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Blue	By : DoveCG Category: +G through L > Jak & Daxter Views: 1475 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Jak & Daxter, nor the places, people, or objects within. I make no money writing this.

Chapter List
- 1-Blue
- 1
Author's Note:
Name and loose inspiration taken from the ending theme song of Cowboy Bebop.
This is dedicated to the author who wrote Jak and Daxter: the Supreme Secret and another one about Destroying Nightmares. I sincerely loved those stories in spite of their flaws, no lie, and I wish they hadn't been taken down. Mostly because I never finished reading the Supreme Secret. I can't really get either of them out of my head, in a good way, and they taught me some very lovely words (I never knew oneiric existed, but I'm happy to have learned it.)
I'm afraid I couldn't come close to approaching that same feeling or those precise notions that were in either story, so I went with something a little different.
I'm sorry if this is poorly written and/or poorly conceived. I didn't have an idea when I started, so I cribbed from other stories that I have in the works. I don't even know if it entirely makes sense and I didn't edit it much. I can't normally post something, unless I'm positive it's perfect, so this really is an act of love to write this for someone else, even though I have no idea if they'll ever see it or if they'll even like it at all. :1
I almost never write stories in first person. It always turns out horribly depressing when I do. Unfortunately, that's what this story insisted on being. It also insisted on being present tense...
I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry. :(

There is no end to the sky, it can only be covered with clouds and smoke. The air is what holds us together and it wipes the clouds away after the storm. The water reflects the never ending blue, to the very depths. They are one and the same, opposites contained in the same world, but not always the same form or even the same shade. Winter brings a gray sadness, but winter is only part of the cycle.
Blue can be sorrowful and happy; the two things define one another, just as life defines death. Everything is related, but that doesn't mean it's the same.
Jak taught me all of that.
It's funny. Not laughing funny. Not even weird funny. Maybe funny isn't the word. Maybe there isn't a word, or even anything to say about it. Precursors are strange that way. We know all this stuff, some of it becomes intuitive after awhile, but for all our great wisdom, even we can be stupid.
I've kept Jak alive since forever and he'll never know. Not really. That was my contribution. I figured it out really early on, but I didn't want to tell him. It would be mortifying to find out all your hard won talent and contributions were thanks to someone else rewriting the fabric of time over and over again, until you got your shit together, because they loved you too much to let go of you. Would he be thankful for that? I don't think so.
I'm curled up on his chest, watching him sleep. Ottsels don't really have good night vision, but I don't need it. I never needed the visual details anyway. I see every soul that is his. Not everyone's souls; just his, because they're impossible not to see. It's like trying to overlook a spot-light underground.
The moonlight makes the apartment seem awash with lagoon water, which I feel like I'm floating in. And there's a neon light somewhere that's sparkling through, leaving highlights and reflections. I know it's not color blindness. There's so much blue out there, and I've grown sensitive to it.
He stirs under me. I know what really keeps him awake though. It's not anything particular. He can't filter everything out the way he used to. Jak was always good at noticing things, but now it's ten times worse. The Dark Eco hears all the whispers of desecration around it. The Light Eco smells all the wafting fresh baked scents of the holiest. You'd think being around me would wipe some of that away or mask it, but I can't. Not entirely.
I kiss his forehead when I see the shimmer of his eyes fluttering open. It's faint, because he doesn't know what he's focusing on yet, and his other forms are much better at watching the universe unfold.
“Hey there, hero.”
“... Dax?” he asks.
I ruffle his hair with one paw. He lets out a sigh of the truly tired. I'd pity him more, except he has me.
He never sleeps well, even without any eco stored inside him. The other Precursors gave him the balance he needed, ever since the Baron was a Grade A douche bag, but he's been lost for a very long time on the sea of life. There is no cure for what ails my pal. He was so close to attaining the ultimate truth and it haunts him now. He can't do it any more either. Even if he breaks the seal on reality, and I've seen how to do it since I changed, he can't break the cycle of rebirth yet. It's like losing a loved one, only it's impossible to accept this kind of loss. You can't really avoid dwelling on what might have been. Deep down it's there inside him, and it's worse than the torture in some ways. Jak sacrificed a lot more than anyone else knows, and Veger stole his only chance to truly heal everything.
I'd offer it to him, if I could, but I think the moment is gone forever, or else the Precursors would have insisted that he join them. Jak'll have to try again some other lifetime, and I intend to be there to make sure he gets it. Yeah, I haven't told Tessie yet. I figured that out too. I hope she doesn't freak out.
Tess... she said this would be okay. She didn't mind. She knows what he means to me and what I mean to him. We were still just kids before, so it didn't matter as much to us then. I don't think it did. It's kind of hard to remember now. I have to focus hard just to realize that was me.
I don't think Jak knows I technically died the day I got knocked into that pool of Dark Eco.
He'd never forgive himself if he did. Okay, first he wouldn't believe me. It took a long time for me to believe it! But when he finally does, he'll never... I don't want to think about it. It's not like it matters. I came back for him, 'cause Jak will always need me.
Yeah, I know that means that Tess and Veger are dead too. I don't know if they know it. It's okay. It's like with Vin. He dumped a copy of his brain into another place and his body died, but in a way he lives on, separate from the living, as a program in a machine. We're not in machines. We're more free than we've ever been. But I don't care about that. This shit hurts my head. All I know is what's important.
Jak isn't long for this world either... I'm gonna hate telling Keira that. So I won't.
“Am I awake?” Jak asked.
I tuck my head under his chin and keep quiet. There is no right answer to that.
“Dax!”
“What?” I ask, “You're talkin' to me, aren't ya?”
“Am I?”
He sits up all of a sudden, so I do the same and he stares down at me, without really seeing me. His eyes need time to adjust. He's breathing awkwardly, so I roll off of him and snuggle up against the side of his chest, in the crook of his armpit. He's panicking for some reason, but he calms down when he starts petting my curved spine, down to the tip of my tail, and back again.
I frown, though I highly doubt he can see it. Jak starts rubbing at his face with the heel of his palm, sitting in the patch of light that creeps in through the blinds.
“No, I guess not,” I say, “The world gettin' ya down, buddy?”
He nods. So I kiss his chin and he laughs. It's more of a snort than anything, but it's the most amazing sound I've ever heard, because I realize I've been taking it for granted lately.
“What am I doing?” Jak asks.
I roll my eyes. I'm a god now, but there are other gods to roll them to, ya know? Gods who know what the fuck they're doing, presumably. I've questioned them before and I'll question them again, but it doesn't do any good unless they're actually listening to me. At least I was right about them being losers!
“You're not sleeping, that's for sure,” I say, “You want somethin' more than that, ya came to the wrong deity. But I tell ya what; let's play a little game, like we used to.”
“Not now,” he says, “Why are you awake?”
I stumble mentally. I wasn't expecting that. Not the refusal; that's happened before. That he's asking me why I'm not sleeping is... isn't right. Yes, I sleep a lot more soundly and readily than the big guy does. I can drift off where ever and when ever. But there's more to it. He's asking me a different question from the one that actually came out of his mouth. It's like he's fumbling in the dark, trying to find the answer, and he's feeling around for it, because he can't see.
He sighs. Jak realized the problem with his question, but not how to correct it. Maybe he can't bring himself to say it right, because it's too much, and he can't bear to bring it up twice, or the moment for excessive clarity has passed, and he's too confused to get it now. I look away and swallow louder than I want to. His long ears twitch. He heard me all right.
I stretch and stand up. We're eye to eye. Sort of.
“Jak, I love ya. I really mean that. Things are changing for us,” I say, “All the time; for good or bad. It doesn't even matter, as long as it changes. But I need to know somethin' and it's important.”
He blinks and quirks a brow.
“Uh... okay. I might need some coffee if this is deep, Dax. Can it wait?” he asks, “For morning?”
I have to chuckle, honestly. He started it! And he's asking me that?
“No, it can't wait,” I say, “I've been holdin' off on this for a long time and I'm gonna kick myself if I never get around to this.”
That gets his attention. He's waiting to hear me out. I take a moment. This isn't easy.
“If it weren't for everything that happened... if it weren't for the warm fuzzies and that lovely little extended trip to the future, would you have been serious about us?” I ask.
I hold his gaze, but he doesn't miss a beat. He doesn't even need to think about it.
“Yeah,” Jak says, “Yeah, I would. Is that all?”
“Is... is that all?” I ask, “You're kiddin' me!”
Jak frowns, but in the half-light I can't see the refining details, so I just flop down into the other pillow.
“I can't turn back time, Dax. I'm sorry.”
He means it. He really is apologetic. It's not him brushing me off.
What a thing to say.
I can turn back time. I could fix all of it, if I wanted to, but I'm not that selfish and I've moved on. It doesn't matter. He's not long for this world, remember? And I've been with him anyway, throughout most of it.
Even if Jak was gonna live to a hundred, going back wouldn't change the most important things. If he did live to such a ripe age, I might be able to enjoy it with him. Tessie is amazing. She'd help me with that. I haven't asked, but I know her. I know her almost as well as I know Jak.
She already said this was okay.
“You wanna play that game?” I ask.
He lies back into his own pillow and contemplates the ceiling. I don't see the ceiling any more. I see too many stars in too many galaxies, swirling together in the boldest and brightest colors imaginable. The ones in the night sky over our planet are sometimes dead by the time we notice them, but I see the living ones, the dead ones, and the ones to be, always. I see what looks like emptiness between them, but the formless gives the form its shape. The expansive distance and the close-knit mass are as intimately linked as lovers.
There is no roof over me, just as there is no city. It's a constellation of people. It's always people, Jak.
“What do I tell Keira?” Jak asks, “I think we're together, finally. And you have Tess.”
“I don't know,” I say, “Did you tell her about Ashelin?”
It's a sharp verbal knife that I've jabbed into his figurative stomach and he feels it. I can hear his voice get rougher, almost a growl.
“She kissed me first!” he says, “I told her no. I finished it. You were there.”
I wasn't there. Not really. I saw everything, but I've never been there. You may ask why I protest so much, if that's true, when we go somewhere dangerous. To which I must ask, haven't you ever tried talking someone else out of stupid bullshit before? None of this garbage matters. I want no part of it.
I can't save everyone else. I can only save Jak. My sphere of influence is tragically limited. So don't come praying to me when you can't find your way. Get your head out of your ass and do what Jak does! Answer your own damn wishes! Yes, he had help, but that was after someone else ruined his life, death, and future rebirth. And it wasn't me. I wish I could do more, but they won't let me. It's help Jak or help everyone else. Those two things aren't mutually exclusive; it just increases the difficulty.
I won't let anyone hurt him. Call me obsessive. Call me devoted. Call me whatever. It's just love.
“Jak, I'm not going to say they aren't important, because then I'd be lying,” I admit, “But it's not like you even know what exactly happened with Erol and Keira. You're not much for talking to the people that you care about. It's because you're afraid of what might happen; afraid it'll make things worse.”
I've stabbed him again. I can't stop, because it's good to get it out. There's never been time for it, really, or I never took the chance. I hate this. It's like cutting out a tumor; it's not pleasant, but it's necessary.
“Your life is never going to be uncomplicated,” I say, “You don't want to hurt anyone and neither do I. Trust me. It's not even retribution, or fairness, or anything like that. It just is. If it wasn't you, I might say different, but eh. Jak, you'll never win this fight. Give it up and enjoy what you can, while you can. You already have every other way, so why not like this? I'm only asking this once. Yes or no? I'm not tryin' to put any pressure on you, but there won't be a next time.”
He looks at me like I've turned on him; like he can't believe this is me. Maybe that's true. I've insulted him before and said stuff he didn't like. Hell, I've smacked him a few times! Jak's not blameless either. He's also hit me before, knocked me down a peg, and done tons of shit I didn't like. But we're super best friends and always will be. We can do that without qualms. We've never gone too far to stay us.
This is beyond all of that too. This isn't even about us losing the potential for romance or a more intimate relationship. It wasn't even the fur. I think we could have gotten past that.
I'm not the kid that fell that day. In some ways, I became what he was going to become. I grew the confidence that he was after. I gained the fluidity he dreamed of. I am the god that he secretly always saw himself as, minus the looks. But I'll never really be him again, any more than Jak will go back to who he was before Praxis got a hold of him and sealed his fate. Any more than he'll go back to being Mar, the little son of Damas.
It isn't growing up.
It's being who we are. Who we have become. Who we will be. And Jak is almost at the end of this ride. It doesn't matter if he crashes the zoomer or the zoomer crashes him. He's toast.
He used to worry I'd die too soon, like that dumb crocadog. The lifetime of a lesser animal, but there is no lesser here. Jak was always doomed. I refused to accept that. I thought I could defy it forever. I can't. I've seen their faces and they know how to stop whatever it is that I do exactly, whenever I get around to doing it. You'd think the guy who does this mumbo jumbo would know how he does it, right?
Absolutely not! Nope! No idea. I've been winging it since day one and all I know is that I can do it. But I can't bring him back the next time. I won't be able to. I'm not entirely sure how, but that's what I see.
There's no point in telling him this. After all the shit we've been through, he's living life to the fullest. I want to share everything with him, one last time. Maybe more than we did before. I'm still winging it.
I'm not omniscient, okay? My life would be a little different then.
He hasn't made a decision and I'd wait forever, if that was an option. Instead, I poke his shoulder, to make sure he didn't fall asleep on me. He grumbles something along the lines of stupid bastards being stubborn. I don't begrudge him that. I didn't make this easy, but then I couldn't have.
“What did you want to do?” he asks, “I'm not agreeing if I don't get anything out of it.”
Asshole!
“Never mind.” I say, “You don't want me, I can take a hint, but don't assume I'm gonna be selfish!”
Jak sounds pretty pissed off as well.
“You gave me an ultimatum! In the middle of the fucking night! What did you expect me to think?”
I'm curling up into the pillow and turning my back on him. So much for that idea. I'd explain myself, maybe it's justified, but he's already angry. No sense in wrecking all of his shit in one night.
“Dax?” he asks.
It probably seems like I'm using silence as a weapon now, but I'm not. I'm trying to let the issue drop. Jak doesn't want to let it go. He starts petting my shoulders and fluffy chest, which I lean into.
“I guess there really wouldn't be a next time,” Jak says, “It's so sudden... this isn't like you.”
No? Really? Duh! On both accounts.
He doesn't pick me up often. Jak has always seen that as demeaning or unforgivable, especially if I didn't instigate it. He treats me with more respect than most. Of course, I just asked him for sex, so holding me in his arms is far from unreasonable. I cuddle against him and hug the only thing I can get my arms around right now, his neck. I'm not so upset that I'd squirm away. We really don't hug enough, even as pals, and Jak gives the best. When Jak's cradling you close, you know that you're not only the safest you'll ever be, but he's bestowing a huge honor upon you. Not like he's better than you; not at all. It's like he never wants to stop, because you're someone special. Which is probably true. He's lost too much to let go of anything important, let alone loved ones.
“Tessy-poo taught me how to transform.”
We're both silent for awhile. I don't offer to prove it yet. I feel so comfy where I am right now, and Jak loves the fur, he just hates to admit it. I love the idea of fucking him while I'm fuzzy. It's raw and powerful. Plus, I got a feeling that he could pin me to his lap by shoving his fingers under my tail and groping my cock. I think he'd be interested in that. He's happily petted my furry little balls several times, at my discretion mind you, and before I got the pants. For a whole hour, once. Just that. Lifting and cradling, too! You'd think that would make the sex question easier, but it didn't.
I think he'd prefer the old me to the new me, regardless, and he already mentioned wanting more than just the enjoyment of giving pleasure. I hadn't shown him my newest skill yet, because I was worried. I didn't want him to misunderstand what I am, on the off chance that was one of the things he'd been waiting for. I didn't want to disappoint him.
I appreciate the sentiment, but while he's treated me like a human, that's not what I am any more. It's the same with him. Don't let his looks fool you. Jak isn't... I mean, he is, but he isn't. It isn't just Gruesome and Glow-stick, either. Those are decoys.
Jak's the sacrificial object and the ritual weapon. A fetish. A talisman. They call him a hero, but he's their toy. It sickens me. The worst part is that I've played into their hands from the beginning.
I want one night of passion, to try and make up for the suffering, so sue me! To satisfy myself, yes, but at least I gave Jak an option. I gave him a way out. They never did.
I can't be bitter though. Not entirely. There are worse fates to be worked through, and Jak was near the end of his path... Was. Isn't now. He's ending, but not the path. I shouldn't be too unhappy; I'll see him again either way and I'll recognize him. Dark Eco goes beyond the body; it taints the souls it touches. It follows into the next life. That's how it can affect everything, including plants and soil.
The Dark Makers don't play around. They want you for eternity. Creatures that are afraid of them assume they're horrible, because they destroy, but that's not why. Destruction is part of the cycle. No, they're the ultimate corruption of truth. All it costs to rid yourself of them is several trips to hell and a bunch more through the wringer after that. Keep tweakin' it and you might visit all eighteen corners!
You may ask, how did I avoid this and become what I am? Because I woke up and denied them when they were reaching for me. Simple, huh? It's not. Still surprised the ever-loving shit out of me to see the results of that. For all the wisdom I received, visions of fluff and whiskers weren't part of it. But Jak, you ask? How could I find the ultimate universe in a split second, when he didn't after two long years?
He already had it, but I took it with me, without meaning to, when I ran for it. The Baron stripped him of what was left, when he stripped Jak of his dignity and his sense of self. You have to face this shit head on or you're lost. Even I could lose my impressive skillfulness and knowledge, if I take a long dip in that goop, so I steer clear of it. No one is ever entirely safe when they play with Dark Eco, not even the Precursors. It's vast strength is also the infinite weakness of ignorance and malice.
Anyway, Jak always saves the world and this was his intended hell, the last installment of a debt to be paid. He killed a shit ton of Dark Makers and Hora-Quan. He'll be okay in his next life.
Damn it. Need to stop thinking about that. Jak's shaking. I'm not comfortable any more either. I wiggle free, climbing up his shoulder in the process, then jump away to land softly on the mattress. He reaches for me, but I don't explain. I just shine for a second, then fall to my knees, because I'm a lot taller than an ottsel. I think I'm still probably short, but not that short. Definitely taller than myself as a kid.
He stares, then he grabs me again, holding me even tighter, only he's kissing me now; soft lips, rough cheeks, and all. I know what I look like, even though I've never seen me like this. It's an awareness. The unshaven stubble mixes in with the freckles. It's weird, but Jak doesn't care. The vague lighting is probably helping him ignore my oddness.
I had a feeling it'd be like this. It's hard to notice, but Jak's looking at me like I've been gone for years, and that's about right. He just never noticed before. I'm not back though; that's the sad part. I haven't returned, because there is nothing to return to. I've been complete all this time. There are no scattered bits and pieces to locate.
Then I realize... there's nothing to find for Jak either. I don't have to search. It's all there. How did I not notice before? No, I knew. I forgot for a minute. Maybe changing has stronger affects than I thought.
But who cares? Jak doesn't, so I shouldn't. And his answer is yes.
I'm already naked. I love my pants, but it's much more comfortable sleeping nude. And I compare myself to Jak subtly. I don't have quite the muscle mass that he's gained over all these years, but I'm no slouch. Ottsels are all muscle anyway. It's easy to overlook, because they seem scrawny, but that's because the norm is for only enough fat to make it all work together. We burn calories like we're fucking maniacs. I'm usually irritable, because I'm constantly hungry, on a spiritual and a physical level. Doesn't help that all the crazy fun adventure stuff is often traumatizing. I'd have lost my mind if I was really human. This shit ain't for the faint of heart. Neither is fucking Jak though.
Nah, not fucking. Love making... that's what this is gonna be. There's an urgent whimper of desire in his throat and I cradle him in my arms. They're stronger than they look. He's mostly naked as well; he went to bed in just his boxers tonight. I help remove them, and he shimmies the last stitch of clothing down and away.
I want to keep holding him and I want to take my time. So I sit down, cross-legged, and invite him to sit in my lap. He stares at me. We've never done more than the hands-on approach in the past, and he's a bit shy, now that it's been revealed what he actually asked for. I know what he's done in the depths of hollow rooms, with himself and scant few. This wasn't a prior experience, especially not this position.
Jak sits, facing me, puzzled. It's a bit awkward, but I know it'll work. I lift him up with my arms. Humans need lube, if you want to go up their ass. So do Precursors, actually, but we can make that on the fly. I do so now, using eco. He absorbs it, but it still accomplishes the goal I gave it. His anus accepts what I've presented it with, opening like a flower. Jak's surprised at how fast that was.
“You little pervert,” he murmurs.
I grin. He has no idea. It's nothing irredeemable though. Humans are the prudes. Gotta convince 'em. Luckily, Jak is willing to be convinced, and always has been. He just gets nervous. Intimacy is vulnerability, and he's been carved up and spat out before by people with no concern for his feelings.
I intend to be sweet. I know it sounds like I don't care, the way I act, but power comes at a cost. I can't let people get through the chinks in my armor, any more than Jak can. He's a romantic and an idealist, though. Poor guy. He pays for it in spades, but you'll never really change him, because he's right. He was always so close...
I have to distract myself. Jak is finding this awkward to work out, so I help him. I get him to tilt his hips just right and I hold my thick, warm cock firmly in place, stroking it to a fuller richness of heat and form. You'd think all these thoughts would get in the way of an erection, but I've had lots of practice. I keep fondling myself while he lines it up and lowers himself onto me, easing along inch by inch. I think he's doubtful it can even happen like this, but I'm not surprised when he slowly manages to take all of me inside that cute, open ass. I'm smaller than he is anyway, but it's not a bad thing.
He's staring at me, dark blue eyes wide. He's amazed. I grin again and rub his muscled back, helping him relax. His thick cock is trapped between us, but there's only so much movement that can happen right now. I've had practice with this too. I don't intend to stay this way the whole time, there's no fun in that, but I want to start slow.
I run my hands over all of him, that beautiful canvas of bare flesh and taut strength. There are scars, callouses, and other imperfections that make my day when my fingertips trace across them. He's real. I kiss Jak's mouth and it's light at first, even after our tongues meet. His nipples are hard under my palm, as I grope the twitching muscle around them. He's exploring me as well, and I begin rocking my hips into his body. He groans. Before long, we're both petting the slick expanse of his dick that's trickling gently onto my belly and his.
It's gentle. I don't stop looking at him, except when my eyes are closed during a kiss, and even then I watch him somewhat. I grope his ears gently, one in each fist, while he's tugging away down there, and I sigh. There's no need to hurry. I cup his slightly angular face in my hands, feeling the nibble of short bristles that were growing since last morning, and he pauses, before he starts rolling his hips with me. He lets go of himself and turns to massaging my back, maybe guiltily. No need for that either.
We're at it for awhile. I feel good. It's not enough friction to really fill the need and there's some strain in sitting like this, for me and him, I realize, but it's nice. I like stroking his chest and back. I love holding him so close, there's no distance between us. I can't get enough of his face. He's handsome, but it's more than that. He's so expressive and needy and loving right now.
He's all mine tonight.
Eventually, I get up on my knees and lay him flat on his back, with his legs still hooked around my waist. It's still a bit awkward moving without slipping out, but I manage. I'm awesome like that. He trusts me. I grab his hips and begin thrusting, finally. Ahh! He's panting, shuddering with each movement, and begins touching himself anew. He comes all over himself before too long, but I don't want to end it for awhile longer... I hold back, until I really can't take any more, and he continues enjoying the way I make his ass feel, even though he's too tender to touch himself any more up front.
I coax him onto his hands and knees, then lean hard into his arched back as I find release and the world stops existing for a few minutes. Haaah! Damn. I wanted to take all night, but obviously the rest of me had other ideas. It's not a big deal though. I lick the creamy stuff off his flat belly and firm pec, it reached really far up this time, when he squirted it out. After he's nice and clean there, I curl up beside him and hug his back to my own chest. Jak falls asleep in my arms, flush against me, too worn out to clean up anything else. I take care of that a different way and settle in for my own nap. This is heaven.

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It wasn't long, and I knew it was going to happen, but that doesn't make it a piece of cake when it does. A few weeks later or a few years later; no matter which it was, it was short enough. I made certain there wasn't much pain. I had to. I got choked up; I couldn't do any less for him. It was hard letting go and finally giving him up. I didn't see his moving on to Keira as anything close to that. It wasn't a precedent. There is no other way to do this, except to wallow in it for awhile.
The funeral rites are nice, but I don't go. I already said good bye. I can't handle this city any longer either. The constellation known as Haven just lost it's brightest, defining star.
Tess joins me. I'm honored to say that she said good bye the same way. It feels right, and it is. We're sad, don't get me wrong. Who wouldn't be?
Our friends think we're too upset to show up, but that isn't why.
We need to learn more, so we'll be ready when Jak is here again, as who-ever he'll be. He'll be Jak and yet he won't be. I need to prepare for that too. We're going to guide him. I won't let the story repeat itself. Even Veger, with all his failed attempts to study and control the artifacts that the Precursors left, can't get in my way. He's falling, gaining corruption in spite of his self-professed love of Light Eco, because it isn't just Dark Eco that does it.
It might not sound like it, but I know what I'm doing.
I think I'll be fine. Every day is just that. I'm getting further from humanity, but not life, and I'm practicing and studying what is important, which is the universe. Veger is short-sighted. The picture has to be seen as a picture as well, to understand it entirely. I feel bad for him. We never talk, but I know what he's up to. I see unmistakable finger prints where he's been.
And I'm not sleeping among the stars. I'm pulling at the hidden fabric that keeps them in place, sewing their light across the cosmos like spilling semen, and tucking them in like the offspring they could be.
Veger has no idea what his metaphor actually was when he said it. It's kind of cute, like a stubborn child, but not always. He's annoying as all fucking hell, because his prejudice keeps him from hearing anything that he hasn't already considered as correct, which is just anything that he thought of on his own. He really needs to get laid, but that's not the heart of his problem. Finding a consort is never a bad start, though.
Even if he manages that, someone is going to have to deal with his willful blindness eventually. I'm not looking forward to it and neither is Tess. She's got her own ideas that she's eager to build on, to create into, and only so much time. We aren't immortal. Just as close as anyone can get.
It'll give us something to do while we wait. We also have each other. I love Tess and I love Jak.
Don't worry. I'm gonna be here for ya, buddy. We'll have a whole lifetime together. We always do.
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