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Brothers in Arms	By : ktatters Category: +M through R > Metal Gear Views: 3912 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Metal Gear, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Bite your lips and bleed

Always keep your clothes and your weapons where you can find them in the dark. - Robert Heinlein

Night 5: Deir El Zor, midnight

It was an appropriate stopping point. They stopped as close to the Euphrates river as they dared at almost eleven, but it took until midnight to get tents set up. It was too late to get a hotel room, and really, who wanted one? It would be like getting a room in Auschwitz. The wind around them was blowing the desert sand everywhere.

It started innocently enough: their hands grazed each other briefly while passing burnt, sand-encrusted rations that someone had tried to heat in the fire. Across the blaze, the one-eyed man was somehow managing to sit in the shadows. It didn't matter that he hid. Arthur could see every flicker of his cold, blue eye.

When Arthur's hand touched Ocelot's, the eye blinked. Arthur stared into the shadows, his brow rising ever so slightly. The fire crackled between them, the hired soldiers oblivious to the silent exchange.

If his chest hadn't felt so constricted by anger, it might have stopped there. If the pain of their earlier confrontations hadn't cut so deeply, it would most likely have been the end of it. Instead, Arthur touched Ocelot's hand again, this time with more purpose.

And Ocelot smiled. His eyes were cold too, and the smile didn't get anywhere close to reaching them, but the hand that slowly traced a line up Arthur's arm instantly captured the attention of all three men.

The eye rose and started moving towards them. "Someone's not happy," said Ocelot.

"I don't care if he's happy." Arthur pulled Ocelot's hand closer.

Out of the corner of his field of vision, Arthur watch as the eye blinked again and sank back into the shadows. The sides of Arthur's mouth turned up. His own eyes were as far from warm as any of the others', but it was different with him: his were boiling dangerously, years of stewing anger finally breaking forth onto the surface.

Ocelot grinned and inclined his head away from the fire to the shadows where they wouldn't be seen. Arthur glared at the eye in the shadow that watched them. It wasn't blinking any more.

Arthur tore himself away from it. Too cold, too blue... too alone. It would always be alone, would always want to be alone. It was cruel and callous. It didn't care about all the lives that shattered around it. He nodded to Ocelot.

Hands met once more. Arthur's took Ocelot's like a lifeline as they walked slowly into the shadows. The sand blew around them like a swarm of gnats, and Arthur looked back once more to see that the blue eye had disappeared from its place in the fire-lit darkness.

Ocelot pulled him farther, to where a dune would protect them from wandering eyes and loose talk.

That first kiss was gentle, a tentative question. Arthur wasn't sure who started it. The second was harsher, a demanding response. "I want to know something," said Arthur, pushing the other man away. Ocelot stared at him with desire in his eyes. "I want to know your name."

"Huh." Ocelot smiled, and his eyes narrowed. "Adamska."

"Adamska," repeated Arthur. "Nice name. Good to meet you."

And then, Arthur kissed Adamska.

Adam pushed back, grabbing the back of Arthur's neck. "You're all mine now," he whispered.

Arthur responded by grabbing Adam's hat and throwing it aside. Adam's hands went to the buttons on Arthur's jacket, undoing them with the precision and ease of a man with a lifetime's practice. Arthur did the same to Adam's jacket, his shirt following soon after.

Adam's hands fell on Arthur's guns, and he paused, green eyes meeting brown. Arthur smiled in answer, taking one of Adam's revolvers and opening it so that the bullets fell from it. He put one in and threw it in the air, his eyes still attached to Adam's, then pointed it at the other man's head. "I don't need to shoot you." He placed it to the side.

Adam grinned and pulled Arthur's guns out, putting them on the side, then knocked the bullets from his other gun. He put one in and twirled it on his finger, his eyes filled with promise, before pointing it at Arthur's head. He pulled the trigger. Arthur held his ground, not reacting with fear but annoyed challenge.

Adam pulled him close for another kiss, putting the gun aside. It was a fight for domination in their mouths, tongues pressing against each other as though this were a deadly battle in the heat of a bloody war. Adam won, and Arthur fell to the ground, breathless under the other man's onslaught of kisses and caresses.

Adam followed him down. Arthur kicked his boots away as he fumbled for Adam's belt, and then his trousers. Adam's grip tightened around one of Arthur's arms, and the other hand almost ripped the belt off in his haste.

Arthur pushed at Adam until he managed to roll the other man under him, then bit Adam's shoulder hard enough to draw blood while the other man pulled his pants away. Adam lifted him off and raised his eyebrow, then pushed him over and took the top position again.

Adam lunged and retook Arthur's mouth, this time pinning Arthur to the ground. Adam pushed Arthur's hands down onto the ground and stepped on his feet. He drew Arthur up by teasing with his tongue, then quickly pulled away and hooked his head around the other man's neck. "Mine," he said again, nuzzling Arthur's hair.

Arthur looked out over the dunes and pulled back quickly, then turned his hands and grabbed Adam's wrists to try to roll the man once more. Adam shook his head and pushed Arthur's arms up above his head so that he had no leverage. Arthur growled. Adam leaned down and... purred into Arthur's ear.

"Tell me you love me," demanded Adam.

"Don't break the moment," said Arthur in a rush, "it's strange enough being on the bottom, so just fuck me before I lose my nerve!"

Adam showed his teeth, white and sharp, and bit into Arthur's shoulder to return the favor. They kissed while the blood pooled stickily in the sand. Then Adam pushed Arthur's legs apart. He entered without preamble.

Pain and pleasure mixed and melted into each other. Adam kissed Arthur's bruised eye while stretching his arms higher and higher. Arthur's hands turned into claws and scratched gouging marks into Adam's wrists.

The pounding beat rose in Arthur's ears, drowning out reason and rational thought as he called Adam's name to the wind. Adam's head snapped up to stare into the shadows as Arthur climaxed. He let go of Arthur's hands and finished his own pleasure while Arthur panted beneath him.

They stayed in that position for almost a minute, panting and gasping for air. Arthur closed his eyes. Big Boss floated in the darkness, but Arthur pushed him away. Adam rolled off slowly, his member taking Arthur's anger with it as he left.¹

Adam reached over and took a cigar from his clothes. Arthur's back pressed to the ground as he watched the stars become distorted by the smoke. It smelled nice. Like family. "What kind of cigar is that?" he asked finally.

"Cuban," said Adam. "Always supported my communist brethren. I suppose I'll have to go to some cheap American brand now."

"Big Boss likes cubans," said Arthur. "Especially after we..." Adam gave a non-committal noise in response. Arthur looked sideways at Adam. The other man was staring off into the darkness beyond.

That darkness was all he had to look forward to now. All any of them had, really. Communist brethren? They'd tossed Adam out with the garbage, just as Big Boss' American brothers had done. And what was Arthur doing now but more of the same? Was he really prepared to spend his life completely alone?

"Do you ever wish you were normal?" asked Arthur softly. "I mean... just a man who didn't have to worry about politics and playing games. Whose biggest worries were what Christmas present to get for his family..."

"A wife and kids? That kind of life isn't for men like us," he scoffed. "Besides, I don't like women."

"I didn't ask if you liked women." Arthur smiled broadly and inhaled the smoke. It really smelled like Big Boss again. "There's a difference, having a wife and liking women."

Adam shrugged. Arthur inhaled deeply again and imagined suddenly that, instead of Adamska, John lay beside him. Free of the deceptive Big Boss moniker... Family... "I shouldn't have done this," he muttered.

Adam's eyes focused on Arthur's face suddenly. "Do you know what I do like about women?" Adamska turned and leaned over Arthur. "I like how they scream when you force them. Men don't scream like women."

Arthur looked at Adam, confused. "You mean you like rape?" Adam's smile broadened. "That's disgusting." Arthur sat up and looked accusingly at the other man.

"But not with men," said Adam, following Arthur's lead and pulling himself into a cross-legged seat. "I don't rape men. Men ask me for it."

"Yeah, well, if they knew you liked raping people, maybe they wouldn't." Arthur paused. That was probably a little too insulting, even if the man was telling him something extremely unpleasant. "I didn't mean it that way, Adam..."

Adam just waved his hand. "Interesting foreplay idea. Telling them that. But that's not how I hurt a man."

Adam was staring into Arthur's eyes. Arthur was starting to feel a little nauseous. Not how he hurt men? Where was this going? It didn't sound like it could possibly go anywhere good. In fact, this looked like the quintessential sort of bad conversation that people had in horror films. The part just before someone confirms that yes, they really are the torturer, and it's time for them to get their revenge. Oh, no, this didn't sound good. "I think I'm going to go," Arthur said uncomfortably.

Adam put his hand on Arthur's arm before Arthur could move. "You're going to face him smelling of sex with me?" Arthur blinked dumbly at Adam while his lips parted on thoughts he couldn't quite verbalize. "You know what I like about men, Arthur? If you grab a man by his short hairs, he'll follow you anywhere. And when a man-- a soldier-- screams, he holds it inside. That's where it really hurts. It echoes, back and forth through his head like a ricocheting bullet, damaging everything in its path."

"Let go of me." Arthur tried to push Ocelot's hand away, suddenly very disturbed, but the other man's hold was far too strong. Wasn't he supposed to be injured? Arthur pushed at the bandage. Ocelot didn't even flinch. He grinned.

"The real power over a man, though, it isn't in what I do. It's what he does to himself." Was Ocelot even speaking to him? "It's in how he devalues himself. How he betrays himself and everyone around him. And the best part for me, the part that turns me on most?" Ocelot smiled. "It's the look on his face when he realizes what he's done."

Ocelot let go of Arthur's shoulder and nodded off into the shadows. Arthur turned quickly to catch whatever Ocelot was looking at, and there it was, like a terrible shining light in the darkness. He could feel a pain in the back of his neck that travelled down to his stomach and into his groin. A part of him wanted to be mad for being watched, but he'd let out so much passion with Ocelot that he just felt... empty.

The blue eye closed.

Arthur stared for a moment more, but it did not reappear. "You... he was watching?"

"Must have been a good show. You're a good lay."

"I d-didn't mean for him t-to-- A what?"

"A good lay," repeated Ocelot calmly. "Now, let's just fuck each other again."

"Wh-- You've got to be k-kidding me. You just said we d-did this to hurt him-- but he's gone. And I d-didn't want to hurt him like th-that..."

"Come on, now. What were you thinking when he was staring at you possessively, telling you without words not to go anywhere alone with me? You were using me more than I was using you."

"I..."

"So one more time, and I'll forgive you."

"F-forgive m-me?"

"He's not going to take you back, Arthur. You're worthless to him now. Worse than that. You've betrayed his trust. But you don't have to be alone. I can take care of you."

He looked back out into the night, but Big Boss wasn't there to save him from himself. Not this time. The sand was blowing around them again, and the wind hummed a solemn dirge as Arthur tried to furiously blink away the dirt that had somehow gotten into his eyes. "I... B-Big Boss is... he won't..."

"He can't forgive you any more than he could forgive Dirgham and Schluter for killing his men and destroying this mission. He won't say another word to you." Ocelot's mouth pressed itself onto his lips and Arthur let himself be pushed to the floor.

God.

He felt himself blacking out as the other man's weight came down heavily on his chest, but Ocelot slapped him before he went completely under. "It's your own fault, Arthur," he said, his voice a cat's spitting hiss. "You had to break eventually. And that's because you wanted to."

The blue eyed man never needed to say a word. He'd never had to. That cold blue stare spoke in a tone that even the dust dared not disobey.

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Day 6: Deir El Zor

From the amount of light in the sky, it was probably around two hours before dawn. Big Boss still hadn't slept. After an hour of trying to clear the image of Ocelot viciously penetrating Arthur he'd had to get up and take a walk. He'd walked far enough from the camp that he was able to see the Euphrates. Close enough that he could have dipped his feet into it if he'd wanted to.

He'd only really stopped walking because he couldn't cross it without a boat.

He'd been sitting for over an hour, trying to figure out what to do and how to feel, when footsteps crunched behind him. His hand was on his gun already, so he just flicked the safety off. He didn't move.

"Boss."

He let a moment pass without doing anything. Finally he took a deep breath. "Ocelot." Ocelot sat down cross legged beside him. "Your name isn't an invitation to join me."

Ocelot shrugged and smirked. Big Boss watched his reflection in the water. "He said he loves me," said Ocelot with one of his superior airs. It hurt to hear Ocelot say that. It shouldn't hurt so much, despite being new information. But it did.

Perhaps it was because, without that statement, he could still think the whole thing was a trick played on them by a foolish, arrogant bastard who'd never learned that one didn't torture one's own people. Without that statement, he could pretend it was almost a form of rape, something Arthur didn't really agree to, no matter what he'd seen happen. Maybe it was just because he was an idiot who'd never wanted to believe someone who'd slept with him would betray him in the morning. He was such a fool...

"So, Jack. Now you know. Yours is a house of ill fame, and he's a fallen flower. This life isn't only wicked and sinful. It isn't even any fun!"²

Big Boss shook his head and pulled out a handful of grass, then sprinkled it around.

"Your Arthur Emmerich. You figured he was worth something? Hmph." Big Boss said nothing. His eyes stayed on the water, watching it reflect the light into unrecognizable patterns. "Can't you see I'd be a better partner than him? Look at how easily he betrayed you!"

Big Boss' face twitched and he took a long, deep, shuddering breath. "He's under a lot of pressure." It was no excuse... "I doubt you'd do better."

"I wouldn't be under that kind of pressure. I know my price. No one can match it. But his?" Ocelot shook his head and picked up few rocks and juggled them. To prove a point, Big Boss supposed, but what point exactly escaped him at the moment. "He's got a history of betrayal, doesn't he."

Big Boss said nothing. Ocelot threw the stones out into the river, hitting one of the boats on the other side. The grass waved around them. There were clouds coming up on the horizon. Big Boss picked up a stone and threw it across the river to hit one of the buildings. And the silence grew.

Big Boss took off his hat and re-buttoned his jacket. The air was damper here than at camp, and the wind hit just a little colder. The air had gotten a few degrees worse since Ocelot had come. Perhaps, even out here in the desert, there was enough condensation to form early morning dew.

"I don't get it," said Ocelot after the silence grew too long for him. "Aren't you even a little bit angry? You don't care about the arguments? The hatred he has for you now?"

Big Boss shook his head slowly. "Better to turn it outwards where it can run it's course." He put the safety back on his gun carefully. Arrogant, foolish child. "Have you ever loved someone, Ocelot?"

Ocelot tilted his head. "For the sake of a mission," he said matter-of-factly.

"Not sex, Ocelot, love."

"Love's a weakness."

Big Boss nodded. He put his hand in the river and dashed Ocelot's reflection. "The biggest one, Ocelot. And no matter what they say, there's no strength in it." Ocelot shook his head and looked at Big Boss in confusion. "But..." Big Boss smiled. "It's like air. There's a terminal obsession with it from the moment you're born."

Ocelot shook his head. "It doesn't have to rule you," he said. "You don't have to base your command on it!"

Big Boss sighed and gave Ocelot a strained smile, then crunched one of his hands into a tight fist and leaned his forehead on it. He was so tired, yet he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. Not for the rest of tonight, not tomorrow... perhaps not before Arthur was safe and happy again. Maybe Arthur had betrayed him with Ocelot, but Big Boss had never, never betrayed anyone.

"You don't understand, Ocelot. You don't love him." Did Arthur truly love this man? Ocelot had no concept of love, no wish to be loved... he saw love only as a breeding ground of betrayal. If Arthur loved this man, it would bring him nothing but unhappiness. "I wish I could change that," he whispered. Perhaps Arthur could teach him about love. Though, being able to drop Big Boss like that, maybe he didn't understand it either.

"I... I thought you'd be jealous. Of me being with him?" Ocelot's voice was riddled with doubt and confusion now.

"I am, Ocelot. I am." He shook his head and closed his eye. It hurt. That Arthur could love this man over him, that Arthur could want Ocelot who couldn't love him back... "Why did you come to me?" asked Big Boss, turning to the younger man. It was almost a despairing tone of voice. "With all the armies, with all the NGOs and paramilitary organizations, why did you pick mine?"

Ocelot blinked a few times and shrugged. "Well, I knew you, and..."

"You've worked with spetznaz for over 20 years. I'm the only one you know?" asked Big Boss skeptically.

Ocelot looked down and frowned. "We have a history."

Big Boss sighed and shook his head. Arthur was afraid. It was the only explanation. This mission, the problems they'd had-- "Ocelot, did you leave Arthur alone?"

"Dirgham and Schluter are gone. What are you worried about?"

Big Boss shook his head. "Nothing," he said shortly, then stood. "Coming, Ocelot?"

Ocelot shook his head. "I'll be back before we leave."

"Fine. Don't be late." Big Boss scowled, then let out a breath. "Arthur would be disappointed," he said sadly.

Oh, Arthur...
Notes
1. Here's where we have the biggest change from the original ff-dot-net acceptable place.

2. Quote from Little Big Horn

3. Remember that Arthur is Hal's clone-daddy? Well, I hope you were picturing that new pic of Otacon from the trailer in the sex scene. 'Cause I know that's what he must look like... They're doing a full-body model of Otacon, too! Woooo! He's not just an upper half! That means he'll show up in the game and have a good role, right? Waaaai!
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Brothers in Arms