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After Horizon	By : logsig123 Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 5502 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Mass Effect series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from writing this story.

Chapter List
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Fuck. I stab the down button with a talon and slump against the wall as the elevator slowly sinks. The anger is burning a hole in my chest. I can still hear Shepard’s voice in my head: Kaidan… you don’t sound too happy to see me. And maybe humans don’t have subvocals but I know Shepard well enough to recognize when he’s trying to hide something. His feelings. And Alenko, that barefaced traitor—
The doors open and I pull myself upright. Wouldn’t do for the crew to see me in an unmilitary posture—bad for my rep. But it’s the middle of a shift and so the only person in the mess is Gardner, probably planning something disgusting for the humans’ evening meal. I nod to him on my way into the main battery.
As soon as the door closes, I sit down at the workstation and begin the ritual of cleaning weapons and armor. Beginning with the Mantis first, as always. My hands know what to do. One talon is already flicking the takedown lever while the other hand reaches for the bottle of cleaning fluid. The familiar motions. They calm me, free my mind to think. I make a conscious effort to let go of the anger, to remain objective. Just the facts, Officer Vakarian.
One. Back on the old Normandy, Shepard had a thing for Alenko. That would have been clear to a blind man.
Two. Alenko was coy, but interested; that too, was obvious.
Three. On Virmire, when everything went to hell, Shepard chose to save Alenko instead of Williams. Hell, I would have done the same thing in that shitty situation: Williams was a good soldier, but Alenko has skills that are fairly useful to have around. Still, something other than the needs of the mission factored into that decision. And Alenko’s outburst during the mission debrief—while disrespectful and a breach of discipline—showed that he understood exactly where he and the Commander stood.
Four. Before Ilos, Alenko spent the night in Shepard’s quarters. This piece of intelligence comes direct from Joker, and Joker is a reliable informant as far as such things are concerned.
Five. Shepard has a framed picture of Alenko on his desk upstairs. I haven’t actually seen it, but Chambers says Cerberus rescued it from the wreckage of Shepard’s quarters on the old Normandy and restored it, from which we can conclude that (a) Shepard cares deeply about Alenko and (b) everyone in the fucking galaxy, including fucking Cerberus, knows it.
And so, for Alenko to take the Commander’s affection for him and throw it back in his face, to accuse Shepard of an impossible betrayal and then to deny him the loyalty so clearly owed him… that was inexcusable. It must be punished.
I lean the cleaned rifle against the wall and take off my armor, laying the pieces out neatly on the floor. Scorched husk blood everywhere; it stinks and the stains are hell to get out. I loosen the collar of my undersuit and get the polishing compound out of my kit. This will take some work. Elbow grease, humans say. And it’s not like I really need the extra thinking time. The facts of the case are clear and so the judgment that follows is the natural consequence: the next time I see Alenko, he gets a beating he won’t forget. Hopefully while Shepard’s not looking. Yes. He may outrank Shepard now, but that doesn’t give him the right to be insubordinate.
Two seconds later the absurdity of this all hits me and I drop the boot I’m working on. Spirits… You’re an idiot, Vakarian. And you, at least, are still under Shepard’s command. An objective observer might consider that performance on the flight deck to be disrespectful and a breach of discipline. What the hell got into you? Stupid, stupid...
The door hisses open without warning. Instantly I know it’s him—Shepard. The way he walks, the cadence of his boots hitting the metal floor panels is unmistakable. A faint smell of Cerberus-issue soap tells me he’s been showering while I’ve been busy analyzing his personal life.
“Do you have a minute, Garrus?”
“Sure, Commander,” I say, putting down the polishing cloth. I stand up and turn to face him. He doesn’t say anything, just looks me in the eye. I meet his gaze, uncertain. A moment passes. He folds his arms in front of him and leans against the wall. Does he want me to say something? Should I apologize for my earlier behavior? What the hell does he want?
“Um…” I mumble. “Sorry for anything I said back there. Adrenaline.” And then I wonder if I’ve said something I didn’t intend, because now there’s an unreadable expression on his face and his gaze seems focused on something internal. A memory? Then as suddenly as it appeared, that expression is gone, and his eyes meet mine again. It feels somehow like he’s changing the subject.
He speaks. “Seems like everyone’s afraid I’ll fall to pieces because of Kaidan. Or maybe they’re afraid I’ll go apeshit and kill the whole crew, I don’t know.” He smiles briefly and shakes his head. “Even the Illusive Man gave me crap about my ‘past relationships’.”
“That’s nobody’s business but yours,” I say, hypocritically.
He snorts. “Really? Don’t tell me you still believe in privacy,” he says. “There’s six million bugs on this ship, recording every sneeze, fart and ass scratch.”
I chuckle and gesture towards the walls of my humble domain. “For what it’s worth, I think I found all of the ones in here.” I retrieve the jar where I’ve deposited their mashed electronic carcasses and show it to him.
Shepard nods. “Nice collection. But you missed the big one.” He flicks his eyes towards the AI terminal near the door. I’m sure EDI is listening, but just then she chooses not to show herself.
“Anyway,” Shepard says. “I didn’t come here to discuss our evil machine overlords.” I nod and wait for him to go on, but he’s staring into space, apparently at a point somewhere over my left shoulder. Another moment passes.
“Shepard?” I venture cautiously.
“It’s weird,” he continues, as if the long silence didn’t happen. “That meeting with Kaidan—it didn’t go the way I would have liked, obviously. But I’m not really angry or hurt or any of the other things that people assume I am.” He pauses. “Maybe Cerberus shorted out the part of my brain that does relationships.”
I cough to acknowledge the joke. It’s not a very good one. Not worth the buildup.
“But I think… maybe it’s more that you flying off the handle about it allowed me not to.” He looks at me and one raised eyebrow invites me to comment. I have barely managed to parse that sentence and have no idea what to say, so I don’t.
He shrugs. It must be his favorite gesture. Shepard does the shrug well, better than most other humans I’ve met. Certainly with more subtlety than the model in the C-Sec Manual of Multispecies Body Language, Section 9: Humans. Shepard can make a shrug mean just about anything, and usually does. I don’t think I’ve seen this particular one before.
He takes a couple of steps towards me. “I’m glad you’re with me, Garrus,” he says, softly.
He’s very close. He reaches out, puts a hand on my shoulder—on bare skin, inside my collar, near the uninjured side of my face—and squeezes. Not painfully. But I feel like I’ve been kicked in the chest. I can’t breathe. He’s so close. I feel unbalanced. Never noticed how uneven the floor is in here. Spirits, he’s close. The spot where I’m standing isn’t level. Should move to another spot. Step back? Or forward? No. No. I don’t realize till afterwards that I’ve said it aloud.
He’s gone, the door sealing shut after him. The floor isn’t uneven after all. Not even a little bit. I let out the breath I’ve been holding. Heart’s still pounding. And my skin still burns where he touched me, though his hand was cool.
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After Horizon