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Free as a Bird	By : Letticiae Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 9737 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age, nor do I own the characters. I do not make money/profit from writing this fanfiction.

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All Things Must Pass

Though at first Hawke, Fenris, Varric and Anders were thrilled about the rain, it hadn't stop since they had left the Deep Roads and now it was getting on their nerves.

They finally found a cave where they could spend the night and the mage lit up a fire for them to get warm and cook a hare Varric had shot earlier. After dinner, Hawke, Anders and the dwarf put their clothes and armors to dry by the fire and lay down only on their undergarments to sleep. Still uncomfortable in getting that much naked in front of the others, Fenris kept his soaked leggings on which made for a much more difficult and uncomfortable slumber.

The night was cold and the elf noticed Hawke was shivering. When he had had trouble falling asleep because of the raw red lyrium veins on the walls of the thaig, she had kindly helped him. Now he wanted to do the same for her, but after he had snapped at her earlier, they had not exchanged another word and she hadn't even spared a glance on his direction.

"Are you cold?" Anders asked her.

"Yes. Are you?" she replied.

"Come here," the healer said.

Scowling, Fenris watched as she snuggled with the mage and soon they were both sleeping. The abomination had a pleased smile on his lips, which made the elf hate him even more.

Twentieth-ninth day. Fenris woke up before the others and snarled when he saw Varric had joined Hawke and Anders during the night and she was practically spooning the dwarf. Irritated, he left the cave to hunt for breakfast and wished, for his own sanity, that when he returned she would have her clothes on and no more naked men all over her.

The day transpired uneventfully. Again it rained the whole time. Again they sought shelter in a cave in the evening. Again Anders, Hawke and Varric slept on their underclothes and cuddling each other. Again that bothered the elf deeply.

Thirtieth day. They couldn't believe they were going to sleep on a real bed tonight. Hawke was so happy she couldn't stop giggling at the sight of the old inn they had stayed on the first night of the expedition.

They rented one of the rooms with two bunk beds and sat to have dinner with the owners. It was soup and Varric was making a complete mess. He and Anders had fairly grown beards by now and the previously beardless dwarf was having a hard time keeping the soup out of it. Not to mention the incessant scratching.

"Having trouble with you beard, Varric?" Hawke chuckled. "Aren't all dwarves used to having them?"

"I'm not exactly a model dwarf, Hawke. Bartrand will pay for abandoning me without a razor," Varric grumbled. "Where's you beard, elf?"

"Elves don't grow beards," the warrior replied.

"I thought you were shaving with that gigantic sword of yours."

Fenris scoffed out of habit. He was actually pleased that someone had finally talked to him. Since the day he had yelled at Hawke they had been giving him the silent treatment.

Right after dinner the four worn out companions went to bed. Hawke spared a glance at the calendar over the counter to find out which day it was. Firstfall 4th. Her birthday. She smiled and got into their room.

Thirtieth-first day. The sun had already set by the time they arrived in Kirkwall. Varric was in charge of finding buyers for the relics they had collected so they stopped at the Hanged Man to drop them off in his room. Hawke's eyes scanned the tavern, but there was no sign of Alistair or Isabela.

She hurriedly emptied her pouch and pockets on the dwarf's table and with affectionate hugs she bid him and the mage goodbye.

"Thank you," she said drily to Fenris and gave him a nod.

Hawke rushed down the stairs. "Norah! Norah, is Alistair still here?" she asked the waitress, a sparkle of hope in her eyes.

"No. It's been some time since he checked out," the woman answered.

Hawke swallowed hard. "Did he leave me anything? A letter? A note, perhaps?"

"No, dear. Nothing," Norah replied.

"What about an address? Did he at least say to which city he was going?"

The waitress shook her head.

Hawke's heart sunk. "Thanks," the rogue said bitterly and got out of the tavern crestfallen.

It would have been selfish to ask him to wait for her. She had done the right thing, but if he had waited… She wished she'd had the same effect on him that he'd had on her, but apparently she hadn't. What was she thinking anyway? Anders said Elissa was still in love with him. The fucking Hero of Ferelden and Warden Commander! Of course Hawke – a sword-for-hire and a refugee – wouldn't hold a candle to her. The minute Alistair read the first letter he must have ran back to Ferelden, to Elissa.

Hawke was feeling heartbroken, but at least she would reunite with her family now and bring them good news – not only she was alive, but they're situation wouldn't be so dire anymore.

Any solace she might have found in the prospects of that reunion were crushed, though, the instant she opened the door to her uncle's hovel. "Fuck! What's going on?"

"Mistress Bethany is being taken to the Circle of Magi in the Gallows," Knight-Captain Cullen informed her.

"Over my dead body!" Hawke replied, unsheathing her daggers.

Cullen's hand went to the hilt of his sword.

"Stop!" Bethany yelled and turned to her elder sister. "It's done! Don't make this worse!"

Leandra crumbled on the floor in despair and as Hawke tended to her, Bethany left with Cullen.

"It's your fault! You should have taken her with you," her mother cried. "Instead you had her going to Darktown, taking care of that blighted clinic. Someone must have told the templars. Oh, Maker, please help us."

Hawke felt tears burning in her eyes. When she had left Bethany behind she thought she was protecting her, but she had actually doomed her. "I'm sorry, mother. I'm so sorry. I'll get her back. I swear," she promised.

During the night Leandra's laments filled their bedroom, fueling Hawke's guilt and frustration and keeping her awake. She was feeling her stomach turning and a tightening in her chest. All the muscles in her body were hurting and there was a throbbing pain in her head but none of it was from the exhausted, weakened condition in which she had returned from the Deep Roads. All her pain was from the familiar weight of failure falling once again over her shoulders. If she could she would go to the Gallows immediately, but at that late hour she wouldn't be able to get inside, not without being arrested for trespassing at least.

She had invested all her coin and risked everything to go on that blighted expedition and for what? To be betrayed and left to die by her partner and then come back against all odds only to find out that her sister was being locked away in the Circle and the man she wanted to be with had abandoned her. Why did everything have to go wrong all at once and there was never time for her to pick up the pieces?

"I know the templars give special treatment to former apostates. You think you have to break them," Hawke said angrily, almost screaming to be heard since she was out in the pouring rain while the Knight-Captain stood impassively in front of her, covered by a marquee.

"Apostates are even more dangerous than the mages that come as children, serah. We do what we have to," Cullen replied.

"Because they've tasted freedom? This is disgusting, Knight-Captain. There are more tranquil here every day. I can't stand anything like that happening to my sister," she said.

"I was at the Circle Tower in Ferelden during the Blight. I saw firsthand how templars' trust and leniency can be rewarded. I still have nightmares of Uldred's depravities."

"Not all mages are like that."

"True. Not every mage gives in to temptation, but none are ever free of it. At any time any mage could become a monster, from the lowest apprentice to the most seasoned enchanters. Mages cannot be treated like people. They are not like you and me. They are weapons. They ha–"

"Don't waste your breath, Knight-Captain. There's nothing you could say that would convince me that my sister is a monster and doesn't deserve to be treated like a person. Don't you have any family? How would you feel if they were taken from you?"

"Serah Hawke, I could have taken you and your mother in for harboring an apostate. However you've helped the Order before, so I overlooked it, but I –"

"I can't leave. Not until I'm sure she'll be safe. I need your word that she won't be made tranquil."

"I can't promise this. You have to understand. There are rules that if she breaks she'll be punished accordingly."

Hawke felt like she was going to be sick. Her father had done all he could to keep Bethany free from the Circle and she had promised him she would do the same, yet she had failed him again and now her sister could have a faith worse than death. "You must know there are men within your Order that won't hesitate in punishing and torturing mages, and making them tranquil just out of suspicions of blood magic and possession."

"It is not your place to discuss this, serah. If you don't leave I'll have you escorted out."

"I need to be sure my sister will be safe. I can't just abandon her," she said. Though she had been making a huge effort to hold back, a single tear insisted in rolling down her cheek and she was thankful for the rain that would disguise it. She had never felt so impotent and defeated, but she didn't want Cullen to see it.

Nevertheless, the templar's expression softened. Had he noticed?

"I can give you news on her. Every day if you'd like to. Come by when we're locking the gates, at 6p.m.," he said, offering her the only help he could give without breaking any rules.

"News? So when she's made tranquil I'll be the first to know? To the void with this," she growled, turning on her heels and leaving.

She went straight to Darktown to tell Anders about what had happened and ask him to get in touch with his friends in the Mage Underground and see if they could get Bethany out. Since his clinic was crawling with sick people, she didn't linger and left him to his work. Before heading to the Hanged Man for lunch, she stopped by at Gamlen's to put on some dry clothes.

"Nice dress," Hawke remarked at the sight of Isabela in a short dark blue silk gown that was obviously a size too small for her.

"Oh! Shit! Maker, I'm sorry, Hawke. This dress… Alistair bought it for you, but we thought you were dead. He left it here when he took off."

"And you took it? Fuck, Isabela! Weren't you going to say anything?"

"I'm sorry, sweet thing. I'll give it back to you. And there is a note…"

"There is?" Hawke's eyes lightened up.

"Yes. It's here somewhere… let me see, was it in my pouch? This one, maybe? No. This? No, not it… Ah! No. Balls! Oh, I remember! It's in my room. Wait here while I get it."

However Hawke was too anxious to just wait there and went after the pirate.

"Here," Rivaini grinned, handing Hawke a piece of vellum.

I bought this dress for you. Thanks for all the sex.

I love you.

Alistair Warden

"Alistair Warden? Really, Isabela? Is this the best you can do?" Hawke asked, crumbling the note in her hand and throwing it at the pirate.

"You didn't give me much time, did you?" Isabela replied.

"Where's the real note?"

"Oh, here it is!" the pirate squeaked, retrieving something from the thrash.

"You threw it away?"

"No, of course not. Sometimes I store things in here…" she noticed Hawke clenching her fists. "Fine! I wrote my shopping list on the back. When I got back from the market I threw it out. I forgot it was his note."

Hawke took the vellum from her.

"Sorry! I'm sorry," she yelled as Hawke stormed out of her room.

A few minutes later Isabela showed up downstairs with the blue dress folded in her hands. "He waited for you, you know," she told Hawke. "When the expedition arrived and you didn't he looked so… lost. Aveline interrogated the hirelings about what had happened down there and she suspected you were still alive. I was going to tell him that, but he left before I had the chance."

"Did he say where he was going?"

"No, sweet thing."

Hawke lowered her eyes to read his note for the hundredth time.

If you're planning to get blood stains on this one too, I'd like to come along. I hope you'll have me.

I missed you.

Alistair

"I'm sure he had much more planned to say to you in person. You should've seen how happy he looked when he thought you were back," Isabela tried to comfort her.

"I really liked him…"

"Norah, bring us some brandy over here," Isabela called and looked at Hawke who sighed sadly and had her eyes downcast and her shoulders slumped. "The whole bottle," the pirate shouted.

Two weeks had passed since Bethany had been locked up in the Circle. The Mage Underground had managed to get one message through to her and Anders had just got word of her answer, so he went over to Gamlen's looking for Hawke.

"Thank the Maker you are here," Leandra said as she opened the door for him.

"Why? Is something wrong?" Anders asked, worried.

"It's Marian. She is not eating and she had already lost so much weight in the expedition. And the incessant pacing around the house at night… Maker help me, but while she is wasting time, Bethany is still in the Gallows. She said you were helping but she has to do something! She has to do more than wait for you. I tried talking to her but she won't listen. She's even more short-tempered than usual."

"Where is she?"

"She left three nights ago and rented a room at the Hanged Man. I wonder if she's been drinking. How is she going to help Bethany like that? If only Malcolm were here… He would never have let my baby girl be taken."

"I'll go talk to her," Anders said and left the house in a rush, going straight to the tavern.

"Varric, where's Hawke?" he asked.

"At home, probably," the dwarf answered.

"Her mother said she rented a room here."

"If she had, don't you think I'd know?"

"Norah!" the healer called.

"Do you doubt me, Blondie?"

The mage ignored him. "Norah, is Hawke here?" he asked when the waitress came over.

"In her room at the end of the hall. Since she rented it, I don't think she set foot outside," the woman answered.

"Why didn't you tell me she was staying here?" the dwarf looked at Norah reprovingly as if she had done something wrong.

"You're her friend. I thought you knew!" she replied.

Varric shook his head, looking disappointedly at her but she just shrugged and went back to work.

"I'm glad she's staying here. Leandra is putting a lot of pressure on her over Bethany being taken to the Circle," the mage said as they made way to her room. "Oh, no!" he exclaimed as they reached the door, "Forget I said that."

"What? Is anything wrong?"

"This was Alistair's room," Anders replied and knocked on the door.

"I don't want cleaning, Norah. Just bring me another bottle of whiskey," she shouted from the inside.

"Hawke, I need to talk to you," the mage said.

"Go away."

"I have news on Bethany," he added.

They heard a few light steps and then the door was being unlocked.

Hawke was looking sick, so thin and pale she was, and the fact that she was in her pajamas in the middle of the afternoon wasn't helping.

"Are you drunk?" the healer asked, giving her a displeased look.

"No, not yet. But that is next on my to-do list. What about Bethany?" she cut to the chase.

"The Mage Underground got word from her today. She said that is too risky and she won't take their help to runaway," Anders said.

"Then I'll have to break her out," Hawke decided.

He couldn't avoid shooting a disdainful look in her direction. "Like this?"

"I thought that being away from mother I'd have a break from condescending eyes and judgmental tones, but apparently I was wrong," she retorted.

"Why did you take this room?" he asked.

"It was the only one available," she lied.

"I really doubt that," he replied.

"What do you want me to say, Anders? That I'm here because I'm some silly needy girl pining over a man I spent only one night with? That I'm here because of a memory, since I have nothing real to hold on to? Don't you think I know how ridiculous this is, how much of a loser it makes me look like? Why did you want to make me say it? Did it make you happy to hear it?" she snapped.

"I'm sorry, Hawke," the healer said, feeling ashamed. "I shouldn't ha–"

"I don't need your pity, mage," she interrupted.

"Hey, Blondie, let's go order Hawke here some food," the dwarf suggested already pushing Anders out of the room.

Once the men were out in the hall, Varric knocked on Isabela's door.

"What?" the pirate shouted from inside her room.

"Rivaini, Hawke's got a room here and she's a mess. Go cheer her up!" the dwarf said.

"I can't. I have company," Isabela replied.

"You always have company. Just go. Now!" Varric insisted.

"Fine! I'm going," the pirate agreed.

Varric went downstairs with Anders and as they waited for Corff by the counter the dwarf asked, annoyed, "so, Blondie, why did you talk to Hawke like that? Don't you think she has taken enough crap in the past few days?"

"I… I shouldn't have," the mage looked down.

"No, you shouldn't. You're jealous because she likes someone else," the rogue remarked.

"Alistair is a drunk. He's not good enough for her," Anders replied.

"Says the possessed mage," the dwarf scoffed.

"All that sadness and frustration is a disease, you know. She can't stay there. It's not going to do her any good."

When they went back to Hawke's room bringing some stew for her to eat, she asked Varric to gather all their companions as soon as possible so they could help her figure out what to do about Bethany's situation. If something were to happen to her sister in the Circle… no, she could not live with that guilt.

At dinnertime everyone was in Varric's room at the tavern. "We have to come up with a plan to get Bethany out of the Gallows," Hawke started.

"What about the Mage Underground?" Merrill asked.

"Bethany doesn't want their help. She says running away is too risky and that she'll stay there," Anders answered.

"Thank the Maker for that. If she escapes they'll come after you. Your family will have to leave Kirkwall, Hawke. You'll be on the run again," Aveline uttered.

"Bethany doesn't know what she's saying. She's in more danger in there than she'll ever be anywhere else. The things they do with captured apostates… We cannot leave her there," the healer said.

"What if they make her tranquil? We have to save her," Merrill added, voicing what the others were thinking but had been avoiding saying.

"We could storm the Gallows. With a clever plan and a few poisonous traps I bet we could take down the entire templar order," the dwarf suggested, but not really meaning it.

"It could be done. Man-hands is Captain. If she brings the guard to help us…" Isabela teased.

"You might be joking about it now, but this has to happen one day. The oppression mages suf–" Anders started.

"I can't believe we are even discussing this! This is not a real option," Aveline protested.

True. And Hawke would never ask of her companions to do something like that. It would be suicide. And probably trigger a war. "We're just brainstorming, Aveline. Of course we're not assaulting the Gallows."

"Why do you want to break her out? Did you not hear what the abomination said? Bethany doesn't want to be rescued. She is where she belongs," Fenris said and his casual tone and expressionless face made Hawke want to snap his neck.

"Please, leave, Fenris. I don't even know why you are here in the first place. You've always made it very clear how much you hate mages and no matter what I do or say I can't get nothing but despisal from you," Hawke said averting the elf's unemotional eyes or she might really try to kill him.

He got up abruptly, making his chair tip over and stalked out of the tavern.

"I'm sorry, Hawke. You said to get everyone and I didn't think…" the dwarf apologized.

"It's okay, Varric. It's taken care of," she said and then turned to her remaining companions. "Any other ideas? Where no one might end up dead, preferably."

"You could offer the Knight-Captain a bribe to get her out. As soon as I finish selling the stuff we brought from the thaig you'll have a lot of coin to spare," Varric said.

"I don't think he would take a bribe," Aveline said.

"I'm sure he wouldn't. I knew him back in Ferelden's Circle. He always plays by the rules," Anders remarked.

"Blackmail?" Isabela suggested.

"I have nothing on him," Hawke dismissed it.

"Not a problem. You will have. I'll put some people on his tail. If he has something to hide – and everybody does – they'll find out," the dwarf said.

"What if you make friends with him?" Merrill suggested with her sweet little voice.

Everyone stared at her with confused looks on their faces.

"If he is your friend, all you have to do is ask him to look out for your sister. And then he will. That's what friends do. They help each other. Right?" the Dalish elf explained.

The confused looks turned into wondering ones.

"That is brilliant, Merrill!" Hawke exclaimed.

The next day Hawke went to the Gallows to put Merrill's plan to work.

"Good evening, Knight-Captain. I decided to take up on your offer for news. How's Bethany?"

"Serah Hawke, it's good to see you. Your sister is fine. She's been adapting well to the life in the Circle."

Hawke had to refrain herself from ranting about how no one should have to adapt to the lack of freedom. "That's nice," she said instead. "How long have you been in Kirkwall, Knight-Captain?"

"About four months," he answered.

"And you're already second in command? You must be a very talented templar." It took her a great deal of concentration to say this without scoffing.

"Knight-Commander Meredith needed someone experienced in recognizing and dealing with abominations and blood mages to aid her in running Kirkwall's Circle. Unfortunately, like most templars in Ferelden's Circle, I have a lot of experience with that. But unlike most of them, I was willing to move here. Knight-Commander Greagoir promoted me to Knight-Captain right before he transferred me," he explained.

"I had a cousin in the Circle there. Solona," she said.

"Solona Amell?"

"Did you know her?"

"I did. She was a special woman. Never met her like again. I'm sorry for your loss."

By the sadness in his eyes it was his loss more than Hawke's. Maybe that could be explored to Bethany's benefit. "Thank you, but I never actually met her. How was she?"

"She was very brave and talented," he smiled slyly. "When the order was restored at the tower, the Grey Wardens invoked an old treaty they had with the Circle for aid during the Blight. First Enchanter Irving honored the agreement by sending the most powerful and skilled mages to fight the darkspawn invasion alongside the Wardens in Denerim. Very few survived." He looked down.

"It seems like you were very fond of her," Hawke smiled kindly.

"Templars are not allowed to pursue relationships with mages."

"That fond, huh?" she remarked, making him blush. "Can I call you Cullen?"

"Uh… Yes, serah."

"So, Cullen, please, drop the 'serah'. Just Hawke."

They talked for a while longer and then Hawke went back to the Hanged Man to have dinner with Varric.

"How did it go with the Knight-Captain?" the dwarf asked her.

"Not bad," she answered.

"Blondie thinks you're sick. He's worried about you."

"I'm not. Just tired, I think."

"I'm sorry your kingling left."

"Me too."

"Maybe it's not a good idea to stay in his old room."

"No, it's not. I feel like such a loser. When did I become so needy?"

"Blondie likes you, you know."

"I was half-naked when he threw me out of his bed. It was humiliating to say the least."

"You'll find someone."

Her eyes turned sad. "I had found someone already. It was Alistair. And I lost him."
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