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Shattered Memories	By : FatalYaoi Category: +M through R > Resident Evil Views: 5096 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own (nor will I ever) Capcom, Resident Evil, or the characters stated. I receive no profit whatsoever in making or posting this story.

Chapter List
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.:Chapter 11:.

Trust

When Chris awoke, it was to another headache. He squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip in attempts to brace the pain that was swelling in his temples. Both hands cupped the sides of his head and a low groan escaped his lips as he rolled onto his left side to face the edge of the bed. Just when he was going to push past the pain to somehow remember the memory induced dream, an arm curled around his waist and into his stomach.

Chris froze and he momentarily forgot the pain; He allowed his left hand to drop slowly, gliding down blindly through the darkness until it found the mysterious hand cupping him so protectively. His fingers brushed lightly over the blonde's fingers and they immediately intertwined with his.

"I suppose I was wrong."

Wesker's voice broke through the silence and Chris fought the urge to pull their hands apart as the pain returned.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked, rolling onto his back while impatiently waiting for the pain to dissipate.

"I assumed you had remembered everything. I was wrong. I suppose I couldn't expect the plan to go so accordingly," Wesker replied simply.

"Your plan? It was an actual plan?"

"Indeed it was. This was even part of the plan."

Chris sighed and pulled himself up, his shirtless torso shining in the small stream of moonlight that was shining through the window. He looked at the dark shadow that was Wesker, a small bittersweet smile plaguing just under the surface.

He hated himself.

Chris had betrayed countless people- what would his partners think? What was he suppose to think? What would happen now? His thoughts were everywhere.

"What did you remember?"

Wesker's voice startled Chris from his guilt filled thoughts and his response didn't come for a long few moments as he tried to remember his dream.

"Nothing, apparently. I'm sure I dreamed of a memory but I'm not sure what it was I usually get flashes of a memory but never just nothing… and I'm sure there's still a lot more missing. I only remember bits and pieces of things and I get headaches whenever I try to fill in the blanks."

"Odd but nonetheless explainable. Perhaps sleep could bring more answers than hammering thoughts could," Wesker suggested as his hand untangled itself from Chris's to trace the brunette's stomach lines.

"Probably," was Chris's response but he didn't shift to a laying position.

He didn't know if it was from guilt or just going to bed early, but sleep didn't feel like much of an option despite knowing Wesker was right.

"You aren't?" Wesker asked after a few silent minutes rolled by.

"You should. You've seemed exhausted lately."

"That wasn't what I asked, Christopher," Wesker said stiffly.

Chris sighed quietly again when he heard shuffling and felt the bed shift. Chris gave a glance to see Wesker's sitting form.

"I know that isn't what you asked. Just go back to sleep, Wesker."

"You are far too stubborn," Wesker muttered with a light shake of his head.

"Stubborn isn't the word to use, Wesker," Chris said as he looked to the blond again.

"Alright. I'll say-" Wesker paused a moment and when he spoke again, Chris could hear the light amusement in his voice, "-human."

"I can live with that," Chris responded before sitting back against the headboard.

Silence overtook the two and it wasn't until an hour had passed that Chris realized Wesker was asleep. Chris looked at the blond as morning light began breaking. He was able to see Wesker's head resting on the headboard while his pale golden chest rose and fell with his slow deep breaths.

With Wesker unconscious, Chris found his mind wandering from his forgotten memories to the guilt that was invading him. What exactly possessed him to do any of the things they did? What was going to happen between them now? What if Jill or Sheva found him let alone, somehow found out about all of it?

He was certainly no prisoner now and if faced with it, would he leave if given the chance?

Another glance to Wesker told him how indecisive he truly was. Chris wasn't exactly the type of happy, nor upset, that he expected but he found it rather difficult to describe his feelings with just a simple word so everything seemed scattered.

However, nothing about this was simple and one word would never be able to explain it which somehow made the brunet feel better.

Chris looked at Wesker cautiously before slowly maneuvering his body closer to the blonde's. When he was close enough, he carefully began lowering himself onto Wesker; Chris's head rested on Wesker's chest and their bodies sat comfortable together.

"This is rather inappropriate, Chris."

"I-I know," Chris spoke quietly but didn't move.

Chris's head rose and fell with Wesker's defeated sigh shortly after and Chris had to hide the smile that crept onto his lips.

The brunet knew how ridiculous it was but being closer to the blond made his guilt seem unimportant and that feeling was enough to push him into taking the sort of chances that he was taking now.

"Chris-"

"Go back to sleep, Wesker. I'll wake you when the serum is needed."

Without a word, Wesker obeyed and fell asleep within a few quiet minutes, giving Chris another small boost of confidence.

After Chris had woken Wesker, the blond insisted Chris would merely be a distraction and he was told to keep out of the lab. Chris was chasing the man back and forth across the room while Wesker dressed and prepared for the day ahead simply giving reasons why he should be allowed in the lab. A stern look had Chris sighing and sitting on the bed with a quiet mutter.

"What was that?" Wesker asked, grabbing his gloves from the bedside table.

"I said 'fine'," Chris spoke louder.

Wesker chuckled darkly and began towards the door but stopped abruptly when his named was called.

"I need the serum soon, Chris. Time is short," Wesker sighed, turning back slightly to see Chris approaching him.

"Time is always short," Chris said before closing the distance between them.

When Wesker didn't fight it, Chris's arms, by instinct, went up; One arm wrapped around Wesker's neck while the other cupped his cheek in an attempt to deepen the kiss. Chris's right hand gripped the back of Wesker's neck, his fingers tugging on the tiny blond hairs that were disheveled from the gel. Their lips moved against each other smoothly, fitting together much like two puzzle pieces. Just as Wesker's tongue slipped through Chris's lips, the brunet pulled away.

"Might as well enjoy it while we can," Chris whispered before returning to his seat on the bed.

Chris watched Wesker smirk, nod, and leave. The moment the door was closed, Chris fell back onto the bed, his eyes going to the ceiling. Without Wesker physically in front of him, Chris wondered if his guilt would return.

Almost immediately he began contemplating the betrayal of S.T.A.R.S, the countless deaths, Jill's fake death and kidnapping, and then Africa and Uroboros- all Wesker's doing. What was wrong with Chris? He knew this thing would never go anywhere. Despite his feelings, he was well aware that it would be far too useless to try. It was all nothing. What they had was just a tiny look into their past- that's what Chris thought, anyway. Whether he was right or not was certainly different.

Though, was he ever right?

Either way, Chris knew the whole situation meant more to him than Wesker and was sure Wesker knew about it as well. Chris was suppose to be the hero; he was suppose to be a B.S.A.A agent; He was suppose to be human. Would anyone human actually do this?

Probably.

Humans make mistakes, that's their nature, but was this really just a mistake? Aren't you suppose to learn from mistakes? Aren't you suppose to work against repeating the actions that were deemed mistakes? Unfortunately, Chris didn't have much of a will to cease what the two had; he was content with their situation and that's what mattered when he had no other way out.

At this point, Chris wondered if it was even guilt that was plaguing him. There were certainly loads of other feelings swelling just beneath the surface but it all seemed cloudy like he didn't want to look too far into the future out of fear of what he might find.

Perhaps it was trepidation or possibly denial- whatever it was, a word wouldn't explain it. That was the only thing Chris seemed sure of.

Chris then began wondering if it would just be easier to accept their doomed relationship (or whatever it was) and have fun with it. That's what Wesker seemed to be doing and it worked for him. Why couldn't it work for Chris? Why couldn't he just do what he wanted with the situation at hand and deal with everything else when it came, like Wesker?

Right, because he's human and Wesker isn't.

Chris sighed at the thought. He knew sitting in a room all day would do little good for his mental health or state of mind but was low on options now that he had been banned from the laboratory. He contemplated food and possibly a shower, a thought that intrigued him due to the actions of the previous night.

Chris took a long moment of contemplation before sitting up and deciding food and a decent shower was a better alternative to sulking- even if he was simply running from his feelings.

By the time Chris arrived at the kitchen, he had acquired a genuine appetite. Stepping into the large room, his eyes immediately went to the empty sink; this meant Wesker had washed the dried macaroni from the pot and this caused the brunet to feel guilty. Wesker had important life saving research to be conducting and instead he was running about cleaning after Chris.

Chris involuntarily gave a bitter chuckle as a thought occurred to him.

Just like in S.T.A.R.S.

It was aggravating for Chris having to be stuck with paperwork all the time. Unfortunately, he was practically the Captain's secretary, unlike the rest of the team. He didn't know why Captain Wesker treated him like he wasn't qualified to be a S.T.A.R.S. member; like he wasn't a valuable member of the team. Chris sighed and stood from his desk, walking to the printer that sat beside Jill's currently empty desk. It sprang to life as he stepped up to it and began sliding out the papers dealing with the most recent case involving a drug deal they had intervened. Unfortunately, as he had been the one to rush in after being told specific orders not to, he was faced with even more paperwork.

The Captain wasn't even back yet from having to debrief Chief Irons and Chris doubted Wesker would make him look anything other than the worst. The thought of Wesker returning made Chris shiver- he really didn't want to face his Captain. Angry Wesker was one of the worst things he'd ever come across and he knew it was coming soon.

This was the calm before the storm.

Chris turned on his heel once a stack of papers sat neatly in his hands and looked around at the empty office. It was nearly nine at night the last he'd checked and he'd been alone for at least an hour before realizing it. After they'd returned from the case, Jill had been the only one to talk to him. She was stern, true, and Chris had gotten an earful but she didn't just ignore him like the rest of the members. Eventually, they would talk to him but for now, he was alone and doomed to face the wrath of Captain Albert Wesker.

Now, all Chris had to do was set the stack of papers on Wesker's desk for the man to sign stating everything was correct, and he could rush home as well. All the brunet needed to do was avoid Wesker- seemed easy enough.

Chris hurried into his Captain's office, his eyes momentarily glazing over the empty room- It lacked so much personality and looked nothing like a Captain's office should. This always made Chris uneasy and the room kind of made him feel awkward, even when Wesker wasn't in it. Chris easily compared it to a child being in a principles office as he awaited his punishment for mouthing off to a teacher- but it was far worse. Chris would take a childish punishment any day to the tongue lashing he would have to endure from his Captain.

Chris quickly walked towards the desk and just as he was leaning over it- a voice made him drop the papers too soon, causing them to scatter.

"Redfield, what are you doing?"

"CAPTAIN!" Chris yelped out, helplessly watching the papers float and slide until most of them settled on the floor.

"You truly are unbelievable- and that is far from a compliment," Wesker hissed, his arms behind his back as he strode into the room. "Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused, Redfield? You couldn't follow a simple order?"

Chris remained silent, he knew better than to interrupt Wesker. He simply shook his head as his eyes kept glancing to the floor around them and the papers that littered it.

"You realize," Wesker began as he rounded the opposite side of the desk, stepping onto the papers with silent crackles causing Chris to sigh. "you've not only endangered the entire team, you also put both of our jobs on the line as well?"

Chris, again, remained silent.

Wesker didn't speak either, his sunglasses reflecting in the dim lighting above them, allowing Chris to see just how angry he was.

"I'm sorry," Chris muttered, his gaze falling from Wesker's.

"Redfield, don't lie to me. You may be clumsy and illogical but you are certainly not sorry," Wesker hissed. "Most people learn from their mistakes. You would think getting discharged from the military would be enough for you to learn."

Chris's jaw tightened and his fists clenched at his sides- Wesker noticed.

"Why did you bother doing it if you aren't going to defend your actions? So tell me, Redfield, why did you do it?"

Chris opened his mouth to speak but when nothing came, he stopped trying and remained silent.

"Perhaps it was foolish of me to defend you," Wesker spoke coolly- but Chris looked up.

"Defend me?"

"Oh, you have a voice now, do you?"

"You defended me?" Chris asked perplexed.

"What was your reasoning?"

Chris remained silent for a long moment before sighing and shrugging.

"I don't know. It just felt right. We hadn't done enough recon on the place to be sure of all their positions and it would have been dangerous to go in slow, in my opinion. So, when Jill unlocked the front door and everyone was in place- I just sort of… went," Chris explained quietly, his eyes flicking to different parts of Wesker's face. "Why would you defend me?"

"Simply," Wesker exhaled heavily and sat down in the chair behind him before beckoning for Chris to sit as well; Chris obeyed. "When I chose you to be a S.T.A.R.S member, I understood the risks I was taking. I'd been warned, mind you, by multiple colleagues including Chief Irons. The dolt assumed you couldn't be controlled or couldn't follow orders but it was my ending decision. You follow orders, Redfield. You may not logically consider things or weigh in all options, but you respect me as your Captain and your team as your colleagues enough to not endanger us. I realize what you were doing, I realize that won't be a habit you break anytime soon- however-" A smile had been slowly forming on Chris's face as Wesker continued but it quickly fell to the shock that gathered in the single word 'however'.

"However- I also realize that either plan would have worked equally well and you disobeyed my direct orders without thinking it through. There's a difference, Redfield, that you need to learn. The difference between following your heart and following your mind. Perhaps when you know which is best, your actions won't be questioned. Until said time arises, you need to control your impulses and trust me, as your Captain."

"I'm-I'm sorry, Captain," Chris muttered, his entire head falling. "What did you say to Chief Irons?"

"The entire debrief turned into whether you were worth the risk nearly as soon as it began. However, I was able to persuade him by altering the scenario slightly," Wesker spoke, leaning forward onto his desk while his fingers interlocked in front of him.

"You… lied?"

"Indeed. I simply told him the perpetrators were aware of us and if you hadn't acted impulsive then someone could have been injured. This means, of course, he began considering whether I was right for the job as Captain of S.T.A.R.S. and whether I considered all scenarios and all available options."

"You risked your job… for me?" Chris asked, looking at the blond in amazement.

"Yes, I did. However, I won't do it again, do you understand me?"

"Y-Yeah. I don't know really what to say, Captain," Chris muttered with a bit of a grin.

"Well," Wesker smirked and Chris's grin fell, "you probably shouldn't say much. You have quite a bit of work to do now that you have to reword the rest of the team's paperwork, including your own."

Chris groaned and fell against the back of the chair.

"You want it done tonight, don't you, Captain?"

"Indeed I do, Redfield."

"I hate when you call me that," Chris muttered, standing in a bit of a sulk.

"I realize that," Wesker said simply before Chris began towards the door. "You aren't finished in here. I'm not going to clean up these papers for you, you know," Chris turned and the tired look on his face was enough to make Wesker smirk.

It was clearly pitiful and Chris was well aware of it.

"Never mind, Christopher. Go home. Deal with the paperwork in the morning and I might as well clean this up."

Chris sighed as he stared at the empty plate in front of him. He hadn't felt full in weeks. It had been far too long since he had a real meal sitting in his stomach and it was enough to make him feel as if he could go another few weeks on simply that meal; he liked this feeling far too much.

Chris walked his empty plate to the sink and gave it a quick wash before drying it and returning it to the cupboard. The memory had been a nice one, something he hadn't thought of in a long while because of the pain it brought him. He remembered his old Captain's words all too well-

"Until said time arises, you need to control your impulses and trust me, as your Captain."

Chris leaned against the counter and mentally began to push the lingering thought of betrayal from his head. Chris trusted his Captain all that time ago and look where it got them. Most of the team was now dead, indirectly or directly by cause of Wesker, and the few remaining members were spread out or otherwise unknown.

There were times, usually when Chris was alone or vulnerable, that he considered memories like that to be real. He liked playing with the thought of Wesker actually being truthful and the entire betrayal had simply been forced by Umbrella- though it was a façade; a simple illusion created by his mind to make him feel better about painful memories that haunted him.

While Chris left the room, he mused over the reasoning for him liking the memory so much. He had always assumed it was simply how frightened he was at first and somehow, it all worked out but he knew better. The brunet was well aware that he liked the damn memory so much because of Wesker; When he had first entered the room, the blond was angry. He wanted to kill Chris, most likely literally, and had every right to feel that way but unlike the military, Wesker understood. He understood Chris's reasoning for doing something that he wasn't suppose to do just because it felt right.

His echoing footsteps pulled him from his musings and he almost had to catch himself from walking directly past the bathroom door. It was sad, when he thought about it. His memories always put him in a sour mood and yet, Chris found himself enjoying them. It was a bittersweet sort of enjoyment but enjoyment nonetheless- and he hated it.

Chris wondered, while walking through the bathroom and into the shower room, if that was why he found himself stuck in the past more often than not. He seemed more enthralled with his past and trying to figure out which moments were real and which were fake, that he seemed blinded by the present and the future scared him.

This thought made the brunet laugh and he pushed it from his mind before beginning to undress.

Chris looked into those glowing eyes as Wesker turned to him. He'd just ruined the entirety of the blonde's plans and Wesker was far worse than simply upset; he was pissed. A woman's voice spoke warnings through the speakers around them and the sound of rushing air deafened the three of them. Chris looked from Wesker to the opening hatch as he clung to a nearby railing.

"H-Hang on!" Chris called to Sheva who was also clinging to a railing but much closer to the hatch.

Wesker slowly began inching backwards as the rushing air pulled him. There was nothing he could do as he was easily lifted into the air and jolted backwards. His back hit the railing Sheva had her arms wrapped around, causing him to flip and catch Sheva's ankle.

Wesker was currently hanging over a wide open hatch that may or may not kill him if he fell from the height they were at.

Sheva was struggling to hang on, looking desperately up at Chris who certainly wasn't struggling as much as she. Chris saw it- in one fleeting look from Sheva; He knew what she was going to do. She was going to let go.

"Chris?"

Chris was yelling, though he wasn't entirely sure why. The pain in his head, painful as it was, wasn't enough to warrant shouting as loudly as this. It took him a long few moments before the screaming turned into loud groaning and, by that time, Wesker was sitting beside him.

"Even when you aren't near me, you disturb my research, Christopher," Wesker sighed, his sunglasses sitting between his thumb and forefinger while his left hand pinched the bridge of his nose.

"S-Sorry to disturb you, Wesker," Chris hissed through gritted teeth as he struggled to sit up.

"Don't bother getting up. At this rate, you'll need to be brought back to the bedroom and I refuse to carry you," Wesker spoke outright before replacing his glasses.

"I'll be fine, I can walk," Chris muttered, his right palm pressed to his temple while his left pushed him into a sitting position. "Just go back to your research, I'm fine."

"You know better than to lie to me," Wesker sighed, standing and watching Chris closely as he attempted to push himself into a standing position.

"I'm not ly-" Chris faltered when he took a step, a large dizzy spell overtook him and the room spun. "Oh god."

Chris shut his eyes and when he opened them again, he was staring directly at Wesker. He was still standing though leaning into Wesker as the blond had caught him when he fell.

"You caught me," Chris muttered in realization, Wesker's arms secured around Chris's chest, holding him sideways with little trouble.

"Did you expect me to let you fall to the floor?" Wesker asked, assisting Chris to stand on his own.

"Well, yeah."

Chris straightened in his spot and when he was sure the light headedness was gone, he looked towards Wesker.

"Perhaps I should have simply let you fall considering I did advise against attempting to stand and, of course, you decided to ignore my warning."

"Do I have a reason to trust anything you say, Wesker?"

Wesker smirked.

"No, I suppose not."
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