib cage. He pulled her soul out from her body and was about to eat it when Morrigan came in from the back patio. She was still naked, still wet from the hot tub, and looking mighty fine, but Raptor knew the look on her face meant trouble.
"Hold up," she said, "that's mine."
"Like fuck it is," said Raptor.
"OH MY GOD!" said the girl's ghost, and cried.
"Pay up. I don't come cheap."
"Bitch, don't talk about coming. All I got from you was half a handjob."
"Well, nothing's free. How about just half of it?"
"Fuck you, get your own."
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?" said the girl's ghost. "WHERE'S JESUS? I'M SCARED!"
Raptor ate it.
"You selfish asshole," said Morrigan.
"Fuck you. This party sucks. I'm going home." He grabbed a bottle of vodka off the counter and walked out of the house, where he found Felicia sitting on the doorstep, crying. He quickly morphed back into his more genteel human-ish form. "What's wrong, baby?"
"Oh, hey, Raptor," she said. She was partied out. "Sorry, I just...I mean, I just want everyone to have fun. But every time I invite humans and Darkstalkers to the same party, the Darkstalkers kill everyone and my friends ditch me because they don't want to die. And now I have a body in my hot tub."
"Wow, that sucks," said Raptor, offering her the vodka bottle. She took a swig, immediately spat it out, and coughed. Raptor rubbed her back until she stopped.
"Thanks, Raptor, you're such a good friend," she said, leaning against him.
"Yeah." He put an arm around her shoulders. "So, are you gonna suck my dick or what?"
She pulled away. "Uh, what?"
"You heard me, sweetheart. It's not gonna suck itself."
"You, uh...you're joking, right?"
He undid his pants and let his boner pop out. "Baby, does that look like I'm joking?"
"Raptor, that's, uh, wow. You're gonna have to leave."
"What the fuck? Why?"
"Because that's, I mean, I don't think of you that way."
"The fuck are you talking about? What way?"
"Look, I thought we were friends, okay?"
"We are friends."
"Right, but not like that. So please put your pants back on."
"Are you fuckin' serious?"
"Yes, Raptor, I am."
"God DAMN it." He stood up and crammed his boner back into his pants.
"Look, don't be angry, okay? I mean, I don't even know why you would think that about me."
"Because Jon said you're a fuckin' slut."
"He WHAT?"
"He said if I came over with some beer I'd get laid. That's the only reason I showed up."
"You, what, that's, JON! Get the FUCK out here!"
Jon was still drunk off his ass, so Felicia got up, went into the house, and dragged him off the couch and out into the yard. She pushed him toward Raptor and he stumbled and fell on his knees.
"Jon, are you spreading rumors about me? And you BETTER NOT FUCKING LIE!"
Talbain burped again and struggled to stand up.
"Tell me the truth, Jon! What did you tell Raptor about me?"
"You *burp* ughunghuhg"
"He said you're a slut and he doesn't love you."
Talbain fell back to his knees and puked. Felicia kicked him and he fell over in it, groaning.
"You ASSHOLE! I don't love you either! I hate you and your TINY BABY DICK!"
Talbain cried like a bitch.
"Haha, does he really have a tiny baby dick?"
"Raptor, you need to leave now. Please go," said Felicia.
"Whatever, you're all fucking retarded anyway." Raptor picked up the vodka bottle from the grass and started home.
****STILL LATER****
Raptor was almost to the graveyard and had finished off most of the vodka. He emptied it and tossed the bottle into a nearby river.
Rikuo popped his head and shoulders out of the water and yelled, "Hey JERKOFF, that's called littering!"
"I littered your mom last night," Raptor mumbled, and started to walk on.
"Gosh, Raptor, don't be rude," said a familiar voice. Hsien Ko was standing on the river bank, near Rikuo.
"Hsien Ko! My sweet honeysuckle flower! What are you doing with this mermaid fuck?"
"First, he's my friend, so please don't insult him. Second, he's helping me look for Anita's doll. She lost it and she's very upset."
"Oh. 'K," said Raptor, starting to walk on again because he didn't care. But suddenly he realized he had an opportunity to be alone with Hsien Ko. First, he checked her hat for the piece of paper. It wasn't there, meaning her sister Mei Ling was somewhere else in human form. "Where's your sister?"
"In the woods, helping Donovan look."
"Cool. Hey, uh, I think I saw that doll in the graveyard. Let's go look for it."
"Oh, sure, let's go!"
"Uhh, Hsien Ko, I don't think that's such a great idea," said Rikuo.
"Fuck off, mate," said Raptor.
"Please don't swear, Raptor. Thank you, Rikuo, but it's all right. Raptor's my friend."
"Mmmk, but be careful," said Rikuo. He ducked back under the water and swam off.
Hsien Ko smiled at Raptor, and he felt his heart skip a beat. (He still had blood circulation, thanks to the magic of the Makai dimension, to allow for alcohol intoxication and of course the all-important boner.)
"Let's go," she said.
"Sure thing, baby." He led the way to the graveyard.
"So," she said, looking around the graves, "where did you see it?"
"Uhh. It's around here somewhere." He casually wandered over to the grave where he had stashed his guitar. "Check it out, sweetheart, I wrote a song just for you." He started strumming some power chords and tried to think of some lyrics about love and shit. "WHOOA-OOH, Baby, Satan can't compare to you. You're the hottest thing in hell, it's true. WHOAH YEAHHHHH."
"That's, uh, very sweet, Raptor. But what about the doll?"
"Baby, forget the doll. You think that was sweet, we can make even sweeter music together, baby."
"Oh, Raptor, you're silly. I can't play the guitar."
"No, but you can play me, baby." He took her hand and started to put it on his boner through his pants, but she looked scared, so he pretended he only wanted to hold her hand.
"Gosh, Raptor. I don't know what to say." She was blushing. It was so cute Raptor could hardly stand it.
"Then don't say anything, baby." He leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled away.
"Raptor, I like you, but..."
"It's OK, baby. Don't be scared."
"...But I really want to find Anita's doll."
"Forget the fucking doll."
"No, I really think we should look for it. And please don't swear."
"I'll tell you where it is if you kiss me."
"Is it even here?"
"Cross my heart, baby. Now come on." He tried to kiss her again, but she wouldn't let him.
"Come on, Raptor, this is silly. Let me go."
"Baby, you can leave any time you want, but you're taking my heart with you."
"Gosh." She was blushing really hard now. Raptor was close, he knew it. If he could just say the right thing...
"Hsien Ko? What's going on?" Mei Ling walked into the graveyard, saw them holding hands, and frowned. Hsien Ko quickly pulled her hand out of Raptor's and hid both of them behind her back.
"FUCK'S SAKE, not again!"
"Oh, hi, Mei Ling. We were just, um, looking for the doll. And please don't swear, Raptor."
"Rikuo told me you were here. Are you all right?"
"Sure, I'm fine."
"FUCKIN' COCKBLOCKER!" Raptor yelled at Mei Ling.
"Raptor!" Hsien Ko was flushed again, this time with anger. "Don't you talk that way to my sister!"
"Fine, whatever," Raptor mumbled.
"Now please apologize," said Hsien Ko.
"I'm not fucking apologizing to her!"
"Gosh, Raptor. If you're going to be so rude, I'll just leave."
"No, wait, baby, please!"
"No, thank you, Raptor, I've had enough. Come on, Mei Ling."
"You go ahead, Hsien Ko. I want to talk to Raptor for a minute."
"I don't fucking want to talk to you."
"Raptor! If you don't stop being rude to my sister, I'm never talking to you again."
"Oh, come on!"
"I mean it."
"God DAMN IT! Fine! Sorry, Mei Ling."
"All right. See you both later. I'm going to help Donovan."
"See you, Hsien Ko. This won't take long."
Cold silence descended over the graveyard when Raptor and Mei Ling were alone.
"So what the fuck do you want?" said Raptor.
"I want you to stay away from my sister, and I think you know why."
"Yeah, because you're a horrible bitch."
"No. Try harder. Maybe it's because you're a pig, you treat people like dirt, and you act like women owe you their bodies?"
"Whatever, bitch."
"Of course, it can't be any of those reasons. It's actually because I want you so desperately for myself."
"Whatever, fuck off already...wait, what?"
"You heard me. I've had these strange and wonderful feelings for you ever since I saw you. That's why I tried to keep you away from Hsien Ko. I'm jealous of her."
"Oh, well, uh...don't worry, baby. I've got plenty for both of you."
"I know you do, you big wonderful hunk of manmeat. I can't fight this feeling anymore. I want to know what love is. I want you to show me."
"Hell yeah, baby! Giddy up!" He grabbed at her ass, but she slapped him hard across the face. "What the fuck?"
"You didn't really believe that, did you? You're dumber than I thought."
"What the fuck, bitch! Are you gonna fuck me or not?"
"Of course not, you idiot. I'm making a point. One minute I say you're disgusting, the next I'm in love with you? Does that make any sense to you? Why don't you try thinking with your brain instead of your wee-wee for once and act decently. Then you might have a chance in hell with my sister."
Raptor just stared at her. This was the last straw. He couldn't take anymore. His blood pressure rocketed so high that his head detached from his body in a spewing fountain of blood and blazed across the space-time continuum as a fucked-up, screaming comet. He steered for the moment in time when Hsien Ko and Mei Ling were about to be born, intending to kill Mei Ling in the womb so she would never exist to cockblock him, but he slowed down too early and found himself streaking across the sky when they were already teenagers and their mother was about to die fighting demons. His head appeared as the comet their mother saw that warned her of the impending demon attack, and gave her time to jump in front of Mei Ling and save her.
"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, NOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, speeding up to get to the moment of their birth. But he overshot and wound up hurtling faster and faster through time, beyond the dinosaurs, the creation of the Earth, clouds of space gas, the Big Bang, until finally he came back to the beginning of his orbit.
His head plopped back onto his body in the graveyard. Mei Ling was staring at him.
"Uhh," she said.
"YOUR MAMA HAD SOME FINE-ASS TITTIES! WHY ARE YOURS SO TINY?"
She started crying and ran away.
Raptor sat down to hatefap. He noticed something poking out of the loose dirt. There, in the hole Talbain had been digging earlier that night, was Anita's doll. Raptor took a dump on it, shitting out the remains of the puke-girl's ghost, then jerked off and passed out with his pants around his ankles.
THE END
- 1
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Lord Raptor's Big Night