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My Heart Made Wise	By : CarefulMimicry Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 2143 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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They didn't meet at the library 'tomorrow'. They didn't meet at the library the day after that, either. Or any time at all for the next two and a half weeks. It was as if Anders' singular request for potion supplies had sparked the whole city to remember all of their petty grievances. Petty grievances that, Fenris thought sourly, they thought were important enough to pester the Champion of Kirkwall with.
But Hawke was a good soul, a good person and, regardless of how seemingly ridiculous the askance, he was immediately off to help in any way he knew how.
So it went for 18 days. 18 days of adventuring, murder, theft, smuggling, and just a little bit more murdering thrown in for good measure. Once they were done for a day and had returned home it seemed that everyone and their mother had something to do with Hawke. Varric had ale to drink and stories to invent for his novel. Isabella had knife coin and card tricks to teach, as well as planning for various smuggling and piracy jobs. Aveline needed help with managing a city that was quickly trying to turn against her. Merrill had a Dalish clan to make up to and lead, all with absolutely no people skills and nothing but the hatred of said people.
Then there was Anders. Anders seemed to take up the most of the other male's time. There was always something for them to do, it seemed. He would teach Hawke new spells, or how to handle his magic better. They would discuss the Grey Wardens and what Carver would be doing and experiencing, and how the elder Hawke could keep in touch with him. They talked about the politics of Kirkwall and the growing frustrations of both mage and templar. All the while Anders was sure to smirk wretchedly over at Fenris until the elf grew angry or tired of the abomination's stupid games and just leave.
It was on the 19th day that Hawke had appeared at Fenris' doorstep with a sheepish smile and apologetic shrug asking in his every boisterous way, "So, today is yesterday's tomorrow, yeah?"
Fenris just stared blankly, one dark eyebrow arching delicately in question. Hawke wrung his hands shamefully and tried again, "I said we'd meet 'tomorrow' and read at the library- or rather, start your lessons. Well, obviously that didn't happen but every day is a 'tomorrow' for the day before it soooo..." He let the note hang, eyes pleading with Fenris to understand.
The elf just shook his head, a light smirk catching one corner of his mouth as his hair fell in a curtain across his face. He turned, letting the door swing lightly closed, and strode back into the mansion. He could almost hear Hawke disappointed and self-deprecating sigh.
By the time Fenris had returned to the door with book in hand the other man was halfway down his front steps, muttering and cursing at himself for his foolishness and stupidity.
Fenris easily caught up and puffed a lock of hair out of his eyes, "So that whole 'today is some day's tomorrow' speech was all what, lies?" Hawke jerked at the sound of Fenris' rumbling voice and a wide grin drew across his face, scrunching his nose and crinkling the corners of his eyes. "You closed the door, I thought you' had enough of me and my foolhardy ways." Fenris just rolled his eyes and picked up the pace, allowing himself a small moment of satisfaction when Hawke laughed a little and jogged to catch up.
A couple of hours later found the pair lounging at the library, Hawke reclined back in a heavy, oak chair, his feet propped on the table, carefully weaving a coin between the fingers of his left hand then trying to make it disappear into his shirt Fenris was being honest, he was not doing a very good job of it.
He quickly turned his attention back to the tiny book in his lap, some kind of children's literature to help one learn the alphabet and all of it's sounds. The simple, often alliterated sentences sounded silly in his deep, gravely voice, but Hawke didn't seem to mind, just nodded along with they rhythmic, rhyming patterns. "Sally skips, singing soft, sweet songs." He pauses and frowns, the words are slow and awkward, taking ages for form carefully on his tongue before he will allow them to slip into the world.
Again, Hawke doesn't seem to mind. In fact, Hawke was barely taking notice of him at all. It wouldn't bother him so much, he swore, if the mage wasn't willing to give his full and undivided attention to every other nameless urchin on the streets of Darktown. As it stood that was exactly what Hawke did and Fenris was finding that it was starting to irk him.
Two weeks had almost crushed the hope right out of him, Hawke barely sparing him a passing glance, a half-hearted comment. Hawke abandoning him time and time again to sit with his other companions. Hawke lending everyone else his full attention because everyone else had something to give back. Stories, plans, intelligent conversation, whatever it was Fenris knew that he had nothing. He had ridiculous sentences any one of the others could read in their sleep yet took him two hours to stumble over. This was the perfect picture of a waste of time.
"Careful, face might get stuck that way."
Fenris snapped out of his reverie, feeling the tight scowl ease from his face. Hawke actually looked up for the first time in over twenty minutes, "Whoops," he sighed and looked almost sympathetic, "Too late."
He slapped his knee and laughed. Fenris forced a tight smile then turned back to his book.
Hawke struggled to regain his composure for several long minutes before finally wiping a tear from his eye and sighing. He noticed Fenris' less-that-please demeanor and cleared his throat, giving a permissive wave of his hand,"Alright, alright I'm done, I'm focused, what's got you stumped" He leaned over the corner of the table, pressing his side against Fenris in order to get a good look at the word the warrior's finger was frozen on. "Fair, I don't think we've covered that sound yet."
Fenris felt the hum of the Lyrium in his skin responding to the easy rolling of magical energy that radiated from Hawke. If he hadn't known better, if he hadn't felt the way the markings responded to magic he would almost dare to say it was... pleasant.
His breath hitched just slightly, and Hawke's arm was so warm against his, his hand so gentle as it met his on the parchment that he almost missed the next words he spoke, "So the th," Fenris leans in closer, the moment feeling quiet, intimate, private, "makes a-" and here he makes a lisping sound, "That. Stupid, I know, but there's life for you. That's life with an f by the way, not a ph." Hawke smirked to himself in smug self-satisfaction. Fenris did not understand the joke but has not the patience or energy to question it.
But then Hawke looked back at him and Maker is his smile froze Fenris for just a moment. Before Fenris had time to catch himself he returned the wide, open smile with a small one of his own. That seemed to satisfy the other man and he withdrew, leaning back into his own chair, knees propped up against the edge of the table, body slouched low in the wide chair.
"Look," The sudden word startled the still lingering grin off his lips, "Who are you and what have you done with my Broody?" He chuckled but Fenris missed it, mind hung up on the 'my'. He almost growled as he shook his head lightly, he needed to stop this. Nothing Hawke had said or done in the past two weeks had at all indicated any form of interest towards Fenris. If anything he only seemed to be showing more attention to that horrid abomination that he insisted keeping company with. That, in combination with his more recent musings his confidence and assertion were failing and all the Lyrium-coated warrior wanted was to finish up this tedious exercise and return to his home.
"Are you distracting me from my studies on purpose? Or do you honestly forget we're here for a reason?" Hawke's laugh slowly died and a small smirk lingered in it's place. He flicked his hand in a noncommittal wave and allowed Fenris to continue the story.
Fenris did try to keep reading. But at every page turn, at every colorful picture and or quiet scoff from Hawke at a particularly outrageous sentence he found himself thinking more and more just how very nice this all was. Just the two of them. A time just for them. Hawke may be bored and frustrated but it was still a time for them and that just... that just felt good. In that moment Hawke was his.
"I know I'm stunning but it was you who just pointed out how we had a purpose here." Fenris hadn't realized he'd been staring. He cleared his throat, quickly going back to the book once more. Before he could start he felt a gentle, but insistent finger hook under his tattooed chin, pulling his face dark, smooth face up to meet Hawke's rugged one. "Is everything alright?" He let his hand drop back into his own lap, face the very picture of concern, "You seem awfully distracted."
"Is this really what you want to be doing?" He wasn't sure where the question cam from but once it was out it hung heavily in the air between them. Hawke had the where-with-all to at least appear surprised, "Fenris, yes, of course... Whatever brought that up?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe it's that I ran away without a second thought for you or anyone else but myself and it took three years to return? Maybe it's that you look as bored as if Sebastian himself was trying to lecture you in the ways of the Chant of Light-"
"You must admit his accent just makes you so sleepy once he starts all that monotone driveling-"
"-and all I can offer back is a swift 'thanks' and a door in the face." He hadn't actually meant it to come across as an accusation but his temper had caught the better of him. The whole speech just made his mind tear itself apart even more, here he was, returning this kind man's favor with what? Caustic accusations and cruelty. More than that he was lashing out at the one thing he ever remember wanting. Shoving it away as if it was instinct, as if he knew Danarius could reach out across the sea and snatch it away still.
"So, first off, we all have problems. And sometimes the only way we learn to deal with them properly is to run away for a bit and then come back to them when we've had time to think. Second I'm not bored I'm just... ya know... fidgety!" He wriggled around in his chair as if to emphasize the point, Fenris managed to withhold the smirk this time. "Third I have plenty to learn from you. You've taught me all about strength, determination and the horrors that can come from the frivolous use of magic. You've given me a respect for my own power I never really had before."
Fenris sat rigidly in his chair for a long time, not meeting Hawke's eyes, not knowing what to say. What was there to say after that? What did those bottomless, questing eyes want from him? One strong hand reached out to him, gently sweeping away the shock of white hair hat had fallen into his eyes, rough fingers grazing his forehead just so. Fenris turned his eyes up to meet Hawke's once more, a confused frown wrinkling his brow. Fenris opened his mouth to speak but it was as if he'd thrown his voice for the moment he did someone else called out from the other side of the aisle of books.
"Hawke!"
The both jolted, spinning to quickly face the intruder, Fenris' face hardened, the Lyrium lines turning to steel as his face froze over with the approach of Anders.
"I thought you'd be here, no one else had seen you except to say you'd gone to talk with-" he waved his hand in Fenris' direction and the elf very nearly growled, his tattoos glowing low and threateningly.
"Well if you've been looking for him it must be so important. Please, allow-" here he mocked the gesture Anders had used to reference him just seconds ago, "to leave the two of you alone to talk." He made to walk away but stopped himself, allowing a slow breath before looking down at Hawke, genuine warmth flooding his face for just a second as he murmured, "Thank you, again, for helping me. It means-" He pauses, eyes locking on Anders before he finishes, "Gratias, Valea, Hawke."
Fenris lifted his book carefully from the table and strode out, a thousand emotions of confusion, want, doubt and frustration swirling through his very core, ripping him apart, chewing him up from the inside out.
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My Heart Made Wise