"Oh, no," Shepard felt like her heart was stopping in her chest as she entered the room to find her teammates collapsed to the floor. After the initial panic, however, she noticed the lack of blood or armor damage. Stepping forward, she crouched down beside Ashley, laying a gentle hand on her cheek. "Ash, wake up."
"Shepard, what's going on?" Ashley asked her, and Shepard wondered to herself why her old comrade was speaking with that odd accent. Before she could ask, she saw Ash's eyes go wide. "Shepard, look out!" she cried out, shoving Shepard down just as gunfire rang out.
The still-breathing batarian who had fired the shots let out one last gurgling gasp, before slumping back down to the floor. Shepard was quick to get back to her feet and check all the bodies for any more signs of life, before returning to her stunned squadmates.
"What the fuck was that?" asked an unfamiliar voice. Shepard turned to see Miranda rising unsteadily to her feet. When she spoke again, Shepard did recognize the basic sound of her voice, but unlike Ashley, she was speaking without a trace of an accent. "That thing started making noise, and next thing I knew..." Miranda stared down at her chest and let out a gasp. "Oh, fuck, no."
"Shepard, be careful!" said another familiar yet strange voice from her left. She turned to see Jack pointing her shotgun at Miranda, her voice coming out with a thick Australian accent. "I think that device made some sort of clone of me. I'm the real Miranda; that one's a fake!"
A synthesized voice let out a sad sigh. "It didn't make clones," came Tali's voice, and by this time Shepard wasn't surprised to hear her lack of an accent. "That device must have... switched our minds somehow, Skipper."
"I'm the fucking cheerleader?" Miranda... no, Jack was saying. "No, fuck this, let's fire that thing up again and fix this, right now..." Jack looked to her right and her jaw dropped.
Shepard followed her gaze to see the Prothean device letting out a few last sparks, the bullets from the batarian's last shots having pierced through its metal surface and shredding its interior. As the five confused women watched, the light it had previously been emanating slowly started to fade.
"Shepard," Tali said as she struggled to maintain her balance in Ashley's body, "I think you'd better get in touch with Liara. As soon as possible."
* * *
Shepard had to give Liara credit. Even with the news of the death of her friends at the facility, she still kept her composure as Shepard had described the sudden change of perspective her teammates had experienced.
"Fascinating," Liara said, after instructing Shepard how to forward her the research notes from the facility. "I've never heard of a Prothean device like this before in my years of research. It's no wonder they kept it under such tight security."
"So what are the chances you can fix this thing?"
Liara shook her head. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I spent most of my adult life studying Prothean technology, but I couldn't even begin to explain how to replicate it. Repairing the device is completely out of my depth."
"So we're fucking stuck like this?" Jack spat out, grabbing a handful of Miranda's hair and giving it a yank. "I gotta look at this bitch's face in the mirror for the rest of my life?"
"At least I haven't covered my body in graffiti," Miranda said, her refined accent mixed with Jack's voice providing a very strange effect.
Jack sneered. "You think that's bad? Wait until we get back to the Normandy, I can't wait to break out my tattoo kit and start working on a new fucking canvas."
"Shepard, we need to restrain Jack!" Miranda turned to Shepard, a trace of fear in her voice. "She can't be trusted to be let loose with my body."
"My body now, bitch," Jack said, leering as she gripped one of her breasts and gave it a rough squeeze. "You heard her, we can't fix this thing."
Liara raised her voice to be heard above the argument. "Not so fast. I've had a chance to look over some of the research notes you sent over. Apparently, they did some pyjak testing with the device, and found that there was another way to switch the minds back, independent of the device."
"What was it?" said Ashley, fidgeting around in her new body, rubbing at the tight suit she was now confined to.
"That, I haven't been able to find yet. Most of the files regarding the project are encrypted, I'm afraid," Liara said. "Nothing I can't manage, but I'm afraid it might be a couple of weeks."
"Weeks?" Miranda and Jack both exclaimed.
Liara rubbed at her neck. "I'm sorry. The Shadow Broker may have had access to some of the most advanced equipment in the galaxy, but there's a lot of data to decrypt here. I promise you, I'll get in contact with the Normandy as soon as I have an answer."
"We appreciate it, Liara," Shepard said. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to save your friends."
"It's alright, Shepard," Liara said, and her voice took on a chilling tone as she added. "My contacts have already given me the name of the mercenary company those batarians were part of. The ones you killed today... they're the lucky ones."
Shepard shuddered as she ended the transmission.
"So, what happens now?" Ashley said, walking toward Shepard slowly, getting used to her new, alien anatomy.
"Now, we go back to the Normandy," Shepard said. "And you're going to have to put a call in to Alliance Command, let them know you won't be checking in for a little while. I know you've probably got duties as a Spectre, but until we get this fixed, I'm afraid you're going to be flying with us."
Ashley hated having Shepard giving her orders, but she had no other choice. She held up one of her three-fingered hands and sighed. "I always used to wonder how Tali managed to deal with living in a suit like this all the time. Guess I get to find out."
"Tali," Shepard said. "When we get back, you'll need to..." Shepard turned to find she was addressing empty space. "Tali? Where'd she go?"
"She said she was going to go on ahead to the shuttle, that we should catch up," Miranda said, crossing her arms across her bare torso and shivering.
Shepard nodded, understanding dawning on her. "You three finish searching the area. I'll go get the shuttle ready." Making her way through the facility back to the entrance, Shepard stepped out onto the surface of Lohanaker. It was a temperate planet, and the research facility had been built in the middle of a grassy clearing, surrounded by thick forest.
It didn't take long for Shepard to find her. Like Ash, Tali walked slowly in her new body, getting used to the feel of a radically different physiology. But the look on her face was definitely not pained or awkward.
Shepard watched as Tali crouched in front of a small patch of brightly-colored flowers. Slowly, unused to the feeling of five-fingered hands, she plucked them from the ground, one after another, until her hands were filled with the bright petals. After a moment's hesitation, she took the pile and brought it to her face, inhaling deeply.
"Keelah," Tali whispered, and Shepard watched as tears streamed down Ashley Williams's face. Tali put the pile to her face again, and when she pulled her hands away, petals clung to her wet cheeks. Tali smiled widely, even as her shoulders shook with sobs.
After a few moments, Shepard must have shifted slightly, because Tali gasped and whipped her head in Shepard's direction. "Shepard, I..."
"We'll be getting ready to leave, soon," Shepard interjected. "But if you want some more time..."
"That's okay, Shepard," Tali said, giving her an awkward smile. "I probably shouldn't get too used to this, after all. Once this is fixed, I won't be... well, I should get back to the shuttle, start teaching Ash all my suit functions."
Stumbling, Tali brushed past Shepard in the direction of the shuttle. Shepard remained for several seconds, staring down at the damp, discarded pile of flowers on the ground, before turning and following after Tali.
* * *
"Oh, my," Liara said as she read the document again, making sure she had been correct.
"What is it?" said Feron as he approached her from behind. "You find something in the research notes?"
"A few documents have been decrypted, nothing with a solution to our problem yet, but this..." Liara moved aside to allow her drell companion to see the terminal.
"'Pyjak research has demonstrated strange side effect of Artifact X-38,'" Feron read off the screen. "'Stimulation of nerve endings involved in mind transference seems to magnify test subject libido to uncontrollable levels.'" Feron blinked with both sets of eyelids. "That mean what I think it means?"
Liara accessed an attachment to the document, and let out a gasp as a video began to play. A large cage containing several pyjaks was on the screen, and inside the primate creatures were engaging in frantic acts of copulation. Those animals that weren't madly humping away at the nearest orifice were vigorously stimulating themselves, and the cage shook so hard that it threatened to topple over.
"You don't think..." Feron asked, starting at the video with wide eyes.
Liara considered, but shook her head. "The crew of the Normandy aren't pyjaks, Feron. I'm sure they can control themselves."
"Still, shouldn't we send a message to Shepard?"
"I don't think it'll be necessary," Liara said. "The Shadow Broker's cameras on the Normandy are still functioning?"
"Last time I checked."
Liara turned to face Feron with a crooked smile. "Well, we'll monitor those recordings closely. Keep an eye out for any... abnormalities."
Feron smiled back. It looked like a new set of vids were about to inserted into their late night viewing. As the hands of the mysterious Shadow Broker drifted under his waistband, Feron reflected that the Normandy wasn't the only ship with a magnified libido problem to deal with. * * *
"Remarkable," said Mordin in his usual clipped pace, studying a display and stroking his chin. "Never seen anything quite like this. Complete rewiring of electrical impulses in brain. Physical brains not swapped, thoughts simply transferred from one brain to another."
"So, I suppose that means you're not going to be able to fix this either, then," Shepard said, watching Jack and Miranda glare daggers at each other's bodies inside the research lab.
Mordin shook his head. "Sorry, science like this utterly beyond my abilities. Will have to wait until Dr. T'Soni conducts further research."
"Okay, so it looks like we're stuck with this, for a little while at least," Shepard said. She stared over at Jack, who had wearing Miranda's jumpsuit half open, the constrictive outfit obviously uncomfortable on the normally half-naked convict. "Jack, I'm going to trust you to treat Miranda's body with respect until we can get this fixed. The second I hear you've made so much as a mark on her, we'll chain you to a wall for the next few weeks. Am I understood?"
Jack gave a casual shrug. "Wouldn't be the first time I'd been chained up," she said, but off of Shepard's serious look she added, "Okay, fine, I'll treat the cheerleader's perfect genes just like they were my own, alright?"
Shepard turned her attention to Miranda, who'd thrown on a worn leather jacket plundered out of Jack's private wardrobe to cover up. "I've informed the crew of the situation, and unless you have any objections, I'd like to resume your duties as XO."
Miranda nodded. "Not a problem, Commander," she said, Shepard still unable to get over hearing Jack's voice speaking in Miranda's distinctive accent. "As soon as we're done here, I'll return to my office."
"Luckily there aren't any pressing matters for us to deal with," Shepard said, "So for now we'll just patrol for a while. We'll stick close to this area, though, in case Liara needs to head back to the facility for anything."
"Very well, Shepard," Miranda said. "If there's nothing else..."
Shepard nodded. "The two of you are dismissed." She turned to a wall panel and spoke aloud. "EDI, could you send Tali up here?" She paused and added. "Uh, I mean Tali in Ashley's body, not Ashley in..."
"I understand, Commander," said the AI. "I'll let her know you wish to see her."
* * *
"I finally get it," said Jack as she and Miranda left the lab.
Miranda knew Jack was probably baiting her in to something, and that she should ignore her. "Get what?" she finally asked.
"Why you're such a bitch all the time," Jack said with a smirk.
"Jack, this situation is aggravating enough. Let's not get into this right now."
Jack let out a low chuckle. "Fine, fine. Just one question, though: how long's it been anyway? Couple months? A year?"
"How long since..." Miranda saw the look in Jack's... her own eyes and turned away in disgust. "This is pointless."
"I mean, goddamn, princess. Ever since I landed in your body, seems like all I can think about is finding a nice stiff cock and..."
Miranda raised a tattooed finger in the air. "Don't you dare, Jack! You heard Shepard."
Jack rolled her eyes as she brushed past Miranda. "Whatever, little miss perfect. I'll be down below, taking matters into my own hands. Unless you want to come down and stop me from doing that, too."
The thought of Jack playing around with her body made Miranda want to heave, but there wasn't much she could do. She was forced to watch as her own body strutted away, Jack giving her ass a little shake as she stepped into the elevator. Something about Jack's words, though, brought a note of disquiet to her. When Jack had started taunting her about her bodily urges, Miranda had been tempted to throw it back in Jack's face, and mention the... anxiousness she had felt coming from Jack's own body when they had first been switched. Despite Jack's accusations, Miranda hadn't been feeling particularly in the mood for romance in the recent months. But in this new body, suddenly Miranda was finding it difficult to focus on anything else.
"Fine," she thought to herself. "Two can play at that game." Her pace to her office hastened ever so slightly, her unfamiliar fingers twitching in anticipation of what was to come.
* * *
It felt weird to ask "How's Ashley?" to the person walking into the room, considering everything her senses were telling her said it WAS Ashley walking in, but Shepard had already resigned herself to the fact that the next few weeks were going to be very, very strange. She only hoped that Liara's predictions were correct, and that she'd find an answer to their situation.
"It's... been a bit difficult for her," Tali said, slowly rubbing at her forearms with her hands. "Quarians have their whole lives growing up to learn how to use their suits. Ash is going to have to learn all that in a few days if she's going to keep my body alive."
"I've got some crew members working on setting up a clean room on the Normandy," Shepard assured Tali. "If things go badly and we have no other option, we can put Ash in there until the situation is resolved."
Tali nodded. "I think she'll be okay for now. I ran her through the most important things, feeding herself and dealing with suit ruptures. She... was a bit resistant as far as waste disposal went, but I made it clear to her that it was a lot easier than having to decontaminate every time you needed to use the restroom."
"Ash is strong, she'll make it through this," Shepard said. "What about you, Tali? How are you holding up?"
The question struck Tali off-guard. "Good, I guess. I mean, it's nice to see what it's like to be out of the suit, but sometimes all I can think about is what it's going to be like when this get fixed, and I have to go back to the way things used to be. I mean, before I knew I was missing out on so many things, but now that I know what it actually feels like to feel the air on my skin, to smell Rupert's cooking..."
Shepard gave Tali a warm smile. "Tali, don't worry so much about when it's going to end. Just take the time and enjoy it while it lasts."
"But it's not my body, Shepard," Tali protested. "Using Ashley's body like this... it doesn't feel quite right."
"Tali, Ash is your friend, right? I think that she'd be happy to know you're getting a chance to experience life out of a suit through her."
Tali gave her a warm smile, and Shepard felt her heart skip a beat. It had been so long since Ashley, the real Ashley had smiled at her like that. "Maybe you're right, Shepard. I need to appreciate what I have right now, and enjoy it while it lasts." She held up her hands and wiggled her fingers. "Even if I'm still not sure why you humans need all these extra digits. How can you get anything done with all these things in the way?"
"We manage somehow," Shepard said with a laugh. "Go, enjoy yourself while we're not out risking our necks."
Tali started to leave, but then paused. "I did have one other question, Shepard. Something... a little personal, I guess."
"Whatever you need, Tali. It'll just be between us."
Tali rubbed her hand across the back of her neck. "Well, it's just... I'm not really that familiar with the way human bodies work, I guess. And... well, I..."
"That's something I have a lot of experience with, myself," Shepard joked. "What is it, Tali? You're beet red!"
"It's just... since my mind went into Ash's body... do humans normally... I mean, do you always feel this...?" Stammering for a little while longer, Tali finally shook her head. "No, never mind. Forget I asked."
"Tali, wait!" Shepard called out, but she was already darting out of the door, leaving Shepard to wonder what could have gotten Tali so embarrassed.