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Zelda: The Misadventures of Link	By : moranos Category: Zelda > General Views: 122263 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda game series, nor any of the characters from them. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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The Legend of Zelda:
The Misadventures of Link

by Moranos of Valinor

The following episode lacks a few things in the way of plot-believability. Treat it like a good porn flick.

Update: I decided, years after the fact, to edit censor this one. I can’t believe some of the crap I used to write…

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Part II
Trespassers Lust

Link stared blankly at the redheaded girl who'd just asked him to find her father. He was hardly aware of what she'd just said, intent instead upon her beautiful features... on her pouty ruby red lips.

"Ok.. but I need your help with something first," he said.

"Really? What?" she looked confused. She kept looking at his crotch. She could see that he was erect...

"It's, um, up here," he said, pointing up the vines leading up the cliff behind her. "Follow me!" He scampered quickly up the cliff, running towards the secret entrance to the gate house. She followed him curiously.

In the gate house, Link told Malon to get on her knees. "I need you to distract some guards for me," he said. "Do you know how to give a blowjob?"

"Um... yes."

"Okay... Wait, really?."

"Well.. it's a long story," she said.

"Um... ok.... I'm going to bring some guards here, so keep them busy for a while, ok?"

"Ok..."

--

Link peered around the tree he was hiding behind. He shook his head... “This girl makes no sense... maybe I should try to fuck her when this is all over.”

There were two guards at the moat. He'd have to get both of them to the gatehouse so Malon could keep them occupied... but how?

He began to climb the tree, slowly so as not to draw attention to himself. Once at the top, he was nearly over the guards' heads. With great effort he made his voice as low as possible, and spoke to the guards in hushed tones.

"Pssst! There's trouble at the gatehouse! Moblins or something. Come quick!"

Hylian guards are usually never hired for their intelligence, but for strict adherence to orders. Suggestible as they were, they quickly nodded to one another and made for the gatehouse. Link's path was laid open.

Alongside the moat Link found the girl's father sleeping, loudly. Careful not to wake him, he jumped the moat and crawled into the castle. Evading the guards, he came upon the courtyard where the Princess awaited him...

--
Meanwhile, back at the gatehouse...

Malon had been prepared when the guards had arrived. She'd torn her shirt open. She smeared her face, ruffled her clothes and tried to look the part of a girl who'd been violated.

The guards were eating it up. "It was so horrible!" she sobbed, "He just... he forced me to... " She gave a convincing performance. "But it's ok, cause you're here now. How can I ever make it up to you for making me safe?"

"Um, ma'm, you can't be here, the castle grounds are--" the guard started to speak before Malon interrupted him.

--

"I thought you said Impa was going to teach me a song to play on my ocarina?" Link questioned. The amazingly beautiful princess had shown him Ganondorf, told him of her dreams, and he'd agreed to help her by finding the spiritual stones.

"Yes, I know, but she's late. Wait, here comes someone... hide behind me!" Promptly, one of the two guards from the castle moat appeared, panting and sweaty.

"Impa has been delayed, your majesty," he said, bowing. "She has business at the gatehouse and will arrive in two hours." Link tried not to look shocked... but he wondered what was going on.

"Thank you, guardsman," replied Zelda, sounding rather regal for her age. "You are dismissed. And pull up your pants on your way out... you look like you've just had some cheap whore..." she spoke with disdain, but an evil sparkle was in her eye. The man quickly pulled up his trousers which were sagging below his tunic. Turning bright red, he saluted, turned, and ran away.
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Zelda: The Misadventures of Link