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In good times and in bad	By : kruemel Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 14749 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Dragon Age and the characters of the game do not belong to me. This is a no profit fanfiction

Chapter List
- 11
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"And this all sounded so easy when we left Redcliffe," Rori sighs once the doors slam shut behind us. She peers down the dim and empty corridor. It's as silent in here as in a grave. "Go find some mages and lyrium and have them save Connor."
"As I recall from my time as a templar, locking the door and throwing away the key was 'plan B'." I whisper next to her.
"If this is meant to reassure me, then I am afraid it doesn't work," Rori comments as she carefully proceeds down the corridor.
What we find is a mess. A huge and horrible, bloody blasted mess. Well, first we find a granny mage called Wynne but right after that it's all but a huge mess. Something has happened in this tower, something really evil. Demons, abominations, templars and mages either possessed or dead and a corruption that has spread all over the place, something fleshy and smelly that none of us longs to touch. Even Morrigan is uncharacteristically silent.
And then when I really thought it couldn't get worse, we meet that sloth demon. It looks like a huge mass of misshapen flesh as if someone had mashed meat together in an utterly disgusting way and the result came alive somehow. And before I even know what has happened, I'm drifting off to sleep. Last thing I hear is Morrigan complaining: "This is ridiculous. You cannot expect me to rest on a floor sticky with blood!"
"Alistair!" Goldanna beams at me when she opens the door. "It is so good to see you! I've waited for this for years. Oh, little brother, how I missed you!" She hugs me tight, making me blush as I feel so overwhelmed by her welcome. Before I can even stammer a greeting, she drags me into her house and introduces me to my nephews and nieces.
And I really have thought that being a Grey Warden would make me happy! All the death, the tragedy, the horrendous nightmares and the darkspawn. All that seems so far away now that the Blight is over and I have found the home that I have always longed for.
The only thing that's bothering me is Rori's absence. I wonder what happened to her after the archdemon got defeated. I really have to ask Goldanna about her. Strange that I cannot remember myself...
"Alistair, can you lay the table, please?" Goldanna calls from the kitchen, disturbing my confused thoughts.
And then all of a sudden Rori is there. She walks through the door of Goldanna's house as if she has been invited. And there I thought things couldn't get more perfect...
"Hey Rori! It's great to see you again. I was just thinking about you. Isn't that a marvellous coincidence?" I take her hand and introduce her to my sister and the kids. "We're one happy family, at long last!" I beam at her, earning myself a frown in return. I admit, I'm a little disappointed. I thought... oh, I don't know...
"You... seem very content." Rori mutters compasionately. She's acting strange.
"I am! I'm happier than I've been my entire life. Isn't this strange? I thought being a Grey Warden would make me happy. I was wrong. This is it."
"Oh Alistair!" Rori gives me a hug. Not the nice-to-see-you-again kind of hug, more the I'm-so-sorry type. "Sorry, but you can't stay. We have to go."
What? She has to be kidding. I'm done with this. One Blight is enough. "Okay, listen, I really like you but I don't think I'll come along. I don't want to spend my life fighting only to end next to rotting darkspawn."
"My sentiments exactly," Rori agrees. "I really wish it was because you deserve to be happy, but... this is not real. At least you got a cool dream! Mine sucked. But it still is only an illusion."
Only a few moments later my perfect little world crumbles. "Alistair," Rori says insistently as she takes my hands. Her touch doesn't seem... real... Something is odd here. "Try to rememer how you came here. What happened right before you came here?"
"We defeated the archdemon..."
"And how exactly did we do that?" Rori inquires rather curiously.
"Uhm... I don't know... I don't remember... that's strange..."
"And there I thought all this trouble could turn out as useful after all," Rori sighs. "Listen, Alistair, I don't know much about this. Actually nothing. But I think this is the Fade," Rori explains hastily. "It can't be anything else."
"The Fade?" I echo stupidly. But then... all this wouldn't be true. Goldanna, my family, this would be a lie.
"You have absolutely no idea what I had to do to get here to find you," Rori groans. She looks shaken. "And I will not leave without you." Stubborn as always. Just... I do not want to leave... can't she stay instead?
I look around at Goldanna standing at the stove, and the children playing tag by running around the large table in the kitchen. "This... is not real?"
"I am sorry, Alistair," Rori whispers softly, squeezing my hand.
"We've been at the Circle of Magi... there..." I force the memory to the surface. It seems so far away and still... it is the only thing real next to Rori. The moment I accept this, the world around me changes. The house vanishes and I find myself standing in a deserted landscape that floats in the middle of nowhere. Goldanna shrieks and throws herself at me. "I rather kill him if I can't have him!"
I am so startled, I just stand there and stare. This... thing... still wears my sister's face and although I know it is not her, I just cannot move to defend myself. Only when Rori runs the false Goldanna through and... whatever it is... begins to pull itself off the blade while hissing and shrieking in a most unhuman way, I jump into action.
"I cannot believe I got fooled so easily..." I mumble once the illusion is shattered and the creatures are dead. Rori opens her mouth to answer but I cannot hear her. She seems to dissolve - or maybe that's me...
An epic fight later I pick myself from the greasy floor in the tower at Kinloch Hold. I have a major headache and feel like a complete idiot. I guess, I by now should have gotten used to that feeling.
"Okay, let's get this done - quickly," Rori says firmly after she carefully has retrieved the book Niall mentioned from his body. "I do not want to experience anything like that ever again!"
We have to be almost at the top of that blasted tower. Another staircase opens into a small hall with something shimmering at the far end. It looks like a transparent wall with a figure crouching behind.
"Is there someone over there?" Leliana peers through the open door at the end of the staircase that leads us towards the top of the tower. "Oh, I hope they're still alive."
"It's a templar!" Wynne gasps as we draw closer. "He... he's still alive, I think! We must help him!" She wants to dart forward but Rori stops her.
"Careful," she whispers, slowing down our approach as she urges us to look around for anything odd. Well, more odd than a templar trapped behind a magical wall.
Sten rubs his chin in thought. "They spared one. Curious."
"Twould seem we are not the only ones these demons enjoy tormenting" Morrigan observes without any sympathy.
"Watch, now. I'm not falling asleep again!" I grumble. "This could be some trick. We should be careful."
I am not the only one to be wary and tired of mind games. "This trick again?" the templar groans as he catches sight of us. He is a young fellow about my age. "I know what you are. It won't work. I will stay strong"
"He really is a templar," Rori observes, sounding quite surprised there should be one left alive. All those we saw were either dead or possessed or mind controlled. To meet another demon would have been more likely. "He is a prisoner. Why would they do such a thing?"
"The boy is exhausted," Wynne says with much sympathy. "And this cage... I've never seen anything like it." She reaches out to touch the shimmering wall but flinches before her hand makes the contact. Instead she turns towards the poor templar, talking to him in a soothing fashion as if he was a frightened child. "Rest easy. Help is here."
He groans, almost sobs in response and drops down on his knees, clutching his head as if in great pain. "Enough visions. If anything in you is human... kill me now and stop this game."
"He's delirious. He's been tortured and has probably been denied food and water. I can tell. Here, I have a skin of..." Leliana comes forward to help the poor man but he snarls at her.
"Don't touch me! Stay away! Filthy bloodmages getting in my head. I. Will. Not. Break. I'd rather die."
"Calm down, you're save now... or will be soon when we're done with the filthy bloodmages you mentioned," Rori tries to soothe him
The templar jumps back to his feet in desperate anger. "Silence! I won't listen to anything you say! Now, be gone!" He closes his eyes and when he opens them again finds us all still standing there. "Still here? But that has always worked before! I close my eyes but you are still here when I open them!"
"Boy, they really messed around with your mind," Rori mumbles, her eyes full of concern as she watches the young man despair. She steps closer and he retreats. "Hush, it's alright. I am no illusion. None of us is. What's your name?" she speaks to him softly.
"My name?" Now the templar is even more confused than before. "I am not telling you my name, demon!"
"Alright. Then I start. I am Rori Elissa Cousland of Highever. Pleased to meet you... although the circumstances aren't exactly pleasant."
You can see it in his eyes, the way his face twists, that it slowly begins to dawn on him that we are indeed real and no demons or bloodmages. Neither demons nor bloodmages probably ever introduce themselves with their full name. "My name is Cullen Stanton Rutherford," he replies in a hoarse whisper as if he has to remind himself of his own name, as if saying it out loud makes it more real.
"Listen, Cullen," Rori keeps his attention on her by using his name. It's also a reassurance and calms him down for the moment. "We cannot get you out of this... cage... right now... but I do promise we will come back and help you. Just hold on for a bit longer, will you? We have cleared the tower so far, so there should be no more bloodmages or demons anywhere below... We've been rather... efficient. Can you tell us where the other mages are?"
"What others? What are you talking about?" Cullen cries out.
"Irving and the other mages that fought Uldred - where are they?" Wynne asks calmly. There's no use to get impatient with Cullen, she knows. We all do. Even Morrigan doesn't make any smug remarks.
"They are in the Harrowing Chamber. The sounds coming out from there... Oh Maker!" Cullen is close to crying. He's trembling so badly, I fear he's going to break down anytime soon.
"We must hurry!" Wynne exclaims. "They are in great danger, I am sure of it."
"No doubt they are after what we have already found on our way up here," Rori agrees.
"You can't save them!" Cullen shouts at us, clearly agonized. "You don't know what they become!"
"Uhm... and you do?"
"They've been surrounded by bloodmages whose wicked fingers snake into your mind and corrupt your thoughts." Cullen closes his eyes in anguish. "You have to end it now before it's too late."
"Cullen... you have been surrounded by bloodmages, too..." Rori points out. That their wicked fingers have been busy with his mind is quite obvious. Still, he resisted. "What do you purpose we do?"
"To ensure this horror is ended, to guarantee that no abominations or bloodmages live, you must kill everyone up there."
"Wow." Rori says, then silently considers his request for a moment. "Alistair, you have been a templar... do you agree with Cullen?"
Whoa! Is she really asking for my opinion? Now? I begin to sweat. Whatever I say now can come down to a decision of life or death. "I... I don't know," I stammer, wringing my hands nervously. "It's been an awful mess until now... but... there were some if only a few we could save... and we don't even know what's happening up there..."
"The more time we waste the less they have a chance to survive," Wynne points out. "To kill them all at once without making sure they have been corrupted... can we really do that?"
Biting her lips, Rori looks from Cullen to Wynne and me. I really don't want to walk in her shoes right now. Actually, I never want to walk in her shoes. They'd be too small for me anyway... "I cannot make that decision before I know what's happening," Rori informs Cullen.
"That is your choice to make but I beg you to consider what I have to say. You cannot tell maleficarum by sight."
"That's true," I agree. I wish it was different. But unfortunately they don't run around with a sign around their necks, telling you what they are. And they don't necessarily look evil. We've been taught that during templar training. The most beautiful woman, the sweetest child, the fragile grandmother - they all could be maleficarum.
Life would be so much easier if they all sprouted horns or hooves. Wings wouldn't be that good because then they could fly away... But as maleficarum do nothing of this, they told us templars not to be deceived by looks or manners, to be always alert, always watchful. Paranoia is a common disease amongst templars.
"Just one could influence the mind of a king, of a Grand Cleric..." Cullen breathes, horrified by the mere thought.
"Good thing we neither have a king here nor a Grand Cleric. Only a royal bastard...," Rori mumbles. I glare at her and earn myself a sheepish grin and an apologetic shrug.
"A bit of mind control wouldn't hurt with him." Morrigan sneers. "He couldn't turn out any dumber. Maybe it even would make an improvement."
Hey!
"What?" Cullen stares at her in confusion.
"Never mind," Morrigan hurries to say.
"We will save as many as we can," Rori decides.
"I am in no position to influence your decision," Cullen defeatedly observes. "Nobody ever listens until it is too late!" he cries out. "Maker turn his gaze on you. I hope your compassion hasn't doomed us all."
"I hope so, too," Rori agrees. She inhales deeply, then marches off to climb the very last staircase and kick the door open that leads into the Harrowing Chamber.
This has been fucked up before - now, this is the epitome of evilness. And stupidity according to Morrigan. We all stand there and watch Uldred morph from a bald unpleasant man to an even more unpleasant monster.
"Bloody blast it!" Rori hisses. "Let's go and kick its ass back to where it came from!"
...
I'm feeling a little dizzy. Too many mages in one place have that effect on me. Wynne is a nice old woman, though. She's so grandmotherly. Still, cleaning the tower was tough. Rori has been silent ever since we got back into the boat that ships us back to the shore. She's worried about poor Cullen. He insisted to walk all the way down on his own because he didn't trust us. We all feared he would fall down the stairs and break his neck. He was in such an awful condition. It is late at night and although Irving and Knight-Commander Greagoir offered us to stay, both Rori and I exclaimed an unison "NO!" - well, she said something like "Thank you, but no, thank you." My politness got lost somewhere in between level two and three of that blasted tower.
I jump out of the boat first and hold out my hand for the ladies to take. Rori probably could sumersault out of that boat. Still, i like to pretend to be a gentleman. And I like the feeling of her small hand in mine. Morrigan swats my hand away - and almost falls into the lake when her sudden movement causes the boat to totter.
"We could stay at the inn?" Wynne suggests. She's as tired as the rest of us, maybe more. I mean, she's old. She herds us all together like a mother goose and we trudge behind her. I am looking forward to sleep in a real bed for once and so is Rori. We sit at one of the tables in the inn, plates with food piling up in front of us. Rori pecks at her food. That's so unlike her that I get worried.
"Are you alright?"
"Huh? Yes, I am, thank you." Sighing she puts down her fork. "I've never met any bloodmages before. Or demons. Or abominations. Actually.., there has been a great lack of monsters in my life before Duncan recruited me. And now... they are everywhere!"
"Despite your lack of experience with monsters you're doing extremely well," I observe.
"Hmph!"
"You were the only one who didn't buy the sloth demon's illusion." I still feel like a complete loser for having been fooled that easily. At least Wynne got wrapped up in the illusion as well - and she is a mage. I always thought it easier for mages to see through such illusions.
"Eww, the Fade. Don't you remind me of that. I had to shapeshift into a mouse and other things and... it was all totally and completely strange!" Rori pierces what is supposed to be a potato with her fork and nibbles it listlessly. I am really tempted to ask about the mouse thing but the way she shudders when she talks aout the Fade stops me. "Still, seeing through the illusion.... that was nothing big. And Morrigan didn't get fooled either."
"But you managed to escape. I would have died in there like Niall without you. We all would have died. Uldred would have succeeded and Greagoir would have used the Right of Annulment to kill all remaining mages in the Circle." Actually without Rori everything would have gone wrong.
"The sloth demon made a mistake, that's all. The illusion wasn't well chosen. I knew it was wrong."
"What did he show you?" Wynne asks with obvious interest.
Rori chews at her lower lip for a while. "Duncan," she finally says tiredly. "He had me meet Duncan in Weishaupt. I knew Duncan was dead. So this couldn't be real. I still wonder why he chose him out of all the people he must have found in my memory. He could have trapped me in an illusion of my home with Mother and Father still alive. Even could have made me defend them forever. And if it had to be Weishaupt... why Duncan? Why not... Alistair?" Our eyes meet when she says my name. There's something in the way she looks at me next to her confusion and exhaustion, something beyond the sorrow. Would she not have seen through the illusion if it had benn I she met there? And why not? Because I am alive and she'd not have guessed at once that this had to be wrong? Or because she wanted to be there because of me... with me... like I felt at home with the false Goldanna because I so wanted this to be true. I asked Rori if I could pay my sister a visit as soon as we reach Denerim. She agreed - but now I am even more nervous than before. The sloth demon showed me what I am looking for in my sister. What if reality is not as wonderful as the lie?
The rooms in the inn are crowded with travellers and refugees from the south. So no real bed for us. We are allowed to sleep in the stables, though and it's still better than in a tent. Rori lies next to me in the hay with Barkley at her side. I have trouble falling asleep. Next to being bothered by the incident at the tower, I am worried about Connor and Arl Eamon. It's been two days now since we left them. I do hope they can keep the demon under control that long. If not...
See, that's why I don't want to be the one to make decisions. If the demon regained control over Connor in a way that makes it attack the villagers, then there will be more dead. If we killed Connor right away we could have avoided that risk. Same if we allowed Isolde to sacrifice herself. But Rori did none of that. She took the risk and if things go wrong it will be her responsibility. She will be the one to have chosen that path, the one who will have to deal with the results of her decisions.
Am I a coward? Yes, I'd say so. In battle I am not. To risk my own life has never bothered me. If I die, then that's fate. If I can save some with my own death, that's a good thing. But to decide who should live and who should die. Decisions as huge as Rori has to make them, that's nothing I can handle. I wonder how she does.
I lie on my back, staring at the ceiling in the dark. Rori lies beside me. Her breathing has become ragged and she is tossing and turning. Another nightmare. I only have to reach out to touch her and shake her awake gently. She sits up startled, trying to get away from me, shaking my hand off her shoulder.
"Hush," I soothe her. "It was only a nightmare, Rori."
"Alistair?" She sounds so timid and lost. I feel her fingertips whisper across my face when she tries to find me in the darkness.
"At your service."
"Don't you have nightmares? Shouldn't we have the same?" Her voice is no more than a low murmur in the darkness.
"I couldn't sleep. And I guess after some time you get used to it. Often the dreams are the same or similar. It also depends on how long you have been a Grey Warden."
"Because the poison has been in your blood longer?"
"Probably."
"What changes about you after the Joining?" The hay rustles when she inches closer until we lie face to face.
"Other than you become a Grey Warden?"
"I mean physically." She stiffles a yawn.
"You know, I asked Duncan this, too, and all I got was 'You'll see.'"
Rori snorts. "Just try that line on me."
"I have other lines for you, trust me." I chuckle softly.
Another snort, but I can also hear her smile.
"It's not that Duncan wants to keep it a secret. It's just that the Grey Wardens don't discuss it much." Usually there should be at least one to help you through whatever changes you expeerience. Just the two of us are unlucky, so that makes me the senior clueless fool and her my apprentice. In case we survive this and actually get to rebuilt the Grey Wardens, this is top on my list of things I'd like to change. Every new Warden will get a thorough tutorial.
"You will have to discuss it with me, though." Stubborn little girl. I'd love to have seen her squeeze the info out of Duncan. She doesn't have to press me too hard. I'd give her anything she wants.
"The first change I noticed was an increasing appetite. I used to get up in the middle of the night and raid the castle larder. I thought I was starving. I'd slurp down every dinner like it was my last, my face all covered in gravy. When I'd look up the other Grey Wardens would stare then laugh themselves to tears."
"I haven't felt anything like that." Rori muses.
"Really? Because I was watching you wolf down food the other day and I thought: Uh, it's a good thing she gets a lot of exercise."
"What can I say, I'm a growing girl." I can't see her grin but she for sure does. One of these wide and a little foolish grins that make her look like a little girl who got caught stealing cookies.
"I'll say!"
"Hey!" She punches me in the chest.
"Ugh, I didn't mean it like that. No, don't hit me, I bruise easily."
"Sometimes you're such a jerk!"
"I cannot be perfect all the time."
Then there's the nightmares. But she already knows about them. What nobody ever told her was the part when the nightmares become real bad. To be a Grey Warden is a death sentence. It is very unlikely one of us will die in bed of senile decay.
"First I have to survive the Blight and Loghain's tries to murder me, then I can start worrying about the Calling." Rori and her pragmatism. She falls silent for some time and I know she's biting her lower lip while lost in thought. "I don't get why Loghain does this. Cailan's death was planned as was the murder of my family. He tried to overtake the mages, too. And poison Eamon. Why? He was one of Maric's best friends. He was a hero. What has changed that?"
"Lunacy?"
"That's a rather simple explanation and I don't buy it."
"Well, I might hold myself back long enough for you to ask him before I kill him." I don't really care for the why. Those things he did and does, there's nothing that could convince me he doesn't deserve to die.
"Alistair? Are yu sleeping?" Rori asks after a moment of sience,
"Sleeping like a log," I chuckle.
"Your Fade dream... do you regret leaving it? You were happy there, weren't you? Like the templar was happy in the illusion the desire demon created for him."
"Well, I couldn't let you end the Blight all on your own, right? Why? Did you consider leaving me there?" I'm not sure how I feel. Worried how my meeting with the real Goldanna. Disappointed because once again a dream burst like a soap bubble. Sad because the Grey Wardens don't feel like home anymore now. Still, would I have wanted to stay?
"No." Rori's answer comes without hesitation. "It was an illusion and although it made you happy, this happiness was false. Leaving you there would have robbed you off the chance to find true happiness in your real life."
Now that's Rori to a T. Always an optimist. I'm not as positive about my future. That's when she squeezes my hand reassuringly and I can hear her smile. Maybe happiness is not that far away after all.
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In good times and in bad