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Alphys' Bad School Day	By : xandermartin98 Category: +S through Z > UnderTale Views: 2293 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a very strictly non-profit fanwork with absolutely no intention of infringing upon the original work's copyright. The videogame Undertale and all of its respective characters belong exclusively to Toby Fox and his affiliates.

Chapter List
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ALPHYS GETS SCHOOLED
One delightfully sunny morning in the middle of Tokyo itself, Alphys and Undyne were having the time of their lives clobbering each other in giant anthropomorphic mechs shaped like themselves while a massive crowd of onlookers gathered up in a circle around them and gawked in dumbfounded astonishment.
"Alphys, WHY are we doing this to each other?! For Neptune's sake, I thought we fricking LOVED each other!" Undyne cried as Alphys spun around and slapped her right in the giant robot chest with her giant robot tail, sending the poor fish girl toppling head-over-heels onto the ground while Alphys lifted up her giant robot foot and pressed it down on top of her.
"You STILL don't realize the true MEANING of FRIENDSHIP, do you? Well, I'm gonna show YOU, Undyne!" Alphys growled as Undyne sprung back up onto her own giant robot feet, threw Alphys off of herself and began hurling laser spears at her in a fit of furious anger.
"I'll slap you across the face this way with my RIGHT hand, and slap you across the face the other way with my LEFT!" Alphys laughed as she bobbed and weaved through the onslaught of projectiles and then proceeded to literally do exactly what she was describing, sending Undyne reeling backward dizzily as Alphys pulled out a popato chisp bag from her cockpit's glove compartment and cracked it open.
"I'll take a POPATO chisp...AND! EAT IT!" Alphys laughed evilly as she melodramatically pulled a chip out of the bag, lifted it up to her mouth and ate it, sending a myriad of sparkling, fatty shards flying everywhere as Undyne lunged forward and tackled her flat onto the ground!
"Why'd you DO it, Undyne? Why did you have to steal my freaking LUNCH money?!" Alphys yelled angrily at Undyne as the two of them began rolling around on the ground together in fury, accidentally squashing several of the onlookers surrounding them.
"Oh god, they kill Satoru Iwata! BASTARDS!" several members of the audience screamed in unison while Alphys and Undyne got back up onto their giant robot feet yet again, activated their giant robot jetpacks and engaged in a massive flying cyclone fistfight with each other ala classic Dragon Ball Z, creating a violent tornado that tore right through several buildings.
"Because I freaking NEEDED it, Alphys! Because that goddamned Snickers ice-cream bar was just too unbelievably TEMPTING for me to resist!" Undyne cried as she and Alphys both pulled the outer portions of their chest armor wide open and began firing devastating nipple lasers at each other.
"Your mind is decieving you! LOOK INTO MY NIPPLES OF THE FUTURE AND SEE THE TRUTH!" Alphys roared in frustration as she and Undyne fired their laser beams in just such a way that they collided directly with each other and began clashing furiously with each other in a rainbow flash of yellow/blue (for Alphys/Undyne, respectively) neon colors and sparks that set the entire area around them completely and utterly ablaze, rife with the sounds of screaming civilians.
"GASP! HOW DARE YOU?!" Alphys gasped and shrieked in utterly disgusted shock as Undyne's mech kneeled down onto its knees, extended out its long, pointy, snakelike tongue, gently grabbed Alphys' shoulders, and somewhat reluctantly began licking her giant robot tits as a display of outright shameless surrender, not to mention playfully mutual lesbian affection.
"OHH...OH, MY...OH, HOW I LOVE YOU SO!" Alphys threw her head back and moaned with transient pleasure as Undyne's mech began lovingly sucking and nibbling on her giant robot boobies until fountains of delicious crude oil began gushing in copious amounts from each firmly erect nipple. Shortly thereafter, the two robots then proceeded to french-kiss each other.
MEANWHILE, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAFETERIA AT MTT MIDDLE SCHOOL IN HOTLAND...
"Umm...w-we can explain!" Alphys and Undyne blushed embarrassedly, the former rebuttoning her lab coat and giggling awkwardly like the adorable little nerd she always was as literally everyone in the entire cafeteria gathered around them and stared at them in utter confusion.
"Hey, guys, wanna see my newly acquired BONE-er?" Sans shrugged and chuckled with a smugly smirking wink as everyone glared at him irritatedly.
"BOO, YOU FREAKING STINK!" Burgerpants yelled at Sans, dunking him right on the head with a loaded carton of chocolate milk and then more or less immediately proceeding to roll on the floor crying and laughing hysterically as it spilled all over his expensive, fancy, stain-proof jacket.
"Sans, you really do seriously need to rethink your life choices..." Papyrus sighed, facepalming himself in disappointment at his dejectedly sighing brother's only-natural-for-junior-high immaturity.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, IN THE HALLWAY...
"Okay, so uhh, let's see here...what was my locker combination again?" Undyne wondered to herself, pulling her recently slapped-together reminder card out from her jeans pocket and examining the incredibly non-complex series of numbers that she had written down on it.
"Alright, so...15...30...45!" Undyne laughed, feeling rather embarrassingly accomplished with herself as she cracked open the lock and unlocked her locker to find an incredibly cute, chubby and bespectacled little surprise hiding inside!
"PEEKABOO! TEE HEE HEE!" Alphys giggled as she tumbled out of Undyne's otherwise empty locker like Winnie The Pooh and landed right in the fish lady's open, loving arms.
"AWW, YOU'RE MAKING MY HEART MELT!" Undyne squeed, crying warm and salty tears of joy as she cradled Alphys in her arms like a fat little baby and smooched her right on the forehead.
"Man, for crying out loud, what in the actual hell is UP with those two?" Catty asked her current boyfriend, Burgerpants, as she and him both unloaded their supplies into their lockers and took out the things that they were going to need (in this case, pencils were all that they really needed, so that was all they took with them) just like how literally any normal student would.
"What do you mean, my sweet darling cupcake?" Burgerpants asked her teasingly as he stroked her hair, wrapped his arms around her gently, and lovingly smooched her on the cheek.
"I mean, like, seriously, why are they acting like literally no less than my absolute freaking yuri-shipping DREAM come true? Honestly, it's so fricking sweet that it just about makes me want to literally, like...hold on a second, I'm not feeling so good...BLEEEAAAUUUGGGH!" Catty gagged, leaned forward and threw up half of her entire homemade bacon-and-egg breakfast all over the floor in appalled disgust at how sickeningly adorable Alphys and Undyne were together.
"Don't worry, dear, I'll clean that up for you..." Burgerpants chuckled, getting down onto his hands and knees and servilely licking Catty's rancid, nasty puke right off the floor.
"Wow, these floors are so fricking clean that I daresay they're even arguably fit for a KING to eat off of!" Burgerpants gagged and snickered sarcastically as he stuck out his tongue and brushed the hairy, glittery dirt off of it with his fluffy, four-fingered mutant hands.
"AHEM!" Gerson greeted him, with his hands planted firmly on his sides and his foot tapping impatiently on the floor as the rest of his new class filed into the room right next to them.
"Greetings, everyone; I am Gerson Shellbach, your new history teacher for the year." Gerson greeted his new students as they all filed systematically into their seats. From left to right, the arrangement was exactly as follows: Alphys and Undyne and Burgerpants in the front row, Temmie and Catty and Frisk in the middle row, and last but not least, Sans and Papyrus and Muffet in the back row.
"As a result of the recent brilliant-as-always work of our biology teacher Mr. WD Gaster, we've admittedly made a rather SHOCKING new development in the fields of both technology AND education!" Gerson melodramatically explained, jumping up onto his desk and gesturing excitedly with his hands.
"GAHHH!" Papyrus yelled in pain as Sans strapped on a joy buzzer and smugly shook his hand, literally shocking his poor brother and thus playing his own profoundly unfunny part in what was probably one of Gerson's corniest jokes yet. "For God's sake, SERIOUSLY, Sans?"
"Anyway..." Gerson chuckled, glaring smugly at Papyrus, "...this new experiment will hopefully bring a whole new meaning to the term THINKING CAP if I do say so myself!"
"Laddies and gentlemonsters, I present to you...WHATEVER THE HECK THIS NEWFANGLED TECHNO-BABBLE STUFF IS!" Gerson rambled like the senile old coot he was as he pulled out a massive box of virtual-reality helmets from underneath his desk and handed them out to everyone.
"Wow, I feel even more smarter ALREADY!" Papyrus laughed as he clumsily fumbled with the straps for his helmet while Sans just sighed irritatedly and levitated it onto the silly goof's head himself.
"Man, does this open up all kinds of incredibly smutty new shipping opportunities for BOTH of us, high chance of causing double vision and brain cancer notwithstanding!" Alphys and Undyne laughed, high-fiving each other and almost forgetting how incredibly dorky they both looked at the moment (in Alphys' case, she was wearing nerd goggles over her geek glasses).
"TEmY cAN couNt To POTaTO NOw!" Temmie squeaked with joy as she put on her helmet and immediately began performing acrobatic pirouettes off the walls in a hyperactive fit of excitement.
"ROWR..." Catty and Burgerpants looked at each other seductively(?) and growled hornily.
"The better to watch people EAT each other with, my dear!" Muffet cackled mischievously, licking her dainty little spider lips and rubbing her no-less-than-six hands together like a dirty, scheming fly as she used her new device to hop onto the World Wide Web and immediately begin searching for the nearest vore sites.
"..." Frisk replied, not quite knowing how they were supposed to respond to such a statement.
"Anyway, this thing that Gaster hasn't quite been able to come up with a suitably rhyming name for yet will basically relay all of the necessary academic information about each class period's topic of the day to you, and then you'll get to do it yourself!" Gerson explained, checking his watch and sighing as he realized that the helmets had already taken probably over half an entire minute to load.
"So, uhh...how exactly does that WORK, so to speak?" Undyne raised her hand and asked curiously, cocking an eyebrow at him from behind her incredibly embarrassing new eyewear.
"You'll see..." Gerson sighed and shrugged, rolling his eyes at the very thought of someone like Gaster ever mistaking something like this for a good idea; this was clearly just yet another one of the mad scientist's trollishly elaborate, often more-than-ambiguously evil schemes.
"Okay, so, way back in the olden days of yore, pirates of all races, shapes and sizes sailed the vast aqueous seas of the Earth's surface, and...oh, for God's sake, you bunch of whippersnappers ain't even listening to anything I'm saying right now, are you?" Gerson sighed, drooping forward and facepalming himself in shame as the swashbuckling chaos began.
"SHIVER ME FINELY AGED OAKEN TIMBERS, SPAGHETTI MATE!" Papyrus, who was now wearing an incredibly stereotypical pirate costume with the hook, suit, eyepatch, jeans, skull hat and all (just like everyone else in the current simulation) gasped in surprise as he looked through his telescope and saw Sans' evil ghost ship approaching his honorable and civilized navy ship...that he clearly stole from the Navy, because really, what other options did he have?
(Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys and Burgerpants were on the navy ship; Sans, Frisk, Catty and Temmie were on the ghost one. Trust me, this was entirely a random coincidence. And so was the fact that the navy and ghost teams somehow just so happened to be color-coded specifically as red and blue, respectively.)
"ARRGH! For the love of Davy Jones himself, cap'n, WHO IN THE SEVEN BLASTED UNDERWATER HELLS ARE YOU FREAKING TALKING TO?!" Undyne yelled at him, smacking him upside the head with the back of her right hand as she brandished her spear with the other.
"Myself, as always..." Papyrus shrugged and sighed, tucking his telescope back into his pocket, drawing out his bone whip and standing heroically on the crow's nest of his ship as his goregous red cape blew gallantly in the wind...while not actually doing anything helpful whatsoever.
"Yo, a little HELP here?!" Burgerpants hastily climbed up the ladder of the mast and asked Papyrus urgently as the enemy ship drew ever closer to theirs.
"Undyne, if I die here, tell my mother I was a fat ugly harlequin!" Alphys asked Undyne, weeping and sobbing gently as the two of them lovingly hugged each other down in the cannon deck, taking turns burying their heads into each other's boobs as the enemy laughed at their tragic misfortune.
"Man, what a bunch of lily-livered JOKERS!" Sans laughed and cried hysterically, clutching his sides and rolling on the starboard floor in amusement while Temmie and Catty manned the cannons down below.
"Honestly, they make my Pacifist incarnation somehow look like even MORE of a badass than it already is!" Frisk chuckled, drawing out his cutlass and (further) narrowing his eyes in anticipation as the enemy fleet rapidly drew nearer and nearer.
"gEE, iT SUrE iS bORING aROUND heRe!" Temmie yawned boredly as she curled up and fell asleep atop the crow's nest, being completely useless and forgettable as always.
"CATTY?!" Sans yelled at the top of his nonexistent lungs so that Catty could hear him down below in the cannon deck, where she had already gotten busy loading up the cannons.
"YES?!" Catty yelled back with an incredibly overconfident smirk as the enemy fleet began loading up its own cannons in preparation for the upcoming battle of good(?) versus evil.
"FIRE AT WILL!" Sans commanded, drawing out his legendary revolver from its holster and firing it straight up into the air to signal that the battle had begun as the two ships immediately began firing upon each other, leaving very large and gaping holes in each other's woodwork as they fired cannonballs at each other with such force that they sometimes even managed to literally go all the way through the ship and come right out the other side.
"GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Papyrus screamed in terror and ran around frantically in circles while Undyne shot herself over onto the ghost ship with her grappling hook; meanwhile, Burgerpants and Alphys were busy with the cannons down below.
"Alphys, don't you worry about me, honey! I'll just stay behind and handle these cannons myself!" Burgerpants explained frantically and very worriedly to Alphys (who was now curled up into an adorable little ball), stroking her pudgy little Sonic quills as he stuffed her into the cannon with both hands and lit the fuse without even a second thought.
"IT SURE WAS AWFULLY NICE KNOWING YOUUU!" Alphys screamed in excitement as the cannon shot her right through one of the many holes that were already being left in the ghost ship's attacking side and directly into the cannon deck, where she ricocheted all over the room like a bouncy ball and hit Catty right in the face, sending her stumbling through yet another hole in the ship and causing her to fall overboard, right into the mouth of a hungry shark!
"HA...HA...YOU...FELL...DOWN..." Burgerpants grunted exhaustedly as he slowly but surely lugged the ship's ginormous catapult device up the stairs onto the main deck of the ship while Sans was busy having a weirdly matched spear-against-gun fight with his nemesis Undyne.
"All right, that's it, NO more Mr. Nice Skeleton!" Papyrus growled furiously, backing away just in time from the crumbling edge of his ship as the entire main deck began collapsing all around him. "Forget about a bad time, you little scallywags are going to have had one HELL of a time by the time I'm through with YOU!" Papyrus yelled valiantly, charging forward and leaping through the air as he twirled his bone-whip like a helicopter propeller, effectively gliding himself all the way over onto the almost equally falling-apart main deck of the ghost ship and landing with a fiercely stylish drop-kick directly to Sans' big bony head while Burgerpants catapulted himself right into the mast with very heavy and massive cannonball (with bowling-ball grips) in hands!
"TEmY nEver dIE!" Temmie squeaked at the top of her lungs, leaping from the crow's nest, sliding down the mast just as it was toppling over like a massive domino into the ocean and then immediately proceeding to viciously maul poor Burgerpants right in the face!
"For f$& 's sake, THERE you are! FINALLY!" Burgerpants screamed in a mixture of both agonizing pain and unbridled rage as he and Temmie rolled around on the deck together, clawing and biting at each other's faces in an incredibly overglorified catfight while Frisk and Alphys were locked in mortal kutlass kombat with each other near the ship's precarious plank.
"ADMIT it, Alphys, SUPERMAN IS STRONGER THAN FREAKING GOKU!" Frisk yelled furiously at Alphys, taking a fierce swing at her with his cutlass, which Alphys narrowly ducked under and countered with an even fiercer swing of her own cutlass directly into Frisk's, causing both swords to shatter into innumerable pieces while Papyrus was busy delfecting a myriad of legendary golden bullets from Sans' revolver with the propeller rotation of his whip.
"NEVER!" Alphys roared in a fit of seething nerd rage, shattering her glasses from her own sheer volume and annoyingly high pitch as Frisk snatched the remaining sword hilt from her hands, took both of the broken hilts in both hands, and jabbed them forcefully into her eyes.
"MY EYEEES!" Alphys screamed in agony as she stumbled backward onto the plank, with Frisk literally right about to lunge forward and shove her right off the ship when all of a sudden...
"PSYCHE!" Alphys laughed, spinning around in a circle and tripping Frisk right off of the plank with her big pudgy lizard tail as he screamed for dear life and cursed her all the way down into the obligatory shark's hungry, razor-toothed, eagerly awaiting mouth.
"DIE, PAPYRUS!" Sans yelled furiously at Papyrus, reflecting Undyne's spear toss right back to her with his telekinetic powers and skewering her right through the head as he began launching a massive onslaught of bone-related magic attacks at his own skeletal pirate brother.
"How DARE you!" Sans yelled in frustration as he summoned a massive earthquake of bones straight Papyrus' way, sending him flying all the way over to the very back of the deck.
"Even FORGET!" Sans yelled in rapidly growing anger as he summoned a large swarm of heat-seeking bone projectiles and sent them flying directly into Papyrus, hitting him right in the back and sending him flying all the way back over to where he himself was standing.
"Who RAISED you!" Sans yelled lividly as he suplexed Papyrus back and forth using his telekinetic powers, leaving not one but TWO additional gaping holes in the deck while Burgerpants clawed his way into Temmie's chest, ripped out her heart and ate it.
"YOU!" Sans yelled furiously as he swung Papyrus around and around like Bowser in Super Mario 64 and flung him straight up into the air.
"STUPID BROTHER OF MINE!" Sans screamed in a fit of rage, teleporting all the way up to the peak of Papyrus' flight and punching him so hard that he shot right back down to the ground like a meteorite, leaving a cripplingly massive hole all the way through the center of the ship!
"Hm, tastes like chicken!" Burgerpants laughed, blood dribbling down his chin as he unceremoniously tossed Temmie's mangled corpse off the ship and fed it to the local sharks.
"OH, SWEET FOOT-LICKING CHRIST, THE SHIP IS SINKING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO- GAAAAAHHHHHH!" Sans screamed as the ship was caught in mid-sink by the lowermost legs of the massive(ly intimidating) Little Miss Muffet, a massive, Kraken-sized spider-beast that, for some weirdly unexplained reason, lived in the ocean.
"Burgerpants, please hold me, I'm SCARED..." Alphys whimpered, wetting her pants and gazing in dumbfounded, jaw-dropped horror at the massive, terrifying, bloodthirsty beast while Burgerpants (who, of course, was gently cradling Alphys in his arms at the moment) did the same.
"Oh sweet dearie me, looks like it's time for my next big meal..." Little Miss Muffet laughed ominously, her voice echoing all the way across the general area as she threateningly raised her other six legs at her new soon-to-be victims (Sans, Burgerpants and Alphys, of course) and opened her mouth literally as wide as it could possibly go, revealing three massive rows of razor-sharp teeth as she hocked up several balls of webbing at the poor unfortunate souls, who somehow all managed to just BARELY sidestep out of the way in time before getting hit.
"Um...what happened here? Why is your mouth still wide open for literally no apparent reason whatsoever?" Sans asked the beast curiously, cocking a nonexistent eyebrow at her in profound confusion.
"I...um...well...I think I literally just broke my jaw from opening up my mouth too wide..." Little Miss Muffet groaned and sighed as she just stood there defenselessly, her mouth ripe for the entry.
"Come on, guys, let's go in there and give this bitch a taste of her OWN medicine!" Alphys laughed sadistically as she and her fellow survivors jumped right into Little Miss Muffet's wide-open mouth and made their way straight into her stomach to lay the internal smackdown on her.
"OH, GOD, HELP ME, PLEASE! I DON'T WANNA DIE THIS WAY! NO, NOT LIKE THIS! GOD, WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST HELP ME?! HELP ME, MOMMY!" Little Miss Muffet cried and screamed in agony as Alphys and Burgerpants shredded large portions of her inner stomach walls into bloody, gory bits with their bare, razor-sharp claws while Sans traveled into her intestines and used his telekinetic powers to tie them up into a mangled, twisted, bleeding knot.
"Did somebody order HEART ATTACKS ON BUNS?!" Burgerpants laughed, reaching into his pants and magically pulling out infinite numbers of deep-fried Glamburgers, which he then tossed at a rate of at least two per second into the poor beast's plugged-up digestive system until her entire stomach was filled to the brim with them and our "heroes" were basically standing on top of them.
"OH, SWEET JESUS, HAVE MERCY...MY STOMACH IS LITERALLY KILLING ME FROM THE INSIDE AND MY CHEST IS SWELLING UP SO MUCH THAT I JUST MIGHT... I MIGHT-" Little Miss Muffet groveled miserably and shrieked in pain as her body rapidly inflated like an oversized, organic balloon until it finally exploded into innumerable bloody pieces, even getting several of them splattered onto one of the local cameramen's lenses!
"So, guys, what'd we learn today?" Sans asked Alphys and Burgerpants, patting both of them on the back as the combined three of them grabbed several of the beast's legs, clambered up onto the floating remains of her ribcage, and paddled their way over to the nearest deserted island for food and shelter.
"Well, I guess you COULD say we learned that Undertale is apparently supposed to be an even MORE ridiculously violent game than Mortal Kombat X and God Of War..." Alphys sighed as she stuck out her tongue and winced in disgust, trying desperately not to puke her guts out from the mere thought of what she and her friends had just done to Little Miss Muffet.
"Oh my god, that was SO much fun! Can we, like, do it again?!" Muffet laughed and cried ecstatically, waving her arms in the air and hopping up and down excitedly as Gerson went around the room and systematically removed everyone's helmets, one after the other.
"NO!" everyone else in the room yelled, glaring at her in strongly unified disapproval.
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Alphys' Bad School Day