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At the Edge of Heaven	By : Kabraxal Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 33512 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do now own the copyright for Mass Effect or its associated characters. This story is simply for fun and I do not make any money from this work.

Chapter List
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I know it has been some time since I last updated any of my stories. Had some issues I had to deal with that kept me busy and contributed to writer's block when I did try. So... without further ado, a small little step back into this universe!

He felt lighter. He could not explain it. Laying there, stretched out on the couch with his arm lazily draped over his eyes, he wondered. He was sore. He was tired. And he was drained so completely that he hadn't moved in hours. It had been a long day, foraging in that frozen wreckage for hours just to retrieve the stark reminders of the crew he had failed. He should feel horrible, defeated... but he only felt lighter. All those aches and pains, the utter exhaustion and weariness, told him that the grim task was exactly what he had needed. For the first time since he woke in that damned Cerberus facility, he felt alive. He felt almost normal.
He sighed. It made no sense. He slid his arm off his eyes and stared up at the dark ceiling. He had broken under the strain of the last few months: finding love, letting her die, saving the galaxy, then dying himself. Now he found himself alive again, the galaxy still blindly ignoring the threat and the fate of all their lives once again bore down on his shoulders. It should have destroyed him. It did. At least he thought it did. Just a day before he threw in the towel. He quit.
"I quit." the thought echoed in his mind and shame burned through him. But here he lay. Sore and exhausted, certainly... but alive, determined, and ready to bear the weight again. He had failed once. Many died because of it. He could not let those deaths be in vain.
He sat up and stretched, groaning as muscles strained and joints popped reluctantly. The shame still lingered. He knew it would for a while longer. But he wasn't quitting now. He discovered his purpose. Something had finally come along to smack him upside his head and force him to pull himself together. He stood up with a resolute breath. He would pull himself together. He was done moping. He owed it to those dead crewman. He owed it to Ashley. They died to protect the galaxy. Who was he to throw in the towel and belittle those sacrifices? He had no right.
He glanced down at the table briefly, her eyes staring up from that picture. "Damn straight skipper." he chuckled as the memory of Ashley's casual, smarmy reply flared inside his head. She loved saying it. He would miss hearing it. He nodded at her picture as his body relaxed, a sense of peace at his decision rolling through his body. He could almost see her smile.
"I promise." he turned from the table and walked towards the door.

* * *

Miranda sat at her desk, chin in her hands as she stared blankly at the door. She hoped the small mission had cleared Shepard's head. She hoped it would bring life back to him. She had been wrong. As soon as he had docked and boarded the Normandy, he disappeared back into his cabin. He had set course for a drop point to deliver the dog tags to the Alliance and that was it. He had given up and she had failed. She sighed and pushed herself away from the desk. There was no point hiding it anymore. She had to tell the Illusive Man. They couldn't rely on Shepard.
"Damn it." she pounded the desk as she tried to stifle the growl rumbling in her chest. She clenched her teeth tightly to cut it off completely when the door to her room slid open. With one controlled breath she gave a terse comment. "I'm busy."
"This won't take long." her breath caught slightly at Shepard's voice. Her mind raced in shock as he continued without her acknowledgement. "I've ordered Joker to set course for Omega once we clear the drop. Rest up and prepare for the mission."
His voice was tired and strained, but there was something different. Something there she hadn't heard since he had woken in that med bay. She looked up and blinked at him as he stood tall in her door, his back straight and his shoulders set.
"We have a doctor to recruit." he nodded to her, his eyes gleaming with intent and clarity. Her chest tightened in surprise at the determination set in his stance and stare. He was sure, he was calm, and yet everything about this man now standing before her was so intense. His presence was almost suffocating. She was beginning to understand why The Illusive Man wanted Shepard. He commanded respect so easily. She stared at him for a few moments, his eyes sharp and clear for the first time since they had met. Her heart fluttered slightly. She swallowed quickly before finally shaking her head.
"Aye, aye Commander." her voice betrayed none of her surprise. With another nod, Shepard turned and walked away. The door shut behind him, leaving Miranda staring and confused... and a little disappointed that he had left so quickly. She growled at the impulsive thought and shook her head violently.
"Damn it!" she swore again. This time for entirely different reasons. What the hell was with this man that she couldn't keep control?
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At the Edge of Heaven