20,000 Leagues Under the Sea | By : ShigeSato Category: +S through Z > World of Warcraft Views: 997 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: The locations and some of the spells and characters described herein belong to Activision Blizzard. I do not own World of Warcraft and I make no money from this work. |
It was a long way to Darnassus, and Farlin was forced to traverse a very roundabout route since the recent cataclysm had caused major changes. Stranglethorn Vale was split in two, and was much more difficult to cut through since a lot of the paths had disappeared. When he reached Booty Bay to catch the boat, he heard news that it had also split the Barrens in half. In Ratchet the goblins were in a panic, all worried about losing money and land and attempting to gather their resources and sell their shares, so he was largely ignored in the bustle. Throughout the rest of the Barrens, though, the Horde soldiers that occupied the area had become even more vigilant. What was worse, after dodging miles of outposts and wooden structures in the coarse yellow grasslands, Farlin had reached the safety of Ashenvale's trees only to find the Horde had advanced there as well, driving the Alliance back out of the eastern half of the forest. The logging camp had been extended dramatically; Farlin had hidden behind a bush and watched in horror as, one after another, a line of beautiful, ancient trees were felled and dragged away for lumber. Shaking his head in dismay, he turned sadly from the sight and sneaked away into the southern part of the forest, which was mountainous and easier to hide in.
Now, he sat with his hands warming by a small campfire, and some roasted wolf kabobs turning on a spit. He had killed and gutted a few of the creatures that had crossed his path, figuring the meat would be useful and well worth the extra time it had taken to procure. The forest was gloomy and foreboding by night, the sky obscured by the spreading leaves of the treetops, and Farlin shivered involuntarily and scooted closer to his fire, feeling vaguely claustrophobic. He thought he felt eyes on him, watching from the undergrowth, but he brushed off the feeling, marking it down to paranoia in the creepy forest. He slipped one of the kabobs off the spit and began to munch on it hungrily, unaware of the gaze that still followed his every movement.
Farlin had not thought about the events that had happened in the last month at all since setting off. He had closed himself off to the pain and focused only on making it to Darnassus, to finally get closure on Tamri's death and be able to mourn him properly. It had become something of a quest, which absorbed his attention and his feelings and which forced him to concentrate on nothing else. What would happen when it was over, he didn't know. He preferred not to look that far ahead; his life had become too tumultuous, his emotions scattered and confusing, and this mission gave him direction, which he was glad of. In a way, he almost didn't want to get there as quickly as he was – completing this journey meant facing the rest of his troubles and he didn't think he was strong enough for that.
A rustling to his left stirred the undergrowth and he jumped back, alarmed, eyes on the bushes. He had had the feeling of being watched for a while now, and convinced he was being stalked by some sort of forest cat, he grabbed his sword from the ground and brandished it at the greenery. Seconds later, it clattered heavily to the ground as his arm went limp and his jaw dropped. Jared emerged from the bush, holding his hands up warily, eyes fixed on Farlin's. He could not believe his ex-friend had followed him this far – at first, he thought he was hallucinating, but then he saw the logbook in the side of Jared's pack and knew it was for real.
He didn't know how to react. Why had Jared followed him? He was almost suspicious. Jared said nothing, just dropped his pack beside Farlin's and sat by the fire. Farlin joined him and there was a somewhat tense silence, Farlin fidgeting uncomfortably, burdened by a hundred questions, Jared seemingly unconcerned, warming himself by the campfire. Eventually, though, he looked over at Farlin and broke the silence which seemed to him to have gone on forever. "Hey."
"Hi," replied Farlin breathlessly, unsure what to do next. Seeing Jared caused a rush of confusion and feelings he had buried along this trip to come surging back, and he was bewildered by his appearance which only furthered his dilemma. He knew he loved Jared, but wasn't allowed to – and as far as he knew Jared didn't even like him anymore. Why had he come?
The other man was in no mood to answer questions, though; after another quarter of an hour, he stood up, walked away from the fire and curled up next to his backpack to sleep. Farlin was totally thrown off by this and didn't know what to do next – after a while he gave in to his tiredness and did the same. As he settled down for the night, he called over his shoulder. "'Night, Jared."
"'Night, Farlin," came the sleepy reply, and secretly Farlin smiled. It didn't matter how or why he had come – at least until the morning. What mattered was it looked like Jared was here to stay. He had somehow gotten his old friend back.
The next morning, Farlin awoke to the smell of freshly baked bread, and bolted upright, eager for food. Jared, it seemed, had been up for a while, and had prepared toasted grainbread and eggs. He handed a plate over to Farlin, who thanked him and eagerly devoured the contents. Still no conversation passed between the two, and Farlin was bordering on suspicion again by the time they kicked out the fire and rose to continue. Why would Jared not speak to him?
The walk through the forests became much easier once they passed into the western half of the zone. There were fewer Horde around, which made it much easier to travel without having to dodge away from the road, and the creatures were a lot less hostile than many in the eastern half, for which Farlin was grateful. He was in such a whirl of confusion, so removed from his solemn, determined mood yesterday, that he didn't think he was up to much fighting. There was too much to think about.
He was startled when Jared broke the silence once more. "I'm sorry."
Farlin looked over at him, but continued walking, waiting for him to say more. Jared took a deep breath and a prepared speech tumbled out of his mouth, something he had probably been working on the whole trip.
"I'm sorry for everything. The way I treated you in Vash'jir, after everything you'd done for me – I shouldn't have overreacted like that." Farlin tried to wave it off and say it was his fault, but Jared interrupted him and barrelled on, anxious to get the words out. "I just didn't know what to think. I mean, it's wrong, feeling like that about men, isn't it? That's what I was always told. But to find out that you were...like that...was troubling for me. How could we still be friends when I knew? Men like that aren't supposed to be paladins – and in Stormwind, you're lucky to get by if anyone finds out. Which is why, when you kissed me, all that came to a head and just made me light up with rage, I didn't even know what I was saying. It was anger at the situation we were in, anger at being the secret-keeper of such a hard thing to accept, and anger at myself for feeling so split about the whole thing. I knew I should have stuck by you – friends 'til the end, right? But I just couldn't. And I was so angry because I couldn't be a loyal best friend to you. You must have noticed a difference in my behaviour after you admitted it." Farlin nodded, still not speaking. "And when I pushed you off, and you looked up at me, the look on your face, it just...broke me. That I'd made you feel like that, a man who was supposed to be my buddy – I couldn't take it, Farlin. I didn't want to hurt anyone. But I'd hurt the person who mattered. So I ran from it – I ran from the guilt. And the only thing that really made me change my mind was seeing you stand up to your father like that. That fight – it was titanic, and to see you beat Greystorm was unbelievable. At that moment I realised that being gay doesn't make you any less of a man or any less of a paladin. And after you won, you came up to me and you still wanted to know me, even after everything that I'd done. And I felt like the smallest man in the world. So here I am now, facing the guilt." He took a deep breath, and looked Farlin squarely in the eye, and said sincerely, "I'm so sorry, Farlin."
Farlin allowed himself to absorb Jared's words. He felt strangely calm – his heart rate had increased to a hundred times its usual pace and he felt a huge wash of adrenaline, but inside he was tranquil. Jared was watching him nervously, waiting for a response. Farlin paused, then stopped walking and pieced together a reply.
"I forgive you. For everything. But I have some apologies to make too. It was wrong of me to unburden myself on you in the cave – to tell you what I was. That night I had had a conversation with Tamri, who had made me come to terms with it, and I felt a false sense of confidence which came from finally not being worried about it anymore. It was that which made me tell you – I didn't factor in that it was entirely new to you – I'd been holding it back for years. I didn't think about the impact it would have. And for that I'm sorry. And as for the business on the island – well, that was entirely my fault. I knew you were straight. All the signs pointed that way. I knew, deep down, what the outcome would be. But I had to take a risk – what Tamri had told me confused me, and his words are now clear to me, but back then I had muddled them up. He told me you would probably accept my being gay, but you wouldn't accept me as a lover – you didn't feel that way. In that moment I got the words confused and couldn't figure out which bit meant what, and my brain was telling me that I had to do it, or I would never have known – except I already knew. If that makes sense?" He smiled crookedly. "Anyway – I'm sorry for that too."
Oddly, his answer didn't seem to pacify Jared at all. The other man was still edgy and nervous in his manner when he responded.
"You don't need to apologise. You're a bigger man than I'll ever be. To do what you did in that cathedral – in front of your father and all those people – and then to defeat him; I could never have done that. It challenged everything I had believed about gay men – at that point I wanted to come and find you. I wanted to make amends. But the problem is," he said, and swallowed, "the problem is, I know that you still want...more. Don't think I can't see it. It's in your eyes, in the way you speak – now I've realised it, it underpins everything you do. So even though you don't let me see it, I know you still have that broken, hurt look inside of you, the one from the island, and I can't be the cause of that, Farlin, I can't."
"I understand," Farlin said. Jared spoke the truth – every time he saw him, it was like a dagger in his side knowing he could never have him. His heart had sunk down into his stomach; he knew what was coming now. Jared would leave for the last time – he would set off back for Stormwind, and he would never see the man again, only have the memory of his best friend of old. Perhaps, in a way, that was a good thing. He could start again without any of the unpleasantness of the last month, or the worry of the last decade and a half, and become someone new entirely. He could never change what he was, but he was fine with that. Perhaps he'd find someone new to love. Jared's next words interrupted his train of thought.
"I can't make you feel that way anymore, Farlin. So there are two options for me. I can leave and never see you again – but that's out of the question. Even for a week in Stormwind not speaking to you I was lost. It's so lonely without your best friend around. I couldn't imagine leaving now and losing all contact with you – I don't think I'd last two weeks. You're too important."
Farlin was numb. "What's option two?"
"Become more than your friend," Jared replied, which sent Farlin into a state of near shock. He continued rapidly, wanting to get his words out. "I didn't even consider option two until you gave me that logbook – it didn't even cross my mind. But lying in my bed that night, leafing through it, after watching that amazing spectacle, I began to think about it. I mean, what's so bad about it, really? If it hadn't been for the way I was brought up, I don't think I would ever have had anything against being with men in that sort of way. It doesn't come naturally, but it's not...abhorrent. And with you it's different still. You and I are so close already, it's like we're connected. After being best friends for so long, it seems like a smaller step, somehow. It would take time – and it would need patience from you, a lot of patience. But I think I could do it. I want to do it. And I know I could be happy. After all, who wouldn't want to be with you, Farlin? You're loyal, trustworthy, strong, and you're good fun. And you're commonly tipped as the most handsome man in Stormwind after Prince Anduin," he added with a slight smile. "I could live with that."
At first, Farlin couldn't think. This had turned out so differently to what he expected that he was having difficulty understanding it. And that Jared – his Jared – might want to turn for him was unthinkable. And yet it was on the table. 24 hours ago Farlin wouldn't even have considered this notion in his furthest dream and here it was, in front of him. Of course, it was what he wanted more than anything, but he took Jared's warnings into account. He would have to be very patient. And he would have to let Jared initiate everything and make sure he didn't pressure him.
"Just...let me try something,"Jared said awkwardly, and before Farlin could react he closed the gap between them and kissed him lightly on the lips. It was only for a second, just a brush of skin against skin, and then he pulled back again, but it left Farlin breathless, his entire body tingling with anticipation.
"So...what do you think?" his friend asked nervously.
"I..." Farlin's voice caught in his throat as emotion choked him. "It's like it's a dream. Yesterday I thought you didn't even want to be my friend and now...it's just...unbelievable. Are you sure you want to do this, Jared? You can still turn away. I won't stop you. I just...it's a really, really big life choice and I don't want you to do it just for me. I'm not worth that."
"Yes, you are," Jared said, stepping closer again. "You don't give yourself enough credit, Farlin. It's time I showed you that I can be as much of a man as you are. I want to do this. And this way, in the end, both of us can be happy."
Farlin closed his eyes, a feeling of euphoria coursing through him, and allowed Jared to kiss him again, gingerly, slowly. "And?" he asked as his would-be lover pulled away.
"It feels...nice. Strange, but in a good way," he replied, smiling. "I could get used to it."
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