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Shepard Finds Her Soul Mate	By : KTT2123 Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 5865 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect nor its characters. I am making no money from this.

Chapter List
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Dealing with Sidonis does not go as Garrus had planned. Shepard had convinced him to let the traitor go. He knows he never would have listened to him, never would have given Sidonis a chance to speak if Shepard hadn’t forced him to. Although a part of him understands why she did it…a distant voice inside him (one that has been drowned by his fury concerning the traitor) even agrees with the decision, he is still pissed at her. Sidonis had offered no mercy to his squad, why should he be given any?
Immediately after boarding the Normandy, Garrus demands to talk to Shepard in their quarters. Seeing the temper afire in his eyes, the blue simultaneously burning as hot as a flame and as cold as ice, the Commander nods her assent and the two silently ascend in the elevator together.
Upon reaching her room, Garrus grabs her arm dragging her inside. “You had no right! Just because we are together doesn’t mean you can make decisions for me! This was my decision to make, not yours! Sidonis was my problem, my responsibility…it was my men that died! I deserved vengeance for their deaths.” The turian trembles with anger, his voice is harsh and his body unyielding.
Under all his ire Garrus still feels that same gut wrenching feeling he had felt seeing her head in his scope. He is more furious at her for repeatedly and deliberately allowing his shot to be lined up on her head than the fact Sidonis is still alive. The jolt of fear he had felt because his love’s life could have been ended with a twitch of his finger is one he will never forget. For just a moment, his rage had overridden his sense, he had wanted so badly to kill Sidonis that he was willing to consider going through Shepard to do so. That lapse in judgment, the mere idea that his need for revenge could ever be more important to him than Lily is scares Vakarian more than anything else. A turian’s yazani is precious, more valuable than anything else in a turian’s life.   A yazani is irreplaceable. For him to even consider killing her to satisfy his need for revenge is inconceivable, shameful and almost unforgiveable. Fear, guilt, shame, and anger are all twisting inside of him. He knows he is unfairly taking this out on her but all those emotions swirling inside of him make it impossible for him to react rationally. The only thought running through his mind is *I could have killed her.* Vakarian has never felt this out of control, not even during his primal state.
Lily takes his anger, accepts it. Her face is apologetic. “I couldn’t let you do it, Garrus. Even if you hate me. I couldn’t let you do it. Murdering someone…someone you once trusted. Just like Miranda and Niket. Calling it vengeance doesn’t make it any less murder. Once you cross that line, there is no going back, Garrus. It is different on the battlefield where it is kill or be killed but there—it would have just been murder,” Shepard admits quietly. She had known the risks, that he might hate her for it. But she loves him too much to have let him cross that line. Lily has no idea why Garrus is really angry nor how his emotions are violently churning within him.
He had not seen it that way, a traitor such as Sidonis does not deserve honor, only death.
“Sidonis will suffer everyday he is alive, knowing you had mercy on him even after he betrayed you. Every single day he will have to live with that. He’ll suffer more than if you had killed him. You saw him. He’s suffering, having to live with what he has done. Having to live knowing he betrayed those who trusted him, that he is the reason they are dead. That he selfishly traded his own life for the others. He has to live with the fact that his own lack of honor is the reason they died. Living with that guilt is more of a punishment than death.”
After a deep breath, she continues “I was sixteen when my parents and everyone I knew, everyone I loved were killed on Mindoir by batarian slavers. I was on Elysium during the Skyllian Blitz. I fought off more slavers, more fucking batarians. After my parents, after my family, my twin, were senselessly killed, after the Skyllian Blitz, I wanted to give in. I wanted to rip every batarian apart with my bare hands, regardless of if they were involved or not. I wanted to murder them, for what their species had done to my family. It would have been so easy to blame their entire race for what happened on Mindoir, on Elysium and I wanted to, oh God how I wanted to. Looking at my life, all of the things, the people, I’ve lost because of batarians? I have every reason to hate them, to loathe their entire race. The fact is every almost batarian I have ever met has been a slaver or criminal. It would be easy to hold onto my hate. But I would have lost who I am, what I stand for, who my parents raised me to be. It would all be lost in a sea of hate. I certainly wouldn’t be here if I gave in, I’d be dead or in jail or an empty shell of what I could have been. You don’t think I didn’t want revenge, for my parents, for my brothers, for my sisters, for Leeloo, my other half, for all of Mindoir and for Elysium? I get why you wanted vengeance, I do. There have been times I could feel my blood sing at the mere thought of killing batarians, ones that deserved it! And every time I feel that way it scares me. Despite what some think, I’m not perfect, Garrus. Not by a long shot. I may be a paragon, a dedicated one at that, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a renegade within me fighting to get out. I deliberately helped that batarian on Omega, the one sick from the plague. He blamed humans for the plague even if he was wrong. I have plenty of legitimate reasons to hate batarians. It was hard for me to help him because a part of me wanted to watch him suffer, to watch him die…which is why I made the conscious choice to help him.”
Shepard briefly pauses, declaring, “You’ve changed Garrus. What happened to your squad changed you, made you harder, less merciful. I know how that feels, my death has changed me too. The doubts and accusations from people I trusted! It would be so easy to just let my bitterness, anger, and pain consume my soul…to devour all the goodness and mercy in me. And I fight that urge, everyday. The impulse, the longing, to pass judgment on others, to end their lives because they deserve it! I can’t bear watching you lose more of yourself. Sidonis was weak, selfish even. He thought more of his own life than honor, trust, and loyalty. He saved his own life at the cost of the deaths of your squad. But is he completely evil? Is he unredeemable? It isn’t just black and white, Garrus, as much as you want it to be. What he did was wrong but there is good still in him. You are better than him and I couldn’t let you murder him. I couldn’t let you sink down to that level. I was scared you wouldn’t have been my Garrus anymore if you killed him. You wouldn’t be the man I love,” Lily declares calmly but passionately. “I know you gave up your blood lust for Sidonis’ life because of me. I know how much you wanted that, how much you were driven to end him, in payment for your squad’s deaths, for his betrayal.” Shepard’s violet eyes shine with emotion, “Garrus. You mean everything to me and I am willing to show you that. You sacrificed something for me, so I am willing to do the same for you.”
Although still angry, both at himself and at Lily, Garrus wonders what she means by that. Standing in front of the turian, gazing intently into his blue eyes, she declares “From my research, I’ve found that male turians often enjoy…dominating their partners.” At this, Garrus’ eyes widen. He knows better than anyone how much of a control freak Shepard is, knows how important that is to her. Considering her history, it is not surprising. Since losing everyone on Mindoir and the attack on Elysium, Shepard has kept herself together by never relinquishing control. There is nothing Lily dreads—fears even, more than not being in control, of someone having power over her. *She is willing to do this? Be completely under my control? For me?* He tilts his head, silently asking for permission.
She wordlessly nods. Garrus can feel his blood pounding through his veins; he’s never felt more powerful. Because she is freely giving him the power because one of the most powerful biotics, most powerful soldiers in this universe is trusting him with that power. The trust Shepard is showing in her willingness to allow him to have absolute control over her—it completely erases his anger. Shepard’s trust issues are well known especially since her death and Vakarian is awed by the vulnerability she is willing to expose to him. She is voluntarily facing her greatest fear for him. He can see it for the gift it is.
No longer wanting to punish her, Garrus cups her face gently. The turian lovingly presses his forehead against her. The familiar act of affection eases some of the tension Shepard feels. Garrus undresses his love, motioning her to the bed. Lily tensely lies in the middle of the bed. Reaching into his night stand, he takes out a pair of handcuffs from his C-Sec days. The turian sees the quick flash of fear in Lily’s eyes. Unlike any other times she’s been handcuffed or someone else has tried to control her, she knows she won’t fight back against Garrus. She is completely at his mercy. She has to trust him 100%, something she has never done with anyone before. Seeing the fear in her eyes, Vakarian promises softly “Love? All you have to say is no. I’ll understand.” Lily pauses and closes her eyes. When she opens them again, no longer is there fear in her eyes, she vows “I trust you.” Garrus guides his human’s arms over her head, gently cuffing her hands to the headboard.
He runs his fingers through her hair, savoring the silky texture. Garrus begins by stroking his talons down her body, from her neck to thigh. His tongue follows, tracing that line back up to her neck. Lily gasps, surprised that her lover does not immediately take advantage of his domination over her as all the turians from the vids had. They had been driven by lust but her turian is driven by love. He doesn’t want to dominate her but cherish her.
He slips a carefully blunted talon into her, gently stroking inside her. Adding another finger, Garrus deliberately brushes his talons across her sensitive nub, stretching her womb. Easing his fingers out, only to thrust them deep inside her. Moving his fingers in and out of her, Shepard forgets about her fear and begins to get lost in her own arousal. Lily whimpers as Garrus slides his fingers out. She struggles against the cuffs, trying to reach out to him, to touch him. Gripping her hips, he guides himself into her, thrusting deep. Garrus growls as she squeezes around him. He begins to move and she arches upward to meet his every forceful thrust. As the pressure builds, his speed increases, slamming himself into her warm heat.
Garrus feels the intense longing to deliberately mark her, never before has he felt this urge to mark a lover as his and his alone. To mark her as his life-mate, his yazani, his one and only for forever and always. The compulsion is devastatingly intense. Even knowing it is wrong to do without permission, without her knowledge of its meaning, Garrus is overwhelmed and cannot resist. She is his and he needs other turians to know it. He sinks his sharp teeth deep into her skin, at the place where his tongue first tasted her, where her shoulder meets her neck. It is the first time Garrus has bitten her hard enough to draw blood. He secretes a substance from his mouth and applies it with his tongue to the bite. The substance is to protect and preserve the mark, as well as being a scent marker that only turians can read. It is a scent his species cannot mistake, every turian that comes close to Lily will be able to smell his scent on her and know she’s been claimed. *She is MINE, she belongs to ME, only me and now everyone will know.*
Shocked, Lily climaxes, her muscles milking him. Vakarian stares at the mark he made just above her collarbone, with a deep, possessive satisfaction. She is his yazani and every turian that sees that mark, smells his claiming scent, will know that. No other turian can ever claim her. None would dare. Digging his talons into her hips, Garrus violently thrusts…once…twice before spilling himself into her. His seed inside her is merely another way for him to claim her as his mate, whether she knows it or not. After a moment, he pulls out of her, and rolls over onto his back. Vakarian quickly unlocks the cuffs, throwing them aside. The turian kisses the slight red marks on her wrists, as an apology. He presses Lily against his side and the two fall asleep entwined.
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Shepard Finds Her Soul Mate