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To See You Smile	By : Arcanis_Born Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 1957 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from this.

Chapter List
- 1-To See You Smile
- 1
The rain was heavy outside of Alistair's window; the rhythmic beating of the water pellets hitting the glass almost mimicking the hard beating of his heart. His uncle, the Arl of Redcliff, had left his room over an hour ago, yet his words continued to echo in Alistair's mind.

"The banns would never stand for it. You know that."
"The land just recovered from not just a Blight, but a civil war, and you would risk another?"
"It is madness and foolhardy! You must settle this before rumors spread and all the hard work that was done getting the people's approval vanishes!"

"You would risk the entire kingdom and the bloodline that goes back ages for what? A mage? And not just any mage, but an Elven one at that?"

That last one hit Alistair the hardest. It seemed like so long ago that he first met the new Warden back in Ostegar. A young, yet amazing beautiful Elven mage with eyes as blue as pure sapphire that looked up at with laughter shining forth. From that moment, he was lost to her. To her beauty, and her skill. His Templar training balked at the idea of falling for one like her. Mages were dangerous, and needed to be carefully watched for signs of corruption or blood magic. Yet all Alistair could see when he looked at her was heaven.

Traveling together, fighting battles and helping those in need - the two of them grew closer than Alistair ever thought he could get to someone like her. Even now it amazed him that she took him not just into her tent, but into her bed. Both inexperienced, they fumbled the first few times. Still, he thought that he gave her pleasure. Maker knows she gave him plenty. And for a while, it seemed like nothing could change or come between them.
Then came the Landsmeet, and the declaration of his coming coronation as Ferelden's next king. Once the Archdemon was defeated, he was supposed to take his place as Ferelden's ruler - presumably with Anora at his side as his queen. At least, that's what Eamon wanted. What the banns and nobles expected, as well. What he wanted? He wasn't sure anymore. In fact, he was never sure. It's not like he openly advocated for the throne. Hell, this was the reason he had kept his parentage a secret for so long. Precisely so people wouldn't decide to place a crown on his head and expect him to rule an entire country.

But here it was. And she was the one who first put the motion forward, even. Not his marrying Anora. No, she wasn't aware of that part of Eamon's plan. She just thought that he would take the crown, and they could continue on as they always had.

"Alistair? Is everything alright?"

The sweet and light voice came from behind him, and instantly Alistair cringed. In the past, her voice would cause his heart to soar and his palm to grow sweaty. Even just the thought of her would set his mind working to all the things that he wanted to do to her. Now though, her presence was a knife in his gut, reminding him of what he must do despite how much he hated himself for it.

"Xandrel... I, uh... We need to talk," Alistair replied coldly as he turned to face her.
The smile on the young Elven mage's face faded when she saw the sharp and stern look her human lover gave her. A cold tingle of apprehension slid down her spine as she met his hard gaze. Never before had he looked on as such, and was only ever seen directed towards their enemies or Loghain himself. Never to her, no matter how frustrated she made him or worried he got over her injuries.

"What has happened? Has there been more attacks?" Xandrel asked, her voice a mixture of fear and anxiety.

Since Loghain's imprisonment, there had been a few attacks by his supporters out on the streets, but all were easily controlled and the supporters dealt with. Still, the last minor uprising had taken place right outside of Fort Draken's doors, and several people were even killed. One supporter even declared further attacks before he was beheaded by the guard captain's blade.

"No, no... Nothing... Nothing like that," Alistair replied, a twinge of sadness flickered in his eyes before quickly disappearing again. "It uh... ahem... It's about, us, actually."

"I'm listening..."

Alistair tried to ignore the suspicious and apprehensive look in Xandrel's eyes as she spoke. He knew what he was doing would hurt her. It would hurt him, as well. But what was their hurt compared to the whole of Ferelden? Steeling himself against the pain in his chest, Alistair gathered his nerve and forced himself to say the words he never thought that he would say.

"I'm ending this. Between us. It can't go on any longer."

Xandrel took a step back as she could have sworn he had just run her through with his sword. Looking down at her chest, she was surprised to find her body still whole despite the incredible pain that she now felt. No sword protruded from her chest and no blood seeped forth, but still she felt cleaved in two from his words. Stricken and pale, she looked up at him, wanting this to be somehow a cruel joke played on her.

"E-excuse me? Wh-why? Why? Why end it?" Xandrel tried to speak past the pain that lacerated her chest, her mind a whirl of confusion and hurt.

"It just has to be. You had to know that this was coming when you said that I take the crown at the Landsmeet, Xandrel. The people expect their king to have a queen that could adore and respect."

"And I'm not that? I'm not respected? Or, or... adored?" Xandrel spat out that last word in anger as she glared at Alistair.

"You are a mage! Everyone knows magic runs in the family! It's already questionable enough as to whether I can actually sire an heir, but to have them turn out to be a mage? And that is not even taking into account how you're a... a..." Alistair stopped and stumbled across the words, even though the intent was clear to both of them.

"A what? Say it! An Elf! This is what this is really about, isn't it? A mage... oh you can hide magic. It can be bred out. But a dirty knife ear! Now, there is no getting rid of that taint, is there?"

"The people would never accept it, and you know that!" Alistair yelled back at her.

"Oh we mustn't disappoint the people now, should we? Maker knows I just helped end the bloody Blight and killed an Archdemon about to have them all for a light snack! Not to mention all the work I did in helping these people and bringing Ferelden under one banner to fight the Blight! That's just not good enough for you precious nobles, is it?!" Xandrel was fuming now. Her pain forgotten in the heat of her anger, she lashed out even as tears fell from her eyes.

"You did Ferelden a great service, Xandrel. It won't be forgotten. But to have you at my side - even with everything you and I have done in the past - it would risk another civil war!"

"Oh I understand, your grace," Xandrel spat out in disgust. "We don't want to taint the Theirin line anymore than it has. There is already a bastard on the throne, in more ways than one." Xandrel turned to leave, but was held up by Alistair rushing forward and taking her wrist in his hand.

"Xandrel wait..."

"Don't touch me, you disgusting Shemlen! You may be king, but I will die before I let your human filth touch me ever again!" Xandrel cried out, wrenching her arm free and storming out of the room that they were in.

Outside the room, Xandrel nearly bowled right over a shocked Zevran before righting herself and taking off down the hall and down the stairs. Immediately Zevran pierced the ex-Templar and now king with a glare full of loathing and hatred that Alistair was taken momentarily aback.

"Just what have you done now, Templar?" Zevran seethed, his hands twitching for his blades.

In the camp, the relationship between the human and Elf was hardly a secret. In such close quarters as their camp, it was hard to keep anything a secret, especially a relationship. And when the fool Templar did something that upset their female Warden, it was quickly known throughout the camp as well. While most were either indifferent or at least happy for the young couple, Zevran could never successfully push aside his own feelings well enough to be happy for the young lovers. And each night when Xandrel would take the human to her tent, the deep feeling of jealousy would spear through his heart. Yet he knew where Xandrel's heart was, and so he had kept his feelings to himself.

However, never before had Zevran seen Xandrel so upset as she was now. And the cold and hard look that Alistair gave him certainly wasn't helping the Elven assassin's mood.

"Back off Zevran. This doesn't concern you," Alistair remarked plainly as he turned his back and walked back towards the window.

"Damn right it concerns me! Now you will tell me what you did to upset her!" Zevran demanded as he followed Alistair into the room.

"Xandrel and I are done. I'm about to king of all of Ferelden, and I need a queen who the people expect. A union with an Elven mage would cause another war, something the country can't handle so soon after the Blight and Loghain's own civil war."

"So you cast her aside like some used garment? After all she has done not just for Ferelden, but for you?"

"I am doing what is best for my country! I wouldn't expect an assassin to know what that's like. You just do what you're paid to do!"

"You know Alistair, I may be an Antivan Crow, but at least I have always kept my honor and my pride!" Zevran spat out angrily before turning on his heel and walking towards the door.

"Honor? Pride? Is that what you call your lecherous glances at Xandrel?" Alistair's words stopped Zevran mid step, but still he didn't turn around. "Oh yes, the whole camp knows how you look at her. How every time she was angry at me, you were right there, pawing at her! I know all about how you suckered her in too, telling her that you were helping her learn how to use a dagger, when it was just an excuse to put your hands on her!"

Zevran turned and walked right up to Alistair until their noses barely touched. The fire in his eyes was met by the heated and angry glare from Alistair, both mens fists clenched at their sides.

"Despite what you may think of me, Alistair, I have never once made Xandrel cry. I have never once given her a reason to doubt me. And I have never once since our friendship began ever hurt her. Can you say the same? I may be many things - a thief, an assassin, a knife ear - but I have never broken her heart. The gods and I know that I will never be worthy of her. But only a cabron would choose a crown over an angel."

With that, Zevran turned and left, leaving Alistair alone in the room. Despite his anger, only one thing filled his mind as he hurriedly ran after Xandrel. The castle was big, and Denerim was even bigger, but if he knew his Xandrel, there would be only place that she could be.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The stairs leading up to the observatory creaked with each step that Zevran took. And as he got closer to the top, the heavier magic filled the air around him. The explosions and shouts of anger stemming from the observatory could be heard by the servants down in the kitchen and along the halls at the base of the large tower. Yet none of it deterred Zevran as he climbed higher with each step.

Standing now just outside the door, Zevran readied himself as best as could before nudging the door slightly open and peering inside. Good thing he had enhanced reflexes or he would more than just a little singed as he very nearly missed a fireball coming straight for his head.

"Leave me!" Xandrel cursed out in fury, uncaring for who dared to approach her.

"Xandrel! It is I, Zevran!" Zevran called out from behind the door a moment before he tried once more to open it. Yet as soon as his head peeked around the corner, another fireball flew, this time catching the ends of his hair on fire.

"Go away, Zevran! I am in no mood!"

Zevran knew this was dangerous, and not just for him. For the year that he had known the Elven Warden, very rarely did she ever lose her temper. In battle, her spells were flawless and cut down many foes as she called down the elements to do her bidding. Great beasts like Darkspawn Ogres and even dragons fell to her spell power, yet once the battle was done, she returned to being the kind and sweet young woman she always was. Even when insulted by nobles or humans who looked down on her for being either a mage or Elf, she took it in stride. Slow to anger and immensely caring, Zevran had seen Xandrel grant mercy to those who didn't deserve it just because she could.

Now though, with her anger this high and her magic this heightened, Maker knows what could happen. She could very well bring the whole tower down upon her if she didn't stop. Or worse, draw demons from the Fade to her who would use her anger and hurt against her.

"I am coming in! Light me ablaze if you wish, but I will not leave you alone while you suffer."

Zevran opened the door slowly, fully expecting another ball of fire to come at him. Yet when none did, he held out hope. Taking a breath, he stepped inside the now mostly destroyed room and looked around. Before, the room was nicely decorated with the banners of the Theirin bloodline, prized paintings, and bookshelves housing all manner of books on the stars and the night sky. Beautiful furniture consisting of several couches, plush chairs, and several nicely carved wooden tables adorned the room; perfect for reading or lounging in as one looked up at the stars through the mostly glass roof.

Now though it looked as if a war had taken place. Everything was destroyed and glass littered the ground from the shattered roof. The banners were nothing but smoking piles of burned cloth, and the bookshelves and furniture were splintered and broken, with pieces scattered everywhere. The books themselves laid strewn about, mostly burned with some still holding a flame that ate up its pages. And in the center of it all, stood Xandrel.

Her beautiful pale blue robe was now in tatters on her, with the holes in the garments singed along the edges. Her long strawberry brown hair hung around her perfect face in a disheveled mess, and her chocolate colored skin glistened with sweat. Yet it was her eyes that drew him the most. Perfect sapphires alight with both anger and sadness looked out across the destroyed room and held him still. Pain so immense it felt like a hammer to his chest as it flowed from her eyes and met him head on. In that moment, Zevran wished he had killed the would be king. Taken his dagger and gutted the dog that he was for what he had done to this beautiful woman.

Standing at the ready, with her staff raised and pointed directly at him, Zevran didn't flinch or back away. Instead, he ignored the magic that surrounded him and the angry warning glares that she gave to him. Taking a step forward, his voice was steady as he spoke.

"Xandrel...." Zevran whispered, holding his hand out to her.

"Come no further! I have no patience to listen to one of your stories right now, Zevran!" Xandrel called out, the crimson stone atop her staff gaining light as she prepared to cast another spell.

"But I haven't yet told you why I came to Ferelden to begin with, have I?" Zevran said with a sly smile, taking another step towards the woman.

"Stop! I said come no closer!" Xandrel screamed, this time with tears in her eyes as the stone grew brighter.

"There was a woman, you see. Another Crow. Beautiful and deadly, I found myself quickly falling for her." This time Zevran took a step to the side, yet never taking his gaze from Xandrel's eyes. "Such things were forbidden in the Crows, as it is seen as a sign of weakness. So we kept our affair hidden." Another step to the side. "Then, during a mission, a fellow Crow told me that she had betrayed us. That she had accepted a bribe from the mark we were to kill, and had plans to kill both me and the other Crow." Zevran eyed Xandrel cautiously as he took another step towards her, yet when she didn't fire her spell, his hope increased.

"Zevran... please..." Xandrel whispered now, her hands shaking as she held her staff.

"You know, that is what she said to me. When I confronted her about her betrayal, she said it was a lie, and begged me to believe her. But I was too jaded by my Crow upbringing. We are taught to expect betrayal and treachery from everywhere, and so it was easy to believe that she had indeed sold us out. And so even, with her begging me, I refused to listen."

Another step forward, leaving barely a few feet between them now. If he wanted to, Zevran could reach out and grab her staff from her, yet instead he kept his hands open and to his sides, showing her that he was no threat to her.

"What... What did you do?" Xandrel whispered now, anger leaving her body and being replaced with weary sadness.

"I did what I was trained to do. I killed her. And as I watched her die, I felt no remorse or regret for what I had done. Even later when I had learned that she had told the truth and didn't betray us, I felt nothing. It was done, and as I was told by our master back in Antiva when he heard the news, death comes to each one of us in time. And like her, someday I would die and there would be no one to mourn my death."

"Why- Why tell me this?"

"Because you need to know, dear Xandrel, what I was before I met you, to understand what I am now with you in my life."

"I don't understand...."

Zevran quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped an arm around her slender waist. With his other hand, Zevran cupped Xandrel's cheek lightly and brought their faces within inches of each others. Breathing heavily, yet never taking his gaze from hers, Zevran continued in a soft voice.

"Before you, I was nothing but a tool to be used. Even those who I claimed to care for, in the end meant nothing to me. I was truly dead inside. Empty. But the moment I first awakened to find you standing over me, I was brought to life. You have changed me in ways that I still don't understand; ways that have made me not just a better person, but a better man. And when I think of you, I see every reason to become even better. A man worthy of you. Something I know that I will never truly be, but something I will spend the rest of my life trying to become. Forget the words of a careless boy who tosses aside the one real treasure of our lifetimes. Instead, hear me when I say I would do anything, even travel the Fade and back, just to see you smile. Xandrel, you have taught me what it is to truly love someone. And if you'll let me, I will gladly spend the rest of my life showing you just how deep a love that is."

Xandrel gasped at his words, her anger and sadness forgotten in the heated look that he gave her. She had known the other Elf had an interest in her, but never had she thought that he felt so strongly. But doubts filled her mind as memories came to her of another man who said that he loved her, as well...

"Zevran... I..." Xandrel whispered, but was cut short by Zevran lightly placing his thumb over her lips.

"Shh,.... I know you are hurting, mi bella. I do not say these things to you so you would feel pressured to return my feelings. I say this so you will know just how treasured you are, no matter what a clumsy ex-Templar may have convinced you of. Just know that when you are ready, I will be here for you if you so choose. Even if you only see me as a friend, I will never leave you. You are a gift from the Maker himself, and I will do whatever I must to one day see you smile once more."

Xandrel felt tears roll down her cheeks as she dropped her staff to the ground and wrapped her arms tightly around Zevran. There in his arms, she sobbed against his chest as every hurt spilled forth from her. Yet Zevran held her without comment or admonishment, cradling her in his arms as he gently caressed her back with one of his hands and held her tightly to him with the other.

It seemed like hours that they stood there like that. Until every sob was brought forth and every tear was shed until she was silent and still in his arms. And still he held her to him. When she was still for a few moments, Zevran reached into one of the hidden pockets in his armor and brought out a handkerchief, and offered it to her without comment. Xandrel took it with soft 'thanks' and wiped at her eyes and nose, cleaning up the mess on her face.

"I don't think I've cried like that since I was first brought to the circle."

"You needed to, mi bella. And know that I will always be here should you ever need to again."

"I... About us... I don't know...-"

"Shh... As I said, you need not say anything. Give yourself time to heal, and know that I will be right here for you no matter what you decide. In the mean time, I have plenty more stories of my time in Antiva to entertain you," Zevran said with a wry smile and a wink of his eye. The combination was successful in getting a soft chuckle from Xandrel, brightening her features and causing Zevran's heart to skip.

"Thank you, Zevran."

"No, it is I who must thank you, mi bella. You have given me a life truly worth living. If only it is to see you smile at me."

Translations:
Mi bella: My beauty
Cabron: Fucking asshole
- 1
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To See You Smile