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You're doing it wrong	By : Fanfictionfan360 Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 4145 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age: origins or its characters, Bioware owns that right, I am not making any profit for writing this

Chapter List
- 1-You're doing it wrong
- 1
You're doing it wrong
"Let me get this straight, you want my advice on yours and Alistair's budding romance, yes?"
Vahlyne Mahariel and Zevran were sat around the campfire watching the embers burn and flicker, the rest of the group were asleep in their respective tents and bedrolls, all aside from Shale because of her lack of need for sleep and Sten who had been appointed as second watchman sat sharpening his prized sword 'Asala' with utter care and dedication, occasionally the Qunari cast a glance at the two Elves, he had no real respect for the buffoon Alistair but the human made his Kadan happy and whilst Sten didn't fully understand or see the concept of happiness as necessary he always felt was he saw as good seeing the Dalish Elf smile, he greatly disapproved of Zevran's flirty nature towards Vahlyne knowing it could lead to Alistair breaking up with her and would put an end to her reassuring smile
Zevran sat sharpening his daggers watching the Warden intently, she had asked him only minutes before for his advice on a matter and instantly he was able to work out what the matter was, he found it amusing how shy the Dalish warrior became the moment the words left his mouth, hugging her knees as her cheeks turned a cherry pink contrasting with her dark facial tattoo's, the assassin found it funny but also very cute when Vahlyne's ears fluttered, they always twitched when she was embarrassed, her eyes met his for a fleeting moment before giving a mumbled "yes"
Zevran laughed warmly at her answer "you have come to the right man my friend" he declared leaning forward to place a hand on her shoulder "now tell me exactly what you need to learn, for if Zevran knows one thing that thing is romance"
"We're ok when it comes to romance Zevran" Vahlyne stated not uncurling from her near foetal position
The assassin gave another dry chuckle placing his hands on her shoulders trying to prise her open, a low guttural rumble came from behind him and he immediately knew that Sten had caught him touching her and had taken it the wrong way, he quickly removed his hands giving the Qunari a nervous grin hold his hands up in surrender showing he meant no harm, Sten snorted at him before returning to his work, the night air filled with the sound of stone sharpening steel once again
When Sten seemed sated Zevran turned back to Vahlyne "my good Warden friend, I assure you there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed off, remember I was raised in an Antivan whorehouse, there is nothing that can surprise me"
Vahlyne raised her head smiling warmly, glad that she was able to tell Zevran anything without fear of judgement or disgusting him "as I said me and Alistair are perfectly fine with the romance part, he's got the softest heart of any human I've met, well along with Leliana and Wynne that is" she smiled starting to twirl a stray hair that had fallen in front of her face, it was surprising that the small Dalish could still look so innocent even after she had slain Maker knows how many Darkspawn and had killed a High dragon and several Ogres with almost no help at all "the thing I need to ask about is…well it's about sex" she finally admitted
Instead of letting out another dry chuckle like she had expected Zevran instead cocked his head in confusion "I mean no offense but I was under the impression that you and our cheese loving ex-Templar friend had already consummated your relationship, I mean my tent is right next to yours and the sounds I hear at night would indicate so"
Vahlyne turned bright red at the fact the Zevran had heard them at night, because of his strong Elven hearing he couldn't be entirely blamed on listening in intentionally "are we loud?" she asked fearing that the others may have heard them and were just keeping quiet about it
"Do not worry my dear Warden, I only hear the faintest of rustles and sighs, nothing the others could hope to pick up, the Mabari may be a different story though but who is he going to tell?" the assassin joked making Vahlyne giggle "so you've come to Zevran for advice on love making, a wise decision I must say again, now tell me what troubles you, is Alistair inadequate in some way? Maybe lacking down where it matters?"
"Oh Creators no!" Vahlyne cried before stifling herself with her hands, Sten and Shale glanced in her direction for a few seconds before returning to what they were doing, Sten watching the embers flicker in the campfire with his freshly sharpened sword strapped to his back and Shale warily eyeing a flock of birds that she was sure were circling her "he's all fine…down there, well I think he is, I haven't exactly got anything to compare it to"
"If it would help I could help you compare" Zevran grinned in his special Zevran way motioning to his belt
Vahlyne laughed and dismissed it with a wave "no, I think I'm fine" she tittered to which Zevran shrugged indifferently
"So tell me what really troubles you" the assassin insisted again running his fingertip over the fine edge of his newest dagger, it once belonged to the Warden Commander Duncan and it wasn't even cold from the revived Ogre's corpse before Mahariel presented it to him whilst giving Duncan's sword to Alistair, it was indeed a fine blade and many enemies had fallen since to its edge and point
"Well, whilst Alistair is a tender and kind lover" Vahlyne started picking up and running her thin fingers along her own sword, it had belonged to King Cailan himself and now she carried it in his honour whilst his armour went to Alistair "I'm afraid to say that he can be a little...boring" she finished setting the blade back down, when she turned around Zevran's smile had disappeared replaced by an annoyed scowl "what? Don't tell me that disgusted you!"
"No" Zevran sighed pinching the bridge of his nose "I just now owe Oghren twenty sovereigns" he explained cursing in Antivan "the one time I have faith in Alistair and he can't think of something new in the boudoir, you would think those raised in the Chantry would grow to be curious about the many pleasures of the flesh but alas he appears to be as Oghren claims 'a great sodding dud in the sack'" he added with a rough Oghren impersonation at the end
Vahlyne couldn't help but smile at the little mimic before jumping to her lovers defence "he is not a dud! He's just really intimate, he refuses to anything remotely rough or even hard, I think he's scared he'll break me in half"
"Well you are small, smaller so than any Dalish woman I have ever come across, it is almost like you are a child sometimes, no offense"
Pouting at his words Vahlyne crossed her arms, she hated when her height was mocked in even the slightest of ways having gone through more than the normal amount of teasing when she was a Da'len, standing a couple of inches shorter than the other Dalish children "I'm not small, I'm fun sized" she asserted having done so ever since she heard a guard call her it back at Ostigar before it was lost to the Darkspawn
Zevran laughed at the Wardens reaction sheathing his dagger "so you require help getting Alistair to 'expand his horizons' if you will"
"Actually it's not just that" Vahlyne said starting to blush again "the other reason I came to you is that…I don't know that much about sex either" she admitted twiddling her fingers "I know the normal positions, underneath, on top and I've heard of doing it from behind but Alistair's never mentioned it, other than that I'm kinda clueless" she finished as her ears started fluttering again
"That I am not surprised about" Zevran smirked making Vahlyne scowl at him "it is true that Alistair was your first no? You left your clan for the Wardens very early into your adult life and you ended up with a bumbling ex-Chantry boy, forgive me for not assuming that you have a wealth of experience" he laughed flashing his signature roughish grin "so tell me what you need to know and I'll be sure to help you to the best of my abilities which, from what I've hear, are never disappointing my friend"
"Actually…I was going to ask a little more than that" the Warden blushed harder twiddling her fingers again "I was wondering if you could…..observe us"
Zevran's eyebrows and ears shot up in genuine surprise at her request "ok I will admit, I did not see that coming" he joked the shock off running his fingers through his hair "I never thought I would hear such a thing from you, yes I flirt with you from time to time, ok every day but to be honest I believed and knew nothing truly intimate would happen between us, are you sure you would allow someone such as I to observe an act of true love when I have never experienced it myself?"
Vahlyne's ears fluttered faster "you're the only person I know with boast worthy experience in the bedroom, I just want you to watch us and point out anything we're doing wrong and how we can get better at certain stuff, I know the Blight is still going on and it's inappropriate to care about such trivial matters at this kind of time but I want this to last with Alistair, I want it to be good for both of us"
The Antivan sighed with a knowing smile "ok you have, as they say, twisted my arm, I will help you in this matter, where is our other Warden friend now? In your tent?" Vahlyne nodded as they both rose to their feet "I must ask how you got Alistair to consider this, we may be allies but me and him are not exactly close friends"
"Yeah….about that"
(In Alistair and Mahariel's tent)
Alistair was relaxing on his bedroll with a succulent piece of cheese they had gotten the last time they had visited Honnleath, it was been two weeks since then and the cheese had aged just right giving it a strong nearly explosive flavour with every bite, it was times like this that made him wonder why only he liked cheese this much
In his other hand he held a book on Dalish history, if he wanted to be with Vahlyne he felt he should truly know and understand her peoples history and background, what he had seen from the Dalish greatly contrasted with what he was taught being raised by the Chantry, labelling them savage heretics that would kill any Maker believing man on sight without provocation or a reason, yes the Dalish attacked humans if they got too close but it was only to prevent them threatening their clans
He was reading a quite interesting chapter on the Dread Wolf when the tent entrance opened, Alistair smiled warmly as Vahlyne crawled into the tent "oh hello there dear, finally decided it's time for bed have we?"
"You're still up" Vahlyne retaliated making Alistair laugh as she sat next to him
His mirth soon ended when he noticed Zevran entering their tent "I think you've got the wrong tent Zevran" he said with his voice harder and firmer than normal
"Before you accuse me of anything you may want to ask your Warden why I am here" Zevran responded keeping his voice as cool as always
Alistair looked to Mahariel with a raised brow "why is he in here?" he questioned as Vahlyne sat nervously next to him with her ears fluttering again
"Well you see…it's kinda…about us" she stuttered out, betraying the image of a proud warrior able to run a Hurlock through the gut with her sword whilst breaking a Genlock's face with her shield that she normally portrayed
"About us? Oh Maker don't tell me you're leaving me for him!" Alistair blurted out sitting bolt upright
Zevran smirked at his reaction "if only, oof!" he muttered before suffering a solid kick to the gut from Alistair "I'm an assassin and even I find that dirty" he grumbled nursing what would be a noticeable bruise on his stomach, his pride hurting more than his gut for not seeing the hit coming from such a clumsy human
"Leave you for him?" Vahlyne said incredulously unable to prevent herself from laughing at Alistair's assumption "no offense Zevran but I'm the kind of girl who likes to wake up and find her lover still in the bed"
"Warden, you insult me" Zevran stared at her in mock shock "if I left so early it eliminates the chance of a repeat session in the morning" he laughed getting comfortable on the end of Alistair's bedroll
Alistair scowled as the Elf made himself at home far too close to his personal space "so tell me why he is here before I kick him out"
Vahlyne sighed moving to sit herself down on Alistair's lap, having her in close proximity always calmed him down enough to prevent him acting on threats "as I said it's about us, Alistair…how happy are you with our sex life?"
"Vahlyne! Can we not discuss our private matters in front of the pervert?"
"I must object there Alistair" Zevran spoke raising an objective hand "I am a lover, not a pervert, Oghren is the pervert"
"I sodding heard that ya girly nug licker!" the Dwarf's slurred voice sounded from the adjacent tent accompanied by a loud brash belch and shortly after that a dull but heavy thud and rumbling snore indicating that now he was asleep
Zevran chuckled at the sound whilst Alistair groaned rubbing his temples "drunken allies aside you have yet to tell me why it is now acceptable for us to discuss our private time around the other pervert" Zevran huffed at Alistair's insistence on calling him such a thing
"Because he's the only one I know who can help us on this?"
"Why do we need help? Am I doing something wrong?" the hurt in Alistair's eyes made Vahlyne's heart ache, his puppy dog eyes were one of the many reasons she fell for him
"No not anything wrong, I love what we do" Mahariel replied trying to quell his fear gently stroking his hair "but don't you think that we could be at least a little better? Are you happy with me just lying there? I've only been on top once and even then I had no clue what to really do, Zevran can really help us here so I asked if he could observe us and…"
"What?" Alistair all but roared out before Vahlyne could clamp her hands over his mouth, the sounds of Shale's body grinding as she turned and her heavy footsteps approaching the tent made the two Elves hold their breath
"Is it alright in there?" Shale asked from outside the tent "did Darkspawn manage to creep in when our backs were turned?"
"No, no everything's fine in here" Vahlyne quickly answered as Zevran laid flat on the ground to minimize his shadow, nobody saw him entering the tent and they wanted it to stay that way "there's nothing to worry about"
Shale stood upright from her stooping position stepping away from the tent "hmmm pity, it may have been amusing to observe" she drawled returning to her post near the camps outskirts
The three waited for the Golems lumbering footsteps faded away before speaking again "if I did not know better I'd believe that our rock based friend wanted us dead" Zevran nervously chuckled tucking his hair behind his ear "so what do you say my friend? Will you accept my sage wisdom to becoming a greater lover?"
Alistair sighed rubbing his temples again "this is the last thing I need, the bloody manwhore pointing out my every flaw, honestly I'd rather have Morrigan in here, she just goes with the one biting remark then goes quiet for a while, you never shut up, how do we know that he won't go bragging about this?"
"Alistair once again you insult me, you must know by now that I am a man of his word, I promise that everything that transpires tonight will remain between us"
Alistair groaned against laying back down, Vahlyne still sat now straddling his waist "I guess I could afford to be a little better in bed" he sighed relenting to his lovers request
Vahlyne smiled leaning down to kiss him as Zevran clapped his hands together "excellent, now first of all show me the position you normally make love in, no need to remove your clothing for that will come later"
The lovers exchanged a glance before awkwardly getting into position, bumping each other and their possessions around them as they went, Vahlyne nudging her way under Alistair as he clumsily settled himself over her supporting himself on his elbows at the sides of her head, Vahlyne shifted down so her groin was level with his, Zevran carefully took in every detail, Alistair has positioned himself so most of his weight was placed on his forearms and thanks to Vahlyne's height the top of her head only came up to Alistair's collarbone "ok I can see a problem here" the Elf spoke out "mainly with eye contact, how do you go about that?"
"We try our best" Alistair replied "but after a couple of minutes we get these terrible cricks in our necks and we have to break it"
Zevran pondered for a moment before seemingly getting an idea "bear with me" he said simply before moving forward, before they could stop him he was altering their position, placing his hands on Alistair's shoulders pulling him up so that he was kneeling, he then took Vahlyne's legs positioning them on top of Alistair's before moving her to prop herself up on her elbows "see, much better, you can look each other in the eyes far more comfortably now"
"Oh" Alistair said in surprise finding Zevran's words true "this actually is quite a bit better"
"You see, Zevran knows what he is doing, now let's see how much easier it is for you during the lovemaking"
"Say what now?" Alistair stared at the assassin as if he had just turned into a Broodmother
"I need to see if you are truly compatible for my advice, now if you would please remove your clothing we can move on"
"Whoa now! That wasn't part of the deal; tell me that wasn't part of the deal!" Alistair was starting to panic now, he could barely talk about sex with the woman he loved and now Zevran was basically telling him to get his cock out for him
"I did ask him to observe us" Vahlyne said somewhat meekly feeling completed dominated by Alistair's presence, she couldn't understand how he could look even larger when he wasn't inches from her
"We are not giving him wank material!" the human hissed crossing his arms, his way of ending an argument
Zevran reached forward placing a hand on his shoulder earning a hard stare from Alistair "my friend, it took a lot of courage for Vahlyne to approach me on such a matter, she wouldn't have done so unless it was what she truly wanted, this was not out of perversion for her, she wants it to be better for the both of you, she wants to be better for you, would you deny your love that?"
Alistair glared at him for a few moments before looking down to Vahlyne, looking into her big green eyes he let out a defeated sigh "if anyone ever hears about this" he warned moving to remove his night shirt
"Not a word" Zevran promised sitting back getting comfy again as the lovers self-consciously stripped
Alistair moved the bedroll covers around his waist blocking the view of their lower bodies from Zevran, he didn't need to see everything "keep your shirt on" he instructed Vahlyne as she moved to remove it, she glanced to Zevran who mimed that he didn't care either way, when she was fully naked from the waist down she awkwardly got back into the position Zevran had shown them, Alistair had quickly gotten hard from the sight of her and luckily for him the covers blocked the assassins view of it, gently taking hold of her hips Alistair positioned himself and slowly pushed into her
Vahlyne let out a strained gasp arching her back as her small body was penetrated; Zevran leaned forward to take in any faults that could lessen the experience for them, Alistair groaned at the feeling of being inside the Elf again slowly falling forward
"Wait! Stop right there!" Zevran suddenly spoke out making Alistair freeze "remember what you were complaining about not ten minutes ago?" he gently pushed Alistair back into a kneeling position "try to stay like that, you will reach deeper inside her like that and enhance the experience"
Alistair nodded sitting back up, finding that he couldn't properly thrust in this position he did the next best thing, taking hold of her legs Alistair slowly began to move Vahlyne along his length making her keen through gritted teeth, her thin fingers clutched at the bedroll as she let her human lover have full control over her body
"Very good, this is very intimate, so much trust in him" Zevran commented rolling his eyes along Mahariel's body
"Touch her or yourself and you're a dead man" Alistair growled taking a moment to glare at the Elf
Zevran placed his hands on his head in response "man of my word" he promised again "these hands will not leave these locks until told otherwise"
"Good" Alistair responded, Vahlyne began to pant harder wrapping her legs around Alistair's waist causing him to sink fully into her, the human grunted feeling the Elves strong thighs dig into his hips preventing him from moving, the covers fell from around them baring everything
"My, my Alistair, the Maker has certainly blessed you" Zevran drawled eyeing the small bulge just less than an inch below Vahlyne's navel
"Don't you look down there!" Alistair blushed redder than a tomato scrambling for the covers
"Relax my friend, did you not call me a 'manwhore' not too long ago? I have seen things that would make this seem like a pleasant walk in the woods" he reached forward grazing his fingertips over the bulge making Vahlyne sob with pleasure
"Stop…that" Alistair grunted not too comfortable with the almost male contact on his cock "you said you wouldn't move!"
"Oh hush Alistair, you will thank me for this" the Antivan grinned before pushing down on the bulge, Vahlyne covered her mouth with both hands muffling the scream she let out, her core clenched painfully tight as her orgasm took her by complete surprise, her release soaking Alistair's lap and the bedroll beneath them "that's it dear Warden, hold nothing back" Zevran encouraged her placing his own hand over her mouth using the other to rub and push down on the bulge further stimulating it
The rubbing on Vahlyne's stomach not only sent waves of pleasure through the Dalish Elf but also sent shivers along Alistair's length and throughout his entire body, his strong hand wrapped around Zevran's wrist when he couldn't take anymore "stop that…right now" he growled as sweat began to pour from his vow, his heart was pounding and if Zevran had continued he wouldn't have been able to hold on longer
Smirking Zevran lifted his fingers "very well my friend" he waited until Alistair relaxed his grip before pulling his hand away swiping his fingers across Vahlyne's wet clit then bringing them to his mouth, he chuckled at the shocked look Alistair gave him as he enjoyed the Warden's unique taste "I could not resist"
If Vahlyne hadn't started moaning and keening calming him Alistair would have punched Zevran solidly in the face for what he had just did, the human began to breath heavily to calm himself down enough to last another round with her "that was very good my friends" Zevran beamed sitting back in his place "now let us try a new position, Alistair guide our Warden onto your lap and lie down"
Giving him a weary look Alistair followed his instructions, Vahlyne gasped as she felt her weight shift up then down causing his length to sink deeper into her "oh merciful Creators" she whimpered as she settled fully on Alistair's lap, her breasts felt suddenly restricted and squashed in her night top and she yearned to be free of it, before Alistair could protest she did away with it quickly taking his hands and covering her chest with them "so much better" she sighed placing a finger on her lovers lips to prevent him from complaining "we've already made love this way before" she pointed out to Zevran
"Yes but I am under the impression that you did not do it with the greatest of skill" he replied with a smirk "place your hands upon his chest or his shoulders, whichever you prefer and Alistair your hands are good where they are unless you want to hold her waist, very good now Vahlyne gently roll your hips"
The Warden slowly obeyed moaning from the friction her actions caused, Alistair groaned at the sensation digging his fingers into her soft skin, Zevran reclined back on his elbows admiring every soft curve on Vahlyne's body and every taught muscle on Alistair's, his pants were becoming very tight but as he said before, he was a man of his word and would not break that promise for quick self-induced relief
Vahlyne's clit ground deep against the coarse hair around Alistair's cock making her choke on her breath, the lumbering steps of Shale passed by every so often as the Golem made her rounds around the camp but she was used to the subtle noises that came from the tent seeing no need to inquire about them "oh Creators, I'm nearly there" the Warden whimpered rolling her hips faster lifting herself up and down in unison to her gyrating
"Oh Maker" Alistair moaned feeling his finish closing in faster, his hips beginning to work in tandem to his loves movements, his precum leaking steadily into Vahlyne's core ready to erupt from several days of build up
"Move a little more Alistair" Zevran instructed "you have no need to be so lenient"
Spurred on by the Elf's words Alistair began to buck up harder causing Mahariel to bounce faster "oh Creators!" she cried as she fell over the edge again, her body going rigid with ecstasy whilst her juices coated Alistair's groin, the rhythmic pulsing of her core set Alistair off a split second later gasping her name as his release filled her, his hips still bucking up filling her more and more with his burning cum
The couple fell into each other panting heavily gasping for breath, Zevran in turn let out a held breath wiping a bead of sweat from his brow "you did fantastic, both of you, now what do you say to another observation tomorrow night? I'm thinking of teaching you the many pleasures of oral" the stone cold glare Alistair gave him promptly shut him up "or maybe not, you're uncharacteristically frightening tonight I must say Alistair, I think it is time for me to take my leave, I need a cold bath, a very cold bath"
Without another word Zevran crawled out of the tent leaving the Wardens to their afterglow only to face plant directly into Shale's shin, the Elf nervously looked up at the towering Golem "what is the painted Elf doing within the Wardens tent?" Shale questioned
"I was simply wishing our friends a good night" Zevran swiftly responded standing up dusting himself off
"Is it really that simple? I have been observing the tent for a while now as I normally do because of the Wardens importance and I did not see you enter after their carnal noises stopped"
Zevran sweat dropped racking his mind for an excuse before coming up with a golden one "my dear Shale, must I remind you that I am an assassin? I can utilize the darkness to slip past even the most vigilant of watchmen"
Shale eyed him closely making him sweat more before sticking a large finger in his face "I will be watching you very closely crow" she warned before lumbering off
Zevran let out a relieved sighed before straightening himself, now what was he doing?
Oh yes, a very cold bath
Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it
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