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Hoping One Day We'll Make A Dream Last	By : kruemel Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 3679 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Dragon Age and the characters of the game do not belong to me. This is a no profit fanfiction

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
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Chapter 2
„You shouldn't marry me.“
„Huh? What?“
„You shouldn't marry me. I mean it, Alistair,“ Rori repeated, her voice so very small and desperate it startled me out of my grieving stupor and the comfort of my woman's embrace.
„Ah, I see you haven't given up on the Orlesian leave yet. Live in sin, eat cake, drop the whole responsibility on Anora... I admit it sounds tempting.“
„It does, doesn't it?“ Rori sighed sadly with a face as long as a fiddle. Don't get me wrong, she had every reason to be desperatedly unhappy. I wasn't overjoyed myself but actually I counted on Rori. Her stubbornness usually prevented her ever giving up easily. It wasn't like her to throw the towel. „Just don't mention the cake to Sten. We'll never get rid of him if you do.“ Now, that was a smile. A tiny one. A sad one. But it was a smile. „No, seriously, Alistair, marrying me is a very bad idea.“
„I shouldn't marry you, you say? Hm,“ I mused, tapping my index finger against my chin thoughtfully. „I could marry Anora instead. Now, wouldn't she be delighted? Or that greedy little bitch that hit on me when we visited the Gnawed Noble... what was her name?“
„Habren Bryland,“ Rori hissed, sounding very, very sour and far from fading away in her grief. I grinned and she frowned, pressing her lips to a thin line to prevent the corners of her mouth from twitching. I wiggled my eyebrows and her resistance broke into a wide grin. She swated at me in amused annoyance. „I am trying to be reasonable... You need to find a wife...“
„As far as I know I do have one.“ I said softly. „You might know her. Feisty little redhead, stubborn as a mule and with a big mouth...“
„ALISTAIR! I am trying to be real real serious!“
„That's what you keep telling me. Just I don't think we do need any more seriousness right now.“
„I've thought about it...“ Rori went on, determined to ignore anything I had to say.
„Oh, okay, it's THAT serious...“
„Stop being a dork!“ Rori laughed. It made her wince, the skin on her face still red and raw despite the magical healing that had eased the burning. She lifted her hand to punch me in the chest. I looked miserable enough to have her stop. My leg wasn't the only part of my body bandaged. None of us looked very heroic that moment.
„That's like telling me to stop breathing.“
„Blast it, Alistair!“ Rori sat up straight, breaking free from my embrace and thus stopping my attempt to nibble her earlobe while she tried to convince me to terminate our engagement. „Don't make this any harder for me...“ She ran her fingers through what was left of her hair. Nobody had yet made the effort to cut the scorched curls. They had been too busy saving her life. „You need an heir... and with me this will not be possible. I didn't want to accept this, didn't want to lose you. But... now I see I cannot give you what you need, what this country needs... Being king won't be easy. Your heritage never got confirmed officially. I will only make it harder for you. As long as there's no heir they will circle you like vultures. Marry some pure blood noble from one of the families opposing you...“
„Whoa! Wait! Rori, did you hit your head? Does the blood loss make you dizzy? Did they drug you?“
„All of that,“ she admitted with a sheepish grin.
„We both already knew about the heir problem when you declared our engagement at the Landsmeet. That's why you did that after all, didn't you? And I've fought against an archdemon, I'm not afraid of vultures."
„I... I was being selfish then. I thought I could make it happen somehow... I wish you could have stayed a Grey Warden.“
„Well, I am king and as you keep saying: Nobody can tell me what to do. As for the heir, it's a miracle you actually conceived. I don't see why it shouldn't happen again...“
„That was before I slayed the archdemon. Its poison seeped into me. How can a baby survive in such an environment?“ Rori said frustratedly. I wasn't sure if it was my refusal to give in or the given facts of her body's condition that got to her.
„What? No 'bloody blast it, let's give it a try?“ I couldn't understand why she would insist. Our love had been her fortress, the source of her strength when for me it had always been too good to be true and I expected this happiness to end anytime soon. I was sure I didn't deserve it, suspicious at how long it lasted. I still couldn't believe we both survived. Actually that was the moment when I first began to accept that there indeed could be some happiness meant for me for real. And now Rori – Little Miss I Don't Give A Damn – wanted to sacrifice this happiness for what? Duty? Responsibility? A terrible suspicion occured to me. „You're not saying this so that you can make a deal with Avernus, are you, Rori?“
„That's what you think about me?“ The smile she hadn't managed to bite back was wiped off her face. I knew at once I had messed up with panache. „What does that tell about us?“
Doom!
In capital letters.
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
„No, I don't... I... I'm sorry, kitten...,“ I stammered as she turned away from me, pulling the blanket over her head once more in her ostrich-manner.
„I terminate our engagement, Alistair,“ her muffled sobs sounded from her hiding place.
Blast!
Somehow I hadn't really taken this seriously. I was sure I could just charm her by being the fool she had fallen in love with – until I put my foot in my mouth and proved to be a complete retard for sure.
„Listen, I'm sorry...“
„Please leave me alone.“
Her only saying it wouldn't have stopped me. But she rang the bell and shortly later I was sitting in a wheelbarrow again. Just this time there was no race. I felt like being carted to my own funeral.
One moment I was holding my love in my arms and despite yet another tragedy and yet some more grief I was confident together we would make it through. I had never wanted to cling to that belief, had first refused to acknowledge it was Rori giving me strength all through the Blight. Rori, well, that was a different story. She had never made no bones about how important our love was to her. Everything she had done during the Landsmeet and when she persuaded me to take part in Morrigan's ritual – she did it so we could stay together.
Only a moment later my world came crushing down on me – for real this time. She refused talking to me and cried into her pillow. I did the very same – alone in a room that now was mine and yet alien to me.
„Is there a reason you bawl like a lil' gal?“
„Oghren, no offense meant... but you really are the very last person I want to see right now,“ I groaned, burying my face deeper in my pillow, when the dwarf slumped down on the bed beside me. He wore a sling around one arm and reeked of booze and of, well, Oghren. „All I want to do is rest...“
„You can rest when you are dead, my dear friend,“ Zevran climbed into bed from the other side.
Oh no! No, no, no... The Maker didn't know no mercy.
„I'm developing a death-wish rather quickly today,“ I muttered and did the ostrich myself. „Go away!“
„And leave our favourite bastard-king alone? One could hear you and Rori wail all down the corridor, my sad royal friend.“
„Then why don't you bother her?“ I sighed, sitting beneath my blanket that didn't offer any protection at all against a dwarf, an elf and the nastiness of life.
„We didn't get past the golem,“ Zevran admitted. „The mage-ladies are with Rori...“ His voice trailed off.
„Avernus, too?“ I asked, emerging from my blanket cave. I had to see Zevran's expression – not that the assassin couldn't have fooled me a thousand times and I wouldn't have noticed once. I still wanted him to look me in the eyes. The suspicion was gnawing at me. Any attempt to surpress it, just catapulted it back to the surface. Nothing Rori had said, made any sense... Alright, not true, she had made perfect sense. All reasonable and responsible and selfless... She did what I would have done if not for her initative at the Landsmeet. I had been prepared back then... kinda. It would have torn me apart but I would have sacrificed my love for the sake of my kingdom – back then. Rori made me do what I wanted instead of what was expected of me. And now she made me do what I should instead of what I wanted.
Feeling dizzy already? Well, I did for sure.
„Only Solona and Wynne,“ Zevran mumbled. It was pretty obvious he didn't know what to say or do. „Shouldn't you be with Rori?“
Solona and Wynne... That meant, she didn't make a deal with Avernus, right? Right?
It also meant that the baby was lost. Without Avernus there was no hope.
I was suddenly feeling very very sick.
„She doesn't want me with her.“ No surprise. My accusation didn't sit well with her. Maker! Why hadn't I just kept my mouth shut? Her resolve had already been wavering. I had seen it in her smile. And then I went and messed it all up! I should have been with her, should have held her hand, should have given her comfort and strength... Instead I got drunk.
„Need some solace?“ Zevran waved his bottle at me.
„You think I will find it at the bottom of a bottle?“ I took the whiskey from Zevran before he could give me a tight hug. I stared suspiciously, both at the booze and the intrusive elf.
„Lad, I've emptied a whole lot of bottles, solace was nowhere to be seen,“ Oghren grunted. He smacked his lips and lifted his bottle to his mouth. „One never knows, the next bottle might be the one.“
Solace could neither be found at the bottom of the first nor of the second bottle. We kept trying while I told the whole heartbreaking story that had torn Rori and me apart.
„Women!“ Oghren burped. „Nothing but trouble!“ He farted loudly, then with relish scratched his hindquarters.
Now, that was attractive!
„Your word in the Maker's ear, my sturdy little friend.“ Zevran – naked but for his smallclothes - rose his bottle to the dwarf.
I sat between them and didn't give a damn. Boy, I was whistled drunk or pissed as a newt as Oghren would say.
„Alistair, my dear friend,“ the elf slurred. „You have to recapture her!“
„Aye,“ Oghren agreed. „Ya'll need someone to rule this kingdom for ya.“
„She dumped me,“ I pointed out sullenly. „Just like that.“ I dumped the empty bottle on the floor and it shattered in a rain of shards. „There. Broken. Can't be repaired,“ Solace still wasn't anywhere at the bottom of any bottle, they were all filled to the rim with self-pity.
Zevran smacked the back of my head. „Brasca! Alistair, my idiot friend, let a man who made a mistake give you a piece of advice: If you love that girl, don't let her go!“
„What do you know about love, skirt chaser?“ I sulked, convinced that I was the one and only man in this world ever suffering of a broken heart..
„I once loved a woman...“
„One?“ Oghren snorted his drink out of his nose. „More like a thousand...“
„An Antivan pearl by the name Rianna,“ the elf said dreamily. „Nothing compared to her, nothing ever will.“
„What happened?“ I asked sympathetically.
„I killed her,“ he whispered hoarsely, clinging to his bottle as if it could offer any comfort. „I convinced myself that love was a foolish weakness... and destroyed myself when destroying her.“
„But... you never said a word!“ I blurted out. Until then I'd have thought Zevran to be... well, Zevran. I had hardly ever heard him talk about anything but bosoms, hindquarters, leather and sex. Mostly all at once.
„I try to forget what cannot be forgotten. That doesn't work when talking about it all the bloody time,“ Zevran muttered. „I'm telling you this, my friend, because you and Rori belong together. As for your heir, in Antiva royal bastards have a long tradition. Why shouldn't Ferelden follow this example? You can always have a bastard with another woman, problem solved.“
„Hmph, you really think he's man enough for that? It's a mystery how he found the way between Rori's legs,“ Oghren grunted. „If not for her, I'd wonder if he was into girls at all.“
„Hey!“
„Alas, still waters run deep,“ Zevran chortled, wrapping his arm around my shoulder proudly. „This dear friend of mine boarded an infamous pirate queen.“
„Aye, good of you, son,“ Oghren smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at me. „Does Rori know about that?“
„She took part.“
„What the nug!?“ Oghren sat there, slackjawed, drool dripping from the corners of his mouth. „Sodding nug-humper!“ He punched my arm. „Next time just let me know and I'm all in. Now, gimme high five!“
„Err... thank you, I guess.“
„The knife-eared pipe cleaner is right, son. You listen to old Oghren, don't let anybody tell you who you should marry. Best not marry at all, if you ask my opinion...“
„You only just asked me to be your best man for your wedding with Felsi,“ Zevran pointed out. „What did she do to force a brave man like you to enter into matrimony?“
„Bah, she has a bun in the oven,“ Oghren muttered under his breath.
„Oh, so we're going to hear the pitter-pat of little dwarven feet soon?“ Zevran cheered, scrambling across me to hug the dwarf who so didn't want to get hugged. In the end they both fell out of bed in a heap of arms and legs and the dwarf called the elf a whole lot of very nasty names.
„Congrats,“ I mumbled, toasting with my drinking buddies, wondering when and if there ever would be the pitter pat of little royal feet. I had always dreamt of a family, even after becoming a Grey Warden and learning about our... handicap. It hadn't mattered as long as I had convinced myself that the Grey Wardens were my family. But deep down inside I had always longed for the real thing. I had to get trapped in the Fade by a sloth demon to finally realize what I truly dreamt of.
„Felsi was my first gal. But my family chose Branka for me instead.“ Oghren shrugged. „You know the rest of the story. That crazy nug-licker of a woman ruined my life. And I drowned the rest in booze. Felsi has to be as crazy, giving me another chance.“
„See, if even Oghren gets a second chance...“
„Third chance...“
By the look on Zevran's face he like I wondered about Felsi's taste in men. We had met her at the Spoiled Princess some time ago. Feisty, with a sharp tongue but actually quite pretty. Maybe there was something wrong with her eyesight. Her sense of smell. Her hearing.
„Alas, Alistair, my dear friend, if you need our help, we'll be there. I could talk to Rori for a start...“
„NO!... I mean, I think I should do this myself, right?“
Later that night I lay awake. Partly because Oghren was snoring so badly, he sounded like the archdemon breathing into my ear. Partly because Zevran had snuggled to me, lying half on top of me. Partly because my head was spinning. Mostly because I missed Rori like crazy. I stared into the gloom, at the wrecked furniture and broken mirror, the torn curtains blowing in the wind like spectres in the dark. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and really terribly, terribly sorry for myself...
Stop being pathetic? You do sound like Morrigan. Ah, there it is, that eye-roll! Witch-bitch-alert! Hey! Don't hit me! I bruise easily!
You already think, this was pathetic, I'm going to save you a detailled description of how I suffered and wallowed in self-pity the next day, my face as long as a fiddle.
I knew you'd appreciate it.
By the time I emerged from my the-world-hates-poor-Alistair-stupor I had a plan... Why do you sound so damn surprised? It was a simple plan, okay? It involved a ring – that I didn't have-, me on my knees – almost impossible with a splinted leg -, and a convincing proposal – preferably without stammering, stuttering and putting my foot in my mouth...
I said, simple plan. I never claimed it was a good one.
Actually I was quite aware, I had absolutely no clue how to get this done. The idea had come to me at the break of dawn of yet another sleepless – and thankfully elf-less and dwarf-less – night. I left my room – formerly Cailan's. He had carved his name into the bedpost. - and hobbled down the stairs that led into the park.
It's a rather fancy place for Fereldan standards, meadows and a small forest with a lake and a grotto – blame Meghren. There's a whole lot of half and completely starkers statues all over the place – Meghren's fault – and tons of awfully ugly putti – also Meghren -, most of them decapitated – Alistair. Yeah, sometimes after a long, hard and utterly frustrating day, I just walk into the park and decapitate an Orlesian putto. See, mediation has never worked for me. You can ask the sisters back at the Chantry.
Back then I didn't decapitate anybody or anything, I plucked a flower, a daisy. I slit a hole into the stalk with my fingernail and with some effort threaded the end of the stalk through the hole. It was the very poor version of a ring but the sight of the soft white petals surrounding a dot of bright yellow made me smile involuntarily.
There's moments when I feel it's totally inappropriate to smile – and still there it is, forcing its way onto my face. Rori taught me not only to accept but enjoy these outbursts of unexpected and inadequate happiness. So I grinned foolishly, felt the warmth of the first rays of the rising sun on my face and felt the grass, moist with dew, beneath my bare feet – and stepped into dog poop.
„Blast it! What the...? Barkley!“
I swear he was smirking.
Sighing, I wiped my foot clean in the grass. „How's Rori?"
The mabari ducked his head, tucked his tail and whined.
„That good, huh?“ I sat down on a stone next to the dog. carefully, slowly, feeling all like a very old man. No wonder Avernus was so fond of his wheelchair. But all I got was crutches. Hmph. „Barkley, I do need your help... Err, that's real sweet but you don't have to share your dog cookie with me... Listen, it's about Rori. I want to ask her to marry me... It has to be perfect. A candlelight dinner, hundreds of red roses, a starlit canopy stretching above us...“
Barkley snorted.
„It's not cheesy! It's romantic! You think the way to a woman's heart is sniffing her hindquarters!“
The dog barked happily and wagged his tail.
„You got your methods, I got mine. Now, the most tricky part is when I ask her... Okay, so you are Rori...“
The mabari growled lowly.
„I do know you are not Rori! Just pretend you are. Don't you possess any imagination?“
Barkley gave me his best puppy-dog-eyes, then with a giddy, excited yelp, he pounced me exuberantly, throwing me off the stone backwards, and slobbered all over my face.
„Yeah, that's Rori,“ I chuckled when the huge warhound sat on top of me, wagging his tail. „Whoa! Get down, Rori! You're squishing me! Boy, you put on some weight, didn't you? OW! Hey! Don't bite me! Sit! SIT! Good girl.“
Barkley lifted his hind leg.
„Fine! I'm sorry. You're right, this won't help getting her back... although she'd look incredibly hot with a collar like yours... And you have to admit, sometimes leashing her would make things a lot easier... Maker's Breath! Whew... It's already quite hot, don't you think?"
Barkley nudged my side with his large head, growling lowly.
"You're right, shouldn't waste time fantasizing about Rori and a dog's collar." I struggled to get up and struggled some more to kneel down. It was awfully uncomfortable with the splinted leg but I wanted things to be perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
So I took Barkley's paw in my hand, held up the daisy ring and looked him deep in the eyes.
„Rori," I began hesitantly. I cleared my throat. Cleared it again. Maker! How could this be so difficult? "You know I love you... or maybe you don't... Could you please stop drooling? It's distracting..."
Barkley pulled his tongue in and shut his mouth.
"Thank you... Err..." I grinned foolishly, trying to recover my trail of thought. Not that I had much of a plan of what to say. "I haven't covered myself with glory ever since you made me king..."
There was my reaction to her declaring our engagement - it had been anything but perfect. Sure, she took me by surprise. And there was Eamon breathing down my neck, nagging me about an heir. It wasn't a joyous moment, nothing like Rori would have deserved it. And I still felt like a jerk about it.
"Tragedy has brought us together," I whispered, gently stroking Barkley's paw with my thumb. "But us has never been a tragedy. Well, perhaps sometimes. Like now it quite is... Blast! I shouldn't have said that. I mean, you brought happiness to my life when I least expected it. I'm not prepared to let you go. I won't say you don't have a point. Long live the king, long may he reign! And so forth. Pray to the maker he doesn’t do something stupid... A wise king would choose a political marriage over a love marriage... That would be selfless and heroic... and it would leave me heartbroken for the rest of my life," I whispered in a choked voice. The mere thought of losing her forever made me tear up.
Barkley threw his head back and howled.
"Oh, come on, it's not that pathetic!" I sulked.
The dog gave a sharp woof.
"Alright, it is pathetic. I am going to pull myself together, okay? Are you content now?"
The dog licked my face - I took that as his approval.
"I miss you like crazy," I went on, already sounding far more composed and manly and strong. Not cute, mind you. I for sure was anything but cute. "I don't know many things..."
Barkley whined.
"Actually, I know less than nothing..."
Barkley whined louder.
"Hey, this is the essential part, so would you please act as if you were at least somehow touched and impressed?"
The dog whined.
"But this I am sure of: I do not want to live without you. Never,"
Barkley pulled his paw away and pressed himself flat to the ground. He whined pathetically and covered his eyes with his paws.
A shadow cast over me.
Doom!
DOOM!
"She's standing right behind me, isn't she?"
The dog barked.
"You could at least have tried to warn me," I huffed.
The dog growled and I slowly turned to meet my fate. I felt like a complete fool, kneeling there with that wimpy daisy ring in my hand. That much for perfection.
She stood there, catching me in another embarrassing situation like the day we first met back at Ostagar. Her red hair was cut short, not much longer than mine, her large blue eyes twinkled with amusement in her pale heartshaped face. My shirt and her boots was all she wore, to me she couldn't have been more beautiful in the fanciest ball dress. She looked exhausted, drained, still a shy, impish smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
"Yóu're not wasting time trying to find a new bride," Rori teased, She clasped her hands and shifted her weight uneasily, her face flushed prettily. "Eamon will be delighted."
"It's as Zevran said, Fereldans cannot sleep without their dogs." I grinned foolishly, wishing I could just Poof! and safe myself this most embarrassing confrontation. "Err... what did you hear?"
"About everything."
"Blast!" I blushed a deeper shade of crimson. Even my ears were glowing. "Bloody blast it! I wanted this to be perfect but I guess, it never will be. Nothing ever has but you. You get what you see. This is all I can offer, I pray it will be enough." She didn't pull away when I took her hand in mine.
"Alistair..." Rori whispered hoarsely. There was a deep sorrow in her eyes that didn't sit well with me.
"You said I should take care of myself more often," I hurriedly blurted out before she could once more be reasonable. "So that's what I am doing. And the king taking care of himself is also a bit taking care of his kingdom, isn't it?"
"Alistair, I'm sorry..."
I didn't want to listen. I felt like falling. There was nothing to lose anyway, so I kept going. „You're not yet done, lady," I said firmly. "Ferelden needs you. Your mission – should you accept it – is to marry me!“
„Is this a command, my prince?“ Rori asked, a roguish grin arching her beautiful lips. The gloom in her eyes faded in the brilliance of her smile. I was bewitched.
"Very much so."
Rori saluted and clicked her heels. „Then count me in on his Majesty's service!“
"Wh-what? That's a yes? Just like that?"
"What can I say, I'm a patriot!"
„That's my girl!“ I smiled and sild the daisy ring onto her finger.
"Nice ring," She laughed as I pulled her onto my lap. My leg was killing me. I couldn't have cared less since I was kissing the woman I loved. It felt like our very first kiss, hesitant first, excitement making our hearts beat like battle drums. The taste of her soft lips, the velvet sensation of her tongue stroking mine. This one kiss was all the comfort I had longed for.
"So, strange story," I said. my arms safely wrapped around her. I wasn't going to let go of her. She could have sprouted wings and flown away. Barkley was guarding her, too. The leash returned to my mind. It would have suited her prettily. "Tell me if you heard this one: This fellow is dumped by his woman the other day and then gets engaged with her the next day."
Grinning sheepishly, Rori blushed. "I'm so sorry, Alistair,“ she muttered compunctiously.“I didn't want to hurt you. I was... Oh, how to explain? All the time I tried to make things right for us against all odds. The engagement, the ritual, the final battle. I did all that so we could be together. I killed our baby... If I had told you... If I had let you slay the archdemon..." She shook her head, sadly, tears welling up in her eyes. "Losing the baby felt like a just punishment for everything I had done selfishly... I wanted to make it right again..."
„So the baby is...?“ I breathed.
Rori nodded, unable to meet my eyes. She sat upright in my lap, her back very straight, her head hung low. Still she trembled. Tears dropped onto her hands, folded in her lap. „Sol and Wynne broke the spells that kept it alive. Afterwards it all happened very fast...“
„I am so sorry. I should have been with you.“ I hugged her, gently kissing her tears away. Her clinging to me was my comfort. You just don't break down and wail when your woman needs you to be strong.
„You are with me,“ she whispered.
„We will have another baby,“ I said and bit my tongue the moment the words had left my mouth. What an inconsiderate jerk comforts a mourning mother like that? I was almost considering her to bite my head off for that.
„What makes you so sure about it?“ Rori asked curiously. No offense taken. Whew!
„You do.“ I said softly, earning myself the sweetest smile. „Shouldn't you be in bed and rest?“ I sternly glared at her. She certainly wasn't meant to walk around and eavesdrop on her ex-lover and new soon-to-be-husband.
„Probably. Wynne will throw a fit later. I couldn't stand staying in this room any longer. It reeks of death and despair.“
„You can move in with me. My room reeks of smelly socks and drunken man.“
„I'm already swooning over it,“ Rori sniffled, wiping her nose at her sleeve. I handed my handkerchief to her. She never had a clean one at hand.
„But why terminate the engagement? I still don't understand.“
"I know it's stupid...“ Rori sighed, kneading the now soaked handkerchief in her hands. „ I somehow thought, giving up what I loved most, making a sacrifice that would hurt me most would save the baby. It was innocent. It shouldn't have to pay for my sins. I thought if I paid, the baby would be spared. It didn't change a thing. The baby died. And I... " She shrugged helplessly. "I just couldn't resist the cutest proposal ever."
"It wasn't cute!"
She kissed the tip of my nose. "You keep telling yourself that."
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