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A Burning Consensus	By : Pyro-Pooter Category: +S through Z > Team Fortress 2 Views: 1104 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own TF2. Or Mass Effect. Or any of the characters. Nor any of the associated fandoms. No profit is being made or has been made off this story.

Chapter List
- 1-A Burning Consensus
- 1
Legion was idly standing in the AI room of the Normandy SR2, the ship was en route to the Citadel in the Widow system to buy supplies and upgrades. 216 of Legion's 1,183 geth programs were searching the extranet for explanations as to why the crew had been “bitching”, as Shepard-Commander had put it, about the taste of the on board meals... Apparently organics sectioned different forms of fuel they consumed into different tastes. The section of taste crewman Goldstein had put the average meal made by Mess Sergeant Gardner was “dog shit”. Legion had his suspicion's that may not be an official flavor.
475 programs were browsing various extranet forums to gather data on organic culture, as was one of its mission parameters. The remaining geth within his platform were focusing on copying a dance it had heard mentioned during a conversation with Shepard-Commander. It was known as “The Robot”. While performing the stereotypically mechanical maneuvers, he couldn't help but beep and stutter to the beat of the dance. In comparison to the video tutorial he had seen on how to execute the dance, Legion had thought his performance to be much more graceful. It wasn't gloating, it was just objective logic, he explained to himself.
After the dance, all programs came to a consensus that research was boring. Perhaps it was time to play a game. He had had enough with his current library though, he's played all of them for countless hours and had a near perfect understanding of the mechanics behind all of them. Except for the Fleet and Flotilla dating game, but he was beyond helping with that. Maybe there's some good games on the extranet? Maybe some pre first-contact human entertainment would be enlightening. Searching up the key words “classic,” “human” and “video games” he clicked the first result. Which was a website explaining the histories of various major vintage human games. Every page for every game also came with a free mirror to download and play them, that was nice. There was Super Mario Bros, apparently a very important, though platforming wasn't Legion's thing. Half Life? More promising, but still rather... dated. Later on, by the same developer, there was Team Fortress 2. Now that looks a bit more with the times, a bit. An old multiplayer first person “hat simulator” as the description put it. Still played with some frequency by a tight knit community of 200,000 dedicated vintage gamers of various races. This looks like a good, uhm, outlet to gather data, Legion thought as he clicked the download mirror. The file was a mere 14,000 megabytes, so the download and installation was done within the minute – the average modern laptop had thousands of terabytes of space, and extranet was very efficient to match.
Booting up the game, the first thing that came up was a logo of the back of a human's head, with a valve sticking out of it accompanied by a deep and rumbling musical note. This must be the logo of the developer, Valve. Then the game menu came up, along with the catchy and upbeat theme song. There were 2 game modes, normal multiplayer, playing on two opposing teams, with one usually on some sort of defensive role, and the other on offense. Almost like a sport. The other was “mann versus machine.” Checking back with the article, that was a game mode where the players fought against wave after wave of AI controlled robots... Legion decided to pass on that for now. Clicking on the button to instantly bring him into any old multiplayer match, Legion was quickly looking at a team selection screen. He just clicked “random” and was automatically taken to the “RED” team. From there it was a screen to select a character, or class. Legion, guessing from the names, could assume the role and mechanics of each. The Scout, speedy and meant to aggravate people. The Soldier, his name was rather generic, though he going by the fact he was spinning around a large rocket launcher in his animation, it seemed safe to assume he was just a rocket-guy. The Pyro, this one looked interesting, his...her... it's; it was a rather androgynous figure, and Legion, even in all his research into human anatomy and sexual dimorphism, couldn't tell what this guy was. Anyways, this gas-masked chubber must be there to set people on fire. The Demoman, he probably likes explosives. The Heavy, with his mini gun, Legion could accurately say that this was not a class for the subtle. Engineer, must build things to provide a defensive backbone. Legion went on with looking at the characters until he settled on the sniper. Sniping was his forte after all. Once he clicked the sniper's little drawn representation though, instead of getting into the game, he physically felt himself being lifted up and thrown. Though he couldn't see what was going on, as his vision was taken over by the game instead of having his actual external ocular sensors active. Once he deactivated his internal computer and turned his eyes on, it was no longer the AI room of the Normandy, but instead a locker room lit with harsh UV lighting, and with tiled floors. There was an upwards-sliding metal door at the end of the room, and right outside it, there was what sounded like an intense battle with constant explosions and gunshots. Every one of legions programs was doing everything they could to try to figure out what happened and where it was. That's basically geth for “oh shit oh shit oh shit”.
Legion's passive audio receptors picked up a quick pace from the corner of the room, which was covered by a concrete wall going up to the roof. When he swiveled his head to it, he saw that the source of the rapid pattering was the pyro from what was to Legion a few seconds ago, just an old video game called Team Fortress 2. He/She/It was muttering unintelligibly to itself under the thick, voice-muffling gas mask. That is, until it noticed legion laying crumpled on a bunch. The pyromaniac instantly let out a quiet, high-pitched yelp and recoiled slightly. Apparently they didn't get too many geth in this world. The way the room looked and the materials everything was made of was unlike anything Legion had ever seen. In pure confusion, despite his host seeming to be surprised by his presence, Legion had to ask one question, one meaningful question; the second sentence the first geth to gain sapience ever uttered: “What?”
The pyro, instantly recovering from his start, put his hands on his hips and tapped his foot like an old housewife while mumbling in what sounded like contained outrage. Before Legion could ask a single question, the merc stormed out of the door. The poor AI set some of his programs aside to comb through his short-term memory bank to try and ascertain what could have possessed the pyro to act angry on sight. In layman's terms, he was thinking “what was up with that guy?”
In just a few seconds though, Legion's receptors picked up more chattering right from outside the door, this time coherent, obviously from a different being, though clearly human still. “What in the Sam Hill are you goin' on about, pyro?” More intense muffled ranting, immediately followed by the door to the room sliding open. Standing next to the RED pyro was a man of similar size wearing overalls with a shirt under, along with a construction cap and tinted goggles. It was all red except for the yellow construction hat; the same shade of red as the room's paint, and the entirety of the pyro's uniform, was colored. This must be the “engineer” that was on the game's class selection screen. The Texan's gaze fell upon the robot in an instant. “Oh.” He breathed, southern drawl apparently even with just the short statement. He looked away from the geth and turned back to the pyro, “well, he ain't mine.” The portly pyromaniac went off again, “Wrhh, huh'th den?”
“I don't know, doesn't look like one of Grey Mann's gizmo's either.” Legion, never missing an opportunity to be informative (usually needlessly so), interjected. “We are geth.” The Texan who was just before poking around at Legion took a step back. “Y'all're what now?”
“This platform contains 1,183 geth programs.” Pyro looked at the Engineer, “Wuth uh guth?” The Engineer was about to respond, with a probably non-helpful answer, though he was interrupted by Legion. “The geth are a race of AI programs connected locally through a neural network. We were created by the quarians in 1857, in human years.”
The engineer tilted his head incredulously, then glanced at the pyro. “You found him first...” He then power walked out of the room, leaving the pyro alone with the mysterious synthetic. Pyro stared at the door, then back at Legion, giving a mighty sigh. “Shooo...” The ambiguously gendered mercenary said, filling the awkward silence.
Legion was just tilting his head when the room filled with red light, the silence was replaced by the intimidating blare of a bomb siren. Legion wasn't sure what this meant, but though pyro seemed to, immediately after jumping from the sudden noise, he dashed out of the room. Legion, not being sure what to do, followed. Outside the door there was a battlements complete with lockers, it was vacant and the lockers almost all void of clothes, instead containing weapons. Pyro was at his own personal locker, pulling out a flamethrower and shotgun, already an axe strapped to his back. When the pyro was fitted, he turned around to find that the 6'4 robot had snuck up on him, and was standing at most a foot away, completely still. This time, instead of being startled, the pyro simply groaned. “Yuth gontha frhr mrh er srmthrth?” He asked. Legion processed what he was saying, settling on “you gonna' follow me or something?”
Legion had no idea what else to do, and it was seeming that this pyro was the one with the knowledge here, so he just nodded his head. Pyro didn't give Legion any time before marching for the door, seemingly eager for whatever was out there. “Prch srmthrn ufh buhfr yuh fuhlo,” the merc said, the programs legion had put aside to work out that gibberish came up with “Pick something up before you follow” after 2 seconds of intensely going over the audio and guessing. Legion just stood there for a second, admiring all his choices; every locker had a gun in it, apparently a back-up for every class. There were (many) shotguns, a minigun, something that appeared to shoot syringes at people. Very unefficient, Legion decided. The thing that caught Legion's eye really though, was the sniper rifle resting on its side on a bench. Legion, being a sniper at heart, grabbed it and investigated it to get some quick info on the weapon he'd be using.
The weapon looked to be a wooden-stocked old rifle of unidentifiable make, bolt action. All Legion could tell was that it said “30-06 caliber” on the butt, that must've been the ammo. So Legion tracked down some spare rounds (a few handfuls) and put them into the hole in his chest, for safe keeping (not like he had pockets).
The pyro was out the door now, when Legion followed, there was an immediate drop. After the fall, to the left was a pathway with a ramp. Then right, there was... a festival of crazy mercs. The engineer set up in a 'nest' with his sentry and a rectangular box thing with metal sticking out the bottom, and a gauge up top. Near it was pyro, then a man in suspender and an overcoat holding a gun that was flowing some strange gaseous vapor to a massive Russian with a minigun the size of a child. Then about 20 feet away on a protected platform was someone holding the same rifle Legion was using. Legion could remember all of their class names and roles from the menu vaguely.
The siren stopped, and from a gate on the far building, spewed an army of blue-colored versions of everyone.
….
That was possibly the craziest fight legion's ever seen. Giblets everywhere, men shooting rocket launchers at their feet to jump ontop of buildings. And 2 clone Russians blowing eachother away with shotguns that they were able to cock with just their index fingers and thumbs.
Legion was processing everything that had just happened until he was interrupted by a gloved hand patting his shoulder. “Hrf goh uf urh.” Pyro was congratulating Legion on his role in the battle. He was by pyro's side the whole time so that the pyro could guide him through everything that was happening and why. Both had saved eachother from a stray sniper shot or uncloaking spy a few times.
Infact, Legion was starting to feel the way about Pyro the same way he felt about Shepard. That is, a crush. His head-plates lifted up a bit, “Thank you...” He wanted to say something like 'pyro-commander' or just anything with a title. But there were no titles he could think of, so he settled with “thank you, Pyro.”
The merc nodded and walked off, Legion had been following him for the last hour, so it'd become natural to do so. When Pyro looked back and saw that Legion was shuffling right behind him, he tilted his head. “Oh, urh gunsh shtayh wrth mur chrnigh?” Was... Was that an invitation to his room? Legion thought. That did seem ideal, as Legion wasn't as accustomed to the other mercenaries, and he had nowhere else to stay as of now. Legion nodded his flashlight head. The robot was instantly hit with a new feeling, a burning, like he'd really rather not the Pyro said 'no'.
Though contrary to Legion's fear, the pyro actually seemed to light up a bit. “Okah!” And he began walking again, with a bounce in his step at having a room mate.
When they reached the room, Legion stepped inside and was greeted with a surprisingly cutesy decoration-scheme. A bed with many cushions, including a few body-pillows, posters for various bands. Most of popular light bands at the time, such as the Beatles, the Beach Boys, the Rascals. Essentially just bands with “the” in the name. While Legion was gawking at his new surroundings, Pyro was grabbing a towel from a drawer. “Urm gunsh chayk uh shuwr, okuh?” Legion guessed he was going to take a shower. He nodded and sat down on the floor, Pyro was reminded, a bit, of a dog.
...
Several minutes Legion waited, before he decided it's been too long. When you think at light speed, sitting down on the floor doing nothing with no extranet connection was eternity. He decided he'd find someone to talk to... Why not Pyro? Having no concept of privacy, he reasoned that Pyro would enjoy a conversation partner during his shower. So Legion got up and traced where Pyro must have went.
After about a minute, he came to a bathroom that, behind it, had the distinct noise of a running shower. Along with it, muffled sounds of... exertion? That was Legion's best guess giving the available data. Anyways, Legion thought it best to just try and open this strange, unfamiliar, knobbed door. He tried grabbing the knob and pulling, but it wouldn't give, it seemed a locking mechanism was in place. Perhaps, Legion thought, perhaps this primitive lock could be overrided manually with brute force. Legion focused all of his synthetic muscles into twisting the metal cylinder, and with a great cachink! The door was open!
The bathroom wasn't steaming like they normally do when humans shower, infact it was perfectly clear. Which meant Legion had a perfectly clear view of what Pyro was up to inside...
He was still in his flame-retardant suit, though the pants of it were off, revealing a bit of a slightly chubby figure.
“Grmphr?! Uf un frfh!” Pyro yelped. “We came to the consensus that you would prefer companionship during your shower.” Pyro began to say something, but he paused mid-sentence, letting out a “...huh” and tilting his head. Legion began looking around for whatever must have piqued Pyro's curiosity, and got his answer when he looked down.
“Oh.” Hanging from Legion's now parted crotch plate, was a almost glowing blue tapered appendage, covered in and dripping with a clear fluid. If that was what both Pyro and Legion thought it was, then it was impressive. Nine inches long at least, and almost three inches in diameter.
Pyro was just silently sitting there now, staring... Legion saw that Pyro's own member was rising up, though it was almost half a foot shorter and not quite as thick. Pyro forgot what he was doing and slinked off the toilet, within a moment he was on his knees in front of Legion, playing with the large and exotic specimen.
Legion was shocked to the point of falling over onto his behind; all of the sudden he was registering a large amount of physical sensation coming from this new... thing that Pyro was playing with. And from somewhere in him came a deep mechanical purring sound.
For awhile, they were just sitting there in the open bathroom, Pyro getting increasing amounts of fluid on his mask. When suddenly, a bit to Legion's disappointment, Pyro stopped and sat up, bring up his knees to show all of his nether regions, including a dark hole below his balls that Legion took a great interest in. He reasoned that Pyro was presenting himself anyways, so Legion obliged by grabbing the merc's knees from underneath and lifting his legs up. Along with revealing him further, this eventually lined up the tight hole with Legion's large 'penis'.
Knowing what was about to happen, the pyro wrapped his arms around the robots neck, trying to relax himself before taking... whatever that was. Legion now had good enough encouragement to grasp his apparently perpetually floppy length and bring its tip to the warm entrance. A slight forward motion of his hips, and the first few inches were in. He could feel to heat around, and the way Pyro was involuntarily contracting and relaxing around him, trying to accommodate the thick intruder. Legion had nothing to say, but he vaguely heard the pyro gasping and mewling under the mask while he squirmed closer towards Legion. When he cast his flashlight optical down, he saw that the Pyro, while pushing Legion further in, was also fisting his own length rather vigorously. He found this... Arousing, as put by organics. So he decided to lose a bit of his newfound self control and, without as much care as he's been showing, pushed himself in until his crotch plate had met Pyro's backside. All 9 and a half inches were in. Instead of maybe a slightly pained reaction like Legion feared, the Pyro just hugged tighter and moaned louder. After that, Legion was pretty sure he could go full gear now. He rocked his hips back enough to where just the tip was in again, then pumped his full length in again. Pyro yelped when Legion shot it all in, but continued making those sounds and working himself off. After heatedly humping the pyro for some amount of time Legion was too busy for determine, he felt a pressure build up at his crotch, along with the pressure came a mounting wave of pleasure. This must've been one of those orgasm's he's heard of approaching. He wondered if Pyro was close to it as we- “Hrmph... crmphr!” Sounds like it, Legion, thinking cumming at the same time would be ideal, ceased to hold back as he increased the speed at which he was humping into his friend. Then without further warning, sticky fluid shot from the pyro and onto Legion's torso up on the underside of his head. The sound's Pyro was making while this happened drove Legion further over the edge as he hilted again, pushing harder into him than any other time, and exploded with what felt like a massive amount of fluids into Pyro, making little sound other than a subtle whirring.
…
Pyro laid on the bathroom floor ontop of Legion, huffing and suit still unzipped. “Thaf uf grhrf.” He breathed. Legion was about to reply, when--
“BEEP BOOP, I AM LEGION. ROBOT NOISES. PYRO, LET US CONSUMMATE OUR LOV-”
Soldier walked in, naked save for a cardboard box with dixie cups over the eyes on his head. He saw the two lying on the ground before him and let out a disappointed groan. Then walked away in a much less stereotypically robotic manner, muttering jealously about 'sexy robots' always stealing Pyro.

END
- 1
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A Burning Consensus