To Break a Hero | By : Tanwen Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 6126 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Kaidan had completely lost track of time since being brought to the Cerberus facility. The only things that happened at any sort of regular interval were his meals, and even then “regular” didn’t appear to apply. It was more like … whenever they got around to it. He wondered if that was a tactic of theirs to keep him off balance.
After taunting him on the first day, Eva - and everyone else at the facility - had left him alone with his thoughts. It didn’t take him long for him to appreciate the tactic, remembering what Matriarch Benezia had said back on Noveria about indoctrination. He started to have thoughts that weren’t his own, and the only reason he knew they weren’t his own was because they were completely antithetical to his natural thought processes. He hated Cerberus. And yet …
Cerberus is looking out for humanity. Cerberus only wants what is best for humanity. No one else is going to help us, so we have to help ourselves.
He fought it. With every ounce of mental strength that he could muster. But it hurt more each time he did it, took more effort to banish the insidious thoughts.
Six meals after his arrival, Eva Coré visited him again.
He made a half-hearted rush at her when she entered, but she deflected his attempt to pin her. Instead, within seconds he found himself pinned against the wall, Eva pressing her body against his and staring into his face. His heart started beating faster, and he wasn’t sure whether it was from fear, or close proximity to a woman. It had been a long time.
As if she was reading his mind, Eva spoke. “How long has it been since you were this close to a woman?” she asked. “Not since Shepard, two years ago, unless I miss my guess.” She took a step back, but he didn’t move. He felt like he couldn’t.
Eva ran one hand down his chest, stopping just above his navel. Kaidan wasn’t sure whether he wanted her to continue or not. He was definitely aroused, and felt like his self-control had been hammered down since arriving at the Cerberus facility. Her hand moved again, skipping his mid-section and moving to his legs, caressing the inside of his thighs - again stopping just short of his increasingly obvious erection. He still couldn’t move. He could barely think about anything short of what Eva was doing to his body. And it wasn’t even that intense. But it was putting him in mind of the last time he’d been with -
“Kaidan.”
That was Shepard’s voice. Kaidan’s head jerked forward as all the blood rushed away, right down to his now fully erect cock. He looked around, but there was no one there but him and Eva. Had he been hallucinating? That was not a good sign.
“You want this, Kaidan,” Shepard’s voice said again, and this time he found the source. Eva. Somehow she was making herself sound like Shepard. “Your cock is responding to the sound of its mistress’ voice."
There were thoughts that weren’t his own in his head again, but they weren’t about Cerberus. At least, not in a broad sense. They were complementing what Eva was saying, telling him to kiss her, telling him how attracted he was to her. The thoughts were pressing on the inside of his skull. He closed his eyes and put his head back against the wall to try and shut them out. Shepard. He used her name like a talisman. He loved Shepard. He was faithful to Shepard. She’d come for him. She’d get him out of this.
Eva’s mouth closed around his penis.
Kaidan groaned loudly, part frustration, part expression of desire. He hadn’t even noticed her pulling down his loose pants. You want this, the voice in his head said, and he couldn’t push it away this time. Don’t deny yourself this pleasure. Enjoy it.
His hands plastered themselves against the wall, trying to find a grip that wasn’t there. Eva clearly knew what she was doing, flicking her tongue just so across his tip, sending violent shudders through his body. Shepard, he thought, faintly. He wanted Shepard.
You want this.
He tried to hold out as long as he could, but he inevitably came in her mouth, Shepard’s name escaping his lips as he did so. Eva swallowed it down, licking her lips like a cat with a bowl of cream as she stood.
“Shepard’s not coming,” she said, in her own voice. Or what Kaidan assumed was hers, since she could apparently change it at will. “She’s not going to save you from this. She doesn’t even know you’re here. No one can save you, Kaidan. You’ll be ours before too long. Mine … and the Illusive Man’s.” She patted his cheek before reaching down to pull his pants back up.
“I’ll be seeing you again soon,” she said as she turned to leave. Kaidan couldn’t even think about moving. He just watched her go, the door closing behind her.
That night - or what passed for night, Kaidan wasn’t sure - he had the most intense dreams he’d had since passing through puberty. He was being tormented all over by invisible hands, pinching at sensitive areas and making him twist and moan. Kaidan. You’re mine, he kept hearing, sometimes in Eva’s voice, sometimes in Shepard’s.
He woke with his right hand around his hard cock and couldn’t help but finish the job his dreams had started, doing his best to keep Shepard’s image in his head as he did so. He had to hold on to who he was, which included his love - love, not simple desire - for Shepard. He conjured up the memory of the night before Ilos, when Shepard had let him into her cabin and he’d let her into his heart. It was why seeing her on Horizon had hurt so much. He had never loved anyone as much as he loved her.
Kaidan groaned as he spurted all over the bedsheets, wondering if that was ever going to get cleaned up. He swung his legs over the side of the small cot and walked over to the shower - at least there was a real bathroom, if a small one, in his cell. He wasn’t under any illusions about privacy, but it helped to be able to clean himself up.
When he'd finished, he became aware that the whispers in the back of his mind had started again. He tried to create a mental block between himself and the whispers, but it just gave him a headache - like the migraines he got from his L2 implant. He ground his teeth, determined to hold out -
And failed, his mental block shattering, the whispers seeming to overwhelm him for a moment. He put his head down on the table and locked his hands behind his head, as though the pressure could be relieved that way. He took several deep breaths and felt the pain start draining. That was a relief.
He was less relieved a moment later when he realized that the whispers had gotten louder. If you want humankind to advance in the galaxy, Cerberus is your best chance. You should work with Cerberus.
Kaidan rose and paced around the room once, then laid on the ground and started doing sit-ups. Physical activity had always cleared his mind in the past, and as soon as he got into a rhythm his mind started going blissfully blank.
When he finished the sit-ups, Eva Coré had entered the room.
Kaidan got to his feet slowly and, turning his back on her, moved towards the desk. Eva grabbed his arm and halted him. “Been thinking about me, Kaidan?” she asked.
“No,” Kaidan said. Maybe he had been, but he wasn’t about to admit that to her.
“Still hung up on Shepard,” Eva said slowly, shaking her head. “You’re only making this harder on yourself. She’s not coming for you, Kaidan.”
“Every time you say that, it just makes me more determined to believe in her,” Kaidan said through gritted teeth.
Eva laughed aloud. “Poor, poor Kaidan. She really isn’t coming. Do you know why? She did the noble thing and turned herself into the Alliance. Defected from us out of a mistaken desire that the Alliance can protect humanity better than we can.” Her head tilted to the side and she gave him a tight-lipped smirk. “And they put her under house arrest on Earth.”
It took Kaidan a moment to realize the implications of that. “House arrest?” he said.
“The whole time you’ve been with us,” Eva replied. “She may not even know you’re missing. Even if the Alliance released her today, she’d have to do a lot of work to catch up, to find our trail. And we’re very good at covering our tracks.”
“You’re lying,” Kaidan said, his voice cracking a little.
Eva smirked again. “Just for you, Kaidan, I’ll have a terminal brought in. With the stories from the various news networks about the great Commander Shepard’s return to the Alliance. She’s not coming for you, Kaidan. And as important as you are, the Alliance isn’t going to waste resources chasing down one lone missing soldier. Not with the news Shepard brought them.”
She moved away from him. “You’ll be able to see for yourself soon enough.”
Kaidan just stood there, dumbfounded, refusing to accept what he’d heard. There had to be a way out. There just had to be.
It wasn’t until he actually viewed the news articles on the terminal that he started to believe - and despair.
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