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Returning	By : braxy29x Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 3000 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, quoted poetry or lyrics. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
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"I eclipsed my memories sleeping inside this pod. Patient time will carry me on her back without a sigh, and I won't let her down. Her soul is celestial-bound." - from "Another Space Song" by Failure
...
Thane left the warehouse, allowing himself to be swallowed up by the turbulent sea of life outside. Anonymous people with all manner of alien faces and expressions floated around him, distracting him from his growing weariness, something that bordered on despair if he looked at it too long.
He had intended to return to the Normandy but continued to drift instead, thoughts and memories making little sense as they flashed before him, his body carrying him on without his awareness. He felt disconnected and the quiet of the ship held no appeal; he doubted he could still himself for long. He didn't want sit isolated in his ailing body with his visions of Irikah and now the young female, nor did he wish to face his constant desire for Shepard or his inability to act on it. He was too constrained by doubt and the habits of so many years devoted to his profession to be an adequate lover. Thinking of her now left him feeling irritable and restless, his attraction to her an ache he could not satisfy.
He missed Irikah. He missed Kolyat and longed to know him but found his son's forgiveness an unlikely prospect. He wanted a sense of belonging again with Shepard, to feel at home in her arms and breathe out the years of vigilance and the despondency that followed his failure to protect his loved ones. Siha was life to him yet he couldn't shake the fear that whatever he touched would dissipate, that everything he held would fall apart in his hands.
Ten years dead, lost to battle-sleep, and Thane had awoken to find that he still could not trust himself to properly care for anything that mattered. He could not return to his sleep and had found no real release this day in killing, however justified he had been. He wasn't numb anymore and he couldn't anesthetize himself with his work any longer.
When Thane found himself at the corridor that would lead him back to the Normandy, he turned away, the bright façade of the Afterlife drawing his eye across the plaza. He sought distraction, just a little more time adrift to try to escape his circling thoughts. He had never been one to visit such places, never desired the intoxication of loud music or drink or unfamiliar company. Now he did not care, he would accept whatever might give him a moment of relief.
Thane walked into the Afterlife, growing increasingly disoriented as the flames of its outer passage danced around him. When he entered he felt as if he had stumbled upon some ancient rite, the bodies of the possessed writhing in time to a thundering beat that seemed to originate within him. His own body was still tense and sore from the troubled hit and his mind exhausted by its aftermath; he felt his self-control slipping. Whereas the mastery of his art normally enabled him to shut off that part of him which hunted and killed so capably, he found his fingers still itching with the urge to fight, to overpower.
One Human pressed a drink into his hand, smiling at him. He swallowed it down unthinking, ignoring her attempt at conversation as he handed the empty glass back to her, barely registering her angry remark as he moved away. He couldn't care less what she had to say. His vision was swimming as he held himself upright against a darkened wall, music now pounding in his head, grateful to find himself confused and unable to remember what he sought in coming here.
Thane looked around and suddenly found his focus on Shepard, the familiar anticipatory rush that came with stalking a target flooding his limbs. She sat above the main floor in a booth, Tali and Kasumi beside her, all three apparently enjoying themselves. Thane's head began to clear and he moved toward the stairs with determination, feeling himself steady as he approached her. Kasumi spotted him and flashed away, reappearing on the other side of Tali and pulling her from her seat. Tali jumped in surprise but allowed Kasumi to lead her toward the floor as Thane passed, not bothering to greet them.
"Siha," Thane addressed her, slipping gracefully into the booth next to her, his voice a low rumble he suspected she felt more than heard over the din. Shepard's expression was a mix of pleasure and uneasiness as she looked sideways at him, uncertain of how to respond. "Thane," she finally said, "I didn't expect to see you here."
He leaned closer to her, raising his voice so she could hear him, the vague sense of misery he had carried since leaving the warehouse draining away in her presence. "I can understand why you wouldn't. I don't normally frequent such places unless I am working."
"Are you working?" she asked suspiciously, turning her face to him.
"No." Thane shook his head briefly and folded his hands in his lap, keeping his elbows to his side and the damage to his coat out of sight. Although he did not remember it, he must have been sensible enough to apply medi-gel to his wounds at some point as the bleeding had stopped and he could see no reason to worry Shepard unnecessarily by allowing her to see his injuries.
He took a moment to look over her, having never seen her dressed this way. She was not wearing one of the fitted uniforms or the armor he was so accustomed to, nor the fashionable, sleek clothing of the Asari favored by so many. Instead, she wore a short, light-colored loose tunic, gathered at the waist and draping attractively over the curves of her body, its matte material appearing to change color with the shifting lights of the Afterlife. It did not conceal the Carnifex he could tell was strapped to the leg farthest from him. A glance down revealed tall, soft leather boots covering her knees, the delicate skin of her thighs above them enticing him, and he resisted the urge to trace over her leg with his fingertips. Most intriguingly, he could make out the shape of her breasts rather better than usual, their slope coming to delicate peaks under the fabric, rising and falling with her breath.
"You are dressed unusually, Siha. I find it very attractive."
His comment did not have the effect he desired; Shepard looked surprised and turned away from him, her eyes following Kasumi and Tali on the dance floor. She faced him again after a moment, her hesitant smile becoming more genuine as she met his gaze. "I spend all my time looking like a soldier. For once I just wanted to look like a woman, to feel like myself again and forget that everyone is counting on me." Her voice was as clear to him as ever in spite of the noise and he watched as she toyed with the hem of her dress before adding, "It's the sort of thing I would have liked to wear when I was younger, before I joined the Alliance, but I never had the money. It's still common enough dress for some civilians on Earth that I didn't have any difficulty getting it. And it's comfortable."
Thane could see her laugh at herself, and he was reminded that however much she might enjoy the change in her appearance, her practicality was never far from the surface. He wondered what sort of life she had had as a child, and admitted that he really knew nothing about her past before the Alliance, having heard only hints to indicate it had been difficult.
"You are always enchanting," Thane said, impulsively grasping her fingers closest to him, allowing his hand to graze over her leg and rest there. Shepard pulled her hand away and picked up the full glass in front of her, tracing its rim with her other hand.
"Are you okay, Thane, because…" she trailed off, frowning as she searched his face. "You don't seem like yourself."
"I am much better Siha, now that I have found you," he answered, clasping his hands in his lap again.
Shepard rolled her eyes. "Look, I don't understand what happened the other night. If you aren't willing to tell me, then I'm not going to try to guess. I care about you Thane." She paused before continuing, "I care and I'm worried about you but I don't have the time and energy to play games."
"Forgive me, I do not wish to give you any reason to worry and I do not consider our conversations or our… relationship to one another a game. Too often my memories arise unbidden. I doubt Drell memories are so different from Human ones in that respect but for us they come with such perfect clarity that they may overwhelm at times."
"So you remembered something. Is that why you left?" said Shepard.
As gently as I am able, I take her wrists in my hands and force her to step back. I will not do this again, Shepard. I let go of her and the door closes between us.
"Yes."
"Would you like to tell me about it?"
"No, Siha. It is not something I wish to relive more frequently than I do already." Thane watched her closely, the distress caused by their last encounter apparent in the way she bit her lip and frowned. "I regret that I am not able to share it with you. Perhaps later. It is… painful, sometimes, to remember so much. It gives me no pleasure now to remember that I have made you unhappy."
Shepard shook her head, looking both disappointed and irritated. She continued to watch the dancers, letting her eyes wander around the club and over to Aria's platform before lifting up her drink and raising it toward him. "Cheers," she announced and downed it in a single swallow before slamming it on the table.
"I can't help you if you won't let me, Thane," she announced. "There is only so much I can do. You know, your stated contract with Cerberus is complete. I really didn't know whether you wanted to stay on with me to fight the Reapers and you're under no obligation at this point. I'm not looking to get hurt and as much as I could use your help, I don't see any reason for you to stick around if it just stirs up bad memories for you."
"My contract with Cerberus has ended but my commitment to you has not."
She frowned again and slid out of the booth just as he started to reach for her. She stood still for a moment near the table to gain her balance and then headed down the stairs to the dance floor without looking back.
Thane ran his hand over the back of his head in frustration, rubbing along the frill on one side for a moment before straightening and composing himself. Speaking with Shepard had not gone the way he had wished. He watched Shepard join Kasumi and Tali and resolved to wait, trying to remain hopeful that she would return to talk with him. He noticed his side and his arm had begun to throb and he lifted it to examine himself briefly, bothered by the rips in his coat and the high probability of scars on his skin.
Thane disliked admitting that he took a certain pride in his appearance but he had only found it useful in his work and, regardless of everything else, his reliably sleek and appealing face and body pleased him, his wide dark eyes grounding and familiar when he caught sight of himself. His vanity, of course, was foolish, and he reminded himself that he was not his body, scars did not matter. The ever-present pressure in his chest should be reminder enough that his body would be gone soon.
Shepard would survive. He knew this in his soul. He watched her dance, pleasantly surprised that the jokes he had heard about "the Shepard shuffle" back on the Normandy proved incorrect. While she had seemed stiff or awkward for just a moment, the longer she danced, the more relaxed she became, abandoning inhibition and even seeming to forget her companions after a time. Her laughter simply became delight in movement; she was clearly enjoying herself, allowing herself to undulate to the pulse of the music, hips swaying and hands skimming across her body at times before returning to twist through the air around her.
Thane found her undeniably erotic, he was fascinated by her. Neither he nor Shepard noticed when Kasumi and Tali left. He was transfixed, and stood with the idea of joining her only to find himself crippled by vertigo. When his dizziness passed, he saw that she had gone as well.
...
Thane scanned the room, confirming what he already knew as the last of his control dissipated. He quickly padded down the stairs towards the door, moving without hesitation, stalking Shepard as he would any other prey. The split second of panic that overtook him when he realized she had disappeared from his view passed as his training took over and he was left with the reassuring, intense focus his work had made second nature to him. Outside the Afterlife, he quickly picked her out across the plaza, nearly at the door that led back to the Normandy. He crossed the area swiftly, slipping in behind her before the door closed, and shortly before she rounded the corner, he struck.
Thane came at Shepard in a flash, grabbing her wrist, prepared for the reaction of well-trained and cybernetically enhanced soldier. When she spun toward him she hesitated briefly as she recognized him and he took the opening immediately, catching her other wrist and shoving her against the sloped corner pillar behind her. She was caught off-guard and failed to find footing, unable to stand or push back effectively. "Thane!" she managed, winded, trying to make sense of his actions.
Thane kept her pinned with the strength of his legs and his weight pressing his body against hers, holding both of her wrists and keeping her arms twisted away at an awkward angle behind her. He was surprised that she made no move to resist but instead widened her stance to support some of their combined weight and then leaned her head back with a moan, exposing her neck to him. He felt his erection harden painfully in his tight leather suit and he stilled himself.
For a moment he couldn't breathe, but the sight of the long line of her throat prompted him to rub his face across it with a sigh. He kissed her just under her jaw, feeling her pulse thudding against his lips and tongue as he listened to her breath coming faster now, before licking up toward her ear. Her head moved easily to the side under his mouth and when Thane took her earlobe between his teeth she whimpered and tugged her arms against his grip.
Thane pulled his head back to look at her and Shepard moved quickly to kiss his lips. He kissed her savagely, pushing his tongue into her mouth, his hold on her wrists weakening. He felt her forearms turn in his hands as she shifted into a more natural position and relaxed beneath him, moaning again as he began to press his erection against her belly. His eyes rolled back and he broke their kiss, uncertain whether to be thankful or infuriated that he could not remove his leathers easily. He tried to pull back from her, but instead found himself sliding his body against hers as he searched her face, her eyes closed, the buckles of his suit catching on her dress and her breasts beneath it as he pushed his erection between her legs and against her pubic bone.
He looked down at their bodies, shocked and incredibly aroused to see her breasts had become fuller against him and he leaned his chest back a bit to see that her nipples were hardened and swollen, standing out clearly against the soft light material. "Siha!" he hissed at her, grinding his body slowly over hers. Shepard opened her eyes and gazed into his intently, her pupils growing larger in response to him, a flush building over her cheeks. Thane moved against her again, and her gasp this time when his buckles dragged over her nipples made him groan and seek her mouth, his voice now vibrating deeply in pleasure and amazement as his throat inflated.
Thane kept his forefingers and thumbs tight around her wrists, but allowed his other fingers to reach toward her, and discovered when he touched the bare flesh of her legs that his movements had pulled her dress up and out of his way. With one hand he could feel Shepard's skin and with the other he brushed her gun, sliding his fingers under one of the straps of her old-fashioned holster and pulling her leg closer to his hip. He raked the free fingers of his right hand across her thigh as he lifted his hips away from her, his eyes locked on hers.
His intention had been to explore her sex, to touch between her legs, but he had failed to consider that in shifting his hand he had moved hers as well, and he gasped to find her fingers touching him, barely teasing him. Thane groaned and let go of her wrist to pull her palm into place over him, bucking against the pressure and wrapping his fingers over hers to guide her movements, afraid she might stop. He began to kiss her again, feeling his body tremble and rock against her as she grasped him, suddenly realizing he had lost control of himself and the situation. His breathing was growing ragged and he heard himself moaning each time he snapped his hips toward her, heard her panting as she attempted to move the leg he held still higher along his hip.
With a loud, low growl he forced himself away from her, lacing his fingers through hers and holding them at her side while he lowered his forehead to her shoulder and closed his eyes to the sight of her breasts, trying to release the tension building in him. His neck was burning and he felt feverish as tried to calm himself. Shepard's effect on him was difficult to understand, when he had spent his life ignoring the needs of his body and the attraction he seemed to stir up in others, his few previous sexual experiences as reserved as anything else he had ever done save a handful of willful, feral murders.
Her dress gapes open, chest covered in blood…
His most painful memory began to rise up through his consciousness but he refused to acknowledge it, suddenly furious that the only pleasure or happiness he had found in ten years was threatened again by the darkest part of his past. He was determined to touch her, to enjoy her at least once before the memories took over again. Thane released his hold of Shepard's hands, gripping her hips and digging his fingers into her as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and touched the exposed skin of his back, and he guided her roughly toward the alcoves overlooking Omega along opposite wall of the corridor. She stumbled when her feet reached the base of the slope under the shelf, and he held one arm tightly around her, yanking her dress up before he allowed her to sit. He pulled her arms from around his neck and stood up, wanting to look at her.
Shepard rested her weight on her hands behind her, her feet propped against the slope and her knees bent and spread apart for him. With her dress draped around her hips, he could see her legs from the tops of her boots to the leather undergarment she wore, the twin straps of her holster cutting across her right thigh and her dress tangled in its low belt. She was barely able to hold still, and she sat forward to run her hands lightly over her breasts, staring at him. "Please, Thane," she said, nearly begging. "Please, I don't want to wait anymore…"
Before Shepard could say anything else, he was leaning over her, pushing his knee up under her leg to support his weight on the shelf and holding her other leg still with his hand. He felt her lips on his chest, her words becoming cries as she begged earnestly now. The lights of Omega filled his vision before he looked down and reached between them, his voice beginning to vibrate again in his chest and throat as he watched her fingers slide over her covered nipples. Thane tugged the leather between her legs aside as much as he could and then touched her carefully, surprised to find a small patch of damp hair when he traced his thumb over her, her swollen sex opening under his touch. When he pressed against the small, engorged nub he found there, Shepard threw her head back and moaned, her muscles tightening as if she had been shocked.
Thane rubbed her gently, his body shaking as he fought to restrain himself and he felt her reach under his coat to pull him closer. He placed his joined fingers against her wet center, just beginning to push them into her when she looked up at him and cried out. Her expression of intense arousal was clouded and her eyes wide as he felt a throb of pain at his side, realizing she had discovered his forgotten injuries.
"Thane, what is this?" she asked, her voice wavering, forcing his hand away from her and pressing her palm against his chest as she tried to get a better look at his side. "What happened to you, why didn't you say anything?"
"My work shouldn't concern you, Siha," he answered, unwilling to move away from her as he pulled her fingers from his side.
"Your work?" She yelled furiously, shoving him backward and glaring at him.
"Shepard?" They both turned to see Garrus standing several feet away, his hand resting on the pistol at his side. "Is there a problem?"
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