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Fate and Fear MST	By : Birdie Category: +A through F > Devil May Cry Views: 3879 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Devil May Cry game series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Birdie: Hmm... not proud of this. Anyway, thank you for continuing to do this for me, Vergil-sama, Dante-kun.

Dante: no probs. We hate this fic as much as you do.

Vergil: *sourly* MORE than you do, in fact.

Birdie: poor twins... luckily for you, nothing remotely interesting happens in this chapter.

Vergil: nothing at all?

Birdie: nothing except Christianna's close-but-not-nearly-close-enough brush with death, and Dante's arrival.

Dante: WHAT!? HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT'S NOT INTERESTING?!

Birdie: trust me, read it and you'll be crippled by the boredom and OOC.

Fate and Fear2

By Christine

MSTed by Dante and Vergil

//Then she saw it.//

Dante: her dooooooom...

//The ghostly figure.//

Dante: ... that was her father...

//A long, tattered, black cloak seemed to be suspended in mid-air,//

Dante: *cuts cloak-strings with Rebellion*

Cloak: waaahh! *falls face down onto the floor*

//a greenish mist holding it up,//

Dante: the essence of a fart that would not go away.

//flowing out the bottom.//

Dante: hahaha, textile diarrhe--

Vergil: *shakes head disapprovingly* I think you're talking too much again, Dante.

Dante: ... *pouts*

//There was nothing for the head,//

Dante: like Agni and Rudra!

Vergil: like the headless horseman. Christianna, I know you're here ...

//but only a mask type antique,//

Vergil: that was vintage toilet seat.

//with a similar face to//

Vergil: Lady. *glares at Dante*

//that of medusa, snakelike hair and deep green, scaly skin.//

Dante: is Christianna describing herself too?

//Amongst this floating monstrocity was a large pair of shears.//

Sin Scissors: damn, the price for a haircut in Hell is a bitch since Mundus grew ass ears. We'll find new business in the Human World.

//The blades nearing three feet long, rusted and covered in tainted blood,//

Vergil: looks like the discovery of soap is a mystery in the Underworld.

Dante: *sings* #tainted blood, ooh-oooh-ooh, tainted blood... #

//the bottom half of the cloak covered in it. The inner blade of the shears standing as sharp as ever, ready to tear and rip apart the flesh.//

Vergil: the opposite of so sharp it couldn't even cut through cotton wool?

//It was one of them.//

Dante: the gangstas from the east-side!

//Those.....those monsters.//

Vergil: really? I thought they were cherubs...

Dante: cherubs... the trauma... *rocks on the floor, wide-eyed*

//The ones she had only seen in that...that game.//

Dante: *raises eyebrow* you're a fan of "Playboy Mansion" too?

//Or was this a game?//

Vergil: life's a game, you ignoramus.

Dante: I thought life's a bitch...

Vergil: and so are you. *pats Dante*

//Ever since that day....that day when she//

Dante: got herself boozily knocked up and awoke in a place she doesn't recall.

//was sucked inside. Crossed over dimensions and introduced to a new world...strange things have been happening.//

Vergil: she's been in hand-to-hand combat with the Tekken boys, got eaten from Pacman and became Super Mario's bitch for a week.

//Yes, she knew everything about who she was, and missed her family dearly.//

Dante: *hugs Vergil* if I get sucked into a freaky video game, I'll miss you too Vergil. *sniffles*

Vergil: *rolls eyes*

//But she knew one thing,//

Dante: clicking your heels and saying "there's no place like home" ain't gonna help you now, darlin'.

//Christianna couldn't leave untill she had//

Vergil: completed her spelling exam for 5 year olds.

//found what she was looking for, and completed herself in this world and the next.//

Dante: (as Christianna) next stop: Hyrule! I can't wait to shag that elf-boy Link!

Sparda twins: *shudders uncontrollably*

//Being a normal teenage girl she wasn't used to this sort of thing, let alone being sucked into a video game.//

Dante: Birdie knows many teenage girls who would be ecstatic to be sucked into a video game.

Vergil: yes, but are they normal?

Dante: ......let me just take a rain-check on that one.

//This wasn't just a nightmare.......it was hell.//

Dante: it was... Dante's Inferno!! Geddit??

*silence*

Dante: -_-

//Christianna's eyes widened even more,//

Vergil: she's turning into a manga character!!

//her heart almost shooting up into her throat.//

Sparda twins: ...ouch...

//Her lips opened, her lungs inhaled the musty air as she//

Vergil: spontaneously developed asthma and suffocated to death.

//let out a scream, a glass shattering scream.//

Dante: *sings* #s, a scream, a glass-shattering scream... #

//"EEEYAAAAAAH!!" Her throat emitted almost an unhuman sound, passing for//

Vergil: an orgasmic gasp.

//a shrill cry for help.//

Dante: (as Christianna) HELP ME FIND A NEW PLOTLINE!!

//The ghoul moved in closer witlh great stealth,//

Vergil: and the mental capacity of an inbred slug.

//opening and closing the shears infront of her face, circling her like an eagle.//

Dante: Sin Scissors was getting into role as an eagle hairdresser for the annual Hell Cosplay night.

//Almost as if to say " Make one move and I'll slice your pretty little body to tiny pieces ".//

Vergil: it's just buying time so it doesn't have to go and give a trim to Phantom's 700 kids.

//That was all the fear she could handle.//

Vergil: and thus she died.

Sparda twins: yay!

//Her legs shifted, making one swift jolt as she bolted in the other direction.//

Dante: and WHAM! impaled herself onto an ornament spear.

//In a fast pace she ran,//

Dante: almost catching up with that sloth over there *points*

//ignoring the evil laughter heard behind her.//

Vergil: it sounded exactly like her mom telling her to take her pills.

//She wished she could just close her eyes and make it all go away, to open them and find herself back home where she belonged.//

Vergil: the compost heap at the bottom of the garden, I presume.

//But that was something impossible,//

Dante: impossible? Nothing's IMPOSSIBLE! *opens mouth to sing*

Vergil: *stuffs Cerberus into Dante's mouth*

//something out of reach for the moment.//

Vergil: much like a paragraph without a spelling mistake.

//Her arms swung, her shoes slapping against the concrete as she ran,//

Dante: concrete in a GOTHIC building?! Surely you meant slabs of rock...

Vergil: I'm sure there are MANY things she meant, but it came out wrong.

Dante: yeah, like this entire story.

//not looking back, as she continued to hear the scraping.//

Vergil: Sin Scissors, didn��t your mother ever tell you not to drag things? *slaps wrists*

//Her chest moved in and out,//

Dante: ...has her body just turn to silly putty?!

//breathing heavily, as her arms swung opposite to the leg that was running, helping her momentum speed up.//

Vergil: today on "When Harlots Can't Run".

//The floor quickly passed underneath of her as the walls seemed to spin, the time running out.//

Dante: oh God, don't tell me it's Mission 12 all over again...

//The whole world seemed to be swirling around her in one big mass of colors,//

Vergil: that was all, well, GREY.

//a dizziness coming over her, her vision bluring.//

Dante: all these spelling mistakes... my sanity is bluring!! *hyperventilates*

//Everything came to a sudden stop. The floor stopped moving, the walls stopped spining, the cackling stoped.//

Vergil: but alas, the horror that was misspelled words continued.

//Dead end.//

Dante: WOHOO! DIE! DIE! DIE!

//There was a single picture infront of her,//

Vergil: in front, bitch, two words.

//behind that?....a//

Dante: grinning pair of silver-haired twins, pulling out their swords and going into DTM.

//solid, cobblestone wall.//

Vergil: *rolls eyes* brilliant discovery, Holmes. A dead end made out of what, thin air?!

//She spun around quickly, only to meet her demise.//

Dante: it was... her first grade English teacher.

//Shrill laughter, that cackle, echoed repeatedly through her head, as the coldness of the spirit brushed past her face in a dark breeze.//

Dante: then again, I'd be scared if my first grade English teacher cackled like a hen and blew coloured breeze into my face.

Vergil: the whore deserves what's coming to her.

//Christianna backed into the wall,//

Vergil: finding herself able to pass through matter and thus fell through the earth.

//holding her arms out, crossed infront of her face in feeble defence.//

Dante: no, no, -- trying to be someone from Dragonball Z isn't going to save you...

//The cold, hard wall seemed to close in on her, almost welcoming, awaiting her death.//

Vergil: because if the Sin Scissors didn't do their job correctly, at least the walls can turn her into a square.

//Closing her eyes, she held her breath, reading for the end as her vision faded to darkness.//

Dante: whoa, this mouse has been smoking so much weed she can see behind her eyelids.

//She could hear the opening of the shears,//

Vergil: and Sin Scissors' curses of "fucking 50 cent junk, stupid rusted crap..."

//almost swearing that she already felt then nipping at her neck, tearing her skin into shreads.//

Dante: so close... so close...

//But no. Some sudden twist of fate interffered with her gruesome destiny.//

Sparda twins: *screams in disappointment*

//A gunshot echoed through the empty, haunted halls. The sound of the wind being cut spun, as a loud crash could be heard.//

Vergil: *smirks* Dante just hit a wall, escaping his own bullet.

//Opening her eyes, and relaxing her arms. Infront of her lay the shears, on the ground, but no sign of the ghost.//

Dante: (as Sin Scissors) screw this, I'm outta here! It pays more to be extras in scary movies...

//A small, low pitched chuckle could be heard as the weapon dissintegrated, shattering into a quarry of small shards.//

Dante: and in it's place was "Proper English Will Triumph Over All".

//Her gaze turned upcast, only for her eyes to be set upon a very handsome, young looking man.//

Dante: it's Dante! ^_^V

Vergil: don't be egotistical, it's OBVIOUSLY Vergil! *smirks*

Dante: hah! It's neither! *grins* iiiitttt'ssss...... ARKHAM!!!

Vergil: WHAT?! O_O

//His platinum colored hair was in a nice clean cut, short and complementing his face.//

Vergil: fine, fine, it's Dante. We knew that... *grumbles*

Dante: thank Sparda she didn't see me when Trish put hot-pink extensions and neon-blue highlights in my hair...

//His deep brow eyes seemed to be drowning in mystery and darkness, seeping in her fear, wanting more.//

Vergil: Dante has eyebrows for eyes...? O_o

Dante: shut up Verge. >_<

//His lips were curled into a grin, one that sent shivers down her smooth spine,//

Vergil: if her spine was smooth, how can she fucking BEND?!

//causing bumps on her skin to arise.//

Dante: what am I, some sort of irritant?! o_O

Vergil: of course you are, what else can you be? *headlocks Dante and kisses him*

//Tight, red pants hugged his figure,//

Vergil: heh, so who's the strip-o-gram NOW?

Dante: I only wear those pants because YOU enjoy the sight!!

Vergil: *blushes and turns away*

//with black boots on his feet, seeming almost knee high.//

Dante: but actually just up to the ankles.

//Another tight article of clothing,//

Vergil: that hasn't seen the light of day for some time now... *cackles evilly*

Dante: >_< *hits Vergil with Beowulf*

//a darker red shirt, underneath a tighter vest, was atop his upper torso,//

Vergil: Dante, you're wearing too much clothes in this story. It's giving me a headache.

Dante: *smirks* shall I compensate by taking off something off now?

Vergil: *raises eyebrow* I don't see why not.

Dante: *throws coat into a corner Full-Monty style*

Vergil: *temporarily speechless* ......... impressive.

//almost completely covered with his blood-red cloak.//

Dante: ...this doesn't make any sense!! If my cloak covered the underneath shirt, how we see ANYTHING that I'm wearing?!

Vergil: look, this is written by a mouse on steroids with eyes up to her head! This crap is barely readable, let alone understandable, so shut the fuck up!!

//Various buckles helped to strap on his outfit.//

Dante: *mutters darkly* stupid Eva, buying me clothes 3 sizes too big so I can "grow into them"...

//Two guns, a black and a sliver, were clutched in his black-gloved hands, smoke rising from the barrels.//

Vergil: Dante, what have you been letting Ebony and Ivory smoke?

//A massive, heavy looking sword rested on his back, ready to be taken out in the head of a battle.//

Vergil: I don't get it, how do you manage to stick your swords onto your back without them succumbing to... *sighs* the gravitational law?

Dante: with super-glue and Velcro, DUH!!

Vergil: O_o .................. ???

//To complete this mans look, was a silver and red amulet, hanging from his neck on a golden chain.//

Vergil: hey! That's my amulet!! *pounces onto Dante*

Dante: Vergil, why the fuck are you attacking ME?! You should be getting the Dante in this story!!

Vergil: *pinning Dante down* hmmm... whoever said I was attacking you...? *kisses Dante hard*

Dante: *thinks for a good 3 minute* ohhh...! I get it now!!

Vergil: *rolls eyes* my brother the idiot... *sits back up, pissed off*

//He looked at her, with a smile of compassion now.//

Dante: compassion for Christianna because in .6 seconds she'll be frizzled black by Alastor.

Vergil: compassion for Dante and his omnipotent brother, who have to sit through this crap and endure trauma worse than Jester-screwing-Arkham.

Dante: WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!

Vergil: ... remember when we were fighting and they were waiting for us to get tired...?

//Dante could feel a warmth in his heart that he never had before.//

Dante: yes! Once I kill this Mary Sue I'll reach 100 and can claim my reward microwave!

//"Are you alright babe?" He smirked,//

Vergil: *growls menacingly*

//twirling his guns around his fingers before swiftly locking them back into their holsters, around his brown leather belt.//

Vergil: I'm surprised. I always thought Dante had his holsters around his head.

Dante: how mean, Verge... ;_;

//Christianna's eyelashes fluttered, her eyes slowly closing.//

Dante: HOW?! SHOULDN'T THE SIGHT OF ME WAKE YOU UP INSTANTL--

Vergil: *shuts Dante up with a kiss*

//Her heart raced faster than it had when she met up with that monster.//

Dante: all this heart racing would surely bring on a stroke. C'mon stroke...

//She could feel her knees getting weak, buckling underneath of her. She felt the world rising upwards, as she could've sworn she was falling from a high mountain.//

Vergil: it's true, because Vergil threw her off Mallet Island in a jealous rage. >_<

//Feeling the breeze underneath of her, her eyes closed.//

Sparda twins: *sings* I believe I can fly......

Christianna: *SPLAT*

Dante: ...... guess she can't.

Vergil: we're in a surprisingly singing-mood today...

//The blackness swallowing her whole//

Vergil: that should have been "swallowed" her whole.

Dante: (as Air Hostess) ladies and gentlemen, we may experience some disturbance as we suddenly fly into the present tense.

Sparda twins: ...wait a minute...

Vergil: ...so that was a...

Dante: ...tense change...?

Sparda twins: JACKPOT! OUR FIRST TENSE CHANGE!! -^_^-

//as she felt her head slam against the cold, stone floor, her world fading to black.//

Dante: please tell me she's dead! PLE~~~ASE!!!

Birdie: sorry Dante, if feedback is good, we can expect three more chapters.

Sparda twins: WHAT?!

Vergil: are you ASKING to be stabbed, Birdie...? *raises Yamato in anger*

Birdie: hey, hey, hey, I didn't write this shite, I'm just giving you the opportunity to take the piss out of it. Now, don't you have some celebrating to do, because you found your first tense change?

Vergil: how should we celebrate?

Dante: *smirks* isn't it obvious, Verge? You ride me senseless with something that's not-Yamato's-handle-but-equally-as-hard, and when we end up in a spent, panting heap we'll call it a day.

Vergil: *smirks* sounds like a plan... *scuttles off with Dante*

Birdie: I hope they won't be too noisy...

*there's suddenly a cry of "oh YES Verge! HARDER!!"*

Birdie: ... -_-;; let's reply some reviews...

Corenn: wow! *laughs* it's been a long time since I've seen someone so lively! ^_^ Your optimism is much appreciated. Keep reading, hope you like this!

Confused fan: ......I don't think you know what an MST is. The writing in the slashes are from a story called "Fate and Fear", but the commentaries under the slashes are mine (or the Sparda twins'). The commentaries are to mock the original story, because it is a badfic. If you don't find it funny, never mind. Just keep in mind this is not my REAL writing style.

roobes83: thanks for reviewing! Yes, this shite continues... but it gets even more preposterous so it's more the fun. This chapter sucked. *sighs*

Nova: I don't like this chapter, but I hoped it entertained you. Thank you for reviewing, and putting up with the script format. I love your email address. ^_^

Jade Tokier: thank you for the review, and for not being offended. I really like your fic "The Dark Secret of Ms. Marianne Susan", that 'Sue is so *shudders* . Haven't got 'round to reading the second chapter yet, but will do. It's a very good parody!

Cas: "14 and lookin lika ho", brilliant, I couldn't have put it better myself. And what are you sorry for? *I* didn't write the badfic! Log in next time, I want to see what YOU'VE written.

TNTN: thanks for reviewing twice. ^_^ "Pure and Wonderful MST" is up, due to be updated this Friday. I'll put the Hamlet/Horatio one up later. *hugs back*

��

In The Instalment Next Monday...

//" D-dante..." She whispered through the kiss, feeling his feathery soft lips against hers, pressing together with such passion.//

Dante: if our lips are pressed together with such passion, how can she even whisper?

Vergil: Dante, why were you wearing lip-balm?

Dante: WHAT?!

Vergil: your lips are "feathery soft". *glares*

Dante: well, when Trish leaves her make-up bag lying around you can't help BUT to steal something...
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Fate and Fear MST