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Living a Lie.	By : DemiGodess Category: Kingdom Hearts > Slash/Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1287 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and FF belong to Square Enix. I do not own Kingdom Hearts or FFor the characters or settings, Neither do i make money on this fiction.

Chapter List
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~Hi I’m Dani. I’m not too sure how far this will really go. But I hope you guys don’t mind it. I’m new to this. So I hope I get as successful as all you pro’s out there. I love critic. So don’t be shy. If you have any ideas that you want that go with the story, I’d be happy to add it in, considering I’m writing this as I go! Well, I hope my disclaimer is right!

~My last chapter was kind of a Prologue! So I hope you enjoy as the story actually begins. Give me inspiration. I live for it :3!

Chapter 1:

I stare out the window. Feathery blonde strands fall before my eyes. Causing me to strain. The bus was a long ride. So I had enough time to jam to my music. My brother is in the seat next to me, gabbing about how he can’t wait to get to school. “Riku was sick,” blah blah, “I finally get to see him,” blah “It gets boring with out him,” blah blah,” Not that your not good enough,” blahhh. I wasn’t all too interested. He talked so much he didn’t notice that I replaced the missing ear bud. I was more interested in the beautiful scenery. Summer was warm. But not to warm. The sun peaked its head over the horizon at just the right height. Its dim, so not to blinding, and it makes the most interesting hues and shading on all the plants and houses around. Granted, it’s a small town, with houses that all look the same. But in the morning, the sun makes every bit of similarity, look different.

This is the perfect place for normal. But not for unusual.

I see that we are approaching the school, and I put on a face that says ‘I’m dreading walking through the doors.’ Maybe I should just skip. It’ll only be one day. But of course I cant do that. That’s not me. I’m the good boy. And I know that Namine will call asking where I was. Knowing my father he loves to chat away with her. And that would leave me in a heap of trouble.

“Hey!” Sora yells. I jump from shock. “I just noticed you weren’t listening to me at all! Your mean Roxas!” Tears pool in his eyes. Sigh.

“I’m sorry. Since you rarely take a second to breathe, I assumed that when you did, you were done talking. You know that I’m not a morning person.” I pout. Showing him that I really am sorry.

“Aww fine then! But once it hits 12 it wont be morning! Then I can talk to you and you’ll listen!” He pouts right back at me. Sometimes its hard to believe he was born 5 minutes before me. After all, I act more mature.

We hop off the bus. And Sora runs ahead of me. I already knew where he was going. Once I finally catch up, I see him and Riku laughing. Sora yanks my arm right as I was about to pass them.

“Owww! What Sora?” I yell out in pain.

“ Look! Riku got a tattoo! It’s a secr--”

“Well if it’s a secret, shouldn’t I not know?” I interrupt. Once again not really interested.

“But he doesn’t mind! After all your almost as close to him as I am!” He pouts some more. Riku places his hand on top of his head.

“Sora, he is close to me. That’s why I remember that he’s not a morning person.” He says kindly. He turns to me and winks. Knowing that he just saved us from hearing him whine more. Sora smiles and then giggles childishly.

“Oh yeah! I forgot!” He giggles some more when Riku raises his eyebrow.

I sigh.

“Sooo…Riku, can I see the tattoo. After all, it’s rather odd for someone in this Black Hole to have something like that.” I say, finally giving in to the slight curiosity. He lifts his sleeve, and shows me a collection of stars on his wrist. Once star in particular looked like a fruit. As hardcore as getting a tattoo was, his seemed to childish. But I suppose it has some sort of meaning. And it was different. Something very different compared to every day.

“Well, do you like it? Sora already yelled from excitement. So we all know he likes it.” He laughs.

“Well yeah, it’s you Riku. You could plump up and shave your head and he’d still say you looked good!” I snort. He begins to laugh harder.

“Yeah, you have a point.” He snaps his finger. I admit, for some reason, he seemed attractive. Maybe it was the fact that he had a tattoo. If anyone knew, he’d automatically be seen as a bad boy. Because that’s the quality that comes with such bodily defacement. “But we should probably head to class now.”

I walk in the school, listening to Sora blabber to Riku. Once again not really interested in what they were talking about. Instead I was hiding myself with my hood. Making sure Namine couldn’t find me. I couldn’t stand feeling sick anymore. I don’t want to talk to her, or kiss her, or touch her. It’s the thought that begins to make my stomach ache and my legs jiggle. I spot her approaching Riku and Sora and I finally realized it may not have been the best idea to walk with them. The fight or flight feeling kicks in, and I’m ready to accept the latter and bolt. But instead I stay. And decide to put the hood down. My plan had failed when I took my first steps in the door with these two.

“Heya Rox!” She’s gleaming with excitement. I’m not sure how much I can take of this.

“Heya Nam.” Fake smile.

“How has your morning been my love?” She plays with her hair.

“Well you can guess, considering it’s been spent with Sora.” Fake laugh.

“Awe poor baby! How about I rescue you!” She grabs my hand. I’d rather them rescue me.

“Of course! Any time spent with you is better then these love birds!” Another fake smile and a laugh. I tighten my grip, feeling myself want to keel over with nausea. It’ll start becoming a big problem if she notices me vomiting whenever she touches me. So I hold it in as best as I can. Imagining her as someone else. Maybe my mother. Who held my hand when I was younger. “Well…baby…how was your morning?” We walk to our locker. OUR locker. Meaning, we share. This causes my head to hurt.

“It was great. I had some French toast. And of course I like knowing I would get to see you today! It’s what I wake up for.” She nuzzles my neck. Ewe.

“Oh. Haha. Well I’m going to class! I’ll see you in Art!” I run off, once again, avoiding the kiss I was suppose to receive. She waves, and goes her way.

….

I sit down in my first period class. A beautiful two seconds from being late. I was never late. I was a good boy. A very good boy. I never did drugs. I never had sex. I never snuck out. I was never late. I was pretty much a normal kid. I did what every kid did. I experimented. That would be Namine. My experiment. And my theory being, I can’t stand one more minute of her. I’m dragged away by my thoughts when my friend Hayner sits next to me. He slams his book down.

“Dude, Olette. She’s acting so lame. I need to find myself a rad girlfriend. You think Kairi will let me do it with her?” He raises an eyebrow. And I can’t help but laugh. This is the only person who knows about how I like pain. Of course we don’t talk about it. He asked me not to. But, when I started dating Namine, he brought it up once. Asking how I was with my “condition.” Then, we dropped it once again.

“Man, I don’t know. Honestly, Olette is a good girl. Don’t screw this up dude.” I say. Being the nice guy I am. After all, she does disserve someone right. “But, if you think about it, Kairi has been head over heals for Sora…and I guess Riku for too long to even notice you. If your looking to just ‘do it’ then she may give it to you. Only to smother the fact that she can’t ‘do it’ with who she really wants.” Once again giving the advice a good friend would do.

“Hmm…you know bud…I think your right. Who knows, I’ll think about it more. All I know is, I need to release some tension. Good fuck bro, that’s what I need.” He outstretches his hand as though he’s a pirate, talking about the sea.

“That might be a smart idea. You don’t want to dig yourself a whole you can’t get out of.” Your one to talk.

“But dude, think about it, I could have a lady on the side. Aka, a mistress. I learned about those in World History.” He winks after saying that really stupid line.

“Congratulations, It’s music to my ears knowing your actually paying attention in your classes!” I roll my eyes.

“Come on Rox. I’m being serious here! It’s every mans dream to have one of those!”

“So what your telling me is, the only reason you paid attention, let alone retained that portion of class was because you were thinking of how these dudes were total ‘Ballers!’ And you wanted to be that guy. Man, you’re really something.” I sigh, he honestly was hard to get. But he’s been there since the beginning of time for me. So I can’t help but love him.

I remember when I was younger, we used to compare our penis’s to see who’s was growing faster. Of course it was always him. We don’t do that now, because that would be weird. Although, every now and then I get really curious.

“Dude, I would prefer not getting yelled at in this class. We can talk about it at lunch. That is, if Sora isn’t craving my attention.” I close my eyes. Hoping that when they open, the day would have gone by. Each day was a disaster waiting to happen, all because I’m pretending to be someone I’m not.

“Okay Rox, I know how you are. Mr. goody-two-shoes!” I turn to glare at him, and he sticks out his tongue playfully.

I must say, I am not a good-two-shoes! I go to parties. You don’t drink. I make out with Namine. But you won’t have sex. Maybe Hayner was right. I seriously need to pull this stick out my ass.

….

The rest of first period and second flew by. Nothing new. Nothing different. Third period came, and I didn’t want to put my foot in the door. Namine was in this class. It was such a pain. My favorite class; Art, and I don’t even want to go because I’m too afraid of vomiting on my beautiful work! I decide to go through with it.

“HEY BABY!!” I could practically see the hearts flying around in the room. Like some sort of anime. I rub my forehead. I can feel every possible illness springing in me.

“Hey. Missed you.” False words.

She hugs me tightly. I, of course give her one right back. No heart involved though. What do you do when you are in my situation. Trapped in a relationship because your afraid of what people think. I’m not even sure. Although, I know you would say to stop. Because in the long run I’m hurting myself and her. But I’m too chicken shit to take your advice.

I sit down next to her. Allowing some distance. Because God knows I can barely handle her voice, how the hell am I going to handle her smell. Nauseating. I grab my sketch pad. Beginning to diligently work on my art. Suddenly, she has the audacity and grabs my hand. I’m already pissed that I have to be with her, but considering I’ve known her so long, she should know that I don’t give a rats ass, I will fight you if you touch me while I’m drawing!

I’m seething in rage and I look away focusing on some crappy art that’s hung on the wall. I’m allowed to say it’s crappy, because it’s Sora’s. I take some breathes and turn back around. Not even attempting to smile. Because she should know exactly what she did.

“Oh! I’m sorry baby! You just seemed so down that I wanted to hold your hand and tell you, whatever it is, it’ll be okay.” Yeah, well, what if you knew it was all you. You’re the problem.

“Yeah. Well I’m okay.” I sigh and smile, letting her know that I’m letting it go.

The rest of class was silent. And I was thankful. It didn’t go as bad as I thought it would. But just as it was feeling better, I realized, I still have some time to go. It was the end of the school year, but not completely over. Then there is summer, and I can only imagine how long after that. Panic sinks in. And after lunch, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle another class alone with her. Things were already at it’s peek, and my panic mode blinded me from the blonde’s face inches, no, centimeters, no, on my own face. Lips on mine. I thought I could avoid this forever. But I couldn’t.

She stands up.

“Come on baby! I’ll walk you to your next class!” She grabs for my hand, and my impulse jerks it away. I jump up.

“I can’t. I feel sick!” I run out the room. Trying to figure out where to go. The right thing to do, actually, the good thing to do, is turn around and apologize. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I ran for the Janitors closet. Correction, the empty, unused Janitors Closet. It’s Sora, Riku and mines secret. And right now, it was just the place for me.

Once I got inside, I find the bed we made out of our old couch pillows and cushions and lie down.

I cant keep living this lie. It sure enough cannot be healthy. I mean it’s seriously affecting my health!

In mid thought my mind cools down, as does my adrenaline and I fall asleep.

….

It goes from black to light. I see Sora and Riku.

“So even though it’s lunch time, and it’s passed morning, with you waking up…does that count as “you know I’m not a morning person don’t talk to me” type thing?” Sora asks so concerned. We all know how much he can’t live with out me.

I giggle a bit. How cute.

“No it’s alright. Talk away. I’m assuming fourth period is over. And it’s time to feed my tummy.” I say, ready to eat.

“Yupp! That would be it.” Riku says, just as excited. Men eat. That’s how life works. I don’t know how some girls can’t.

….

At lunch I make sure to get all the food I can. Whether it be a hamburger and pizza along with a sub. I was in some dire need of nourishment.

“So Riku, does your mom know about the tattoo?” Sora asks Riku. We decided to eat outside with no one else. Since we haven’t done it in a while. Of course I’m instantly bored when Sora talks. But this topic was different. As much as I tried not to seem intrigued. It still poked its way to the surface. I listen to them talk, while munching down. Trying to seem normal, uninterested in such delinquency.

“Yeah! Totally! She sent me, actually SHE YELLED FOR ME TO DO IT!” He laughs. I kind of chuckle myself. Being well aware of the fact that Sora can’t detect sarcasm.

“Really? That doesn’t seem like her.” He says, places a finger to his mouth, cutely thinking.

“No dumbass!” I hit him lightly. “Sarcasm. Of course his mother, well, none of our mothers in this town would let any of us do that!” I go back to eating. I was waiting to hear the rest of the story. Not whatever stupid things Sora said.

“Well, actually I made a pretty cool new friend here.” He says looking at the sky.

“New? How new? No one is ever new here! We all know everyone.” I pipe up. I can hold it in any longer. This set my curiosity off.

“Hahaha chill dude I’ll tell you. He’s pretty rad. He’s like legit new here. He’s living with his older brother. I don’t know how old he is yet, but he helped pay for the tattoo. He said it was for a good cost, and had nothing better to do with the money. He took me to the place, and turns out we have a lot in common. I may see him soon. He works at a Convenience store.” He says.

“Which one. I mean this town is only so big.” I lean in waiting.

“Well, I’m not so sure. He’s so mysterious really. Hmm…but I doubt it Rox. You would have remembered him.” He shakes his head.

“Hmm..what a bummer, I’m interested in who this guy is that’s taking Riku away from me…I mean us!” He looks at me.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. You guys mean the world to me.” You mean him. Hah. How funny, they are so dense.

The bell suddenly rings. I feel a hand on my shoulder as I got ready to walk to the doors. It’s Riku’s.

“I’m glad that you seem better.” He smiles and then goes to put his arm around Sora, who, as I figured would blush.

Have I really been acting so different. Sure, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. But that shouldn’t have changed anything.

As I’m going to the door. I see her. Namine. Instead of going to class, I figure, since I’m already seemingly different, I bolt off school grounds. I know I shouldn’t be skipping. But I couldn’t help it. There’s no turning back now. I text Namine and tell her not to call me, since I was sick, I headed home. I told Riku and Sora the same thing.

….

I got home a little bit before Sora did. I rushed to my room. And changed into pj’s, then hopped in bed. He came in and kissed my cheek. I roll over acting as though I just woke up.

“Heyyyy…” I draw it out. Seeming sleepy.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” He looks at me concerned.

“I feel so much better, now that I rested. And of course took meds first.” I smile. Lying perfectly to my naïve brother. I mean, I’m semi-naïve, but not about these kinds of things. “Don’t tell Dad. I don’t want you reminding him. You know how he goes all freaky.” I wiggle my eyebrows.

He laughs.

“Oh yeah, I so know what you mean! Secrets safe with me. If you need anything tell me though!” He winks.

“Of course. Oh! And tell Riku that too! Please, he’ll flip more knowing that we kept it from him.” I pout some more.

“Ohh, ohh, ohh YES! That would be soooo bad if he found out!” It’s like I shocked his brain into having an epiphany! It really does make me wonder. Did the smarts all come to me?

He runs down stares. Ready to find food. Me not so much. I honestly just wanted water. It was quite hot out today. I drag myself down stares, actually kind of tired, and I grab some water.

“Are you sure you should be out of bed now?” Sora’s eyes big with wonder.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t like to be at the doctors for dehydration.” I sip the water. It feels so amazing running down my esophagus. A nice moisture builds in my mouth and I realize this is when water actually taste good. When you’ve been walking in the heat, with no where to go, and its been two hours. It felt so refreshing, I was half tempted to dial the number on the back of the bottle and call them. But of course, how lame would that be. Dad left a note of the fridge saying he will be home late. Which is good for us.

Sora and I decided to just sit on the couch after we warmed up some lean cuisine pizza and watch Heavy Metal. Legit cartoon. Me and him after a while change the channel to The regular show. Honestly, it was pretty funny too. Suddenly my eyes drift once more. And I’m asleep.

….

I suppose it was all the walking that caused me to fall asleep so early. But knowing Sora he probably just thinks it was because I was sick. I sit up, and walk myself to bed. I look out he window in my living room, and I don’t see my fathers motor cycle. I look for the hook on my fridge and see my fathers keys. He must have parked in the garage tonight.

I ascend up the stairs, and walk through my bedroom door. I see me brother in his room across from mine. I decide it is safe for me to go to bed and I lay on my mattress awaiting the safe darkness.

….

My father wakes me up in the morning. And I honestly didn’t feel like going to school. Not because I didn’t want to wake up. I’m no hooligan. But, once again, school is just a disaster waiting to happen. I watch Sora rush to the bathroom.

“Your going to be late.” My dad says. His nice sweatshirt and blonde locks are the first thing I see.

“You look sharp. Got a date today.” I say followed by a yawn. I sit up.

“Oh yeah, you guys would love that, wouldn’t you? No son, I have a meeting, and then after that meeting we are going to lunch on the strip.” He pats my head, and I feel the weight on my bed leave. “Now don’t make me say it again, get up. And get ready. Or else you will be late.” He leaves as silently as he came. Sora pops his head in. I scowl at him, showing I’m in no mood for him to as much as open his lips. He yelps and runs back to his room. Sticking out his tongue before he closes his door.

….

Me and Sora arrive at the bus stop. Ready to be picked up and in my perspective, dragged to hell. But I suppose that’s and overstatement. I look out the window, wondering what in the world I could do to make this day worth it. I look at Sora and he is texting the shit out of his phone. I sigh. Nope. This day is not worth waking up for. The same thing happens over and over. I think of Namine and how I can’t stand the sight of her. I think of how ever since I started dating her, I stopped fighting. I loved fighting. I honestly did, so why don’t I any more. Have I really gotten to the extreme goody-two-shoes state. I bet all of those kids are calling me a pansy behind my back. Well forget them, I’m no pansy. I can do shit just the way they do. I mean, I walked (actually ran like a baby) out of school yesterday!

This really made my mind tick. I pondered. Maybe I have all the answers I need. If going to school isn’t worth waking up for, why go? I know I shouldn’t skip. But it was a rush. And I didn’t get caught. I could easily just avoid Sora for the day. And be back by time the buses come to the school. The bus comes to a halt. I was so lost in thought, that I didn’t even notice that we were here. Now was the time to decide. I have to pull this off just right.

We walked off the bus, and I realized, I need to make a decision. What do I do? I suppose I do what I’m becoming best at, I bolt. I look at Sora and tell him I’ll see him later. Then I lose myself in the crowd. So that he can’t find me. I head for the parking lot. Walking to where all the smokers, and potheads go when they skip, or want their early morning cig before school. I walk that way and don’t stop. I make sure that just the right people notice me. That way, I’m killing two birds with one stone. I’m not a pussy. Nor am I going to stay here any longer. I got off school grounds and reached the park where everyone that doesn’t have a place to go when skipping, goes. I decide to walk right through that. I’m not going to let all these people know I have no where to go. I make my first smart decision of the morning and go find a drink for myself.

….

After walking around, sleeping under a tree, and hacky sacking with some fellow skippers I decide to go to a place where I can get some alcohol. Why not go all out? Me and the Hacky Sackers walk for a bit. One of them is Seifer, who happened to be the kid that made me realize my strange obsession. I don’t know whether to hit him, thank him, or ask for another. It took time of course to get there, but finally we reached our destination. The convenience store that my father always has me ride to. I decide to walk in my self. This way Squall doesn’t see me with other hooligans. I needed him to sell me alcohol for “my dad“. Preferably, Vodka, or Captain Morgan’s. Actually I want Capt. & Coke. That sounds nice.

Although I know drinking and heat don’t mix, I know to get water. That way I’m hydrated.

I walk in the store. And once again , I see a bright red. I stumble. Confused. The red thing moves. I see it. I thought it was my imagination. I had stopped thinking about it for a while. I forgot about my main objective again, wanting to find out more about this “red thing” I called it.

I walk around one of the stands and I don’t see it any more. Maybe it’s the lights that make me see things. I search for Squall. He wasn’t here. Where is he, I’m on a mission. And it turns out the day I actually follow through with my delinquency, he’s not here. I walk outside and tell them that he’s not working, and we can try some other time. Suddenly I see the back door swing open.

“Hold on guys! That may be him! I really wanna make this happen!” I exclaim already heading to the door.

Cling. Goes the door. And I’m standing there. Mouth open.

The red. It’s back. And this time I can see it. And I never expected it to be so beautiful.
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Living a Lie.