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In good times and in bad	By : kruemel Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 14749 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Dragon Age and the characters of the game do not belong to me. This is a no profit fanfiction

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
We get ready for our return to Ostagar. Morrigan complains about being left back. "Did I miss something? Why do you make the decisions now?"
"I don't. I give advice, that's all. Rori, Wynne and I have been in Ostagar before so we know the area. That can be an advantage. Sten is the only one here next to me with a warrior training. Ostagar is swarmed with darkspawn. We will need more than just mere luck to survive there."
"Hmph," Morrigan grunts. I take that as her way of expressing her approval.
I rummage through our armour chest until I find a helmet suitable. Nothing that will hinder the sight too much but enough to give some more protection. "This one will do." I put it gently on Rori's head. And she takes it off again immediately.
"Don't. I look stupid with a helmet."
"Oh, and you think a bashed in skull will make an improvement to your looks?"
I put the helmet back on her head. Rori pouts and I cross my arms in front of my chest. I'm not going to have any of this. She will wear that helmet and if I have to glue it to her head. I have only just found her and I am not going to risk losing her. I've been rather protective before but now we kissed, I somehow feel like she's mine. The fear of losing her has increased immensely. I cannot allow that fear to paralyze me. And I can't just trudge after Rori anymore now like I did before. So I actively take part in her decisions - like giving advice who should follow her to Ostagar. And like making her wear that damn helmet.
Rori takes the helmet off again and I snarl at her. She casts her eyes down and then with a flutter of her eyelashes gives me an upward glance that certainly has helped her persuading her poor father and brother and whoever other man she used it on to do whatever she wanted.
"No way. You are going to wear that helmet."
"Blast! Usually that works." Sulking she puts it back on.
I chuckle. "Good girl."
She sticks her tongue out at me. Being a little childish this morning, right? I laugh and cupping her chin make her look at me, tilting her head back. "You still look bewitchingly beautiful" Then I kiss her, getting lost in the sensation of the caress - until a loud clattering from behind makes us spin round. Leliana stands there, staring, the pots and pans she has just dropped lying at her feet.
"Oh, don't pay any attention to me," she squeals. "Just go on doing whatever you were just doing." She hurries to pick up her pots and pans and disappears as hurriedly.
"Oops," is all Rori says. I feel a bit awkward, like I was caught doing something forbidden. Also I don't want anybody to know what I feel for Rori. This is private. Something that only belongs to her and me. I don't want anybody to stick their noses into our business.
Leliana, Zevran and Morrigan stay back at the camp. We didn't dare to set up camp too close to Ostagar. There's too much darkspawn there, so we still have half a day to walk until we reach our destination.
It's creepy how abandoned and silent Ostagar is. Last time we've been here, there was a huge war camp, buzzing with noise - and life. Snow has fallen here in the middle of summer, covering the ground with innocent white. At least we don't have to look at the earth soaked with the blood of those who have died here. That's when Rori steps into a hole she hidden by the snow, a puddle filled to the rim with blood, and the whole mess soaks the snow, staining it.
"Eww!" Rori shakes her foot as if she can clean her boot that way. Then she makes the mistake to take a closer look at the hole and with a cry jumps backward. There's a hand visible under the snow. It's a graveyard we are walking on, stepping on the corpses of those who fought with us.
"Silence," Sten grumbles. I wonder if he ever gets upset by anything at all. Other than having lost his sword. Rori promised to find it for him. How she wants to do that is beyond me. All we have is a hint from a pillager that points us into the direction of the Frostback Mountains.
"I'm going to take a quick look around," Rori whispers. She doesn't dare to raise her voice. It's not only about the darkspawn detecting us, it's the whole atmosphere of that place. Leaving bloody footprints in the snow, Rori disappears behind a nearby column. My nerves are tense. It feels awkward to be back here.
"Something about returning here makes me feel old, Wynne," I sigh. Waiting for Rori's return I have to release some of my tension and fear into some conversation or bang my head against the next wall.
"And what exactly are you implying, Alistair?" Wynne asks sourly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
I cringe. "What? Nothing! I just thought..." It's incredible. I open my mouth and put my foot in - just like that.
"You just thought I might be an expert at feeling old and could share some sage advice?"
"I just mean that I was a different person then. I believed in him, you know? That it would be a glorious battle, that we'd win..." Cailan had that effect on people. He had an outshining personality. He was a true king. Not like me. I just happen to be the son of a king, but that doesn't make me one. And I don't want to be one. With Cailan it came naturally.
"I did too. We were all a little bit younger the last time we were here." Wynne's voice is gentler now.
"Well, not you. You've always been old."
The granny mage glares at me. "With lip like that, son, you'll be lucky if you live to be half my age."
I open my mouth to tell her that I got no more than thirty years to live anyway and that I doubt that's even half her age, but then I think it wiser to just shut up.
Rori returns and saves me from getting turned into a frog - by the look on Wynne's face that's exactly what I fear will happen.
"With the snow it's impossible to hide for long. Our dark clothes make us stick out. Darkspawn around the next corner where Cailan held his last meeting, not too many but if we don't climb onto the walls I don't see how we can get close enough for an attack without them seeing us long before we reach them."
"Okay, Rori, Wynne, you help Sten and me with a fire curtain."
"I'm better with my swords than with the bow," Rori points out.
"As long as you don't hit Sten or me. Just make sure the archers and emissaries don't spike or broil us before we even get close enough to attack them. Sten left side, I'm on the right. Once we're there, Rori, you enter close-range-battle." I really don't want to risk being hit by one of her arrows when she has doubts herself. I've seen her handle her bow in the Korcari Wilds. She's not bad, but truth is, there are far better than her.
Done as said we overcome the darkspawn without anybody getting hurt. That's how it's supposed to be. Then Rori to detect the first part of Cailan's armor.
"That was his." She immediately begins to shed the darkspawn out of it. I help her with the heavy corpse. She's just a petite girl after all. The armour piece is covered with the foul ichor of the darkspawn, tainted by it. The sight of it makes me sick. I stand there, holding in my hands what once belonged to Cailan, my king, my brother - although we didn't really know each other. One look at my face and Rori gently takes the armour from my hands. She takes off her gloves, then she picks up snow to wipe it clean and wash the grease off. All I can do is stare at her while she erases the signs of tragedy from the metal.
"What's the matter, Alistair?" Wynne puts her hand on my arm in a comforting gesture.
"I don't know. It just feels wrong to find this here, pawed over by darkspawn and thick with their rot. It was his." I shudder. More fodder for my nightmares. As if I didn't have enough to deal with already.
"I know, I feel it too," Wynne says soothingly. "But he is not the first king to ever fall in battle or ever the first to fall to the darkspawn."
"Yes, but this wound cuts deeper."
"And it will bleed longer."
So very true. Maybe it will never heal. Cailan wasn't as dear to me as Duncan... still. I can recall how sure he was that this would be the one glorious battle to end the Blight. But it wasn't glorious at all. Maybe battles never are. Maybe that's just what the storytellers make up. Cailan didn't deserve this treachery. I still cannot believe Loghain really did this. Why? Why would he murder his own king and son-in-law?
Having cleaned the armour, Rori returns it to me. Her fingers are red with cold. It looks painful and still she hasn't stopped until the armour was back to its shining gold. I know she did this to make me feel better. She also could have just left it the way it is and deal with it later.
"But we must keep moving; no doubt the darkspawn are eager to give us plenty more reasons to mourn," Wynne points out with a heavy sigh. Yes, we're all feeling pretty old these days.
We climb the slope that leads to the old temple where Rori survived the Joining. The goblet is lying in the snow like something useless cast away. Rori picks it up, turning it in her hands. Here it all began for her.
"This is where Daveth and Ser Jory died," she mumbles. I have never before heard her talk about them. "Here, take it. We will need it to recruit new Wardens." I am touched by her gesture. The goblet also was used when I joined the Grey Wardens. It's at least a bit of a tradition we have.
"What did you feel back then when Duncan handed you the goblet," I ask.
Rori doesn't have to think about the answer. "Fear. I was scared out of my mind. I thought I was going to die. Anger and regret. I so wanted to revenge my parents' death. But I wouldn't if I died. I was pretty pissed of about that, I can tell you." I can't believe I never asked her before. I just didn't think about it. I feel a bit shaken by her confession. During my Joining I never doubted this was the right thing for me to do.
"But... you said you understand why the Grey Wardens keep their secrets."
"I did," Rori assures me. "Afterwards." She searches in my face for understanding but I'm afraid I cannot follow her. "When Duncan recruited me he asked my dying father's permission," Rori explains. "The last picture I have of my parents is my father lying in a puddle of his own blood and my mother cradling him in her arms." Her voice sounds choked when she unsuccessfully tries to fight back her tears. "They died believing I would be safe. During the Joining this felt like a betrayal. If I had to die, I'd rather have died defending my parents."
"I think, I understand." I was just glad I didn't have to become a templar. There was nothing to lose for me as living a life as a templar felt like being buried alive. Rori's is a totally different story. Who am I to judge her for her feelings?
"After the Joining, I understood that Duncan had to keep the truth from them. One because it was a mercy for my parents to believe I would live. Two because the Grey Wardens fight for a higher cause. Duncan couldn't consider personal feelings."
"But still you drank the darkspawn blood, despite your emotions." Although back than for a moment I feared she wouldn't dare.
She shrugs and sniffs. Does this girl never have a handkerchief in her pocket? I give her mine. Again. But I don't mind. I wipe her tears away gently before I hand it to her to blow her nose.
"An act of defiance. Just in case you haven't noticed yet, defiance often is my major reason to do things."
"And stubbornness," I add without thinking.
"Yes, that, too."
"Boldness."
"Probably."
"Bluntness."
"Hey!" She nudges my ribs. "Now I am beginning to wonder why you actually care about me."
"Because of all of that and more." I smile and she smiles back at me. "And because you look so hot in your armour."
"That does excite you? Women clad in leather?"
"Only one woman." I almost purr - but remember in time where we are. Ostagar. This is not the right place to fantasize about Rori being naked. I feel ashamed I did allow myself to forget about the tragedy surrounding us. I really should show more respect for the dead. For a very short moment I am even a little angry with Rori. But then I see the sorrow return to her eyes as if she has remembered like I have that this is neither the right time nor the right place for flirtations. I cannot blame her. How could I? Maybe it's a good sign she is able to bring light even to the blackest darkness.
We fight ourselves through another horde of darkspawn. Rori this time doesn't charge forward into the middle of a group of enemies, leaving the rest of us behind. She certainly has a way to detect the leader quickly, and I agree taking him down has a high priority - but not when you double your risk to die while trying.
"Well done," I praise her once we can sheathe our swords again. She beams at me so happily at my approval that it makes me laugh.
At the place where Cailan's tent stood we discover the chest. It is a very heavy metal chest and the scratches and bumps on it tell their own story of the darkspawn trying to break it open. They didn't succeed though. It's incredible they didn't manage. The lock does look as if it was easy to pick - at least that's what Rori says. And even if you couldn't pick it, have an ogre stomp on it and the chest should break.
"Probably magically protected," Wynne muses. "With the key you should be able to open it, otherwise there is no chance."
"Smart," Rori remarks as she inserts the key into the keyhole. She turns it and we all peep into the chest when she opens the lid. Carefully Rori takes the documents and we all put our heads together to read them.
"So it's true! He had convinced the forces of Orlais to ally against the darkspawn." Considering the history of Ferelden and Orlais this is almost a miracle.
"That's an incredible diplomatic achievement. It was a clever and brave thing to do. Father mentioned some diplomatic missions. He was Cailan's ambassador. Cailan was wiser than many thought him to be," Rori remarks. She quickly reads on. "It almost sounds as if they were... friends." She frowns as she reads the letters again.
"Empress Celene was merely awaiting his response!" Wynne cries out. We are all rather shocked - with Orlais's help the battle could have been won. If we had waited for them. If there had been time.
"Cailan offered to wait for the reinforcement from Orlais. Loghain was furious when he did so," Rori whispers, her voice choked. She took part in the last meeting before the battle. She is the only one to have heard Loghain explain his plan to Cailan - a plan that was meant to murder Cailan from the beginning.
"A response that never came and now never will, thanks to Loghain's treachery." I say bitterly.
Wynne pats my arm in that grandmotherly way of hers. "Never is a long time, Alistair. Give it time and let cooler heads prevail. There will be peace between us yet."
"Well I hope you live to see it, Wynne."
"And I hope the darkspawn don't."
"We can agree on that." Rori carefully folds the documents and puts them first into a waterproof skin, then into a leather satchel.
We move on across the bridge that leads to the tower of Ishal. We have the documents and some parts of Cailan's armour. The king himself is still missing. With all the snow I almost fear that we will never find him. Either the darkspawn took him and... ate him or whatever they do. Or he is there somewhere under the thick white blanket.
It's awfully early in the year for snow anyway. That's what the darkspawn does. At least Duncan explained it to me that way. When there's a Blight, the sky turns grey and it becomes colder. And here it's so freezing cold that I already can hardly feel my toes.
Rori walks ahead of us, looking for traps. In the middle of the bridge she stops dead. Turning towards an upright stake, she falters. I can see it's a man hanging there but I can only make out who it is when I reach Rori.
At the sight of Cailan, I am thankful that it is so awfully cold. The way the darkspawn hung him there is horrible enough to look at. But the cold has conserved him. All of us have seen enough corpses swarmed by flies, their bodies bloated. But Cailan looks just like he has the day he died. And even now he's hung there, disgraced and humiliated in death, he still is a king, a fallen one but nontheless royal in all his destroyed glory.
Rori, Wynne and I kneel in front of the crucified king, bowing our heads in respect before we move on. There's still too much darkspawn around here.
"Forgive us, my king. When we have driven the darkspawn from their holes and bought ourselves some time, we shall return to see you to the Maker."
Now we found Cailan I am also hoping we could find Duncan's body. Part of me is afraid to find him, part of me wants to pay my last respect to him. It would also end the uncertainty of what happened to him. Of course I know that he is dead. There's no lying to myself about that, no hope I could fool myself with.
"The Tower of Ishal... again," Rori sighs when we enter the tower and find it as unpleasant as the first time we came here. "And jam-packed with darkspawn... again."
"Having a bit of a déjà-vu?"
"You don't?"
"All the time, kitten, all the time."
At least this time we go down and not up. And there's no treacherous generals going to backstab us.
"Ugh. Down the hole and into the deep. I don't even want to imagine where that leads." I shudder.
"Me neither," Rori says gloomily.
Spiders. Darkspawn. More spiders. More darkspawn. It's getting old, really.
Rori has a major fit when we get attacked by the giant spiders. She's shaking with disgust, shudders running through her even when we have left the cave behind. "Spiders, out of all creatures in Thedas, why did it have to be spiders!? Ewwww. I have cobwebs on my helmet. And armour. Ewww."
"Aren't you glad you wear that helmet? Or all the cobwebs would be in your hair. Oh... no, no, don't be sick!" She looks all green and ashen.
"Can I... can I sit down here for a moment or two..." I help her take a seat on a nearby rock. She inhales deeply, trying to stop her hands from shaking. I knew she didn't like spiders from back in Lothering. But I didn't know it's that bad.
"Are... you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Lets go and kill some darkspawn. They at least have the proper amount of limbs."
Rori's wish is granted around the next corner. Here, at the destroyed gates, was the center of the battle. No sign of Duncan but we find his sword and dagger in the corpse of the ogre that rose from the dead only to be slain again.
"That belonged to Duncan, right?" Rori asks, when she sees me handling the blades with care. "But he isn't here... not like... Cailan. What do you think happened to him?"
"I really don't want to think about it, Rori."
"Oh, yeah, sorry." I squeeze her hand gently to tell her there's no offense taken.
"Just lets find the last piece of Cailan's armour and then get out of here. They had to make it hard for us and seperate the damn pieces."
We find it a bit later on the Genlock Rori decapitated.
"There it is, the last of them." I am so relieved we can leave this awful place now. I never, never, never want to return here again. Somehow I hoped, returning to Ostagar and slaying the darkspawn here would help me getting over the loss of Duncan and the other Grey Wardens. It still feels awful. Even more so now when the place brings back all the memories once more. I do not need another reminder. I need rest.
Wynne sighs and stretches like an old cat. "It has been a long day. By the lines around your eyes I dare say you look as old as I."
"And if I may say so, milady, you appear to be getting younger by the day." There. She complained about me saying she is old and always has been. I can also be a gentleman if I choose to.
"Be careful who you flirt with, young man," the old mage chuckles. "When you wake up beside me tomorrow morning I'll be back to reminding you of your grandmother."
"Beside you?" I squeak. I'm feeling rather terrified right now. That's what I get for being nice. Can we please go back to killing darkspawn?
"You heard what I said. It would not be the first time I woke to a younger man in my bed."
Oh no! Now I have this image in my head of... Fire and Blight! That's really nothing I want to imagine... Get out of my head! Out! Now! "Are all women this evil and conniving when they grow old?"
"Just me, my dear," Wynne chuckles. "Just me."
I quickly hide behind Rori, making her stand in between me and that awful grandmother mage. All her granny-like attitude is nothing but a facade. She is evil! "You would defend me if I was in deathly danger, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, of course, why?" Rori frowns, confused.
"Just never ever leave me alone with Wynne."
"Oh... okay... Do I want to know what this is all about?"
"No, you don't."
We return to Cailan as promised. We are tired, hungry, freezing and emotionally drained. Still we cannot just leave him hanging there. Sten and I take him down. He's stiff and cold, deep frozen. It doesn't make it easier to handle him. I almost drop him when he comes down from the stake. Blast! He's heavy.
"Be careful you don't break his arms off accidentally," Wynne advices. I glare at her. I really don't want to hear anything like that anymore today. This is supposed to be a moment of respect.
We pile up a funeral pyre for him and set it on fire. I pray for him and Rori sings a dirge. I didn't know she has such a beautiful singing voice. I've never heard her sing before. It's as much as we can do for Cailan. My king. My brother.
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In good times and in bad