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The Sins of Revelations	By : Arcanis_Born Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 1215 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All rights to game characters and concepts belong to BioWare. I make no money from this.

Chapter List
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Dragon Age: Origins is owned by Bioware, as with all its characters, the story as it deviates from canon is mine however, as with the personalities of characters as they deviate from those in the game.
This is a very minor spin off of my main story Vhenan'ara. It involves the same characters, in the same world. There will be others in the future, only being a chapter or two each.
The point of these small stories are to reflect the relationship between Alistair and Leliana. Just as Vhenan'ara primarily surrounds Riel and Zevran, so too these snippets will primarily revolve around Alistair and Leliana. These really aren't a separate story in and of themselves, just an added dimension and inside look into two other important characters within my headcanon universe.
So PLEASE! Don't read this before reading the rest of the story leading up to this point. Because this and other similar short snippets I will be posting WILL contain spoilers if you are not up to date with the listed chapter reference!
This particular short takes place between chapters 50 and 52, after Riel, Leliana and Zevran regroup with Alistair and the others outside of Southmere, but before they reach the Dalish.
Thank you guys so very much and I hope you guys enjoy! And please, I would appreciate any reviews! Reading all of your responses is a true joy for me!

xxxxx Outside of Southmere, just beyond the entrance of the cave
where the rest of the party rested xxxxx

Alistair leaned against the rock face, watching the sun set over the rolling hills just beyond where he currently stood. Off in the distance he could barely make out the rocky form of Shale, their golem companion, where she kept her own watch. She had been in the same spot since arriving with the others a little over an hour ago, unmoving as she watched the roads leading into the now destroyed village of Southmere.
What a mess that was… Alistair sighed to himself. An entire village of people lost. And it wasn't the first one he had come across either. Both Lothering and Honnleath now laid destroyed thanks to the Darkspawn horde that had crawled up from the deep underground passageways south of the Kokari Wilds. A true Blight was upon the lands, and many more towns and villages would be lost if they didn't end it soon. In reality all of Ferelden rested on the shoulders of just two people now, since the devastating loss at Ostagar several months ago. For only a Grey Warden could end a Blight. And now, only two remained in all of Ferelden.
Him. And Riel.
Riel…
An beautiful and exotic elven woman who had spent a few years amongst the roaming Dalish clans that populated Thedas. Before that… It wasn't something she ever talked about. However, words were not necessary when her nightmares could be heard throughout the whole of the camp every night. At least, they were. That was before she got involved with the elven assassin from Antiva. Since he had come along, Riel had been doing so much better. Well, when he wasn't messing it up, that is.
Alistair knew that when it came to the other Grey Warden among them, his presence was more just tolerated than actually welcomed. A position that he rightly earned, and more than deserved if he were honest about it. There was just something about the dark haired woman that turned his tongue against him whenever he tried to speak with her. A compliment was turned into an insult. A friendly greeting turned into an accusation. An attempt to be nice turned into a verbal attack.
Whatever he did and no matter how hard he had tried, Alistair just couldn't seem to act right around her.
At first it had confused him, wondering why things never came out right. Then it annoyed him, growing irritated at how his efforts always turned against him. Finally his failed attempts angered him, and how his seemingly innocent actions always ended up being twisted against him. Yet his anger wasn't at himself or his failures. Instead, he sought to blame others for what he couldn't do. Briefly Alistair had blamed Riel, thinking that she simply refused to see how hard he was trying to win her affections. However, the direction of his ire was soon focused almost primarily on the elven assassin who joined them not too long after their journey began all those months ago.
Alistair blamed everything on him. From Riel's reactions to his Alistair's attempts to being kind to her, to even going to so far as to believe that he had turned Riel against him in a shadowy attempt to eventually betray them all to Loghain. Everything the male elf did was suspect in Alistair's mind. And the fact that he had managed to do what Alistair had been wanting to do for so long only exaggerated Alistair's hate for the man.
Where Alistair's words to Riel were clumsy and often made her angry, the elf's words made her smile and blush. True, the assassin also made her angry at times, with his lascivious and often overly blunt attempts to seduce her, yet Riel didn't react the same way with him as she would have had Alistair said the same thing to her. In fact, had Alistair been so blunt with his affections, he would have probably wound up needing severe healing afterwards. Riel was nothing if not vocal - and quite physical - with her desires to not be touched or flirted with.
Somehow though, the elven assassin had done what Alistair had spent long nights praying for. Not only had he gained Riel's trust and affections, but also her bed, and worst of all, her love. Everything that Alistair had wanted for himself. And in his bitter jealousy over what he couldn't have, Alistair had come up with every excuse he could to destroy what Riel and her lover, Zevran, had built together. Even if it made Riel miserable. Even if it endangered her life. At the time, all that mattered to Alistair was making Riel see Zevran as the sneaky, evil, murderous assassin that Alistair thought the male elf to be.
So blinded by hatred and jealousy that Alistair was, that he very nearly missed the exact thing that he he had been looking for. Only, it didn't come from Riel, with her strangely beautiful silver eyes and fierce yet admirable demeanor. Instead, it came from a pair of mischief filled liquid green eyes, and a smile that had the power to stop his very heart in his chest.
Leliana….
Even her name was like a song on the wind. She had been with them since very nearly the beginning, yet it wasn't until very recently that Alistair finally truly saw her. Not just as a friendly face or a companion that he travelled with. But as the incredible woman that she was. Always has been. Even when he was an ass. Or an idiot. Or did one of the many things that he shouldn't have done in a futile effort to try and get Riel to like him as something other than just the other Grey Warden.
She was always there, defending him even when he didn't deserve it. Calming Riel down when she got angry over something Alistair did or said. Even after Zevran had joined their group, Leliana was always quick to rise to Alistair's defence. Even when he didn't deserve it. However, Alistair was too blinded by his own jealousy to see it for himself. Too blinded to really see her at all. To him, there was only Riel. And his obsession with her and the man that she had fallen in love with.
And then a few days ago, everything had changed. On a day when he should have been seething after his loss to the Antivan assassin, instead Alistair's whole world was flipped upside down. Waking up to the scent of jasmine and wood oil on his skin had somehow broken through months of deluded obsession, leaving behind a seed that had quickly grown into a deep swell of affection and desire. Not for Riel, but for someone who Alistair never expected.
That morning Alistair had seen the redheaded rogue with new eyes. Heard her lilting laughter with new ears. It was as if he were waking up from a dream, and experiencing everything with the freshness of first light. Even Riel's confronting of him that day hadn't spoiled his mood. Probably because in truth, he agreed with everything she had said. His affections - or rather obsessions - for her were actually hurting her. And for the first time, Alistair finally saw that.
That day changed everything for Alistair. And no moment more reflected that then when their camp was ambushed by Darkspawn later that same evening. He had been sitting by the campfire listening to one of Leliana's stories, when the sickening feeling came upon him. The Taint that flowed in his veins sensing and calling out to the Taint that was the Darkspawn's whole existence.
Immediately they were set upon, the foul and corrupted things swarming them without warning or mercy. Almost as if the very shadows bred the beasts, the Darkspawn continued to attack them. Where one was cut down, another would rise to continue the assault. Thank the Maker that Alistair rarely even slept outside of his armor while they camped each night. As it was, he barely had enough time to draw shield to block the incoming attacks the Darkspawn launched at them.
Together, he and Leliana had found themselves by Bodahn's wagon, defending the dwarf and his son from attacks while Wynne cast her magics from behind them. And while his focus was on those that attacked them, later Alistair would think back on those chaotic moments of battle in amazement. Not for his own abilities or the swift and organized attack of their enemies - although that alone would cause him to worry enough in the coming days. No, what Alistair's memory pulled always him to was Leliana, standing fierce on top of Bodahn's wagon, firing off a blinding succession of arrows at the Darkspawn that attacked them.
It wasn't just her speed that amazed him, either. Or even the deadly accuracy with which her arrows found their targets. What amazed Alistair most was that she was smiling. In the midst of a deadly battle, there Leliana was smiling as she expertly fired off each arrow and quickly reached for another one. Such an odd thing to remember, it was true. Yet since that night, Alistair had thought back to the other battles that they had fought. And in each one that he could remember, there was Leliana, smiling in that deadly way as she fired off her arrows at their enemies.
And Maker help him, but that image alone set off a whole flood of strange emotions inside of Alistair. Emotions that had left him both confused and near madness these past few days while Leliana and Zevran had taken Riel off to Redcliff in the dark of night after the battle had ended. For the first time in months, another woman had kept Alistair awake as he laid alone in his tent each night.
"I thought that perhaps I would keep you company," a sweet lilting voice stated from behind Alistair.
Turning around, a broad smile stretched across Alistair face as he saw Leliana approach him. "Hi…" he replied weakly at first before coughing lightly several times and clearing his throat. "I mean, yes, good evening…." he corrected, his face blushing.
Leliana smiled coyly as she stepped up next to him. "There is a stew cooking if you are interested. There wasn't many vegetables left, so I will have to go out and find some tomorrow before Riel decides to head for the Dalish. However, I did manage to find some of those sweet spices that you like and added them to the stew."
"Sweet spices?"
"Mmhmm. You didn't know what they were the last time you had them, but you said that they reminded you of when a certain Sister Jenella used to make a special broth during the first day of Satinalia."
"Wait…. I said that the last time we were in Redcliff together… You remembered that?" Alistair asked incredulously.
Now it was Leliana's turn to blush. "I remember a lot of things, Alistair," she replied quietly. Alistair wished that he could look into her eyes, yet for some reason she kept her gaze locked on the ground on the below as she spoke. "I am betting that Sister Jenella was from Orlais, wasn't she?"
"She was… How did you know?"
"Because the spices are fairly common in Val Royeaux during the winter season, right when Satinalia begins. The Arlessa is Orlesian, and so had them specially brought in for the cooks to use for when she was missing her home." Leliana began to giggle, lifting her eyes briefly to meet Alistairs. "I may have sneaked into the castle while waiting for Riel's armor to be made and borrowed a small jar or two…"
"Wait… So you sneaked into a heavily guarded castle just to steal a jar of spices?" asked Alistair, struggling to keep himself from laughing while he spoke.
"Well…" Again Leliana's eyes went down to the ground. "Not just to get the spices. I was also checking in on one of my contacts... inside of the castle."
"You have contacts inside of Arl Eamon's castle? Even after everything they just went through?"
Leliana smiled devilishly, her green eyes barely lifting up to meet his. "Oh, I have contacts in many different places, Alistair…" she answered with a soft giggle.
"Right… I am starting to see why bards are so feared…" he replied with a chuckle, shaking his head.
"Oh, there is no need to be afraid, Alistair…"
Alistair raised his eyebrow at her slight inflection of her voice when she said his name just then. "See, you say that, yet something tells me that something wicked is turning inside of that beautiful mind of yours."
Leliana took another step closer and looked up at him. "You think my mind is beautiful, do you?" she teased.
"That's not the only thing of yours that I think is beautiful…" he whispered, his eyes locked onto hers. Alistair raised his hand and swept away a small cluster hair from her face, letting his fingers lightly graze her cheek as he did so. Leliana closed her eyes at the feel of his touch, her breath catching in her throat. However Alistair mistook her reaction and pulled his hand away. "Sorry… I, uh… Right. Bad Alistair! You would think that I would have learned to keep my hands to myself after so long travelling with our fearless leader. Nope. Apparently not…." Alistair's words rushed out quickly, his hand dropping away and his face blushing a deep red.
"No, Alistair, it's okay!" Leliana tried saying, yet still Alistair stepped away from her, putting several paces between them.
"Right. I'm just going to stand over here now. Giving you lots of space over there. Yup. Women like that, don't they? Space?"
Leliana shook her head and sighed. "Alistair, you don't need to give me 'space'," she replied, stepping closer to him again. "I actually like it when you are close to me. It makes me feel safe. Protected…"
"Well, that's what I am here for. Protecting. And hitting things. Have I mentioned that's pretty much all I'm good at?" Alistair knew he was acting like an idiot again, however he just couldn't seem to control the words that came out of his mouth. Awkwardly he smiled down at Leliana, wishing not for the first time that the Maker had granted him a better sense with words.
"Alistair, come with me," Leliana stated kindly, offering her hand to him.
Alistair raised his eyebrow, yet still took her hand into his own. "Okay…. Where are we going?"
"The stew I made should be cooked now. Come eat, and I shall tell you of a story that I learned while staying in the Lothering Chantry."
"Oh? Is this is one about the nugs loose in the kitchen cellar? And how the Sisters ended up having to smell burnt droppings for weeks because of it? I swear, I had no part in that rumor, or the nugs!"
"Oh Alistair…." Leliana giggled.

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The next day the group left the cave and continued on with their journey towards the Brecilian forest. Tensions among everyone were low, and even Sten sometimes played along with the banter that took place as they travelled east along the hills and small valleys that wound their way across the Hinterlands.
Alistair would have prefered to find another cave to spend the coming night in, however the best either he or Riel could find was a burned out farmhouse. The flames had long died out, however the stench of burned flesh and hair lingered, souring even his own iron lined stomach. Instead the group pushed on past the remains of farmhouse, the mood slightly dampened by the sight of it.
The moon was nearly high when Riel finally called a stop to the party, coming to rest near a small stream that still ran clear of the Taint that had now touched much of the surrounding land. Alistair had always wondered why Riel always insisted on finding a fresh source of water before camping for the night. Only on very rare times had they ever made camp without first finding some stream or creek, and while there was some practicality to it, Alistair was always curious to how important it was to her.
However today, Alistair found himself immensely thankful to her insistence. Even if it was past sunset by the time he finally managed to peel away from the group and take advantage of the cool rushing water. It had been several days since he had been able to wash properly, and it was a heavy, sweaty job travelling in thick metal armor all day. Even Alistair had to admit that he was beginning to smell a bit too ripe. And now that Leliana had rejoined with them…. Well, maybe it wasn't just his own preferences that had him aching for a bath.
Quickly he discarded his armor and the soiled tunic and trousers he had been wearing underneath. For a moment he debated keeping his smallclothes on, but then thought they too could probably use a good washing. So there he was, as naked as the day the Maker created him, as he stepped carefully into the icy stream. As the cold water splashed over his bare skin, Alistair found himself longing once more the warm baths one could find in the larger cities and Chantries. Spending long months on the road had made him accustomed to bitter chill of fresh water, however that still didn't mean he cared much for it. Especially when it came to his nether regions. Somethings on a man's body were just not meant to be cold. And that area was one of them.
Biting back foul curses that would make the old Chantry Sisters blush, Alistair took his cloth and soap in hand and quickly set about ridding himself of all the sweat and grime that had built up over his body. Alistair had meant to be done quickly with the bothersome chore, however as he washed himself, an unbidden image of what Leliana would look like naked and washing herself came to his mind.
Immediately his body warmed despite the coldness of the water surrounding him, even causing the troublesome length at his waist to rouse from its shock at being chilled. Alistair's hands slowed over his body as his mind wandered, becoming lost in the forbidden thoughts that entered his mind. Without thinking, his hand drifted slowly down his body, over his chest and muscles stomach until it came to rest over the now stiff and heavy manhood between his hips.
In the Chantry, it was taught that touching oneself was a sinful act, bringing shame to the Maker. And while most of the young men that Alistair had known growing up within the sacred walls had done so, none talked about it openly. And all had sought repentance for their crimes afterward, praying in the vestibules to the brother on duty for forgiveness. However, there were no Chantry brother for Alistair to pray to here. No altars to offer penitence for his sins, or hymn books to read from to help seek atonement.
The only thing there was Alistair, with his hand on his stiff length, and the images of the lovely Leliana that his depraved and sinful mind conjured up to torment him with.
Slowly, he began to work himself, the water and remaining soap easing the glide of his hand as it moved up and down. Alistair knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't help himself. Not when he could so easily remember the scent of jasmine and wood oil on his skin. Or the way those liquid green eyes looked up at him under those impossibly thick eyelashes. And the coy smile she gave to him as she flirted playfully as they talked.
"Dear Maker..." his hoarse voice called out as the tension in his body built. In his mind, red hair was splayed out on the ground, her angelic face caught in the throes of pleasure as he hovered over her writhing body. The hand on his body he instead imagined to be her warm silken embrace, milking him with each stroke until the building pressure became too much to bear. "Leliana!" Alistair cried out in release, throwing his head back as his body spasmed and arched into itself.
Suddenly spent, Alistair leaned back against a nearby rock and cursed. Instead of the relaxing bliss that should come with the release that he gave to himself, a deep swell of shame consumed him. In the past when he had given into the dark temptations of lust that clawed at him, Alistair had never put a face to his lecherous thoughts. Even those few times he gave into the sins of his flesh since meeting Riel, her face was never one he imagined as he his hand worked himself. Partly due his own shame, and partly out of respect for what little he knew of her past, Alistair had kept his sinful lusts faceless and distant.
Until today. Until her. She was the first woman that Alistair had fully imagined in his mind as temptation broke him. And while he had yet to actually perform the physical act with anyone, in that moment, Alistair felt as if he had lost a bit of the cursed virginity that he lived with. In that one moment, Alistair had lost himself to not just another faceless desire, but to a true woman of worth and passion. And the fact that he had done so in secret and against her knowledge made the act all that more shameful in Alistair's mind.
Suddenly disgusted with himself, Alistair quickly rinsed himself off, barely touching the cursed thing between his legs. It was once thing to fall to temptation. It was almost expected, as they were all sinful beings prone to fall short of what the Maker created them to be. However to do so in such a disgraceful manner…. It sickened Alistair to his core. What would Leliana think if she knew about the sinful things that he imagined doing to her? Of all the varied ways that he had imagined sinking himself into her creamy depths, until he was left spent and boneless?
"Get a grip of yourself, Alistair!" he cursed quietly to himself. He then paused, his features pinching into a wince as he realized what he just said. "Right… So wrong choice of words…" he sighed.
Grumbling, Alistair made his way back to the rocky bank where his clothes and armor were piled. All he wanted to do was again cover his treacherous body with his heavy armor, locking away the sinful member behind layers of fabric and metal where he wouldn't be tempted by it. However, Alistair let out another long string of curses as he realized that he had forgotten to wash his tunic and trousers. "Damn it all…" he angrily groused, taking the pieces of fabric in his hands and returning to the stream.
From behind him Alistair heard a twig snap and he spun around, his hand instinctively going to his hip to draw his sword. However, as with the rest of his battle gear, it wasn't there! His sword and shield were several feet away laying in a neat pile with the rest of his armor a dozen feet away. And there he was, crouching naked by the steam as if he were some barbarian out of legend with only his bare fists to protect him.
Quickly Alistair scanned the area around him, battle honed senses trying to reach out through the darkness to find whatever threat the shadows held. However as the minutes ticked by, all remained quiet and still. When nothing feral and mean dropped out of the shadows, slowly Alistair began to relax his tensed body. Still his mind remained alert and wary, his body able to spring back into action if need be.
Leaving his drenched clothes in the shallow part of the stream, Alistair walked over to where his armor was and pulled his sword free from its sheathe. He then returned back to where he was and carefully laid the steel blade down before once again searching the darkness for any hidden enemy or threat. Satisfied for the moment, Alistair went back to his washing, quickly sudsing up the filthy garments and working the harsh soap through them before once again quickly rinsing them off and wringing the water free. Clean once more, Alistair donned the still wet garments and gathered up the rest of his armor before finally heading back to camp.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Leliana held her breath as she watched Alistair walked past her hiding spot among the shadows and heavy brush. She hadn't meant to spy on him as he washed himself. At least, that had been her intention as she made her way to the stream after speaking with Riel about guard rotation that night. And when she witnessed Alistair bathing in the water, oblivious to her presence in the darkened shadows, Leliana had very much intended to turn around and return to camp, granting the man his privacy as he bathed.
However, just as she was about to turn and walk away, Leliana's eye caught the stern look that overtook Alistair's face, and the way his ministrations suddenly become less technical and more… sensual… Her feet no longer obeying the commands issued by her mind, Leliana ducked further into the shadows that surrounded her.
Hidden away, she watched with increasing breath the way Alistair cupped himself in his hand, his fingers running over the smooth skin of his shaft even as his features hardened with intent. Slowly he increased the speed in which he handled himself, his hips thrusting in sync with the pumps of his hand. Even under the low light of the moon, Leliana could see the sweat bloom across his tanned and muscled body, the pressure and tension building in him until his eyes snapped shut and his mouth opened wide in a silent moan.
Never had Leliana seen anything so erotic. So enticing. True, she was no flowering maiden when it came to sex and the bodies of men. However watching this fine specimen of a male work himself so masterfully did things to her body that even she didn't understand. He was gorgeous under the light of the moon, his body glistening in sweat as he stood up to his thighs in the dark waters of the stream.
Maker's breath! she moaned to herself as she watched in rapt attention as his head was suddenly thrown back and his body arched against the powerful climax that released through him.
"Leliana!"
Me? He is thinking of me? she gasped silently to herself.
Leliana knew that men would often use any number of images in their solo sessions of pleasure, usually of women around them or from pure imagination. Maker, she was even trained in ways to make a man desire a woman in such ways. However, for some reason Leliana never thought that this man in particular would ever imagine her in such ways. Even though Maker himself knows how desperately Leliana often wanted Alistair to desire her in the way a man would desire a woman, she had always known where his heart was.
Only, it wasn't the name of her close friend that Alistair called out into the darkening night as he came. It wasn't images of eyes the color polished silver that he thought of while he pleasured himself. It was her!
Leliana found that she couldn't control the giant wave of happiness that washed over her at this revelation. She had known that Alistair had seemed more open to her over these past few days, however she hadn't dared to think that it would ever build up to much. Even now doubt began to gnaw in her mind, wondering just how deep the male's feelings went for her.
Was it only because Riel had rejected him? Was she a second choice? A substitute to bide time with? Unbidden memories of her sad past tried to surface in Leliana's mind. Each thought feeding into her doubt over her worth to the man before her. Sadly, it wouldn't be the first time that she had put her heart into someone, only to be passed over when they grew tired of her. But surely it wasn't that way with Alistair, right? He may be a fool sometimes with his words, but she had seen the goodness in him. The kindness.
However, didn't she also trust in her past love's kindness? Their sweetness? She had been so blind before. And she had paid dearly for that mistake. The betrayal she had suffered quite literally very nearly killed her. She still carried the scars upon both her flesh and soul to prove it.
And yet….
Will you rip out my heart, too, Alistair? Leliana thought sadly to herself as she watched him rinse himself off and walk free of the water. She wanted so desperately to believe that he was different. That with him, she could find something similar to what Riel had found within Zevran. Something real and lasting and that went beyond just simple words and empty promises.
Once more Leliana's feet acted of their own accord, taking a step free from the shadows that she hid herself in. However, her unguided step had found a dry twig to rest upon, causing the wood to snap loudly in previously silent night. Shit! Leliana cursed to herself as she held her breath and leaned back into the shadows behind her.
For a split second she had hoped that the sound didn't reach Alistair several yards away, yet those hopes died as he witnessed him spin around and ready himself for attack. If she were the honest and innocent Chantry woman that she so often pretended herself to be, Leliana knew she should have come forward then. Tell him that she hadn't meant to intrude on his private time, and apologize profusely before hurriedly returning to camp. How much she would reveal that she witnessed… Well, even Chantry Sisters had a sense of propriety and decency to them.
However, Leliana was far from the innocent face of Divine sisterhood that she sometimes made herself out to be. Not that she hadn't tried to make herself that way in the past. Or that a part of her hadn't wished that she could be. Countless times had Leliana had prayed to the Maker and his Blessed Bride, Andraste to purify her from her past wickedness. To free her from the mistakes she had made and recast her anew.
Yet by his Divine Will, she had remained as she was, no matter how hard she tried. And so Leliana remained still as the minutes dragged on past recognition. Eventually Alistair seemed to relax, his stance easing out of for battle, and into one of just simple alertness. With bated breath Leliana watched as Alistair then walked back over to his armor and pulled free his sword from its sheathe.
Oh no! Did he see her? Would he begin blindly slashing at the bushes and brush where she hid, hoping to draw out whatever animal or fiend he thought may be hiding there? Would she have to reveal herself, and her shameful watching of him in his private moments?
However Alistair simply returned to the side of the stream and bent over again, placing his sword on the ground at his side before returning to the washing of his garments. Leliana's mind once again begged her to leave lest she be found, yet with Alistair's senses on higher alert now to her gaffe, there would be no way for her to escape now unnoticed. EIther she waited now where she was and hoped he wouldn't see her as she passed her by, or she had to reveal herself and admit to her awful deeds.
Sometimes, discretion is the better part of valor…. she mused, resigning herself to her cowardice in the shadows. There was no way she could confront him now. Not like this. And especially not everything she witnessed and what she felt as a result of it. Maker preserve me…. If Alistair thought that he sometimes acted the fool whenever he was flustered or caught off guard, Leliana would be lucky to end the night without wanting to hang herself.
Eventually Alistair stood once more, his bare backside offering Leliana yet another a view to swoon over… And yet another reason to silently curse at herself. Fortunately - or unfortunately to the darker parts of her mind - Alistair quickly dressed himself in the freshly washed garments. He then walked back over to his armor and gathered the various pieces together, before turning in the direction in which she hid.
Using every ounce of stealth and shadow blending that been taught to her over the years, Leliana willed herself so still that she dared think that not even her heart beat in those few moments it took for Alistair to pass by in front of the area she hid in. And then just like that, he was gone. Returned to the camp that they both shared with the others of their group.
Leliana felt her body go lax and fall back to the ground below, the tension she had been using to remain still fleeing her and leaving her weak. With a heavy sigh, she pushed herself over to her back and looked up at the night sky above.
Maker's breath… How little has actually changed even after these few years… I joined the Chantry to heal, and forget about the wounds of my past. And now here I am again, on the verge of possibly making the very same mistakes again…
Maker... Blessed Bride Andraste… Please guide me… I can't be broken again… I doubt I will survive it.
I don't think I would even want to.
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The Sins of Revelations