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Breathe
By : logsig123
Category: +M through R > Mass Effect
Views: 4864 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0Disclaimer: I do not own the Mass Effect series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from this story. - Chapter List
Virmire Ashley's dead. And Kaidan's convinced that I chose to save him instead of her for personal reasons. He questioned my decision at the debriefing. Said that Ashley was dead because of him. Because of us. Is there an us? That's news to me. Last I heard, he had to save the goddamn galaxy first. Ashley was a fine Marine, an excellent fighter. Kaidan's a medic, a tech, and one of the best biotics in the Alliance. Do the fucking math. What the hell, Kaidan. If it was a question of the mission, and god knows you're all about the mission, then you were the logical choice. Do you really think I'm so fucking hot for you that I would make the wrong decision, just so you could go on saying no to me in different ways? Or do you think I was trying to guilt you into jumping into my bed? Shit. Ashley deserves better than to be remembered as the one the Commander didn't want to fuck. I’m contemplating throwing something at the wall when the door to my quarters opens and Garrus sticks his head in. "Are you busy, Shepard?" "No," I say. "What can I do for you, Garrus?" "Nothing," he says, leaning against the doorway. "Just thought you might want someone to talk to. Someone non-Alliance." He glances over his shoulder. "Maybe you'd like to vent about Alenko's constant insubordination?" I laugh. "I don't need to vent. I'm not angry." Which is, I realize, actually true. A second ago I was mad as hell, but now, it's all evaporated. I understand Kaidan was upset. It's the first death he's seen under his command. Ashley was his friend, too. He's got survivor's guilt; it happens to the best of us. And so on. There's no lack of reasons. Kaidan. He's such a mess of contradictions. In battle he kills without a second thought, without holding back. He'll break every major bone in a man's body with a flick of his arm--the screams don't seem to bother him. But he's also our medic, the one we look to for healing, the one whose hands bring relief from pain. He's stubborn as a krogan, and just as outspoken. Yes, even insubordinate. But he understands protocol better than anyone else I've ever met. He could probably recite every reg from memory, even the unwritten ones, and he lives his life by those strictures. He's proud and independent, refuses to be pitied or bullied, least of all by his commanding officer. But what his body yearns for, well, that's something else. He knows this about himself, the two warring sides of his personality. And he's defiant and ashamed at the same time. "Shepard?" Garrus says. "You sure you're okay?" "Yeah." I smile at the turian. "But thanks for coming by. You're a good friend, Garrus." "Any time, Shepard." Garrus nods, and leaves. Later, when I talk to Kaidan again, he apologizes for his outburst. Blames it on the adrenaline. But now that I know what I'm looking for, I can tell he's afraid that I see him as someone who needs to be saved.- You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
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