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Free as a Bird	By : Letticiae Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 9737 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age, nor do I own the characters. I do not make money/profit from writing this fanfiction.

Chapter List
- 11
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Any time at all

all you've gotta do is call and I'll be there.

(Lennon/McCartney)

Chapter 12 – Any Time at All

"Marian, you're never home anymore. Oh, Maker, there's a man! You have been sleeping at his house, haven't you? What are people going to say?" Leandra pestered her elder daughter.

"People aren't going to say anything, mother, because we're nobody. Fereldans are scum in this city. And Gamlen's house is not home, but I have been working my ass off to give you a real home. That's why I'm never here. Don't wait up. I have no idea when I'll be coming back," Hawke replied, leaving the house with Garrus in tow.

She walked to the Hanged Man to meet her companions for breakfast feeling relaxed and content, not letting her mother's nagging spoil her good mood. She wouldn't allow Jethann's expensive work to making her feel better go to waste for just anything.

The minute she set foot in the tavern, they all stared at her. Isabela, Varric and Merrill were giggling, elbowing each other and whispering. Ok, she thought, I can live with that. Aveline and Anders were scowling. Now, that I don't need.

"We have a lot to do on the Wounded Coast, so we'd better be ready to camp for the night, in case we don't wrap it all up during daylight." She decided to get down to business, not minding that her companions had gossiped about her taking a whore, but impatient at the two of them that were being judgmental. "Anders, from the look on your face I can tell you're feeling ill. Is it something you ate? Perhaps you should stay here," she said sarcastically. "And you, Aveli –"

"Hawke, not now," the guardswoman interrupted. "The Viscount's son has been kidnapped by the Qunari and Seneschal Bran sent mercenaries to rescue him. This could go all kinds of wrong. We need to find him first and I know he's somewhere on the Wounded Coast."

"Fine, Aveline," the rogue conceded.

"Are you mad? You can't go there without a healer!" Anders protested.

"I'll take Bethany," she answered.

"She might know one or two healing spells, but she's not a healer, Hawke. Maker's breath, you almost died just yesterday!" he made his point.

"Fine! We'll all go."

"Yay!" Isabela cheered. "This is going to be so much fun!"

"Go pack, everyone. We leave in half an hour. I'll go get Fenris," Hawke said heading to the door.

The cool ocean breeze was making the sunny day on the coast most pleasing. They had already retrieved the Grey Warden's letters and helped a former werewolf and, even though they hadn't yet done any of the things they had gone there to do, when they reached a spot with an especially nice view of the ocean, Hawke decided they could take a break for a cold lunch.

"Elegant invited me for an evening out tomorrow with her husband and her. And I'm supposed to bring someone," she told Isabela, but all of them were paying attention. Fenris and Anders exchanged quick awkward glances.

"Hmm… and who would that be?" the pirate asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Let's see, there's the elf who won't touch me and the possessed mage who threw me out of his bed. Tough choice! "Garrus, maybe?" she replied, frustrated.

The dog barked happily.

"That is just sad, sweet thing," Isabela said. "Don't worry, I'll find you someone."

"I'll go with you, Hawke."

All eyes roamed, looking for the person who had made that offer. Varric. "Since Broody here is… well, brooding," the dwarf started.

It surprised Fenris that the dwarf had mentioned him as someone who could accompany Hawke in that way. She certainly wouldn't want to go out with an escaped slave and an elf. Yet she had been at his mansion many times those past days, calling him to their meetings at the Hanged Man and taking him with her on these jobs around town. Maybe… should he offer to go with her?

"And you went to the Rose one day after sleeping at Blondie's, so I'll take a wild guess and say things didn't exactly work out between you two," Varric continued, ignoring Anders' scowl.

She spent the night with the abomination? And she went to the Rose? Fenris felt disgusted. Why would she need something like that? She made too many foolish choices. He would have to keep an eye on her.

"Just don't tell Bianca. She's the jealous type," the dwarf finished.

"Then it's a date! Thank you, Varric," Hawke smiled.

"That was easy! It's the chest hair, isn't it? I can't resist it either…" Isabela gave Varric a cheeky look.

"Rivaini, stop looking at my chest. My eyes are up here. Do you know how much I suffer under your gaze? I'm a person, not an object!"

"Uh, Varric?"

"Just shitting you," he chuckled.

Anders' mood improved considerably when Hawke decided to send Feynriel to the Dalish rather than the Circle. Varric and Merrill left immediately with the boy to Sundermount to offer him protection along the way and make sure he would be accepted by the Keeper.

In spite of being two people short, Hawke and her companions didn't have too much trouble wiping out the Tal-Vashoth for Javaris. The whole day seemed to be going pretty fine and all they had left to do was find Seamus. Perhaps, they wouldn't even need to camp there, though Hawke was looking forward to it. The weather was great, the view by the ocean was beautiful, no one would need to be awake at night keeping watch, because her mabari was there, and sharing a tent wasn't as bad as she had thought it would be. Also, almost everyone was in a great disposition. The exception being Fenris.

It annoyed the elf deeply how Hawke shouted to them to protect Anders every time they engaged in combat and how everyone would run to the mage after each fight to be healed, even if they had suffered no more than a few scratches.

Anders was carefully keeping Fenris out of Heroic Aura and the elf had not even once gone to the mage for healing. To avoid another pointless argument with him, Hawke gave him a few injuries kits and health potions, hoping he would get through all the fighting without the need for healing. However, if Fenris ever got seriously injured she would not hesitate in forcing magic upon him. She wouldn't let anyone die under her leadership.

When they finally found Seamus, the Winters had gotten to him first. Hawke and her companions defeated the mercenaries but the boy warned them that much more were supposed to be on their way there. The rogue quickly formulated a strategy, positioning Fenris and Aveline on a choking point, Anders behind them and Garrus protecting Seamus on the far end of the clearing. Isabela and Hawke would be ahead of the warriors, hidden behind bushes on the path that led to the clearing, waiting to backstab the enemies who got past them.

The plan worked out fine and, after all foes had been felled, they gathered in the middle of the clearing for healing. Anders needed some time, though. He had run out of lyrium potions and his mana was completely drained. It had been a busy day and they had been in a larger number than usual. Keeping protective spells around all these people was exhausting.

They sat down there to let him rest and Isabela started unpacking some provisions for them to have a snack. They were starting to get comfortable when the mabari and the elf suddenly turned their heads to the path that led there and got on their feet. Arrows flew towards them and Aveline hastily jumped over Seamus, covering him with her shield. A large group of Winters closed in on them. Hawke and her companions were used to fighting while outnumbered and still easily won, but this time they were tired, without the aid of spells and they had been caught by surprise. The rogue cursed herself for her stupid mistake. She had assumed there wouldn't be a third group of enemies and remained on the same place where they had just been attacked. Her recklessness had put their lives in danger.

"Anders!" Isabela cried.

The apostate was down on one knee, panting, his hands applying pressure to a wound on his side that was bleeding badly. The mercenary who had hit him was dead, with the sharp end of Ander's staff through his chest. Another foe was closing in on him, though, his sword ready to connect a killing blow. Hawke wouldn't allow anyone else to die following her. She couldn't.

She launched herself at the mage, her body landing where his was, as she knocked him out of the way of the enemy blade. With eyes screwed shut she waited for the split second that would take for the blow to hit her. But it never came. She opened her eyes one at a time to see the foe drop the sword to his side, gasping blood, as Fenris' hand came out of his chest with his still beating heart clenched in his fist and tossed it aside. The elf didn't even wipe out the mercenary's blood from his hand before grabbing Hawke by the collar. He dragged her along the clearing while she scrambled on her feet, trying to stand, and pushed her against a rock wall, pinning her with his free arm. His face was so close to hers she could feel his breathing warm against her skin.

"Are you out of your mind, woman? You would give your life for this abomination?" he spat, looking down into her eyes.

She could say that she would have done the same for any of them, but they might ask her why and she wasn't ready to share the story of how she was to blame for the death of the two men she loved the most.

There was rage in his eyes and in his tone, but Hawke didn't fear him. She felt sad and frustrated at this endless guilt consuming her. He noticed the pain in her eyes and let her go, cursing in Arcanum.

The battle was over and they had won.

"Does Anders know you are madly in love with him?" the pirate asked in a saucy tone.

"Or maybe she's just mad," Aveline remarked.

"Please, see if he is okay," Hawke said, crumbling on the dirt. Yes, she was mad. Arthur and Carver's deaths had made her mad. So mad she would have given her life for a man she knew for less than two weeks, just because she couldn't live with any more guilt.

Anders was still bleeding and had lost consciousness. More Winters could show up any minute. They couldn't stay there.

Fenris couldn't believe his ears when Hawke asked him to carry the apostate to some place safer, where they could take better care of him. His markings flared and the look on his face was probably his angriest one to date. As he threw the abomination over his shoulder and walked out of the clearing, everyone let out the breaths they hadn't even noticed they were holding.

The elf paced furiously while the women undressed the mage and patched him up with injury kits. Seamus was quiet the whole time, completely out of his element among this tense, weird group of people.

Anders finally came to and Hawke gave him a health potion and something to eat. They all waited in awkward silence until his mana had recovered enough for him to cast a healing spell upon himself. Though the sun had already set, it wasn't too late, so they headed back to Kirkwall. No one was feeling in the mood to camp on the beach anymore.

The next morning Hawke gave Anders a much needed break, dismissed Isabela and Merrill, because they wanted to visit a hat shop in Lowtown and asked Aveline to collect payment on the jobs they had fulfilled. Again, Fenris had not shown up at breakfast. Since she was going with Bethany, Varric and Garrus to hunt down some blood mages that had kidnapped a templar recruit, she decided to stop by his mansion and ask him to come along. No doubt this mission would be the perfect opportunity for her to get in his good graces.

The previous day, when they had arrived in Kirkwall, he had gone straight home without even saying goodbye. So, this morning, she went to his mansion with a speech prepared to convince him to join her one more time, to give her another chance. He opened the door before she could knock, already on his armor and with his sword sheathed, nodded to her companions and took his place behind her. She stood there with her mouth open for few seconds, so surprised she was by his behavior. Not wanting to push her luck, she didn't say anything, just gave him a smile and led them to the hideout in Darktown.

Things started to fall apart quickly when Tarohne – the leader of the blood mages – summoned a desire demon. Hawke had never seen such a creature before and didn't know what they were capable of. She heard the demon whispering and suddenly she was frozen in place.

Bethany was pinning tiny daisies on Hawke's carefully braided raven black hair.

"You are so pretty! Look!" the girl smiled excitedly and pulled her sister closer to the mirror.

Hawke beamed at the sight of the white silk dress she was wearing. A red sash was cinching the waistline, adding color and vibrancy to the simple wedding gown.

"Hawke!"

She heard someone calling but it seemed so far away...

"It's time to go, Marian," Leandra said, smiling proudly at her daughter.

Carver was waiting for her outside. "Sister, you look beautiful," he remarked and took her hand, leading her to the Chantry.

"Hawke!"

She turned her head but saw no one, so she continued walking beside Carver, her mother and sister behind them.

Bells were ringing at Lothering's Chantry. From the door where she was standing with her brother she could see Arthur in the far end of the aisle, by the altar. His green eyes widened and he smiled brightly when he saw her.

"Hawke! What's going on? We need help here!"

Someone kept calling her. There was something wrong. Her gaze drifted through the familiar faces watching her at the Chantry – Leliana, Barlin, Danal, Elder Miriam, Chanter Devons, desire demon… Huh? Oh!

"Don't you want that life back? The life you dreamed of, the life you were supposed to have?" the creature whispered inside her head.

The Chantry walls crumbled and people started vanishing around her. She looked at Arthur one last time before pushing him out of her head as she advanced towards the demon, silk dress turning into leather armor and daggers in her hands.

"Get ouf ot my head!" Hawke shouted at the demon.

Varric hit an arrow on the creature's back, making her bend forward. When she came back up, one of Hawke's blades were buried in her stomach. The demon squirmed and her long nails scratched Hawke across the face. Furious, the rogue disappeared and turned up behind the creature, stabbing her repeatedly until she lay dead on the floor.

Hawke helped Bethany and Varric finish off the remaining shades and skeletons, while Fenris enthusiastically ripped off the hearts of the blood mages.

When Tarohne died, the spell that was keeping Keran imprisoned ended. Hawke was amused to notice how her sister was ogling the cute, shirtless templar recruit.

Despite Fenris' protests, Hawke went with her instincts and told the Knight-Captain the boy was free of demons and could return to the Order. Both templars were really grateful for her help. However, her plan of using this mission to befriend the elf had failed miserably. On the other hand, even though he wouldn't stop arguing with her mage companions and was always questioning her decisions, every time she looked for him he was there at his mansion waiting for her and ready to follow her lead. Perhaps he had just agreed to disagree and she would do the same.

Once they had left the Gallows and there were no more templars within sight, Bethany healed them and they made way to a foundry in Lowtown. They were hoping to find clues on Ninette and other missing women for Ser Emeric. They got a glimpse of a mage, who fled the place leaving them to fight shades, abominations and another desire demon. This time Hawke knew better than to come close to the creature. She signaled to her sister to freeze the demon and then Hawke and Fenris hit her with their blades until she lay shattered on the floor.

With the rewards she got from Ghyslain and Emeric, Hawke finally had the fifty sovereigns for partnership in the expedition. Now she just had to get some extra coin for new armor and weapons and they could leave for the Deep Roads.

It was almost time for her evening out with Varric, Elegant and her husband so Hawke sent Fenris home and went to Gamlen's to get ready.

The elf did not go to his mansion, though. He knew Hawke would go out that night and she would probably be without weapons and armor. Her recklessness was always putting her in danger. He decided to follow her from the rooftops to make sure she would be fine.

It didn't take long for her to get ready and he watched open-mouthed as she left the house in a knee-length dark red dress that wrapped around the waist, emphasizing all the curves on her shapely body. Varric was waiting for her outside and made some joke about how lucky he was that Bianca couldn't see Hawke or he would be in trouble with his lady. Fenris shook his head and concentrated on the task of following them without being seen.

They went to Hightown and met the other couple in a place called Orlesian Garden, which everybody knew it was very expensive. Though Varric and Hawke wanted to celebrate getting the money for the expedition, they couldn't afford doing it there. They ordered a glass of wine each and made it last the whole evening, sipping it slowly.

"I bet a sovereign that Broody is still out there waiting for us to leave," Varric said before stepping out on the street.

"I'm not taking that bet. I know he is," Hawke smirked.

Just as the two rogues were arriving at the Hanged Man so they could finally drink to their achievement while spending much less coin, Meeran approached them.

"There you are. I don't let anyone who crossed me get this big in this town," he said and Red Iron mercenaries started to come out of every corner.

The last time Meeran had asked Hawke to clean up a mess one of his mercenaries had made out of a job, she didn't carry on the deed, though she had told him she would. In the past, she had fulfilled her assignments without asking questions, but her year of servitude had just finished. She would not follow orders blindly anymore. It turned out that the mark had supported Ferelden during the Blight, so she spared him, but she knew this would come back to bite her in the ass someday.

Fenris wanted to scold her even more than he wanted to kill the people threatening her. He was about to jump off the roof when the sight of her lifting her skirt paralyzed him for a couple of seconds. Two knives were strapped to her thighs. She got them and went for Meeran, while Varric got about a dozen throw-knives from the many pockets in his coat and tossed them swiftly at the incoming thugs, hitting eyes and necks, his aim as good as it was with his crossbow.

The rogues wiped out the mercenaries in the blink of an eye. When Fenris hit the ground, there was no one else to kill.

"You still don't give me much credit, do you?" Hawke asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"I-I'm sorry," he said.

"I'm kidding! I'm actually very flattered that you find me worth of so much of your time, since you've been watching me from rooftops like a frigging gargoyle the whole night."

Fenris blushed and looked down, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Come on, Broody. Let me buy you a beer," the dwarf chuckled and pushed open the door to the Hanged Man.

At first the elf was complaining nonstop about the smell, the people, the quality of the ale, the noise. The rogues didn't want him to spoil their celebration, so they decided to teach him how to play Diamondback and Wicked Grace hoping that he would shut up at least while learning the rules. With his attention diverted to the cards and to catching his two cheating opponents, Fenris finally stopped brooding and started having some fun. To make sure his mood wouldn't go back to its usual bitterness, Hawke slipped Norah a silver and asked her to always keep a full tankard in front of the elf.

They had already drained a few beers and were playing Wicked Grace in Varric's room. Fenris had taken his gauntlets off because they were ruining the cards. Isabela appeared at the door, waved at them and went to her room with a man behind her. Taking advantage of the distraction provided by the pirate, Hawke tried to steal the Angel of Death from the deck. The elf noticed she was cheating and grabbed her hand to stop her. She was so surprised he was actually touching her that she dropped her cards. Realizing what he had done, he immediately let go of her hand. Varric watched them quietly, curious to see what was going to happen next.

Hawke reached for his hands, but he pulled them to his lap, leaving his cards on the table.

"Why are you so afraid to touch me?" she asked.

"It's not you. I told you about my markings."

"You didn't seem to be in any pain."

"I-I wasn't," he stuttered.

"So what are you afraid of?" she insisted.

"Why do you want to touch me?" his voice was low and husky.

"Why wouldn't I? You are an amazing man, Fenris. You are handsome and smart and a great warrior. You always speak your mind when you don't agree with me. You know I won't listen, but you keep warning me about the dangers of magic and that's because you are trying to take care of me. Isn't that what you were doing when you followed me tonight?"

"You say what's on your mind, I'll give you that." His eyes dropped to his lap. He couldn't find the words to meet her naked honesty.

"Look at me, Fenris."

He raised his eyes reluctantly. "I should go," he said getting up.

Frustrating man. Taking a deep breath, she stood abruptly, making her chair tip over, and stomped around the table to stand in front of him. "You can't give me this and then take it back," her tone was harsh. "Touch me!" She took another step, getting so close he could feel the warmth of her body.

His mouth went dry, his heart was racing. He wasn't ready for this. If he took a step back, he would look like a coward. His eyes drifted around the room, trying to find another way out.

"Don't look at me, elf. I won't leave so you two lovebirds can get down to business on my bed. Go find your own room," the dwarf joked, trying to release some of the tension.

"Don't worry, Varric. The only place someone is willing to be with me like that is at the Rose, and that's because I'm paying." She turned on her heels, but Fenris' bruising grasp on her wrist pulled her back.

"No!" he yelled. "You will not go there, Hawke."

She tried to free herself from his grasp, but he wouldn't let her. Well, at least he was touching her again.

What could he do to keep her from going to that disgusting place? Kiss her, maybe? He couldn't. He was a coward.

"So?" she looked angrily at him.

Hanging his head, he let go of her. "I'm sorry," he said and left the room.

She sighed sadly and caressed the marks of his fingers on her wrist.

"Hawke, next round is on me. Sit here and let's talk," the dwarf gestured her to a chair.

"He must have gone through so much pain when he was a slave, Varric. That's why he is like this. And I forced him to touch me. He must have felt violated. How could I do this?" She sat down and drained her ale in one gulp.

"Come on, Hawke, don't be too hard on yourself. Broody likes you. He just doesn't know how to deal with that. And you like him too, but you are handling it almost as poorly as he is."

This dwarf, when had he become her friend? But that's what he was. Hawke finally had a friend and they talked and drank the night away.
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Free as a Bird