Adult-FanFiction.org : Games

Shadow of Destiny: The script of sarcasm	By : Shenai Category: -Misc Video Games/RPGs > Walkthroughs/Hints/Spoilers Views: 1697 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the game that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
Disclaimer: As Konami so willingly informed me, it�s not mine. (Waves mutilated arm.)

Ending E.

(Well here it is boys and girls; the last entry to the script de sarcasm. Ending E is of course, my favorite ending due to a variety of reasons and- Hey, I�m getting ahead of myself here. Just read it ya lazy sods. (This is Shenai by the way. Sometimes it�s difficult to tell the difference between myself and Akito.)

(Ending E is the one you will get if you didn�t tell Mary Sue that you suspect she�s you ancestress.
When you speak to Dana to get the red stone, the conversation changes after the blackout and then you will be able to make a choice. The first part of the conversation is the same in all the endings, but for Ending D and E it changes after the blackout:

Eike: (As Dana stands facing away from him.) I�m the same way�No family at all. But...

Dana: (Turning back to him.) � but that time and place is still your home, right? It�s where you want to be... (Why am I hearing a song in this?)

Eike: (Wondering whether he should warn Dana that staying in the 1500�s means staying with Mary Sue. Personally I�d want to be anywhere else but there.) Yeah. That�s how I feel.

(They stare at each other for a while, possibly because they�re both blonde and are able to communicate in ways unknown to the rest of the human race. Or it could just be they�re checking each other out. Whatever the case, Dana finally remembers the stone and fishes into her pocket.)

Dana: Oh, remember this...? (Runs up to him and shoves the stone in his face. I bet Homy�s pretty excited right about now.) It�s the red stone from that day.

(Once more we get the nifty pretentious camera circle around the stone to nail home that �This stone is IMPORTANT!! Eike gazes at it longingly, one step away from spouting the lines; "I wants it. My birthday present, I wants it!")

Eike: That stone�s a�(Tears his eyes away from it�s shiningness and looks at Dana.) Look, do you mind if I ask you to give that to me?

Dana: (Looks appalled at the idea of surrendering her �precious� to this blonde idiot she had a brief encounter with 4 years ago. Well, for her anyway. But as we all know, she has a change of heart and gives in to Eike because the script told her too. And not that way either. Jesus Christ.) Of course you can have it. (Smiles as she hands it over, though you can see she is suffering as much as Gollum in LoTR�s.) If it weren�t for this stone, I would have never met you, never would have ended up right here now, talking to you like this. I�ve always thought that there was something very important about this stone... (Christ on a Christmas Tree Bilbo just give him the damn rock!) That�s the reason I thought about having it included in my portrait. But that�s okay�after all, I got to see you again. (*Sniffs* Oh the romance is like a bullet to the heart!) Here you go. (She hands over the stone and Eike pockets it without so much as a thank you. Ungrateful little chaod. A choice screen pops up now, giving you the following options:

"Okay. Take care of yourself, then.

Let�s go back together, Dana."

Choosing the first choice makes you get Ending D. But since I like Ending E more, (and we�ve already done D, I choose the second option. Here is what happens:

Dana: Hm? What was that?

Eike: (Taking his inability not to mumble another way) This must be important...

(The choice screen pops up again and you can change your mind if you want to. But we don�t. Or to be precise, I don�t. Selecting the second option again prompts the following scene:

Dana: No... no, you just can�t spring something like that on me. (Not that he really did... if you recall he asked you 2 minutes before Dana. Christ, this is making the rest of the blonde population look bad!)

Eike: But if you stay here, it�s going to affect the timeline.

Dana: What? What kind of a--? (Fill in appropriate term for �wanker� here.) You�re saying I should go back�for the�the timeline?

Eike: (Getting backed quite steadily into a corner.) I didn�t mean... look�(He says this last word with his mouth closed. This guy would make a great ventriloquist!)

Dana: So, I�m supposed to abandon my life here for the sake of your timeline? (Eike hangs his head in shame.) You left me here for four years, remember? (Eike wonders how the years flew by so fast.) And now we�re both going to pretend like those four years didn�t exist. That�that really sucks, Eike. (So do vacuum cleaners honey, but you don�t yell at them.)

(Dana turns and storms away.)

Eike: (Desperately.) Dana... (I mean, I know we all know he�s desperate since he gets with Mary Sue in Ending A but I thought I�d describe it anyway.)

Dana: (Stops and looks at the ground. That�s it girl, you make a stand!) ... Sorry. I�m sorry I lost it. But�but it�s just not possible. (?) I can�t just erase four years� worth of good memories from my mind. (Hatori�s never around when you need him is he?) (The camera swings around to show her from the front with Eike looking guilty *and kind of hot* in the background.) Even if I were to go back I would always be thinking of my life here. I�d have to. I know that. Being asked to go back, that�s just so... (She starts crying into her hands and whilst she�s not brilliant at it, she sure puts Hugo to shame back in Chapter 1. Eike looks even more ashamed, if that�s possible and looks at the ground. Geez Dana, the guys gonna be scribbling out suicide poems on black writing paper next time you see him.)

Eike: No, I�m the one who should apologize. I�m really sorry. (*Spazzes out like Ritsu screaming: "I�M SO~OOOOORRRYYY!! I APOLOGIZE TO THE WHOLE WORLD, AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO HAS TO SHARE OXYGEN WITH ME!! I�M AN AIR THEIF, I�M SO SOOO~OOORRRY!! PLEASE FORGIVE MEEEE~EEE!!!")

Dana: (Snuffles a bit more and seems to be attempting to push a tear back into her eye. WTF?) ...Why couldn�t you have shown up right after I got here... Then I could have gone back...

Eike: (Damn near crying himself.) I�m sorry. I�m just...just so�sorry. (Ritsu gets jealous that there�s someone else apologizing more then he is right now.)

(Pause for lunch break. Burger from KFC yummy yum...)

(Okay I�m back with a full belly! I�ll probably regret this later on when the script makes me nauseous but moving along...)

Eike: But are you really ready to spend your whole life here?

Dana: (Turning to face him.) Please, let me think about it for a while. It�s too big a decision...

Eike: Okay... I�ll leave you alone. I�ll be back later. (Dramatic pause.) Could you think about it till then? I know it�s heavy stuff.

Dana: All right. Later, then...

(Eike gives a half hearted little wave and then turns to go about his blonde business. Dana however remembers something before he pisses off.)

Dana: Oh, wait, hold on. (Eike turns back to her, convinced that she is about to confess her sudden and undying love for him but she�s doing quite the opposite. She�s thinking about work. Nothing like mentioning the old job to ruin a romantic moment. The point here of course is to show how invested Dana still is in that time. Ha, go me and my great skills of philosophy!) My boss�you know, the one at the cafe I used to work at- If you see him, could you say hello? Tell him I�m sorry I just disappeared on him like that, and tell him that he should deduct that shift from my paycheck... (The fuck...? What does she think? That her boss was going to send her a paycheck all the way back to the 1500�s? Of course he would have deducted it! Not that he�s even aware of her being missing. Not that she knows that of course.)

Eike: (Thinking along the same lines. Kill me. Kill me now.) I don�t think that�s necessary.

Dana: You don�t? (Eike shakes his head, wandering why all the people he meets are crazy.) But... I was supposed to open up the shop the next day. I wonder if everything turned out okay... I can�t believe I�m so worried about this at this point.

Eike: (Super cheerful with an extra pinch of perk.) Don�t worry about that. It�s only been about half a day since I met you, you know. (Waves his hands about a bit to emphasize what a huge spazweed he is. Thanks Eike. I never would have guessed that on my own.)

Dana: Huh...? (Another victim of Tidus Syndrome.) What does that mean? (Gimme a break, old man!!)

Eike: It means it�s only been about half a day since I met you! How fucking obvious do I need to be?! If I were anymore obvious the gamers would switch off the PS2 right now and start up an Anti-Eike webpage and that�s bad! And the recapper would bitch. (This is the translation of Eike�s actual line. The non-translation follows.) Well, actually... It�s ...ah... (Oh the intelligence is overwhelming.) Forget it. I�ll just give him the message.

Dana: Really? So that�s okay then? (Eike: Now that you ask, it really is a fucking waste of my time.)

Eike: Yeah. (Poofter.)

Dana: Whew. That�s one thing I don�t have to stress over anymore.

Eike: (All happy like again. Hey, if all goes well he could end up with Dana and not Mary Sue! Homy is the preference of course, but I�ll take what I can get.) Well, take care of yourself. I�ll see you later.

Dana: Thanks. You too, Eike.

(They part like a married couple, her turning and walking away from him without a hug or a goodbye kiss. ...Okay, maybe this is only similar to the married couple�s in my family. Eike takes one lingering look at his blonde bosomy love before he carries on his way. Fade to black.)

(The idea now is to zip Eike�s bony little butt back to 2001 to deliver Dana�s message. You have to go to the cafe (why he expects the boss to be there at this time of night I don�t know. I mean, it�s not like the guy sleeps on the floor or anything.) and there Eike finds a little note wedged under the door. Examine it and the following scene occurs:

(The note Scene:

Eike: (Noticing the note. Tee hee... I made a pun...) Hm? What�s this?

(Thinking it might be a love note from Homy, the intrepid adventurer Eike (I use this term loosely) bends down and scoops up the little letter. We get a nice shot of his hands as he unfolds the note and reads it. Well, to be accurate, the words appear on screen and we have to read it. Damn, where�d I leave my reading glasses?)

The Note says: (If you notice this notice you�ll notice this notice is not worth noticing... Okay, not really, but that would have been funny!) "Dear Dana, Thanks for running a lost & found errand yesterday. After you open up the store today, try opening the box on the counter. (The till?) It�s a little birthday present (Did I mention it was my birthday a few weeks ago? No? Just thought I�d mention it since everyone else seems to have forgotten!) [better late then never!] from all of us at the cafe, and most of the regulars as well.

You have a pretty big following, Dana. Keep up the good work!

Your Boss and Your Friend." (Jesus. I�m more choked up then I was in episode 26 on Fruits Basket and that�s telling you something!)

(N E way, now that Eike has the note he must return to the 1500�s and give it to Dana so she can come Back to the Future! ...What? I loved that movie! I remember the first time I did this, I couldn�t find her anywhere no matter how hard I looked! And she was right behind Eike when he appears, leaning up against the side of the City Hall. ...God, I felt stupid... So, when he does find her and speak to her, the following scene occurs:

(Back to the Future! (Theme music plays.)

Eike: There you are.

Dana: Oh... are you still here? (I notice she never asks just how he manages to time travel. That probably would have been the first thing I would have asked!)

Eike: (Trotting up to her.) Actually, I�ve been there and now I�m back. (Fishes around in his pocket and hooks a baramundi.) There was a note there for you. (Hands the note to Dana who quickly skims through it. I personally would have found it funny if it was actually Eike who wrote the note just to get her to go back with him. But then again, I�m funnier then Konami. And the point is that Dana really is appreciated. If it ended with her going back to a place where everybody hates her, the gamers would whine excessively and make the company�s ears bleed, for abandoning righteousness. Bah, humbug.)

Dana: (Finishes reading.) Oh... of course... It�s still the same time back there... (Took you long enough to figure it out babe.)

Eike: Sort of. It�s been a couple of hours.

Dana: (Amazed that she is a valued member of society.) Wouldn�t have guessed he�d do that... I mean, he�s a good boss and everything, but... (Slipping into the well fitting Compulsive Angst mode.) I�when I was in that time, I thought�I thought no one needed me... (Walks a little away from Eike and faces the wall. She seems to be thinking hard about something. Surprise, surprise.)

Eike: Dana...?

Dana: (After a long pause.) Do you think�Do you think maybe, there�s a place for me there...? You know, to come home to...? What do you think, Eike?

Eike: (Compassionately.) Of course there�s a place for you. (If by extension he says; "In my heart..." I�m loosing my lunch here and now.)

Dana: (Resolved by Eike�s tender loving expression.) ...I�ll go back.

Eike: What!?

Dana: (Excited.) I said I�m going back. I�ll go back with you, to the time we came from.

Eike: (Thinking that this is too good to be true.) Are you really okay with that?

Dana: (Racing up to him and grabbing his hand. Aww...) Yes. But I want to go as quickly as possible. Otherwise, I�ll lose my nerve.

Eike: (With a giddy grin on his face like a deranged geffling.) Ok. Let�s go then. (The scene fades out on his disturbing expression and then you get the Digipad option screen popping up. Use this to take Dana back to the year 2001. Why? CAUSE I SAID SO IS WHY!! After the little bubble thing pops up and encases them both, they disappear and we get a shot of Hugo peeping around the corner of a building, obviously spying on them. ...Oh well, whatever lifts your skirt.)

Hugo: Hmmm... Sis didn�t have much of a chance. (See?! Didn�t I tell you this kid was smart!? *Hugs Hugo*)

(We travel through the Shiny Swirly Vortex of Star Trek Fangeeks everywhere and Eike and Dana emerge outside of the Cafe for plot reasons. Because hey, it wouldn�t have had the same impact if they had landed infront of Mr. Eckart�s house. Dana is now in color, though her dress hasn�t changed dramatically. Not like Mary Sue�s which turns out to be blue, Dana�s is still brown. But, that�s really beside the point.)

Dana: (Looking around as a �Romance beside the cafe� piano solo plays in the background.) Oh... we�re back in that day? (... ... I�ll avoid saying anything because I actually like Dana. But, you�d know what I would say otherwise.)

Eike: (As happy as Pippin with a second breakfast.) Yeah.

Dana: I see... it already feels so- -familiar.

(She looks around a bit more, then suddenly remembers she just came straight from the 1500�s and her attire is not exactly going to blend in. Though in this town, with people walking around in sheets, fortune-teller robes and girls wearing torn up curtain fabric, I don�t think she should be feeling too insecure.)

Dana: (Chuckling.) Oh, gosh, I�m so embarrassed. Look at what I�m wearing�I look like a one person Halloween parade. (Oh come on Dana-darling. You�re not that ugly.) And�I guess I�ve aged four years in an afternoon, right? (For the record, Dana is now 22. Eike�s age. If that isn�t the recipe for a couple I don�t know what is. Unless it involves Sephiroth and Ansem.)

Eike: (Perpetually blitzed out. Must have snagged a puff on Homy�s genie bong. Hey, what did you think they used lamps for? If you say �For rubbing� I�m going to wring your neck.) Don�t worry about that.

Dana: (Looking herself up and down.) Really�you think?

Eike: (Very obviously checking her out. I mean, she doesn�t really look that different, except for the hair. It�s amazing what a new hairstyle can do!) You still look young, Dana.

Dana: (Smiles at him. Ooh yeah, take it bitch. Take it.) You sure?

Eike: (Ignoring her wrinkles.) Absolutely. (Oh for Gods sake, just drink some sake and screw already!!)

Dana: But... But...I guess I�ll go back to my apartment and take a good look in the mirror. I can�t help feeling�(Old and wrinkly) you know? Do you have something else to do, Eike?

...

...

Holy freakin� crap.

Dana just invited Eike back to her apartment. Dana just invited Eike back to her apartment. Dana just invited Eike back to her apartment. Trust me, it bears repeating until it sinks in.

Excuse me whilst I consult my guide on heterosexual relationships, and determine whether this is a pre-nup sexual situation. I mean, I know I may be going overboard but HOLY FREAKIN� CRAP!! They could end up doing it! They just met that day! Though, I have to confess, Dana is nowhere near as direct as Sybila was, now that was smart.)

Eike: (Does what no straight guy would do when a beautiful blonde buxom lady has just invited him back to her apartment. He refuses. Sure, he�s got this mystery to solve, but no straight man would put that first!) Yeah. Sorry I can�t walk you home. (Well I�ve never heard it called that before.)

Dana: (Endorphins dropping as fast as Squall�s erection when he finds out that Rinoa isn�t a boy.) I�ll be fine. I have to remember how to get there as I go, anyway. (Oh great. There�ll probably be some stupid sidetracking quest to rescue Dana after she gets lost in the city. Even I don�t get lost and I don�t even live there!) This age and I have a lot of catching up to do. (AKA: The liquor cabinet and her have a lot of catching up to do. Four years worth to be exact.)

Eike: I�ll be in touch. (He means that literally of course.) Take care of yourself, okay?

Dana: Yeah. You too. You can find me in the cafe, usually. (Why do I get the feeling that Eike�s going to be frequenting that cafe a lot from now on?)

Eike: I�ll see you later, then.

(He waves and Dana skoots off in the museum�s direction. Now, I ask you, what kind of romantic parting scene was that? Somehow, correct me if I�m wrong, but I don�t think we�ve seen the last of Dana. Call me a psychic if you will. Psychic is spelt P-S-Y-C-H-I-C by the way, not P-S-Y-C-H-O. Just so you know.

Eike must now return to the 1500�s and give the stone to Wolfy. All the conversations are the same as usual, only Hugo has a sweet little line when Eike enters the house. Mary Sue siddles up to him wanking about how he likes to turn up unannounced and Hugo responds with:

Hugo: Father�s down in the basement, working. (Hands on his hips.) You did come to see him, not Margarete, didn�t you? I know that for a fact.

(I love it! Hugo officially wins the "Ripping on Annoying Character�s Award." (Hands award to Hugo who makes a big show of accepting it and wiping away his tears. Homy fumes in the background.) Mary Sue responds the same way she normally does, by telling him to stop his intelligence because it makes her itty bitty baby brain hurt. What a dork. Eike then goes downstairs and talks to Wolfy and the conversations are all the same up until Eike enters the house ten days later...)

(Ten days later... Do you like my dramatic full stops there, huh?!)

Eike: (Surveying the damage.) Hello! Is anybody here? Anybody�Dr. Wagner! Margarete, Hugo! Anyone there? (Dramatic close up.) What about... Homunculus...? (What about him? He�s cute!)

Mary Sue: (From downstairs.) Hugo!!

Eike: The basement!? (Since when did the basement speak?)

(Down in the basement, Mary Sue is looking around wildly. I don�t know whether to be happy or sad. Sad that I have to see her again, or happy that she�s not frolicking about the future with her maniac little brother.)

Mary Sue: Eike, oh God... (Is she worshipping him?) It�s Hugo, he�s�

(It would seem Hugo has escaped his sister via �The Transport Mechanism-Whoojackerfeveefenackenfugal I am increasingly happy for him. Only problem is, more Mary Sue for me. Little bastard. Eike wanders over and checks out the Time Machines form, noting the date on it is the same year he comes from. Hmm... I wonder what time Hugo traveled to.)

Eike: This meter here�Is this a�time machine?! (Yes Eike. We have already established this in the other endings.)

Mary Sue: (Scuttles to his side like a disgusting crab.) W-what�s going one? What happened to Hugo!?

Eike: (Grabs her by the shoulder�s and shakes her until her brain comes out her nose.) It�s all right�you can relax.

Mary Sue: (Still managing to speak despite the removal of a major artery. God damn it, I knew it was too easy. It takes heaps longer to kill the boss monster�s in Final Fantasy and Mary Sue spawned them all.) B-but he disappeared...! Hugo... (It�s nice that she�s all concerned about him now as opposed to Ending A when she couldn�t give two shits about him.)

Eike: Okay, okay, I�ll go look for him. Will you wait here?

(This precedes a horrifying close up of Mary Sue�s face from the side. You go to Hell. You go to Hell and you die.)

Mary Sue: Are you sure?

Eike: I know what I�m doing. (Eike then speaks the truest line ever spoken so far in this game.) Actually, that�s an overstatement, (Holy crap, I think there was just a cool breeze through Hell.) but I�ll do what I can.

Mary Sue: (Scoping out the various bottles of grog on her father�s shelves that escaped the destruction.) I�d be grateful for any help. Please find him... (Time for some good old fashion wankst spouting boys and girls.) Mother�s dead, Father�s gone, and now Hugo... (I personally think they�re all lucky. Each of them is a par removed from Mary Sue.) If he doesn�t come back�I... I... (You�ll just have to kill yourself Mary Sue. There�s no other way.)

Eike: Margarete, try not to think about yourself. (... ... Okay, I lied.) Margarete, try not to imagine the worst. You wait here, drink some liquor and I�ll be back soon.

Mary Sue: I�m all right now. Never mind about me, (Who said I ever did in the first place?) please find Hugo...

Eike: (Adopting Superman undies.) Okay, I will. Don�t worry. I can see you need a big strong man to save the day since you�re the helpless female who can�t do anything yourself. But since there are no big strong men around it�s just going to have to be me.

(Eike now returns to the 21^st century where he immediately gets a call from Hugo. Even though you know they�re just dying to engage in some super juicy phone sex, the conversation goes completely the same as it previously has. With one small exception to the lines...)

(Phone conversation: Mary Sue replaced with ???)

Woman�s Voice on phone: Ei...help...

Eike: Hugo! (Oh come on Eike, he ain�t that girly.) Do you have someone with you?

Black Hugo: (Instead of telling him to mind his own fucking business, just laughs.) Absolutely. A friend of yours, I think?

Eike: (Not having a clue.) What?

Black Hugo: I saw you two talking. Looked pretty cozy to me. (Wait... has he got Homy there?) But it was sheer luck that I ran into her in the future. (Guess not.)

Eike: (Figuring it out quicker then me. Jesus Christ, I should be decapitated. I don�t deserve to have a head if I don�t even use it.) Dana!? What are you doing with Dana! (Statement needs no help from me.)

Black Hugo: Well, that�s up to you. (Oh that�s a bit much, even for me.) I�m asking you to do me a favor. (This is going from bad to worse.) Bring Homunculus with you. We�ll be waiting in the square. Don�t keep me waiting all right?

(Hugo hangs up abruptly.)

Eike: Hey!

(Realizes he�s going to get nothing further out of the phone and switches it off. The scene fades out on his expression.

Well the truth has finally revealed itself; Hugo is nothing but a little pervert who wants nothing more then to get down and dirty with Eike, Homy and Dana in the Square. It�s a little hard to plot progress without going there though, so despite my common sense I speed Eike onwards towards his imminent molestation. It�s little wonder that Homy never wanted to put his parachute panted ass into Hugo�s hands, considering what the kid obviously wants to do with it. Do I even need to add a joke about the knife and it�s resemblance to Mr. POONTY? No? I�ll just get back onto the script then shall I?)

(The Square scene.)

(Eike runs into the Square and looks around.)

Eike: Hugo! Where are you!

(Hugo bustles out from hiding with Dana in tow. The best thing about this scene is that Dana isn�t so obsessed with saying his name every two seconds.)

Black Hugo: Lord, you�re so noisy. I�m here, right here.

(Hugo holds the knife closer to Dana�s throat and I make a multitude of bad sex jokes.)

Dana: ... Oh God.. help me... (Ahh so she thinks Eike is God too? Well who am I to disagree with the masses?)

Eike: (Fuming that Hugo gets to point his knife at Dana�s face and he doesn�t.) Dana! You bastard...! (Whoa, now don�t go gunning the high horse silver! She�s not cheating on you yet. ...Oh... he was calling Hugo the bastard... Akito! Hugo stole your frame!)

(The following conversation is the same as the others preceding it, with Hugo dorking on about his Happy family plans by resurrecting his dead mother from the grave and taking her zombie-fied body back home where they can all live happily ever after. I am able to stomach it however, without the "enhancement" of Mary Sue �Hugo-ing� in the background. Dana has no clue what�s going on, so she just sort of stands there with this �Derp� expression on her face. It�s all the same up until Eike says the; "You�ve got to understand" line. Here is the different dialogue that follows:

Black Hugo: No excuses. If you want your girlfriend here safe, you�d better hurry up. (Eike: (Clueless.) Girlfriend? Where?!)

Dana: (Who has remained humble and quiet and non-annoying throughout her ordeal.) ... Eike...

Eike: (Mentally beating himself over the head with a flower pot.) Dana�I�m so sorry. If I�d just walked you home... we would be making wild passionate love in your bed right now and this whole situation could have been avoided! It�s all my fault!

Black Hugo: (Not giving a shit about their love life.) Come on, hurry up. I�ll give you twenty minutes.

(Scene fade out on Eike�s peeved expression.

Alrighty. The idea now is to go back to the 1500�s and get Mary Sue to come back to the future with you (I shouldn�t have gotten my hopes up that this could be avoided) and deal with her brother. Like Hugo would listen to Mary Sue in the first place, having held her hostage in all but one ending and never caring a jot for her opinion before, but whatever. Let�s just get this ending ended.)

(Back in the 1500�s.)

(Eike trots slowly down the stairs to the Wagner Wanker�s basement. Mary Sue is still standing around doing nothing, but that�s her right as a Mary Sue, so let�s just move on.)

Mary Sue: Oh, Eike! Any luck? Did you find Hugo?

(Excuse me whilst I go grab a snack.)

INTERLUDE...

(I have quelled my hunger with a few of those chocolate biscuits with the strawberry marshmallow filling. Speaking of which, don�t you think Seymour looked like the State Puff Marshmallow man when he wore that outfit during his wedding in FFX? *Bub expression* I did.)

Eike: (Reaching the floor and walking towards her.) I did, but... (Trails off.)

Mary Sue: Did something�something happen?

Eike: Hey, do you think maybe you can come with me? (Oh no Eike... please have mercy on my good Shenanigantology soul.)

Mary Sue: What? You mean--?

Eike: To my time, yeah. Well, that�s where Hugo is.

(Mary Sue considers for a moment and makes a correct assumption. Jesus Christ, Eike�s made one and now she has! Am I in the fucking Twilight zone?! All I need now is for Homy to make a complete dickweed of himself to lose all faith in this game completely. Continuity, scomptimuity.)

Mary Sue: There�s something going on, isn�t there.... All right, I�ll go with you.

Eike: I�m sorry. (Hostess: (Popping up.) OUTRAGEOUS!! I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYONE APOLOGIZE MORE THEN ME!! I�M SORRY WORLD!! I�M SORRY FOR MAKING THIS POOR MAN APOLOGIZE WHEN I SHOULD BE PREVENTING HIM FROM DOING SO BY APOLOGIZING MORE MYSELF!!! I�M SO SORRY!!! I�M SO SORRY!!! *Walls shake and crumble*

(Wallbug escorts the Hostess out of the script whilst Shenai and Akito prod their ears trying to restore their sense of hearing.)

(Well, now that was unusual. Now all we need is a Riceball to dance across the screen wearing a Sailor Suit. Touch wood.)

Eike: It�s just that I think it might be quicker for you to see for yourself than hear it from me.

(The Digipad screen pops up and now you must return to the future. Eike and Mary Sue land outside of the Fortune Teller�s place which is, as we all now know, the former Alchemist�s house. Mary Sue promptly creams herself over how the future is all that and a bag of chips.)

Mary Sue: (Looking around like the braindead bimbo she is.) This is�the future? It�s so bright here... (I�m ashamed to be sharing the same gender as this girl right now.) And it�s nighttime... this is amazing. (Noticing Eike�s gaze directed towards the Square and his one true love. Dana you idiots, not Hugo.) Wait a second, where�s Hugo?

Eike: He�s nearby. Hugo�s�Hugo�s trying to kill me.

Mary Sue: (Basically shits herself at the notion.) What? Why would Hugo want to do a thing like that?

Eike: (As creepy ethereal music plays in the background.) He says Dr. Wagner disappeared because of a secret experiment. Hugo believes that I caused this, by helping Dr. Wagner, giving him the stuff (One single stone) he needed for the experiment. Looks like he dedicated his life to tracking me down, and this situation we�ve got her is the result.

Mary Sue: (Nods.) You mean he came all this way just to kill you... (Herm... yes. Yes dear, I think that�s exactly what Eike just said...)

Eike: Yeah. But I haven�t done anything. I don�t know what happened to Dr. Wagner at all. (Good thing he doesn�t know about Ending D then. He may be prompted to kill himself.) I want to make him realize that this is a misunderstanding... Will you help me...? (Eike babe, you�d get better help from a goldfish. They can remember things for 3 seconds.)

Mary Sue: I�ll help you. I don�t want Hugo to do a terrible thing like that. (Raises her head, determination burning in her eyes. I know I�m impressed.) I can talk to Hugo. Take me to him, please.

(Scene fades out then reopens back on the Square. Dana is sitting calmly on the bench with Hugo standing infront of her, checking her out. He looks over as Eike and Mary Sue approach like two heroes from an Old Western. Hugo is trying to figure out why Homy is wearing the same dress as his sister. Though Homy would fill it out much better then she would; he has a bigger bust.)

Mary Sue: (Rushes dramatically forward.) Hugo!!

Black Hugo: (Eyes bulge in horror at the site of the she-devil herself.) S-Sis, what�re you doing here!? (Gets into battle position.) Stay away!! Don�t come near me! (You�re going to need two priests, some Holy Water, a crucifix and a bible to achieve that Hugey-boy.)

Mary Sue: (Stopping a few feet away from him.) Hugo! What do you think you�re doing! (Putting on commanding Motherly voice.) Stop this right now! (We got a bit of fanservice there, with Hugo�s ass in camera line though slightly to the side. He does have a nice butt... for someone now a year younger then me...)

Black Hugo: (Waving the knife around. I know I�m turned on.) Shut up! You have no right to order me around!!

Mary Sue: (Seeing the Mother mode not working dress sphere�s into Hippie mode. Though without all the flashy animation.) Hugo, calm down. Mellow out, dude... (Okay, so I added that last bit.) Eike is not the kind of monster you believe he is.

Eike: (Hides dragon tail.)

Black Hugo: You�re too nice, you know that? (Gestures to Dana.) He cares more about this strumpet here than you! (Hash called me a strumpet once. That really hurt my feelings...)

Dana: (Unclear on the meaning of the term, unlike moi.) W-what�s he talking about?

Mary Sue: (Ignoring all her feelings of jealousy, storms up to Hugo.) Never mind that! Hugo, we�re going home.

Black Hugo: I�m not going! (Do I even need to mention he says this line like a spoilt brat?)

Mary Sue: Hugo! (Uses Warrior dress sphere and changes into Battle Sue, laying a big slap to Hugo�s bratty cheeks. Face cheeks dear. Face cheeks. You get to see the stunned reactions of Eike and Dana, witnessing the change of Mary Sue to Xena Warrior Princess. Hugo is so shocked he drops his knife. Convenient.)

Black Hugo: What the--!

Mary Sue: (still in battle mode, grabs him by the shoulders.) We�re going home, Hugo. It may be just the two of us, but we�re still a family, and we have a place to go back to. (Um... the same place that was blown to smithereens?)

Hugo: (Going white.) But...

Mary Sue: (Uses Sobby Will of Guilt sphere and starts sobbing powerfully to Hugo, raking off HP like there�s no tomorrow.) I�ll�I�ll take care of you, and you take care of me, okay? (Close up on Hugo�s face as he is moved by the power of Mary Sue�s crying. It seems that Margarete graduated from the same Mary Sue school as Tohru, where they teach you the art of sobbing your heart out to homicidal opponents to win a battle. Akito is yelling at Hugo not to give up, but it�s not like he�s one to talk the Honda loving softie... Ow... ow... that�s my ear...)

Mary Sue: What I make working will keep us both fed and clothed. I can try to be more like Mother was to us... (Sobs loudly as a tear rolls across her cheek. Oh yeah. I feel the power.)

Hugo: (Softly. This is a very emotional scene okay?) Sis...You don�t care anymore�That Mother�s gone...

Mary Sue: (Straightening up and getting control of herself.) Look, both of us are old enough to stand on our own two feet, Hugo. We have to take responsibility for our own actions... Right? And the important thing is... right now Hugo... (Dramatic pause) You�re alive!

(Akito says I have a very bad sense of humor.)

Hugo: (Looking downright ashamed of himself.) Okay. I�ll go home. (Eike wanders into shot, knowing he is safe now the knife has magically disappeared. If you think I�m exaggerating for comic relief I�m not. It is MIA, gone!) I�m sorry about everything. Forget the Philosopher�s Stone. It�s okay now.

(Eike just stares at him cutely whilst a Sad Theme of Music plays in the background. Hugo turns back to Mary Sue.)

Hugo: Is that good?

Mary Sue: Yes... (Oh, so she decides whether or not that�s an adequate apology? It�s not like she was the one who got stabbed countless times, pushed off of buildings, hit by a car and poisoned to name a few. Still, she decides that everything is okay now.

I think I�m starting to like her.)

Mary Sue: Eike, we really are sorry.

Hugo: C�mon, Sis, let�s go home. Once we�re there, I promise I�ll destroy the (whoojackerfeveefenakenfugal) time traveling device.

Mary Sue: What!? Seems a shame... (Okay I�m over her now. I hate her again.)

Hugo: It�s my way of showing that I�m sorry. Come on.

Mary Sue: (Looks around with squinty eyes like she has down syndrome.) I wish I could have seen a little more of this age. But I guess that�s the least of our concerns now. (Okay, since when did Mary Sue become smart? This whole thing doesn�t make any sense! ...Oh well. Neither do any of my fics.)

Hugo: I left the machine outside the town. We should be going... (He stands there for a moment and nods at Eike, telling him without words that he is ever so sorry for the billions of violent deaths he presented him with. His conscience abated he trots away, happy that he doesn�t get raped by Mr. Eckart in this ending and can leave with his ass intact. Mary Sue has further business however and starts checking out Eike�s makeout chick. Dana that is, not Homy.)

Mary Sue: I�m glad you found her. (Oh I bet you are Ms. Jealousy.) She�s the one you were looking for, isn�t she?

(Eike just smiles, thinking about what he�s going to do to Dana later with little Mr. POOINTY. Oh, and the fact that Mary Sue is about to depart forever. It could be either one of these things.)

Mary Sue: (Decides to leave them to it and admit defeat. Finally.) I guess it�s good-bye...

Eike: I guess so. Well, take care of yourself. (Is this like his motto or something? Eike seems to have this rule that he can�t say goodbye to anyone permanently without adding this to the end of it. ...I guess it�s polite and all but still, it annoys me and I�m the author.)

(Mary Sue nods and follows Hugo into the night. I celebrate because this marks the end of my having to recap her forever. Though it also means no more Hugo but I�m willing to make that sacrifice. As the two of them move off, Dana comes up beside Eike and gazes after them, still curious as to what a �strumpet� is.)

Dana: What was all that? And why did that kid try a thing like that...

Eike: I�m sorry. (Ritsu: *Jumps up and down* My line! My line! MINE!!) It�s my fault you had to go through all that. (I assume he�s talking about being witness to the sight of Mary Sue, because that�s certainly a just reason to apologize for.)

Dana: It�s okay. I�m all right. Besides for some reason, I can�t really be mad at him... (She understands what he must have suffered through.)

Eike: I know what you mean. I think he�s a nice kid, really.

(I am about to write the next line, when I am suddenly distracted by all the eyeliner Dana seems to be wearing. Jesus Christ, no wonder she was trying to push her tears back into her eyes, the alternative would have been the waste of a thousand tissues.)

Dana: If I had a little brother, maybe that�s how he�d be. (... Okay... that was random. Actually, I think this is subtle foreshadowing the switch Homy supposedly made in Ending A though we know it can�t apply here, because if Dana was Eike�s ancestress he wouldn�t be around now, as she would have been pulled from the timeline. Incest aside, let�s just assume that she was just making a comparison to Hugo�s nature with her own. Though I don�t see Dana with a split personality or an Oedipus complex so I don�t know.)

Eike: (As the Dual shock starts to slightly vibrate.) Huh?

Dana: Just something that kind of hit me. Nothing important, you know... (A blue light shines over the city as Hugo boots up the time machine.) Oh...?

(The camera pans out to show the itty bitty figures of Dana and Eike against the larger buildings as the light shines up from behind them. The transporting noise is made and we can assume that both are on their way home in the Kinder Surprise Time Traveling Device. Must be squishy in there...)

(End Chapter 8.)
Ending E Epilogue...

(Now that all those pesky sub characters are out of the way, Eike decides to get cosy with Dana and puts his arm around her shoulders. This lovely scene is enhanced by the Statue Eike�s bum directly in the background. I don�t know if this counts as fanservice or not, but it�s highly inappropriate at a romantic moment like this. Speaking of fanservice, who should slither into shot now but our favorite djinn Homy. He must have been getting jealous of our little het couple having their �moment.� Really Homy, let the guy get some already. He�s had a big day.)

Homy: (Ignoring me.) Well, looks like it�s over, doesn�t it? Good job, Eike.

Eike: (Forgetting about Dana, in order to recite his �You used me� speech all over again. Jesus Christ, de ja vu anyone?) ...I...I was trying to change my destiny....

Homy: (Wondering what brand of eyeliner Dana�s wearing.) And you did.

(As the camera pans around this scene, it has the statue�s bum facing outwards towards the camera right in between them all. Is that meant to be funny, or are Konami just happily oblivious to it as they are about most things?)

Eike: Was it all for you? You used me... just to make sure you�d be created... that no one would stop you from living.... (And what in the blue hell is wrong with that, Eike?~! You big hopping hypocrite!! You did the exact same thing, in case you�d forgotten!!)

Homy: (Extending his arms like a Pelican about to take flight.) Now, let�s not have all this unpleasant talk about "using". I mean, who cares, really? Yes, yes, you managed to preserve my destiny�if you�d been killed, I would never have been born. Immortality has it�s perks, but you have to be given life first. I�ve been through this with you so many fucking times already, Eike. How many times do I have to repeat myself before it sinks into your blonde cranial orifice?

Dana: (Wondering where Homy does his clothes shopping.)

Eike: (Forgetting about his own selfish self for a moment.) What happened to Dr. Wagner?

Homy: (Does the cutest little head tilt and smiles innocently.) What makes you think I know...? (Leans a little closer as he says this, then backs off, smiling sweetly the whole time.)

(Apparently, Homy does go into what happened to him because the next thing you know we�ve flashed back to Wolfy�s lab just like in Ending D. And just like in Ending D, it all happens the same up until Wolfy starts wanking about Helena forgiving him. Homy�s response is different, and better if you ask me:

Wolfy: (Blah, blah, blah.) Helena.... Forgive me....

Homy: (Groans and crosses his arms.) Oh, great... old people are always spacing out, I swear. (Whilst this is somewhat hypocritical coming from the immortal pot-smoking genie, it�s still fucking funny.) Hello, snap out of it, Grampa.

Wolfy: ("I ain�t your Grampa and you�re older then me, so shut your mouth!") Begone, then. Begone! Miserable, cursed creature! (Homy, doesn�t seem the least bit miserable as he gazes around the lab dazedly.) Begone from my sight, forever! You asked me my wish, and here it is!

Homy: (Seemingly a bit offended at Wolfy�s name calling.) Disappear from your sight, you say? Oh, sure thing. If that�s what you want, that�s what you get! There!

(Homy then walks out of the lab, strolls down the bakery and grabs a cheese and bacon roll, disappearing from Wolfy�s sight forever.

...

...

... Okay I lied. But that would have been funny. Though, what Homy does instead is still pretty humorous. If you have a mean sense of humor, like all of us here at Yaoi Headquarters. Homy flings his arms back and does the wish casting movement, with his cute little face right in shot for a couple of seconds. The floor beneath Wolfy starts to smoke for a second and rises up around him. He starts to realize that �This Shit ain�t Right.�)

Wolfy: (Gasps.) Aah! Wh...what is this? (Um... isn�t it smoke?)

Homy: (Snickers evily sounding just like Akito. Akito, who is now gloating in the corner at this.) I�ve arranged for your permanent departure. That way you�ll never have to see me again, get it? Good. (Tinkles his fingers mockingly and I fall even more madly in love. I don�t think that�s possible, but I�ll mention it anyway.) Bye-bye, now.

Wolfy: (Writhing about in the smoke, just like Homy did in the pentagram in Ending D. I watch and laugh, because turnabout is fair play dickhole. That�ll teach you to hurt our Homy!!) You--! Helena... the children.... Forgive me, Helena....

(With an over dramatic cry of pain, he falls to his knee�s and disappears into nothingness. Homy scoffs and the camera pans up to show him standing beside the pentagram he jumped over earlier. See?! He�s smarter in this ending!)

Homy: (Making a noise as though he has just found something icky on the bottom of his booties.) Huh, amateur.... (Puts his hands on his hips.) You think you can pull that on me? Not in a thousand years, old man.

...

...

(*Hugs Homy madly* I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!)

(Sorry. I had to get it off of my chest.)

(The scene changes back to the 21^st century, with Homy still smiling cutely as though butter wouldn�t melt in his little cherub mouth.)

Homy: (Cocks head to the side adorably.) So, it was something like that. (He says ever so cutely.) I granted him his heart�s desire, you see. (His heart�s desire was to be turned into nothingness? ...Oh well. Some people have weird fetishes, what can I say?)

(Eike does not see the funny side of this situation and seems prepared to kick Homy�s b-hind all the way to Arabia and back. He takes a menacing step forward whilst Dana just sort of stands there in the background.)

Eike: You...

Homy: (Spunkily) Yes? (Eike, this is your cue to shut up and value life. Your life in particular.) Oh, by the way, I need the Digipad back....

(He scampers quickly over to Eike, all too eager to get back to his Swinging Limbo Pad of Love (Yeah, baby, yeah!) and entertain his boyfriend/genie friends. Eike forks over the Digipad, trying to decide whether he should just take a swing at Homy in honor of old Wolfy. However, Eike does indeed want to live past today, having died enough to last him a lifetime (he, heh) and this close to finally getting it on with someone.)

Eike: Here, it�s yours....

Homy: (Taking it. And not like that, though you know he wants to.) Time for me to go.... I suppose we won�t be seeing each other again. In all likelihood...

(Thus follows the touching parting scene, where Homy just walks away and blobbles back to his Limbo pad. Dana, just dying to know who the cute little imp with the great taste in fashion was, takes this as a cue to start pestering Eike.)

Dana: What...who was that--?

Eike: (Instead of admitting to it being the love of his life, he just goes with the masses.) I don�t really know, I guess.... Never did figure that one out. But it�s okay. I don�t think we�ll ever see him again.

(Eike gazes sadly after Homy, thinking about how he will never flirt with him again or bend over whenever he�s not around... I�m making about as much sense as the game here.)

Dana: (Brushing aside the mysterious guy who just disappeared into thin air and moving onto more important things. Like herself.) It�s not okay. Four years..!

Eike: (Forcibly unrolling his eyes from their sockets.) Are you still worried about that?

Dana: Of course! I mean, four years? Hello? The best years of my life! (Cripes, you�d think Eike left her in fucking Hawaii for Gods sake.) I�m holding you personally responsible, you know.

Eike: (Scratches his head nervously, then suddenly turns away.) Well, in that case, okay. I�ll take responsibility.

Dana: ...Huh? What do you mean by that?

Eike: (Looks at her teasingly. Note, I have no idea what they�re talking about, but I think this is just a cutesy bonding moment. Like Tidus teaching Yuna to whistle. I�d mention the laughing scene, but that wasn�t cute. That was... scary. ...To say the least.) How should I know?

Dana: (Laughs and runs up to him, grabbing his arms.) Oh yeah!?

Eike: (Laughing as he turns away from her and starts ragging on her about her age. Even though, she�s the same age as him now. Whatever.) I�m forgetting things in my old age. Maybe it was about that necklace I was going to make you? (Yeah, so much for that... that would have been a great way to bring them together.)

Dana: You are such a--! (Decides to turn his own teasing back at him.) Well, since you brought it up, I should mention something. You�re like a nice dad...

...

...

(I hope she means; "-and I know you�d make a great one to my children." I�ll run with that. Otherwise this conversation is starting to reek of something illegal.)

Dana: - I don�t remember mine, and you�re too young, to be one, but that�s how I see you.

Eike: (Wondering if this means he won�t get laid.) Do I seem that ancient?

Dana: (Chuckles and waves her hands.) No, nothing like that. It�s all this talk about responsibility, and besides, you seem so with it and everything.

(Eike just sort of smiles, still wondering whether or not this will deter his plan of getting her into bed. Personally, I would not like to look at Eike as a father figure. He makes too good a boyfriend. Dana, realizing she must sound kind of foolish, grins a bit sheepishly. Then the two of them start laughing in unison. It�s cute, but I would have preferred a cuddle at least. Eike, honoring my request makes his move.)

Eike: (Smiling.) Okay, I�ll walk you home. Just in case. (We already know the real translation for �walk you home� now kiddies.)

Dana: (Banishing any thoughts of Eike being her Dad from her head.) That�d be nice. (I second that! �Walking home� with Eike would be pretty nice.) I don�t want to deal with that again. (Teasingly grabs Eike�s sleeve and tugs on it.) Come on, Dad.

Eike: (As the two of them walk off towards the buildings, he makes it clear the whole father concept turns him right off.) "Come on" yourself. If you call me that again, you can walk alone.

Dana: (Chuckles as the two of them walk off together into the night, chatting away though of course we don�t get to hear any of the interaction that takes place. Of course, we don�t get to see the actual consummation when they �walk home� because the scene fades out there. The prologue ends and the credits role. The Ending E banner has a picture of Dana on it, holding a new born baby in her arms. ... Okay, I lie. But that would have been cute. She�s just holding her hands to her heart. The writing over top of the picture says this:

"What kind of life awaits me...? I�m not sure but maybe that�s the way it should be . The future is what we�what all of us�make it."

And that�s it. That�s the end of "Shadow of Destiny: The Script of Sarcasm." It�s been six months of dedicated work, typing, gaming and sniping. It�s been a fun ride but now it comes to a close. I hope you enjoyed the journey with us, and never hesitate to ask for a script whenever you need it! Yaoi Headquarters is always ready to smack another one out, with accuracy and 100% sarcasm.

It�s been a long journey, and I must say I have enjoyed doing it! Special thanks is extended to Akito (Fellow recapper who put in a lot of hours) and my editor Wallbug. Couldn�t have done it without ya!

I hope you enjoyed it!

Shenai Graham

AKA: NaPap and Shenanigan.
- 13
- 14
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Shadow of Destiny: The script of sarcasm