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Sanity Check	By : ambersue Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 4409 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, and sadly, no one pays me to write about any of this.

Chapter List
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**Author's Note** Shepard is a more difficult character for me to get a grip on than Kaidan...no pun intended. Let me know if his characterization seems inconsistent. :) Otherwise, enjoy the sexy-time.**
Shepard helped Kaidan into the elevator, grateful that it was late and most of the crew were in their bunks or off losing credits to Vega in a game of cards somewhere. He wasn’t sure he was ready to offer explanations yet.
Not that he was ashamed—glancing over at Kaidan, his eyes closed, swaying a bit, even with the smooth motion of the elevator, the jolt of emotion that shot through him was much closer to pride… or possessiveness.
He’d always felt protective of his crew. They were his to lead, his to command, and his to protect. When one of them was lost, it was personal. But Kaidan…Kaidan had always felt like his in a way that went far deeper. Something about his personality, how he always seemed younger than he really was. He was just so…trusting. Even when Cerberus had Shepard wrapped up in their schemes, even when Kaidan had been suspicious, on some level, Shepard knew, it had killed Kaidan to question him.
He knew most of his crew would die for him. He carried the weight of that every day, of knowing he might actually have to ask them to do so. But Kaidan was different. Kaidan lived for him.
Shepard didn’t need long conversations to tell him that. The commander spoke through actions, and he listened that way as well. Kaidan had been so desperate to tell him how he felt, but Shepard had known long before Kaidan spoke the words. Maybe he hadn’t quite put all the pieces together, but he had known. It was in the way Kaidan looked at him, the way he hardly even had to give an order before the major carried it out. The way Kaidan hung back when he needed space and showed up when he needed a friend. Whatever Kaidan thought he needed to prove to Shepard, he had proven the minute he’d refused to shoot him, despite Udina’s accusations. It wasn’t just loyalty that made Kaidan who he was. It was loyalty to Shepard.
And god, it killed him. He had no idea what to do with that much trust. Because Kaidan was right. He wasn’t a super hero. He was just a soldier, and soldiers made mistakes. Soldiers died, and sometimes they took their fellow soldiers down with them. And that scared Shepard more than any Reaper ever could. In fact, facing down a Reaper had been cake compared to trying to promise he would stop protecting Kaidan. Right, he thought. And I’ll work on not breathing so much, too.
He sighed, adjusting his stance to better support Kaidan’s weight. The major moaned and leaned into him. Oh, who was he kidding. He’d probably try to stop breathing, too, if Kaidan asked.
The elevator door slid open, and Shepard helped Kaidan into his cabin. He had a momentary debate with himself: was it too presumptuous, to dump him directly on his bed? The couch seemed so far away.
Kaidan settled the debate by lurching into the chair near Shepard’s terminal. “That’s enough standing for now,” he declared, sinking down into the seat.
“Make yourself at home,” Shepard said sarcastically. It was easier to be funny. It distracted him from the strange gyrations going on in his gut.
The major opened one eye, weighing Shepard’s tone, and sat up a little straighter. He glanced around the spacious cabin and laughed low in his throat. “It’s good to be commander, huh?”
Shepard shrugged. “Honestly,” he said, gesturing to the oversized fish tanks set into the walls, “I could do without the fish.”
“I think they’re supposed to be soothing.”
“Right. Well, let me know if they do anything for your head. So far, they haven’t put my mind at ease about Reapers destroying Earth.”
“God, Shepard. Work, work, work.”
The commander had to admire him: nearly incapacitated with pain, and he still had a sense of humor. For a moment, every muscle in Shepard’s body tightened, a spasm of jealousy for anyone else in the galaxy who had ever made Kaidan laugh.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. He had to stop that. Kaidan wasn’t his goddamn property. Like the man had said, he had to stop feeling so protective, and that started with shutting off this over-developed sense of…ownership.
The major was watching him. Shepard made himself smile. “It’s hard being the galaxy’s only hope,” he quipped.
Kaidan rewarded him with a raised eyebrow and a stifled groan. “I fucking bet.”
Shepard watched him fight back the pain, shifting his weight in the chair. “Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to help you?”
Kaidan’s hands dropped to his side, and he looked up at the commander. His eyes were glazed with an odd mixture of agony and desire. “You could come over here and kiss me.”
Three strides was all it took for Shepard to close the distance between them. Planting one hand on each arm of the chair, effectively trapping Kaidan, he stood over him, leaning down so their eyes were level. He paused there, his gaze swiftly taking in every inch of the major’s face. The squared jaw, the deep, warm brown of his eyes, crinkled up in the corners from laughter and age and squinting against a dozen different alien suns. This close, he could see the handful of gray hairs beginning to insinuate themselves throughout his hairline. Kaidan was young for that, but he had earned them. Christ, they all had.
Kaidan’s head had dropped backward slightly, raising his lips toward Shepard like an offering. An offering Shepard was only too willing to take. The emotion in Kaidan was tender, full of respect and admiration. Shepard’s emotions, in contrast, were a tightly wound mass of wires, full of sharp edges and electricity. When his lips met Kaidan’s, he wasn’t just kissing him. He was claiming him.
The kiss was not as rough as some, but it was deep. With Shepard standing over Kaidan the way he was, containing him with his body, sealing them together with his mouth…the combination was more erotic than almost anything Shepard had experienced. He could feel his body responding, and he was suddenly—and somewhat uncomfortably—reminded that he was still in almost full armor.
He broke away from the kiss with a growl of frustration, but paused when he saw Kaidan’s face. The major’s eyes were closed, his mouth still slightly open. His skin glowed faintly blue, his biotic field crackling a bit in the silence of the cabin.
“Kaidan?” Shepard said gently.
The major opened his eyes slowly, lingering on Shepard’s face still inches from his own, then seemed to notice the glow reflected in Shepard’s eyes. He glanced down at himself, his lips twisting into a rueful grin.
“Sorry,” he said. “When the headaches hit, it’s harder to control the implant. It reacts to chemical changes in the brain. You know, adrenaline rush…” He hesitated, the hint of a blush coloring his cheeks. “And, apparently, extreme…uh…sexual interest.”
For an instant, Shepard forgot about needing to get out of his constricting armor. The thought that Kaidan was even half as excited by Shepard as Shepard was by him…This time, the kiss was brutal and bruising, and left them both breathless.
“You are really not helping the situation, commander,” Kaidan mumbled.
“Tell me about it. N7 armor isn’t exactly…roomy.”
Kaidan flushed again, but sat up a little in the chair and slid his hands around Shepard’s hips. The gesture was so simple, yet somehow infinitely more intimate than the kissing. Shepard’s heart beat a syncopated rhythm in his chest, skipping random beats in its effort to keep blood flowing to all necessary locations. His cock twitched a little in its confines as Kaidan pulled him closer. The major’s fingers slid over the battle-ravaged plates of Shepard’s armor, seeking out the grooves where they connected and trying to undo the complicated latches hidden there. He managed to get a few, but his fingers were fumbling, his brow knitted in concentration, and Shepard realized it must be hard to focus on fine motor skills when your head felt like exploding.
“Kaidan, let me.” He stepped back, and Kaidan looked momentarily hurt. “Your head,” Shepard explained. And then, something he desperately didn’t want to say, but knew he had to, “We don’t have to do this right now. I don’t want you pushing yourself if you…”
Before he could blink, he was pressed back against one of the wall-sized fish tanks, several feet away from Kaidan, the major’s blue biotic field fully enveloping him. Fuck. Kaidan had managed to Throw him and cushion his landing with Stasis at the same time. Christ, but the guy had some control. Unfortunately, seeing him exercise that control was making Shepard lose his.
“I told you, John. I can take care of myself.”
The field dropped, and without the haze of the biotics in the way, Shepard could see the sweat standing out on Kaidan’s brow, the lines of strain around his mouth. Yes, he could take care of himself, but it was costing him.
“Fine,” said Shepard, pushing away his concern as best he could, “but take it easy.” He managed a faint, teasing smile. “I want you to be awake for this next part.”
The commander’s fingers made quick work of his armor, dropping each piece onto the floor beside his bed. Kaidan sat in the chair, just watching, until he had recovered enough to cross the room and sit on the edge of the bed. The blue glow had faded around him.
Finally, Shepard was free from the armor, standing in only his protective undershirt and standard issue skivvies. He turned to Kaidan, who seemed to be trying to drink him in with his eyes.
“God, Shepard,” he murmured. “You’re…”
“Sweaty, I think, is the word you’re looking for.”
“That too.” Kaidan smiled, noticing the way he evaded the compliment, but allowing it. “Come here.”
Shepard stepped closer, and Kaidan forced himself up to meet him. Shepard slid an arm around his waist, instinctively offering support, then noted the way it pressed their bodies together and flushed a bit. His cock, pressed somewhere into Kaidan’s hip, throbbed again. And, fuck it, Kaidan noticed.
The major glanced down, then back up at Shepard’s face, raising in eyebrow in amusement. God, Shepard thought, this is awkward.
Kaidan must have read his thoughts on his face, because he wiped the amusement from his face and pressed closer to Shepard, so the commander could feel his own erection.
“Shepard,” he said, “remember those benefits I told you about?"
Shepard didn’t answer, just tilted his head slightly and waited for Kaidan to continue.
The major acquiesced. “Benefit number one: you get to see me naked.”
The commander laughed through his nose, closing his eyes against another spike of arousal at the thought. Kaidan smiled, stepping slightly back and out of Shepard’s embrace. “Not to undermine my previous argument,” he said, the lightness of his voice belied by the way he leaned heavily against the bed, “but I may need some help getting undressed.”
This time it was Shepard’s turn to be amused. “Major Kaidan Alenko, asking for help? Now,” he muttered, “I have heard everything."
Kaidan sniffed, rolling his eyes. “Shut up and take my clothes off, Shepard.”
Shepard leaned forward and kissed him, gently this time, letting his fingers slide down the back of Kaidan’s shirt, following it to where it disappeared into his pants. He let his hands slide lower, cupping the top of Kaidan’s ass for a moment, before hooking the fabric in his fingers and untucking the shirt. Kaidan raised his arms to let Shepard pull the shirt over his head, and Shepard quickly turned his attention to the newly exposed skin, planting kisses across the major’s shoulders and collarbone. Kaidan shuddered in his grasp.
With one hand, Shepard cradled Kaidan’s head, keeping him close, alternating between kissing his lips, his jaw, his neck. His other hand found the buttons on Kaidan’s pants and set about undoing them. The major helped him, sliding the pants down, breaking apart from their kissing only long enough to tug them off his feet, kicking off his shoes and socks in the process.
Shepard used the lull to pull off his own undershirt, and, after a moment’s hesitation, his underwear as well. It was not Shepard’s default setting to be vulnerable in front of people. So far, most of his sexual experience had come from nameless bar sluts—some female, when he was still young and confused, then later male. They had all been young, easily impressed, and somewhat interchangeable. Most of them thought they were the exception, thought that they were seeing a Shepard no one else got to see. The fact that they had believed that front told him they liked Shepard the figurehead, not Shepard the man. Which was fine, when the sex was just about release. It never hurt to feel worshipped for a few hours.
But this was Kaidan. And he wanted Kaidan…well, yes. Just that. He wanted Kaidan.
The major turned from taking off his shoes and socks to find Shepard fully naked behind him, his now freed erection hardening further. Shepard didn’t know what Kaidan saw written on his face, but the major’s expression was captivating. Kaidan, who knew him better than anyone, who saw the failures as well as the successes, who saw things Shepard couldn’t even see about himself—after half a life time of being unable to hide anything from this man, standing naked in front of Kaidan felt…It just feels right.
The silence seemed to stretch for an eternity, though Shepard knew it hadn’t been more than two or three seconds. Finally, Kaidan’s voice. “Oh, Shepard.”
It undid him. Shepard closed the small space between them, taking Kaidan in his arms again. He didn’t remember the major taking off his underwear, but at some point in that embrace he became aware that his cock was laying against Kaidan’s, that he could feel the major matching him pulse for pulse in growing excitement.
He eased Kaidan back onto the bed, guiding his head to the pillow to help prop him up. Slow. Shepard didn’t want to rush this. He knew it couldn’t last forever—he fought back the bleak hopelessness that welled up in him at that thought, the impending sense of duty—but dammit if he wasn’t going to make it last as long as he could.

“Roll over, Kaidan.”

The other man groaned, half opening his eyes.

“That’s an order, Major.” Shepard made his voice serious, but he couldn’t keep the smile from his eyes.

Kaidan rolled his eyes slightly in return, but rolled onto his stomach. “You’re so damn bossy,” he complained.

The smile spread to Shepard’s lips, but again, he answered with his hands, which slid over the skin of Kaidan’s back, first with light, fluttering touches as the commander allowed himself to enjoy the view—Kaidan’s wide shoulders, rounded out with muscle, the smooth expanse of skin between his shoulder blades, the tapering waist, and the twin mounds of his buttocks just beyond. God, never mind the emotional shit. Kaidan was just fun to look at.

His fingers pressed harder into the muscles of his upper back, eliciting a moan of appreciation. Shepard kneaded his thumbs across the major’s shoulders, working the knots he found there.

“That one,” Kaidan mumbled into the pillow. “That knot right there has your name on it, Shep—aaaah.”

The commander pressed harder at the indicated spot, cutting off Kaidan’s talking. “You know, Major, I used to think of you as the quiet one.”

He followed his fingers with his mouth, first kissing each shoulder, then working his way up toward Kaidan’s head. With one hand, he began to massage the tense muscles in the major’s neck, while his lips found Kaidan’s ear. The man groaned again, pushing his hips deeper into the mattress, and Shepard’s cock cried out for attention at the sight.

Instead, he brought his other hand down to Kaidan’s ass, working the thick muscles there. Kaidan’s breathing became more ragged, his hips developing a rhythm as he squirmed under Shepard’s hands. Fuck.

“Over, Kaidan.” Shepard was surprised at the hoarseness of his voice.

This time, the major made no reply, just obeyed. Shepard’s lips traced a line down from Kaidan’s ear, his tongue darting out to taste the salt on his skin. Kaidan’s hand came up to Shepard’s head, just cradling it, one thumb absently stroking his cheek. Lower still, and Shepard’s mouth found Kaidan’s nipple. He paused, his tongue tracing slow circles around it, then pulled the nipple into his mouth. Kaidan sighed above him, and his hand on Shepard’s head gripped tighter, pulling him close. Enjoying the way the major was melting underneath him, Shepard slid a hand down Kaidan’s stomach, forcing himself to do it slowly—always slow. They had time, for tonight. His fingers quested lower and lower, and he felt Kaidan unconsciously raising his hips in anticipation. Shepard held off, still, tracing the line of Kaidan’s hipbone, then slipping right down to his thigh, which he massaged as well.

Kaidan’s voice was tight with arousal and frustration. “Shepard, fuck.”

“I told you, Major,” the commander said, flicking Kaidan’s nipple with his tongue, “don’t give me orders on my own ship.”

The major’s laugh was lost in a low moan as Shepard’s thumb worked its way into his groin, applying just enough pressure to make all coherent thought flee Kaidan’s mind.

“Oh, fuck.” It was almost a whimper. Shepard decided to stop teasing.

He slid his hand over to grip Kaidan’s cock, enjoying the major’s sharp intake of breath at the contact. He just held there a moment, feeling the width of him, his thumb tracing a line down the major’s shaft, following a thick vein along the side. He waited until he felt Kaidan strain against him, his hips unconsciously rising and falling. Then he went to work in earnest.

He didn’t rush, but he let his hand set a steady rhythm, starting at the base of Kaidan’s cock, rising up the length, letting his palm scrape over the head at the top of his stroke, then back down again. His tongue was still toying with Kaidan’s nipple. The major’s hand was grasping at the back of Shepard’s head, seeking purchase against his nearly shaved scalp.

Shepard released the nipple and continued downward, tongue swirling across Kaidan’s abdomen, then lower, letting the anticipation build. He could feel Kaidan’s cock twitch in his hand, pulse quickening as Shepard’s mouth came closer. He paused in his rhythm, letting his hand slide around Kaidan’s hip instead, and the major opened his eyes, half in protest and half in curiosity. Shepard hovered over Kaidan’s cock, just watching him, lips slightly apart, eyebrow raised.

“Fuck.” The major’s voice was strangled. “Shepard, you are so goddamn—”

He sucked in a breath as Shepard’s tongue darted out, touched the tip of Kaidan’s cock, lapping up a trace of pre-come.

“So goddamn fucking amazing,” Kaidan finished. “I fucking lo—aaahh”

Shepard put an end to his talking, swirling his tongue once around the head before letting his head drop down slowly, judging how much of Kaidan’s length he could comfortably fit in his mouth.

He began to move up and down, his tongue teasing Kaidan’s cock as he worked. The major had one hand tangled in the bed sheets, the other against the back of Shepard’s head, and Shepard could feel the pressure against his skull slowly increasing as Kaidan fought to keep his composure. The commander, so used to being in charge, had a moment of hesitation before deciding he rather liked the idea of Kaidan calling the shots, and let the major’s hand on his head guide his rhythm.

Kaidan seemed to sense his submission and gripped Shepard’s head with both hands. The commander glanced up at him, the raw need on Kaidan’s face making him moan. That seemed to push Kaidan over the edge, his hold on Shepard’s face tightening as he thrust harder. Shepard opened his throat to him, letting the major use him as he wished.

“Fuck,” Kaidan groaned. “Oh, fuck, Shepard.”

He thrust deep and Shepard took him, his chin against the major’s balls, his nose buried deep in the tight black curls at the base of Kaidan’s shaft. He held for as long as he could before pulling back, savoring Kaidan’s whimper as he did so.

“Shepard, Jesus.” Kaidan’s voice was choked, breathless. The major, normally so reserved and controlled, was crumbling right before him. Kaidan’s hands guided Shepard’s face back to his own, pulling him close for a kiss.

The tension building inside the commander was becoming too much to bear. Shepard reached down to stroke himself, almost crying out at the contact. Shit, he needed Kaidan now.

Kaidan caught the stifled cry, breaking away from their kiss. He read Shepard’s expression immediately. Without saying a word, he grabbed Shepard by the shoulders and rolled him over. Shaking his head against a wave of dizziness, the major positioned himself over Shepard. He kissed his forehead, his lips, his neck, his chest, making his way steadily downward.

Everywhere Kaidan’s lips touched felt afire, the traces of his saliva rapidly evaporating in the cool cabin air. Shepard’s breath caught in his throat as the major’s tongue traced lazy patterns across his stomach. Fuck, should Kaidan even be doing this? His head…Shepard glanced down at Kaidan, who had now reached his groin and was—oh god—swirling his tongue around first one of Shepard’s balls, then the other. There was a tightness around his eyes that hinted at his pain, but when Shepard caught his gaze, the only thing he saw in those brown depths was a mirror image of his own desire. And then Kaidan’s mouth was on his cock, his lips working their way down the side, tongue tasting every inch of him, before—oh fuck—taking him fully into his mouth.

Shepard’s thoughts began to fly apart. The major was moving slowly, and Shepard’s body was crying out for speed. He tried to breathe deep, to calm himself down, but then Kaidan’s tongue was against that sensitive spot just below the head of his cock, and Shepard reached for Kaidan’s head. The major slapped his hand back down, and Shepard hissed, annoyed.

Kaidan paused to look up at Shepard, eliciting another groan from the commander, who glared at him. “Goddammit, Kaidan. You’re killing me.”

“Hell of a way to go, you have to admit.”

“Fuck.” Shepard was torn between amusement and frustration. “I need you, dammit.”

Kaidan smiled, and Shepard felt his frustration dim a little in the light of that grin. “Do you trust me, Shepard?”

Shepard hesitated, his body demanding all of Kaidan, right that minute. Fuck, trust him? He gritted his teeth. “Do I have a choice?”

The major raised an eyebrow.

“Ok, Jesus,” Shepard sighed. “I trust you.”

“Good. Now, do you have any…um…” Kaidan seemed momentarily at a loss, casting about for a tasteful word. He gave up. “Lube. I need lube.”

Shepard laughed, pointing at his bedside table. “Top drawer. I admit, after our talk on the Citadel, I was feeling a little…optimistic.”

Kaidan retrieved the bottle from the indicated drawer, squeezing some out onto his hand and throwing Shepard a mock salute. “I applaud your foresight, Commander. Now let me take care of you, for once.”

Shepard’s cock, still next to Kaidan’s face, throbbed at the words. Shepard closed his eyes, lying back. And then immediately opened them again, startled by the electricity that suddenly filled the air. A blue biotic haze had once again appeared around Kaidan’s hands and arms, dancing lightly over his skin. The major’s eyes were lidded in concentration, sweat standing out on his upper lip, but the field did not waver, glowing steadily and slowly.

“Kaidan, should you…”

“For god’s sake, Shepard, if you don’t shut up with the old lady crap…I’ve had these headaches most of my life, remember? I can kick the shit out of a rachni queen in the middle of a migraine. I think I can handle this.”

The commander looked offended. “Are you saying I’m not a challenge?”

“Please.” Kaidan’s still glowing hand reached out to grip Shepard’s cock. Slick with lube and crackling with biotic power, the sensation was overwhelming. Shepard moaned like…well, the phrase “like an Asari whore” came to mind. God, the man was good. The major smiled at him. “I’d say you’re pretty easy.”

Kaidan began to stroke Shepard’s length, his biotics making every hair in the vicinity stand on end, tingling against his skin just—shit—just at the edge of pleasure and discomfort. The lube turned Kaidan’s stroke into a seamless—oh, yes—effortless glide, the major rotating his hand in a fascinating—oh hell, incredible—way every time he reached the head. Shepard began to see the devious genius behind Kaidan’s method: the clever stroke bringing him to new heights of pleasure while the biotics prevented him from relaxing completely, making sure he never quite reached the top of that climb.
What an asshole. What a complete, perfect, fucking amazing little evil bitch.

Shepard was so caught up in the sensation at his groin that he almost missed a new sensation- the major’s fingers, slippery with lube, exploring his anus. He slipped in one finger, and Shepard caught his breath, then two, and the commander felt his back arch. Kaidan’s other hand was slowly increasing in speed. Shepard panted, straining toward Kaidan, not even sure what he needed, just knowing he needed more.

Kaidan obliged, slipping in a third finger, waiting a moment for Shepard to relax around him before pumping his fingers in and out, matching the rhythm of the hand on Shepard’s cock. The commander’s hands clawed at the sheets. Someone nearby—surely it couldn’t be him—was making ridiculous mewling noises in his throat, was mumbling something like, “Oh fuck Kaidan Jesus please please yes oh god Kaidan please.” Whoever that was should be embarrassed. Shepard on the other hand, couldn’t give a shit. This was unlike anything he’d ever felt before.

Kaidan’s fingers slid out of Shepard, his hand slowing to a stop. Shepard didn’t even have the strength to protest. He did manage to open his eyes, just in time to see the major stroking himself back to full hardness, his length already glistening with lube. Shepard had a moment to contemplate what was coming next, and felt a brief flutter in his stomach- half excitement, half anxiety. God, it had been a long time.

And then Kaidan was back, pulling Shepard’s hips to the edge of the bed, where the major could still lean his thighs against the mattress for support. He reached up with one arm, his hand cupping Shepard’s skull, bringing him close for a deep kiss. Shepard could taste himself still faintly present on the major’s tongue. Then Kaidan pulled away, and Shepard was aware of a slick pressure suddenly pushing against his anus. The major paused, watching Shepard’s face, trying to read his body language.

“Do it, Kaidan. Please.”

A barely-there nod, the same that Kaidan gave when acknowledging an order. Then the pressure built as the major pushed forward, and Shepard willed himself to relax. The biotic glow around Kaidan’s arms flared and went out as his attention focused entirely on the commander. Shepard took a deep breath, his hands finding Kaidan’s hips and pulling him toward him, and then Kaidan gave one final thrust, and was inside him.

They were both still, adjusting, savoring.

“Shepard,” said Kaidan, his voice strained, “you feel amazing.”

“Kaidan,” said Shepard, “shut up and fuck me.”

The major made a noise that might have been a laugh or might have been a moan, but he obeyed. He pulled backward until only the head of his cock was still inside Shepard, then slowly pushed forward again, dragging another groan out of the commander. A few more times, slowly, letting Shepard stretch…finally, the major’s own need got the better of him and his thrusts began to increase in speed, becoming shorter, faster, more desperate.

Shepard rolled his hips to meet each thrust, relishing the way Kaidan felt inside him, the way his cock slid over just the right spot, pushing Shepard toward ecstasy with each stroke. The major filled him, taking him in a way that so few had been allowed—and with no one else had it ever felt like this, like drowning and dying and coming back to life again.

Kaidan’s leg was trembling slightly, and Shepard felt the tension in him rising. His urgency fed Shepard’s own, and he reached down to stroke himself as the major began to thrust wildly, roughly, his fingers digging into Shepard’s hips for support.

“Please, Kaidan, oh god, please.”

“Shepard—!”

The commander felt Kaidan go rigid, and then he was coming. The major’s orgasm kept going, his back arched as he thrust himself fully into Shepard, cock throbbing as he emptied himself. Watching the waves of pleasure on the other man’s face, Shepard increased his own stroke, rushing to finish what Kaidan had started.

Kaidan shifted, not letting himself slide out of Shepard yet, so that his hand could take Shepards’ place. His hand was still slippery, but less so than before, and the friction soon had Shepard cresting his own wave of sensation.

“Ah, god, Kaidan—”

Shepard came hard, his seed flowing over Kaidan’s hand and splattering onto his belly. The major stroked him until he was finished, swirling his thumb across the sensitive head to wipe away the last drops.
Slowly, Kaidan let himself slide out of Shepard. His knees were buckling, and Shepard caught him, pulling him onto the bed, holding him close. Kaidan, still trembling, laid his head down next to Shepard’s.

“Still in one piece?” the commander asked, when he could breathe again.

“Actually,” Kaidan said, “I think the headache is a little better.”

“Liar.”

Shepard turned his head to look at Kaidan. The major looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes showing the strain he was putting on himself—but there was something else on his face, too. Shepard had seem similar expressions on soldiers just after winning a particularly difficult battle, when their bodies had nothing left to give, but they were basking in their success. Exhausted, spent, physically wasted…but content. Shepard knew how hard Kaidan had fought—but he wondered what it was that Kaidan had won.

“Come here,” he told the major. He wrapped his arm around Kaidan’s shoulder, settled the major’s head against his chest. “Get some sleep.”

“Mmmm.” Kaidan’s breathing was already taking on a deep, steady quality that told the commander he was close to passing out. He draped one arm over Shepard’s stomach, his thumb idly tracing the line of Shepard’s ribs.

Shepard hoped he couldn’t hear his heartbeat, racing wildly against his chest. His Kaidan. His Kaidan. How could the major not see it? You didn’t take the things you cared about, the things you lo—but no, Shepard could not afford to think that way. He just couldn’t bear to think of putting Kaidan in harm’s way. He could respect him, allow him to do his job, but stop protecting him?

“Never,” he said aloud. Kaidan was already asleep, his weight heavy on Shepard’s chest. The commander held him tighter, whispering into his hair.

“Never.”
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