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Wash Away My Sins	By : horrorgal Category: +A through F > Amnesia: The Dark Descent Views: 2698 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own, Amnesia: The Dark Descent, nor the characters. I do not profit from this story.

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Chapter 19

Daniel's eyes opened to sunlight streaming through the slightly open curtains. He felt lethargic of body and mind and was reluctant to move, curled on his side and hunkered under the warm blanket like a child. The night had been long and his body was a battlefield of muscle aches and other remnants of rough sex. Shifting the blanket aside, he saw love bites on his body. His wrists had light bruising where he had been bound. His ankles were apt to be the same, but he did not attempt to confirm it as he wearily lay his head back against his pillow. He didn't want to think of, or remember what had happened to him in this bed.
A bundle of nerves wracked in his stomach as he gently eased over to look at the other side of the bed, but it was empty. He was in the bedroom alone, which was a relief, but worrisome at the same time. He had no way of knowing if Alexander was still in possession of John. The door was closed, perhaps even locked from the outside to keep him like a prisoner. The unknown was just as frightening. His throat was dry and scratchy from pleads and sinful cries of ecstasy. His face burned and he felt slightly ill, knowing it was Alexander that had made him feel such carnal pleasures. He curled up tighter and closed his eyes. His situation was horribly dire, and he was unsure how to go on. He tensed to the sound of the knob on the door turning.
"Daniel, are you awake?" It was John's voice, but he did not answer, holding out to see if it was really him and not some dream to give him false hope. He heard footsteps approach, and the fear coiled in his stomach until he was trembling. "Daniel?" The voice was gentle, and still very much John's.
Daniel opened his eyes and peeked from under the covers to look at him. "I'm awake," he said, but it came out raspy and the tremble in his voice exposed the fear that still plagued him.
"My love." John knelt by the bed and brushed Daniel's messy strands of hair with his fingers. He looked concerned, and equally guilty. "I must apologize. I fear I had too much to drink last night, and I may have been rough with you. I can't remember so much of what I did. I don't think I have ever been so drunk before. I awoke to see you laying beside me, bruised and.." He looked away shamefully. "I'm sorry. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you, Daniel."
"I know," he whispered, and felt his eyes burn. The tears that threatened were not for himself, but the man he loved whom should not be feeling such soul crushing guilt. In his foggy mind, he could only think that Alexander somehow put false memories in him before he left his body. He still could not comprehend how Alexander possessed his lover, and it terrified him that he probably could at any time he chose. His power, the things he could do, were beyond reason.
"I love you, Daniel. More than anything else in this world. You know that, don't you?"
"Yes," he assured him as he eased to sit up with John's help. He managed a soft smile even as apprehension still sat like a stone in his belly. "I need water," he said, the dryness unpleasant. He eased his bare legs over the side of the bed as John poured him some from the pitcher. Daniel swallowed thickly, hesitate to take it. That water was possibly still drugged with the aphrodisiac. "Would it be a bother to get fresh water from the kitchen?" he asked.
"Not at all." John smiled and rose to take the pitcher and glass with him. "I will run you a bath as well."
"Thank you."
"Oh, I almost forgot." His stopped just short of the door and looked back at him. "It's strange. The remaining servants left in the night. I suppose they no longer wanted to be under my employ." He sighed. "Perhaps they saw my drunkenness as well." He went out the door and Daniel watched him go, heart feeling heavier still. Did Alexander do something to them? It was more than possible.
He felt slightly better after his bath, more focused and awake. He cleaned his teeth and rinsed his mouth, trying to get the cotton feeling on his tongue to disappear. His eyes were dull when he peered at the looking glass. He touched his face, grateful he still looked youthful at least. He was unsure how long that would last with the emotional and physical stress he was enduring. Now John was being affected by Alexander's cruelty. There had to be a way to stop him from invading his lover's mind and body, but like everything else the Baron could do, it was a mystery he could not find the answer to. There was only one possible way he could think of to save John from more attacks. He could simply leave and be gone from his life. Daniel didn't want to face that possibility, but it was one he might just have to take, no matter how much it might hurt.
He left the bathroom, dressed in a loose shirt and plain black trousers. The sounds of the servants bustling to do their jobs was noticeably absent, leaving the manor in a eerie silence. Again, he felt the prickle of anxiety threatening, wondering if they still lived, or if they had simply left. It was much like Robert. It felt like ice down his spine when he thought of the man. Something was off, like he was forgetting something crucially important about the butler. He walked quickly past the attic door as it made his dread heighten to be near it. He fought to understand why as he descended the stairs in search of John.
He found him sitting at the dinning room table with a simple lunch set out for them. Daniel sat across from him and was more hungry than he thought as his stomach growled in response. His lover offered the platter that had fruit, bread and cheese. He ate gratefully and even started to feel a little normal again as his belly filled. He wished for life to stay as simple and content as this. If only. He caught himself glancing at John, always half expecting him to be looking back with Alexander's cold and all consuming stare.
"It is a bother the servants left so suddenly," John said as they drank their tea. "We will be leaving within the month, so I am uncertain I should hire anyone else for such a short time."
"Does seem like a waste," Daniel said as he set his cup down. "Did they leave a note?" he asked.
"None. Not from any of them. I do hope it was nothing I did to make them depart. I've always treated every servant I have ever had with fairness and dignity, which is rare for the upper class." He stirred his tea absently and looked genuinely disheartened. "I wish I could bloody remember last night. I barely remember being in bed with you, just flashes of memory here and there. I don't even recall drinking so much, and when I awoke beside you, I had no more than a slight headache. It was gone by the time I came in to check on you." He had a guilty expression once more. "You looked so exhausted, and so used. You were curled up, clutching the blanket around yourself in your sleep as if you were frightened of something. Perhaps me." John's torment returned like a sudden storm as he looked away from Daniel's gaze.
Daniel wanted to say something to quell his anguish. Anything he said could possibly sound false, and if he told him the truth, he may not believe him. Time and time again, John had accepted the tales of his troubles of his past, but this, as real as it was, would be unimaginable to someone who had not experienced such horrors before. Even if he did believe him, there was still the threat Alexander made looming over like a dark cloud. If Alexander were to kill John, Daniel knew he would become emotionally devastated. He had lost so much in his life. He did not want to lose John to Alexander's whim as well.
"You didn't hurt me," he said, and it was the truth. He refused to lay blame on anyone other than Alexander. "As for the servants, I do not know why they left, but I think we can do well enough on our own for the rest of our stay here." John looked at him, his eyes glassy and saddened. He had never seen John in such a state. "I love you." Daniel reached and took his hands in his own.
John kissed his fingers. "You are a wondrous man, better than I could have ever hoped to have as a lover." He relaxed, his eyes losing some of the wounded expression. "Perhaps we should leave sooner than I planned. The mansion is still being constructed, but I do miss our home in the country."
"I do too," Daniel said.
"It's settled then. I will go out today and secure our passage out of London. We will leave in a week. It will give me enough time to take care of any unfinished business, and for us to secure the manor before we depart." John kissed his hand once more before he stood. "I'll go right away. Any books or things you want to take you should gather together to be packed."
"I will." The kiss John pressed against his lips lingered, and he could still feel the warmth of it as he left him sitting in the emptiness of the dinning room.

~~~

It wasn't long after John departed that Daniel felt like he was being watched. The sudden jolt he got from the presence caused him to drop the tea cup he had just washed and it shattered on the kitchen floor. He muttered a curse and looked around the room, the beat of his heart quickening in his chest. Alexander was intent on allowing him little time from being tormented. Hands shaking, he went to the closet and took out the broom and dust pan to clean up the shards of the ruined cup. Ignore it as he might, the pressure of being watched would not leave him as he swept up the mess and tossed the remains in the bin. As he put the broom back in it's place, a loud thump from above jarred his already fragile nerves. He didn't have to guess where it was coming from. He knew in his gut that it was coming from the attic.
"Why are you doing this?" he whispered as he stood looking upward towards the ceiling. He held his breath. Silence answered him. "I know you're there," he challenged, raising his voice slightly. The lack of response grated him and rage began to build underneath the usual fear. Determined to get a answer, Daniel grabbed a large cutting knife from the holder on the counter and hurried from the kitchen to approach the staircase. He was still terrified, but the anger pushed him, his footfalls heavy on each step upward. Reaching the top, he looked at the attic door with disdain. "Answer me!" The door remained closed, and not even another thump from above answered his demands. The presence, on the other hand, was still heavy and unmistakable.
"Bastard," he whispered as his eyes stayed locked on the door, hand raised with the knife before him as if to hold off an invisible attacker. He hated how it wavered in his his white knuckled grip. "You won't speak until I come up into the attic? Is that it?"
The knob on the door turned and it swung opened slowly, the creak loud in the otherwise noiseless space. Daniel watched the lantern that was resting on the bottom step light up as if by magic. Nausea threatened, but he swallowed against the rising gorge and stepped towards the doorway. He knelt and grabbed the lantern with his free hand, looking up the narrow staircase that led to darkness and Alexander. He took each step cautiously, the light raised to guide his way. It was warmer in the attic, the musky scent surrounding him as he reached the top. As expected, the door to the attic shut, but he still flinched even as he heard the soft click.
"I wasn't sure you would come up here after what happened last time. I am pleased, Daniel. Your fear is becoming more controlled."
Daniel took a few steps toward his voice, the light bright enough to show Alexander standing in wait. "What do you mean by, last time?" Daniel asked, taking a few more steps towards him before he stopped, wanting to keep as much distance as possible.
"Ah, yes, I made you forget what happened to Robert, but come now, surely you have felt something. Perhaps even seen glimpses of what is hidden in your buried memories. You've had enough practice with that, Daniel." He was obviously amused as he looked at the knife in Daniel's hand. "What do you think you are going to do with that?" He chuckled and waved his hand as if to dismiss the weapon. "If it gives you a feeling of safety, so be it. We both know you are very good at cutting flesh."
"Just stop!"
Alexander smiled and sat on a chair, motioning towards another that was a few feet away. He must have pulled them out from the rest of the storage that was stacked in the attic that surrounded them. "Sit, Daniel. No need to be so nervous. You should know by now I have no intention of harming you."
"There are different ways to harm someone," he answered back. His feet felt like they were glued to the floor as he stood motionless, trying to recall his last trip into this damned attic. He felt a tingling on the back of his neck as his breath shook. He did know something happened up here, something terrible. He didn't want to remember, but he knew he had to. Alexander watched him intently, his gaze as heavy as the heat that pressed down on him. His palms were slick with sweat, and he could feel moisture rolling down his back, yet he shivered as if he felt a cold breeze blowing over his skin.
"You can see it, can't you?"
Daniel parted his lips, perhaps to deny it, but in the next instant he was down on his knees as images assaulted him. The attic, the orb in it's sickening display, and Robert, his life leaving his body as he was suffocated and absorbed by the deadly shadow. Each excruciating second of it came back to him all at once. He wanted to cry out, but his throat locked up against it and he wheezed out a breath, hands planted against the attic floor. His head swam and he feared he would lose consciousness. He took big lungfuls of musty air and coughed, unaware he had dropped both the knife and the lantern in his fit. He tensed when he felt the touch against his back.
"Come, sit down and calm yourself, Daniel." He was too stunned to push his hands away and instead let himself be helped up off the floor and onto the chair. He put a hand over his mouth, his stomach lurching once more. He swallowed hard and fought the wave of sickness, breathing steady as his pounding heart slowed to a less hectic pace. The lantern sat on the floor and he focused on the fire's flickering light to avoid looking at Alexander. "That affected you much more violently than I expected it to. For that, I apologize. Do not fear. I will not make you forget anything ever again, Daniel. I was not aware this power I acquired would be even more potent than the potion I created so many years ago."
"You're a monster," he spat.
"No more than you, Daniel."
He tore his gaze away from the light to see he was seated in his own chair again, the knife in his aged hand. He absently tapped the pointed tip on the arm rest as he caught Daniel's eyes with his own. He listened to the steady knife tapping, feeling foolish to have lost it so easily to the man. Yet, he knew having the weapon would have done little good, but he still felt better with it in his hand. Alexander was right in that assumption.
"Why are you here now?" Daniel asked. "Did you not torture me enough last night?"
"Pleasurable torture perhaps." Again, he was amused and Daniel hated the smug expression that crossed his face.
"You drugged me, forced yourself on me and used my lover to do it! You had no right!"
"I have every right!" he yelled over him and slammed the blade of the knife through the thick wooden armrest in one swift motion. Daniel flinched, eyes on the embedded knife. The amount of strength he had was alarming. The Baron sighed, finger running over the handle. "I apologize. I did not mean to lose my temper with you, Daniel, but you do test me."
"I only speak the truth," Daniel answered in a soft voice, his bravado weakened.
"Perhaps in part," Alexander agreed.
"Why are you here?" he asked again. Daniel couldn't look at the man directly as he spoke. He stared at his own hands, wishing that he could disappear somehow.
"A few reasons, but one that must be addressed before you make the terrible mistake of going through with it."
"What are you talking about?" Daniel asked.
"Look at me." He didn't want to, but he did. "You may not be contemplating it yet, but eventually you will. I know you better than you think." Daniel's confusion intensified. "Do not run away." Alexander said with cold finality.
"Run away?"
"You would try, in some sad attempt to save your precious John any further suffering from my interference."
Daniel couldn't even deny it as he sat there listening to him. Maybe he'd even had fleeting thoughts of it without even realizing it. He cared about John more than anything else in this world. So yes, running away would have been a option to consider, but Alexander was making it perfectly clear, here and now, that it was the last thing he wanted to do. He saw the evil intent in his eyes and knew that if he attempted to do just that, he would kill John without a second thought.
"I won't run," he said, voice cracking on the last word.
Alexander's sharp expression softened as he smiled. "Good decision, Daniel."
"It's the only one you're allowing me."
"See it as you will."
"If you're going to whisk me away for your own amusement, why prolong this?"
"I've explained before, have I not? There are some lessons you need to learn for attempting to kill me, and after I so graciously invited you to my home. Such a naughty boy you are, Daniel."
"Stop patronizing me. You invited me there for your own needs, nothing more. For that, I became a murderer. It torments me still."
"And you blame me?"
"I used to. I made the excuse that you made me kill those people, but I know I was doing it to save myself. At least that's what I thought I was doing. You are a magnificent liar, Alexander, and you aren't without fault in all that happened."
"I'll concede to that."
"I am a monster." Daniel looked at his hands, the shadows from the swaying lantern light danced over his palms as if death itself caressed his hands. "The difference between us is, I can admit it."
"So you say." Daniel didn't get a chance to react before he felt himself falling backwards out of his chair. The creature crawled over his sprawled body, it's movement like a dominate animal, but it was not animal, nor man, but some unknown entity that Daniel had seen in his nightmares and in the horrifying reality of Brennenburg. It's reddish distorted face came uncomfortably near his own and he could see every gruesome detail closer than he would have ever wished to.
The mouth, or what looked more like a flattened maw of a carrion bird, was inches from his own lips that were pressed tightly together to hold back a cry of terrified disgust. The eyes were like small caverns of darkness, empty, but very much alive as he saw a glow deep within the reaches, like eyeballs were tucked inside the skull of the beast. It's crimson skin was creased and pitted with what looked like veins under the skin in a almost strange artistic design. Long white hair hung like a still waterfall, a stark contrast to the reddish flesh that surely covered his entire body. The mouth moved and he cowered back against the dusty floor beneath him, but could get no further away from his oppressive form.
"Humans would see me as a monster, Daniel, simply because I look different. Why not take action that would give them a real reason to fear me?" His voice was the only thing unchanged, it's tone deep and surprisingly soothing to be coming from such a stretched and unnaturally shaped mouth. Daniel closed his eyes, nearing his breaking point between the heat of the attic and the hideous form that was hovered over him. "Open your eyes and look at me, Daniel."
He wanted to resist, but did as he was ordered, too afraid not to. The light from the lantern showed him that Alexander was once again in the guise of a older man, skin wrinkled, but human. His lips curved in a smile more pleasant than it should have been. The mask of the gentleman Baron was in place once more, but to Daniel, it was just as terrifying now that he truly knew what was beneath. Alexander raised a hand and extended his fingers to brush his cheek, a deep longing in his eyes. The contact made Daniel feel nauseated, but he endured the caress, unsure what he could do to stop him from doing whatever he wanted.
"My appearance disturbs you greatly," he mused softly. "Shall I quell your fears?" He smiled once more, his act of charm unwanted as Daniel prayed for an escape.
"You're not human," he mustered, voice trembling as he stared back in challenge.
"No, I am not," he said simply, "but you do not have to see me in that form again, I promise." His fingers brushed his hair. "I show myself to you in my aged form, because it is how you met me, and how you associate your time at Brennenburg. My form did not look so frail when I came here to your world and got trapped. I looked, much more youthful in my human guise, but the years of trying to get home aged me, my power was draining. Do you understand?"
"I understand enough," Daniel answered as he averted his eyes away from him to the comforting glow of the lantern.
"Daniel, look at me and see."
"What am I to see now?" he asked, forcing his eyes back on the man he both feared and loathed. His wrinkled skin began to soften before his eyes, his complexion losing it's pallid tone, becoming a healthy youthful hue. His cheeks were high and his chin was strong, jaw subtly masculine. His lips were fuller and the smile teased and seduced. His white hair turned to a light golden blond, it's texture now smooth and vibrant in the flickering light. The transformation took him by surprise, the sight strange and foreign. What should be impossible had just happened before his eyes, and he knew it was not a trick, it just was another part of Alexander's unnatural power.
"You have seen me as I am before you now, in a dream perhaps," Alexander suggested.
"I remember," Daniel whispered in answer when the realization struck him. His dreams were not even his own anymore. How far did his power reach, and how much of it had to do with the orbs and the shadow? He gathered the courage and pushed against Alexander's chest to deter him for accosting him further. For a brief moment, the Baron stiffly stayed above him, smirking at his obvious discomfort before he gracefully stood and offered Daniel his hand to help him up. Daniel got up on his own, and it only made the bastard all the more amused as he moved aside.
"I do admire your spirit, Daniel. I always have, even before I decided I would take you as my lover and companion."
"I do not want this. You change your appearance as if that will sway me, but it has done nothing to change my mind. Can you not understand? I do not love you. I never will." He said the words sharply, all the while as his gut twisted in anguish that he might cause Alexander to strike in fury, but it did not appear to trouble him. He only smiled brightly, and it made his now youthful face all the more handsome.
"Love is an emotion that can grow and blossom in time, Daniel. Once I have you, all else will fall into place."
"You're a mad man," Daniel muttered.
"Mn." Alexander was untroubled by his observation and picked up the lantern and politely handed it to him, then proceeded to yank the embedded knife from the armrest of the chair with as much ease as he had put it in. "Preparations must be made. It will take some time," he said and offered Daniel the knife.
Daniel numbly took it. It might as well have been a blade of grass for all the good it would do him. "What preparations? What do you intend to do?"
"You will know when the time comes."
"Please, just stop this."
"I won't."
"Then I'll make you." Daniel did not realize how deep his desperation was until he lifted the knife and pressed the sharp edge dangerously close against his own throat. "You can't torment me any longer if I'm dead." His voice wavered. He did not want to die, not like this, but the thought of being a slave to Alexander felt much worse than death.
"Don't be foolish." Alexander took a step towards him, hands gently raised. "You don't want to die. Think of John, and what he would go through if he found your body, blood in a pool around you." He spoke as if to a distressed child, voice soft and coaxing. "Now, lower the knife, and stop being so damn hysterical." The look Alexander gave him was coldly demanding, and he found himself moving the knife back down slowly, tears in his eyes. "Never consider that again, or your lover will pay for it, understand? I will kill him slowly if you attempt to take your own life."
Daniel's throat felt dry again as he swallowed. "I understand," he said apprehensively.
"It will do you well to remember that. Now, I will be on my way. Much to prepare for." Daniel was too numb with shock to fight when Alexander cupped his cheek and kissed him. It was like he had been drugged all over again as his mouth was ravaged for what felt like a eternity. When the Baron finally stepped back, Daniel felt disoriented and breathless. The knife and the lantern still hung loosely in his hands as he watched Alexander move towards the staircase. "I removed the orb. I no longer need it here. You can rest your worried mind, Daniel."
"What did you do to the servants?" he asked quickly before Alexander started his decent down the stairs.
"Perhaps you'll see them again," he said in answer and went down the steps. No disappearing tricks, he was simply going to walk out of the manor. Daniel stood still, listening to his retreating footfalls and the sound of the front door opening and closing behind him.
Daniel looked at the shadowed corners of the attic and the usual sickness and unease ceased to assault his senses. The irony was cruel. A bitter laugh escaped him as he let the knife and lantern drop to the floor and he slipped to his knees. It was a miracle the light hand not shattered at this point and set the attic ablaze. Alexander had set up the pieces on the board and he had no choice but to play. He sat in the semi darkness to collect his thoughts for a time until he was ready. Resolute, Daniel gathered himself up and left the attic. He washed the knife before he placed it back in it's spot. When John returned home a few hours later, Daniel welcomed him with a kiss and a smile, hiding the turmoil beneath his own mask. All he could do was wait for Alexander's next move, but he planned to do all he could to prepare for it.

AN: Sorry for the long wait for anyone who is actually reading this. Sometimes I honestly can't tell, but I'm enjoying writing it regardless. Apology for any typos I may have missed. As always, thanks to my readers.
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