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Apotheosis I	By : OneMoreAltmer Category: +A through F > Elder Scrolls - Oblivion Views: 2266 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I didn't create and do not own Elder Scrolls: Oblivion or its characters (except for Tavi, within game format). I make no moneys.

Chapter List
- 11
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Twelve � Above is Red, Below is Red

When I came down from Traven�s tower, Raminus was waiting to
meet me, his face ashen.� He already
knew.� Traven had left him something of a
suicide note, and in it he named me as his successor.
An Altmer Arch-Mage.� How gloriously funny.� Perhaps we�d be able to alienate a whole
other faction of wizards and start another feud.� But I�d promised Traven this last help, and
the lair where he expected Mannimarco to be lying in wait was up near
Bruma.� On my way home, as it were.�
The lair was another blasted cave with a zealot posted at
the door who told me he would only surrender the key on pain of death.� I obliged him and let myself in.� The place was crawling with necromancers and
their summonings.� Some of them in
groups, which was more awkward:� no matter how stealthy one becomes and how
many layers of chameleon effect one has in place, once one person or creature
has been struck dead by a magnificent-looking arc of raw magicka, everyone else
starts looking around for the wizard.�
And some are clever enough to know what kind of subtle glimmer they�re
looking for.
Still, I thought to sneak up on Mannimarco, once I had won
through his followers.� He seemed to
oblige me by looking inattentive as he loitered in his private quarters.� This was on something of an island within a
larger cavern, and finding that I lacked a good distance and angle to strike
from, I slowly crossed one of the bridges for a better shot.� But he was more canny
than most enemies I�d faced:� as I set
foot on the island where he stood, a bony cage leapt up around us, and he
wheeled and hit me unawares with a paralysis spell.
I�d walked into a trap.
He gloated over me, stepping close enough for me to see
that, yes, here was another twisted Altmer man, of what looked like a well-kept
middle age.� Close enough to feel for my
hand and pull the chameleon ring from my finger.� �Traven�s latest plaything!� I admit that his tastes have improved, though I wonder what he offers that would inspire
you to take this kind of risk for him.� Such a shriveled old man.��
I was fighting with all my will to rip some part of my body free of
stasis, to no real effect:� he saw it in
my eyes and laughed.� �Struggle now, if
it pleases you.� In a moment you will
never think to fight me again.�
He ran a finger along my jaw.� �Yes, they say in all the stories how pretty
you are.� I hear the rumors, but I like
not to believe what I haven�t seen.�� He
opened the front of my robe, then took out a dagger and cut through the fabric
of the shirt I was wearing beneath it, against the cold.� He ran the same one finger down to circle it
around one bared nipple.� Then leered,
locked eyes with me, and with the other hand traced
the dagger delicately along the same path.
Surely I could kill him with my eyes alone?� No, sadly not.
�My own little green-eyed Altmer thrall.� You will not believe me, but I have always
wanted one.� It will compensate me
somewhat for my poor Caranya.� And they
say that you are powerful, as well, when not taken by surprise.�� He chuckled.�
�I will delight both in torturing you and in setting you against my
enemies.� Hmm.� Shall I take one taste now, while you are
still your own?�� He placed his mouth on
mine.
Inside I was screaming, though not in fear.� You are
just the same.� Just the same as the lords
I came to break in the First Era.� You
fools have learned nothing!� How many of
you must I kill?
The voice of the memory I had never tried to reclaim, the
voice of Methusiele, the traitor to her own kind.� In that moment, I did not blame her, even
though I still did not want to take up the burden of being Mephala�s sending.
He stepped back from me.�
�Of course paralyzed flesh is never very responsive.� I shall be better able to judge later.� Let us be about this, pretty girl.�� He raised a hand and began to intone the
spell meant to make of me a well-preserved zombie, fifteen minutes past freshly
dead forever.
I felt the gem I�d lashed to my arm warm and flash, and
there was a sputtering of sparks between Mannimarco�s fingers as his spell
aborted.
He was looking at his own hand in puzzlement when I realized
that the flare of Traven�s stored power had also ended my paralysis.� I think that I was singing as the first bolts
flew from my own hands.
I could have killed him three times with the amount of power
I forced through him � although the first time, the one that counted, took
several attempts, because he was strong, and because he insisted on calling
forth dead things against me.� It was
just that once I had him down, I carried on for longer than it needed.�
I broke his staff and threw it into the deep waters in the
heart of the cave.� I wished I could
break it again.� I wished I could kill
him again.� Something about the whole
exchange had crawled up under my skin and was lodged there.� I closed my robes over my torn shirt, fussing
with it a bit to calm myself down.� The
cage had crumbled when he fell, and I went out into the open air and set off
for my beloved Temple.
I could hear them arguing as I opened the door, out in the
main hall, from which everyone else seemed to have fled.� Martin, fiery, and Jauffre,
as animated as I had seen him.
Martin turned his head and saw me, and without any pause for
greeting, gestured toward me and looked back to Jauffre.� �And here she is.� We must tell her this plan.�
Jauffre was acerbic.�
�Yes!� Let�s see what she thinks!�
They both turned to stare at me.
Martin stepped forward.�
�I have finished translating the spell.�
The last thing we will need is a Great Sigil Stone.�
Like the orbs I had plucked out of Oblivion.� Only �Great.�� I frowned.�
�And how do we get that?�
He paused before answering.�
�You�re not going to like it.�
Jauffre doesn�t like it.�
�No,� Jauffre interrupted, �you�re quite right.�
�We are going to have to let them open a Great Gate in front
of Bruma.�� He looked at me pointedly,
while I stared at him as if he�d just announced that he was actually made
entirely of yarn, and Jauffre made an exasperated you see? Exactly! sort of gesture.
�Oh.�� How quiet and
reasonable my voice sounded.� �Like the
one you said opened in front of Kvatch?� The one with the siege engine that destroyed most of the city?�
�I know it sounds � �
�Suicidal?�� The quiet
and reason in my voice was fading.
�Then do you believe that I would suggest it if I saw any
other way?�
I made a quick, frantic search for other options in my own
head and found none.� I crossed my
arms.� �No, I don�t.�
�Then it�s decided.��
With that, he turned and started purposefully toward his private
chambers.
�Wait!� What are you
doing?�
He turned back and looked only at me.� �We must go down and talk to Countess Narina,
and then go out into the field.� I am
going to put on my armor.�
Jauffre looked sick.�
�And there it is, Tintaviel.�
Behold his plan.�
I was beside myself.�
�You can�t possibly!�
�I can, and I must.�
It will draw them out; they will open the Gates faster, which will mean
that we may last long enough to see
the Great Gate and�and send you into it.�
That was true, but I was not about to say so.� �It will make them suspicious, and it will
risk your life.� You are the one thing we cannot afford to
lose, Martin!�
�No, Tavi.� No.��
He paced back in close to me, and lowered his voice to a furious
whisper.� �This I will do.� I will not always stay sitting in this prison
while you risk yourself for me.� This
once you will let me stand with you.�
I was tearing up in frustration.� �Then can we not at least wait until
morning?� You can send advance warning to
the Countess that you�re coming.� You can
let me have a full night�s sleep before we go out and kill ourselves together.�
I could see him softening.
I was exhausted and angry and afraid for him, and it was
starting to take a toll on my composure.�
�You haven�t even asked me for the Welkynd stone I brought you.� You haven�t let me cry to you that Traven is
dead and I was molested and almost enthralled by an Altmer necromancer on my
way home.�
�What?�� There, now he
was the one who was horrified, and it was only fair.� He clutched me to him tightly, then just as
quickly loosened his embrace just a bit as if afraid that would now be too much
physical contact.� �Tavi�.�
�I mean, he didn�t get far.�
I killed him before he could � � I suppressed a
shudder.� �All the same, Martin, I would
like the one night to recover before I have to do something else completely
awful.�
�Of course,� he breathed.�
�I�m sorry.� Of course we will go
in the morning.� Jauffre, please send
someone to inform the Countess that we are set for tomorrow.�
�You�d already arranged it?�
I wasn�t even back yet!� What were you going to do if you provoked
them into opening the Gates and I wasn�t here?�
�I wasn�t going to go
until I spoke with you.� But we have been
corresponding, preparing.� Fighting with Jauffre.�
�Ah.�� I leaned my
forehead against his shoulder.� �I�m too
tired to keep arguing.�
So we retired.� I gave
him the stone and the stories, and he rubbed the tension from my neck, and
soothed and sympathized with all the talents of a man who was both a lover and
a former priest.� The massage spread
gradually over my entire body, and I reciprocated, both of us lavishing the
most attention on the best of places.
When we finally did sleep, we slept well.
But in all of this I did not dissuade him from his course,
and in the morning, after we had eaten, he girded
himself with the radiant armor reserved for the Emperor and waited to lead his
Blades down into battle.�
�At least,� I said, �promise me you�ll stay back.�
�Tsk.� I can�t.� I have to lead,
Tavi.� You stay back.�
�That�s absurd.� At
this point I have far more experience.�
�And that is why we need you for the Great Gate.� Let us keep you safe until then.�
�If there is anyone in Tamriel who needs to be kept safe,
Martin � �
�Talos help us,� said Jauffre, coming out in his heavy
banded armor.� �Both of you stay back.� This
is why we have soldiers.�
Martin and I exchanged a bemused look, and knew that in fact
neither of us was going to stay back.
We had arranged to meet with Narina Carvain in the chapel
dedicated to Talos.� It made sense that
the temple named for a deified Emperor was the one closest to Cloud Ruler
Temple.�
She was a little woman, but attractive and lively.� She thanked me for the service I had done for
Bruma in training Burd and bringing reinforcements, and informed me that a
statue had been commissioned in my honor.�
I gaped and blushed; Martin grinned wide and assured her of how honored
I was.� She swore her allegiance to
Martin and bravely offered Bruma into his dangerous plan, risking everything
they had for the survival of the Empire.�
Martin smiled and commended her wisdom and her courage, and they traded
a few other pleasant words � he and this young, unmarried noblewoman of grace
and poise and politically expedient human stock.
She wasn�t my favorite any more.� I hated her.�
I cast my eyes down to the floor to try to hide my sudden scorn.� I was still staring downward when I realized
that everyone but Martin and I was leaving, off to gather the guardsmen who had
come up from the other cities to join the Blades outside the city walls.
�Tavi?�
I was out of my mind with jealousy.� �Not her,� I hissed through my teeth.� �You can never marry her.�
�I can never � what are you talking about?�
�The Countess of Bruma.� The pretty Imperial woman you were just
talking to.�
He let out a shocked noise that was almost a laugh.� �Nord pirates, Tavi.�
�What?�� I looked up
at last.
�You are worrying about something that will never be.�
Oh, oh.� So dear, and yet so horrible.� This was not the same thing, and he knew
it.� The whole world literally depended
on his bloodline being preserved.� Sooner
or later his people would demand that he get heirs � and I would not be his
wife.� Couldn�t be, as I knew Jauffre would have told him more than once
by now.� He would have to marry someone
else.� He would have to take another
woman to his bed, even if it was true that he loved me best and forever.� And I would have to take it, and not kill
her.
He read my feelings, as he always did, and pulled me close
by the back of my head, touching his cheek to my cheek.� �Ssh.�
I will not marry her.� I never had
any intention of marrying her.� We will
find a way.� Perhaps all of my children
will have to be bastards, like I was.�� I
giggled a little, and he laughed with me, and then said, �We have to stay
focused, Tavi.� We have to deal with one
crisis at a time.�
I nodded, and with a kiss to my forehead he released me.� We walked out of the chapel, and the people
of Bruma cheered us.
The first Gate was already opening as we rode out, and the
city guard had to clamor to close the city gate behind us for the sake of the
town.� Martin shouted quick words of
encouragement to the gathered Blades and guardsmen � a thing at which he had
much improved since his overwhelmed speech on first reaching the Temple � and
had hardly finished when the first wave of dremora warriors was upon us.
Perhaps you will want me to say how glorious he was in
battle, how he shone forth with the might and skill befitting an Emperor of his
stature, how he radiated with the Nine�s blessings and cut a path of blood
through his unholy enemies.� I am sure he
did, but I saw little of it.� When one is
actually in battle one is very much focused on one�s own fortunes, and even that
is a sharp, disjointed thing, and only comes apart more when viewed from a
greater distance in time.� I remember throwing
a magical shield over him when it began:�
it was a spell I had crafted myself during my time at the University,
simultaneously protective and healing.�
Other than that, I was fighting for my own life, trying to stay near
enough to him to cast it again whenever I could, and watching the Gates.
It took three to raise the power to summon the Great
Gate.� By the time the third had opened,
the ground was swarming with all Dagon�s creatures, and was crumbled and black
beneath us, its layer of snow long since trampled away and then scorched by
fire and magicka and darkened with blood.�
Clannfear screams, and dremora growls, and the
shrieking of destructive spells in flight, and the clashing of metal, and the
cries of men and mer.
The Gate I wanted � wanted
is a terrible word to have to use for it � towered even over the others,
and at the very first glimmering I could see the black monstrosity that waited
behind it, the siege engine.
I was not going to have much time. �
I slipped through the red shimmer in the air, heard the
sucking sound of breaking through the barrier between the worlds, and set foot
in Oblivion one last time.
Everything seems different when you know that time is
short.� Once my beloved Ring of Khajiit
was on my finger, I did not stop to make sure I was being quiet, or that the
opponents I struck out against were dead before I moved on.� I did not watch as closely for the signs of
traps, and two different ones broke through the lapse in my attention and
wounded me.� I restored myself just
enough to keep moving.� I had to be
quick:� I had to be faster than the
Gate:� I had to beat the siege engine
back to Martin.
My carelessness attracted more notice than I would have if I
had taken my usual pace:� more than once
the sharper dremora would notice the illusory ripple I trailed as I ran, or
foes I left only wounded would sound alarm.�
But magicka was thick in the air around me, and I used it to force my
way through the greater resistance.�
Still, if the dangers of Oblivion had not become so familiar to me
before that day, I would probably have died there and doomed both Martin and
the world.
Perhaps it is best not to dwell on it.
Taking the Great Sigil Stone from its place wrenched the
worlds back apart with such force that for a moment I thought I would fly to
pieces myself.� There was an instant when
I seemed to be nowhere at all, where there remained nothing at all that was
real �
�
where Mephala smiled and raised one of her four dark
hands in benediction, and with another hand pointed downward as if showing my
way �
and the
first thing to become solid again was the ground beneath me as I fell to meet
it on my hands and knees, clutching the heavy stone to my belly as if it were
my child.
I heard the groaning of fatigued
metal behind me and instinctively rolled forward, and behind me was a horrible
crash.� I stood and looked back.� The Gate had closed with only a portion of
the siege engine having gotten through, and had closed with such force that the
great machine had been severed.� A cheer
went up among the men, and they dispatched the daedra stragglers � for
comparatively few remained, so many having run back to help pull their engine
forward � with a fierce joy.
I had already done too much to
bother myself with stragglers.� �Martin!�
I cried, pulling off the ring.� �Where is
Martin?�� I saw a head turn to face me,
and as he threw off his helmet I knew him, even though his armor was so brown
with blood that it was hard to tell from any other man�s.� As he came I scanned him to be sure that most
of the blood was not his: no, he moved well, he was not gravely hurt.� He strode toward me with his eyes burning,
and took me into his arms as well as he could with armor and the Sigil Stone
between us.
�Thank the gods,� he breathed,
echoing my own thought.
�I have it,� I panted, as if the
thing were not between his chest and mine, impeding our embrace.� �We are ready.� Where is Jauffre?�
I felt his hands clench into my
arms.� I frowned and tried to move
forward, to make him take me to the Grandmaster.� But he only resisted me more.� �Don�t.�
Don�t look, Tavi.�
And yet I thought nothing of it
except for my own contrariness, and wrenched myself free of his protective
grasp to step into the battlefield, and see.
Carnage was everywhere, and at my guess,
fewer than half of us had survived.� Jauffre
was lying next to a dremora Kynmarcher, one of their officers.� Jauffre�s katana was still embedded in the
daedra�s throat�and the daedra�s mace, in turn, in what was left of Jauffre�s
skull.
I also saw Baurus.� Baurus was�everywhere.
My head was spinning, and I felt
myself beginning to make some strangled, hysterical noise when Martin reached
me again and pulled me close, which made me only dimly aware that I had dropped
the stone.
The noise was breaking apart into
laughter.� High,
hysterical laughter.� �Steffan
will be Grandmaster now.� He�ll be so happy.��
The laugh threatened to go back to shrieking, and thence to howling for
vengeance against things already dead, and I could feel how wide my eyes were
with shock.� He stood, and held on, and
said nothing until I was quiet again.� I
do not know how long that was.
He turned my head by the chin and
looked into my eyes, deep and probing, and I knew he
was looking to see if my reason had returned.�
I started to bring my breath back to an even pace, and nodded.� �I�m here, Martin.�
His voice was very quiet.� �Let them clear the field.� Don�t turn back around until I say it�s all
right.�
�You needn�t worry.�� I looked down to where the stone lay beside
us.� �I�m lucky I didn�t break my own
foot.�� I was trying not to think about
Jauffre or Baurus or who else among the people I knew might be lying broken
behind me, but the effort turned my attention elsewhere.� �You�re so calm.�
�It�s not that.�� I looked up, and there was weariness and
sorrow set into his face that I had been too irrational to notice before.� �I don�t have time.� I am already thinking about the next crisis.� I think that it will only be when everything
is over that I look back and grieve properly.��
Then his mood shifted.� �We
needn�t stay here.� I can make us a path
that�avoids most of the scenery, and we can go back up to the Temple.�
At any rate I will have to start preparing for � �
�No.� Not straight back up to the Temple.�
I can�t.� I need � I need to � �� I fought back
another wave of emotion and grabbed his hands.�
�I have a house in Bruma.� Let me
show it to you.�� Let me be with you in a place that is not your cell, a place that will
not be full of the ghosts of those we have just lost.� I am not strong enough to be there yet.�
He squeezed my hands with a sad
smile.� �Very well, Tavi.� Show me your house.�
A man had to go in and search it
before I could take the next Emperor inside, and guards stood posted around the
outside, so it was not quite my own idea of normalcy; but it sufficed, and for
Martin it had to be the very soul of liberation.� I set a fire, drew water and warmed it for
us, then helped him remove his stained armor.�
Beneath it he was wearing pants and a tunic, neither royal nor priestly,
just simple, practical clothes for under armor.�
Just like any normal man.
I smiled.� �I have never seen you look so ordinary.�
He laughed.� �I�m going to assume you meant that in the
most flattering way.�
�I did.�� I wetted a cloth and began to wipe the blood
and the dirt from him, and he closed his eyes and breathed deep, relaxing for
me.� I took his shirt and washed his back
and his chest, adoring every contour as I went, kissing favorites.� He took my robe � quite ruined, and I was
never to wear it again � and washed me with another cloth.
We were as yet too exhausted for
more than that, so I took him to look for fresh clothes.� I managed to find a pair of pants shapeless
and featureless enough not to look too peculiar on him, and as he put those on,
I rummaged through the other bits of clothing I had somehow collected over
time.
He put his hand to a green dress I
had thrown onto the dresser.� �You know,
I think that I have never seen you wear a dress.� I would like to.�� So I put it on, and his eyes danced with
apparent delight.� �You were right to
suggest coming here,� he said, holding out a hand to invite me to come to
him.� �I have wanted for weeks to have a
moment outside the Temple.� And I think that I have wanted all my life to
see you in that gown.�
I snuggled against him, as happy
as I could be given the day.� �It�s
almost like we�re real people, isn�t it?�
�Mmm.� Now, ordinary woman, does it happen that you
have any food on hand to entertain your ordinary guest?�
I pulled back and frowned.� I was hungry too.� �No, it doesn�t.� Just a moment.�� I pulled a few coins from a box, went to the
front door and placed an order with the guard stationed there to bring us
dinner from Olav�s.� That was one
advantage of always having people underfoot, anyway.
He laughed and sat down in my
living room.� �Do you entertain a lot of
strange men here, ordinary Tavi?�
He certainly seemed to be enjoying
this joke.� Maybe he needed it as much as
I did.� I smirked at him.� �Of course not.� That would hardly be proper.�
�Forgive me.� Remind me what it is that you do for a
living.�
�I am an alchemist.� And you?�
�I�m a priest of Akatosh.�
I placed my hands on my hips.� �That does me very little good, you know.� Now I�ll be afraid to kiss you.�
�Why?� I�ve told
you we�re not a celibate Order.� We�re
allowed to have sex with our wives.�
�Now you�re teasing me,� I pouted.
�No, I�m not.�� He pulled me to kneel before him, and touched
his forehead to mine.� �Tonight we are
normal people, remember?� So there is no
reason we can�t.� Tonight, pretend that
you are my wife.�� A
plaintiveness emerged in his voice.�
�Do it to please me.� He kissed me with a degree of need I had somehow
failed to expect.�
Such a horrible
day.� And I would have married him
in truth if I could have, or done anything else I thought might make him
happy.� �Ssh.� Of course I�m your wife.�� He kissed me deeper, but before we could
consummate our impromptu marriage the knock came at the door:� our food.
So I fed him, and showed him all
the baubles I had collected in my travels:�
glowing blue Welkynd and white Varla stones from Ayleid ruins, the Count
of Cheydinhal�s staff, a bowl full of gems I�d found in various places, my full
set of the Mythic Dawn�s idiot books, and everything else.� He smiled and nodded and let me tell him
about each of them.� As I put away one of
my Ayleid crowns he followed me and hugged me from behind next to the dresser,
kissing the back of my neck.
�It�s late,� he said.� �We should try to sleep.��
�You�re right.�� Removing my dress actually took some effort,
as neither of us was that familiar with its structure, and we laughed as it
finally fell away.� His pants were easier.� We got into bed � my bed, in my house, just
like any normal couple if we pretended there weren�t guards posted
outside.� He nudged me to lie with my
back to him, and he curled up behind me the way he had that first night on the
way to the Temple,
only now we were skin to skin and he pressed closer than he had dared then.
�I love you,� he whispered.� �Whatever happens now � �
�Don�t talk like that!�
�We�re nowhere near out of danger,
Tavi.� Let me say this.� Whatever happens, know how much I love
you.� I will never stop.�
I whimpered.� It always broke my heart when he was tender.� I craned my neck to the side to kiss him, and
he came up onto his elbow to make it easier for me.� As we kissed he brought his top hand up to my
breast and fondled it.� The warmth of his
body sank into me, and I tried to press myself against him from head to toe, to
soak him in.� I caressed his feet with my
feet, and he wrapped his arm further around me, enfolding us so completely that
it began to feel as if we were melting together into one flesh.
Which was
divine, except that it began to bother me that I couldn�t hold him as well.� I twisted back toward him from the waist to
get an arm around his neck.� That forced
him down a little, and he moved from kissing me to raising my breast to his
lips.� Once his mouth
got a firm grasp of the nipple, his hand wandered down across my belly, and
after lingering there for a moment, to my thigh.� Then he pressed my hip forward and brought
his top leg between mine.� I felt him
pull his other leg up beneath him for support.�
I twisted further, leg forward and shoulder back, and now we could
embrace almost as if we were facing.� His
face came back more flush with mine.
�You are my wife,� he muttered, as if I had argued the point.� �Whether anyone else knows
it or not.�
I reached my tongue up to touch
his lips, to persuade him to kiss me.� He
did, and at the same time he entered me, deep but slow and gentle.� In this position I could not easily move my
own hips in counterpoint to his, so I could only sigh and lick his lips and
tangle my fingers in his hair.� With
every stroke I could feel myself dissolving into how much I adored him.

There were not the words for it.� I would
have shot down one of the moons for him; I would have faced down Mephala and
Mehrunes Dagon together.� I would have
done anything.
All I could actually do in that
moment was to whisper his name.� He
whispered mine back, and for just a second everything in all of creation was
perfect, and his bliss and mine rushed to meet inside me and sweep through all
of my senses, and then crash and leave us lying already half-asleep.� He dropped back to where he had started
behind me, nestled close with his arm around my waist, and we drifted off that
way, floating in momentary peace.
It is now my most bitter memory,
that sweetness.� A part of me wants to
reach back through time and throttle him for it, because it wonders if he
already knew.
- 11
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Apotheosis I