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Returning	By : braxy29x Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 3000 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, quoted poetry or lyrics. I make no money from this story.

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"Birds do it, Bees do it, even educated fleas do it…" -from Let's Fall in Love, Cole Porter
...
Mordin glanced up from his terminal when Thane entered.
"Thane, wanted to speak with you."
"Do you need something?"
"Yes," stated Mordin, continuing to work for a long moment before pausing and regarding him, pulling himself up to full height. "Aware crew is under stress, especially with approaching journey through Omega-4 Relay and difficult confrontation with Collectors imminent. Different species react to stress in variety of ways, but increased sexual behavior is a common response for many, particularly Humans, Turians, and on occasion, Drell."
"I see." Thane realized he was uncertain he wanted to hear where the doctor was going with this.
"Am Salarian so cannot pretend to understand but aware of your attraction to Commander Shepard."
"Are you?" asked Thane, eyes narrowing.
Mordin continued, pacing around the table and gesturing, eyes toward the ceiling as if lost in thought. "Of course. Think it prudent to inform you of certain risks inherent in Drell-Human relations. Drell much stronger than typical Humans due to higher muscle density, caution when handling advised. Many Humans also sensitive to Drell dermatological secretions; responses range from itching and mild rash to anaphylactic shock. Allergic response more likely with sexual intercourse, Human genitalia quite delicate. Recommend thorough lubrication to minimize discomfort."
"I do not think this line of conversation is appropriate, Professor," warned Thane.
"Humans may also experience delirium or mild hallucination with Drell oral contact." Mordin stopped in front of Thane, continuing to gesture as he leaned toward him. Thane resisted the urge to step back. "Important to note Humans favor extensive oral-sexual interaction through variety of behaviors, either mouth-to-mouth as in kissing, or… other stimulation commonly noted in scientific literature."
Thane stared at Mordin; he felt himself at a loss for words and suddenly hyper aware of the Cerberus rifle against his thigh.
Mordin turned and continued to pace back the way he had come. "Of course am able to provide various oils and ointments as needed. Am also sending you informational pamphlet noting erogenous zones and positions comfortable to both species. Have already uploaded educational video to EDI, available to view at your private terminals as necessary." Mordin came to rest in front of his own terminal, hands clasped, and looked at Thane, awaiting his response. "Do you have any questions?"
Thane stood still for a moment, distinctly irritated at the notion that his interaction with Shepard had been subject to Mordin's speculation. He leaned over the terminal to place the rifle solidly in front of Mordin, keeping one hand on each side of it and putting himself eye-to-eye with the Salarian. "I think perhaps you disregard your place, Professor Solus. My personal dealings are my own."
He released the rifle and stepped back, adjusting the collar of his leather coat before dropping his hands stiffly to his sides.
"Well!" responded Mordin, clearly offended, before he continued rapidly. "Thought you would appreciate information. Preferable to Commander Shepard crippled by soreness or too intoxicated to fight!"
He picked up the weapon and examined it as Thane turned to leave. "Should also warn you, Humans described as enthusiastic lovers, known to scratch and bite! Would hate to see either of you damaged."
Thane exited the lab, hearing Mordin continue to mutter, "Unfortunate, but unsurprising…"
...
Late in the evening, Thane found himself sitting across from Zaeed in the mess, his fingers toying with a mug of pleasantly bitter coffee in front of him.
He was generally indifferent to food or drink, considering them only necessities he must remember to consume. His life had not encouraged him to pay much mind either to pleasures or discomforts. Long hours spent in observation and stealth or else meditation, prayer or memory precluded attention to passing concerns. He cared for his body as he would care for a weapon and little more.
Nevertheless, during his time on the Normandy he had developed a certain fondness for this Human drink most other species found intolerable. The aroma and warm cup in his fingers soothed him. While he tended to be a recluse when he was not working with the team he even found the Human tendency to assemble around their coffee amusing on occasion.
"…Not happy Shepard let the bastard go, but I guess she did the right thing. I'm still going to plug a bullet in his fucking skull next time I see him…"
Zaeed was less charming than other company Thane encountered in the mess but oddly enough he did not mind him. He found the mercenary's methods brutish and inelegant but respected the fact that they were also efficient and highly effective. Zaeed himself was as unrefined as his work, his lapses of self-control and flares of temper in a fight were legendary but he was otherwise easy-going and quick with a story.
Thane was content to listen to Zaeed talk. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept, only that it had been some time before he had boarded the dead Reaper with Shepard. His mind drifted; he was too tired to rein it in and thought perhaps he should rouse himself toward his bunk when the elevator door opened and Shepard approached his table.
The door opens, the Human enters holstering her gun, a Quarian and Turian behind her. My prey waits below me as I listen to the woman speak.
Shepard waited as Zaeed begrudgingly pulled his booted feet from the chair. "Zaeed, Thane," she nodded to them, smiling at his name and stirring her coffee as she sat.
"Siha, you should rest," Thane offered quietly. Shepard shook her head and peered wearily into her cup as if it might offer to take over her duties and give her the night off.
"We did the right thing with that Geth," she noted after a time. "It wants to join us and it says the Geth we've been fighting are 'heretics.'"
"Intriguing."
"Yeah," she chuckled, "we're calling it Legion. It doesn't see itself as an individual but as a collective, and it says they would be willing to fight the Reapers…" Shepard trailed off, too drained to add anything else.
"Does Mordin think he can do anything with that rifle?" she asked after a time.
Thane crossed his legs. "I'm afraid I did not speak with Mordin long enough to find out. Our conversation became uncomfortable and I left." He had caught her attention with this; her cheeks colored a bit as she studied her cup with renewed intensity.
"I'm sorry Thane, I should have realized he might try to have that conversation with others as well."
Zaeed groaned and braced his hands on his knees to stand up. "Goddamn Salarian been trying to tell a lot of people about the birds and the bees lately, the way I heard it. Don't think he could tell me anything I don't already know and I don't need to hear about it again unless that angry little bitch down in engineering wants to have a word with me." He stalked off toward the elevator, leaving his drained cup on the table.
Shepard managed to stifle a laugh as Thane reflected that Zaeed and Jack had a good deal in common.
"Thane, I'm not sure I want to know, but just what did Mordin say to you?"
Suddenly feeling mischievous, Thane gave her one of his unusual smiles, waiting for the right moment to respond. Her clear eyes glittered at him and then she drew up her cup to drink.
"He warned me that you might bite."
Thane's laughter rumbled around them as Shepard stood abruptly, still choking on her coffee as she stumbled away.
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