Adult-FanFiction.org : Games

Alphys' Bad School Day	By : xandermartin98 Category: +S through Z > UnderTale Views: 2293 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a very strictly non-profit fanwork with absolutely no intention of infringing upon the original work's copyright. The videogame Undertale and all of its respective characters belong exclusively to Toby Fox and his affiliates.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
AGS, CHAPTER 2
"Greetings, everyone!" Toriel greeted her new class as Alphys and company all filed into the room in the exact same formation as before (AUBTCFSPM) and took their seats.
"I am Toriel Dreemurr, your new English teacher for the year." Toriel explained, taking a remarkably polite bow of acceptance to the classroom and its incredibly high moral standards (yes, even taking the previous Muffet incident in History into account) as she reached under her desk, pulled out yet another gigantic box of VR helmets, and eagerly handed one to each of the classmates, who all no-less-than-immediately put them on without even saying another word.
"Wait, WHAT? Seriously? Not even a freaking THANK YOU? Lord SAVE me, kids are so goddamned ungrateful these days, what with their f#%^ing technology and their f%#*ing autism and their f $&ing spoiled-brattishness just for the sake of f$&%ing spoiled-brattishness and their f%# ing comically overinflated egos and their complete and utter lack of perspective on how the real world outside of their stupid goddamned computers works...you know what, I think I should probably stop this train of thought right here before I end up saying something I'll regret." Toriel sighed, facepalming herself and sighing in thorough disappointment at the admittedly atrocious way that the modern-day society of the 2010s had turned out as her students were transported right into the Homestuck universe, a universe that they had previously never known anything about and would now more than likely end up wishing that they had never even discovered in the first place by the time they were done!
"whoa, dude, like, seriously, holy shit, where are we?" Sans gasped in amazement and shock as him and his cohorts found themselves stuck in only the most ridiculously over-the-top and downright chintzy of anime superhero outfits, standing atop a massive spaceship that was clearly headed straight for no less than the absolute center of the entire universe!
"Wherever the hell we're supposed to be going right now, I must admit that my outfit certainly does indeed look pretty freaking adorable..." Alphys, who for lack of better description was basically dressed like God-Tier Jade, snickered cutely through her nose while Sans involuntarily combed his spiky blonde hair, readjusted his 90s-era sunglasses, and sharpened his katana.
"WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF EXISTING IN THIS WORLD IF ALL WE'RE GOING TO DO IS FREAKING WAIT FOR RANDOM CRAP TO HAPPEN." Papyrus asked urgently, his words being all-capitalized for literally no apparent reason other than to make him loud and annoying.
"simple, you get to do all kinds of cool sh%# like this!" Sans laughed, producing several time clones of himself, sending them through the passage of time to grab him a whole bunch of hot dogs and then finally having them hand their combined total of nine hot dogs to everyone.
"HOnESTLY, TeMMIE sTILL doeSn't QUiTE UNDeRSTAND whAt's sO gREAT aBout POINtLESSLY, NEEdLESSLY tEARING aPart tHe ENTiRE SPaCE-TiME CONtINUUM itSelf fOR LITERALLy nO rEASON othEr THaN tO ARtiFiCiALLy exTENd THe STOrYline, WHiCH iN aNd oF itSelf iS aLREADY iNcreDiBLy OvERcOMpliCAtEd AnD SHaLLoW!" Temmie ranted angrily.
"Yeah, mayn, liek, I toadilly agreeind schtuff! Personalee, I'd much rathre be f#%&in' sum good ol' fashind whorses in mah staybul righta bout now, butt that's jest mee..." Catty, who was very clearly incredibly drunk off of bad writing at the moment, burped and hiccuped dizzily as she absentmindedly reeled back and forth, stumbling all over the place in search of beer to drink.
"You 2ee, thiis riight here ii2 exactly what'2 wrong wiith modern-day 2ociiety. Can't you goddamned people ju2t get a fuckiing clue and realii2e how iincrediibly fuckiing dii2gu2tiing you 2ound when you fuckiing 2ay 2hiit liike that?!" Burgerpants ranted both angrily and profoundly disgustedly at Catty, slapping her across the face to knock her back into focus.
"Ugh, my aching HEAD...where WAS I?" Catty groaned, clutching her head dazedly.
"Well, two put iit rather bluntly, you were headed riight down an iincrediibly, profoundly 2liipery 2lope that, for lack of a better way to put iit, ba2iically led s2raiight two STD Ciity!" Burgerpants shook Catty by the shoulders and frantically explained to her, beginning to sound even more reminiscent of Vinny from Vinesauce than he already normally did in everyday conversations.
"ENOUGH ABOUT THAT. LET'S TALK ABOUT ME." Papyrus groaned irritatedly, jumping up and down and flapping his arms like a bird to try and get everyone's attention...and fail miserably.
"OH, DON'T WORRY, D34R13, 1'M SUR3 W3 W1LL...1N 4T L34ST 4NOTH3R THR33 HUNDR3D M1LL1ON FR34K1NG Y34RS, TH4T 1S! MW4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!" Muffet rolled on the floor and laughed maniacally as the spaceship continued approaching its destination at about the same pace as a snail traveling up a hill of molasses in January...with crutches, no less.
"well, frisk, what do YOU have to say about our current predicament?" Sans asked Frisk, patting them on the back and eagerly leaning his head toward them to hear what they had to say on the matter.
"The Inner Machinations Of My Mind Are An Enigma" Frisk replied, shrugging their shoulders.
"umm...very well then, whatever floats your boat, i suppose, just know that you'll never be as f#%*ing cool as i am." Sans chuckled, patting Frisk on the back some more.
"ATTENTION, EVERYONE!" Undyne yelled, waving her hands in the air to get everyone's attention directed towards the real subject matter at hand. "I'm honestly not quite sure how, 8ut somehow, I think I actually just might secretly know for a fact what's really going on here!"
"OOH, IS THERE SPAGHETTI INVOLVED?" Papyrus crooned excitedly, clutching his cheeks.
"Well, unfortun8tely, no; it would appear that there is actually a far more pressing matter at hand at the moment." Undyne explained, pointing at the wormhole they were all heading towards. "A matter concerning the determin8tion 8ehind the continuing existence of the entire UNIVERSE itself as we know it!"
"So...does that mean that Homestuck is basically Undertale: The Webcomic?" Alphys asked curiously, stroking her chin and tapping her foot in rather peculiar and unexpected interest.
"ha, you wish!" Sans whipsered in her ear and snickered snidely.
"Well, actually, no, it's technically more like the other way around, but anyway, here's the story behind what we're currently pointlessly standing around w8iting for as one of humanity's most deeply intelligence-insulting forms of length-padding!" Undyne explained, beckoning yet again for everyone to draw their attention directly to her. "And STOP making out in public!"
"But we're not even IN public..." Burgerpants and Catty groaned as the former pulled his pants back up and retied his belt while the latter gleefully licked his creamy white "milk" from her lips.
"ANYWAY..." Undyne groaned irritatedly, facepalming herself in shameful disbelief at what her eyes had just witnessed happening, "we're kind of at an impasse here, 8ut here's why!"
"You see, long ago, we all had...ancestors, so to speak." Undyne explained, pulling up the holographic computer/television screen on the ship's rooftop and displaying numerous photos of said ancestors.
"So, ba2iically, they were pretty much the exact 2ame fuckiing character2 a2 u2, except way fuckiing cooler a2 well a2 ju2t generally beiing way better-wriitten than we are by comparii2on?" Burgerpants asked inquisitively, stroking his chin and tapping his foot.
"Goddamnit, I always KNEW that we were really just a bunch of overrated, one-dimensional, stupid freaking archetypes all along!" Alphys groaned, double-facepalming herself and weeping in shame.
"YOU KNOW WH4T TH3Y S4Y! TH3 MOR3 TH3 M3RR13R!" Muffet cackled evilly, briefly putting on a stereotypically German monocle with one hand and sipping tea with the other five.
"Go F#%^ Yourself" Frisk replied angrily, glaring at her blankly.
"YOU DO KNOW TH4T 1 COULD 1ND33D QU1T3 34S1LY DO TH4T TO L1T3R4LLY TWO-TH1RDS OF 4LL OF US NUMBNUTS COMB1N3D 4LL 4T TH3 3X4CT S4M3 T1M3 1F 1 R34LLY W4NT3D TO, R1GHT?" Muffet pointed out sassily, wiggling her fingers teasingly at them.
"GUYS, FOR F%*#'S S8KE, PAY ATTENTION!" Undyne screamed in frustration, seething with rage as she reluctantly took several deep breaths and began her painstakingly long lecture.
"Alright, so as far as I can tell, it would seem that the entire universe was actually cre8ted in a quite literal g8me of cosmic 8illiards." Undyne explained, already facepalming herself and clutching her head in confusion from how incredibly stupid and nonsensical this was.
"are you literally f%#^ing sh#*%ing me right now?" Sans groaned, shaking his head.
"Sadly, no." Undyne shrugged and sighed, redirecting everyone's attention yet again to the incredibly convoluted, barely cohesive and quite frankly utterly ridiculous "plot" at hand.
"8asically, what happened was that the 8ig 8ang itself was actually not a proper 8ig 8ang in the first pl8ce, 8ut rather the impact of the cue 8all shattering the previously sta8le equili8rium of the pool-8all triangle form8tion into 8 variously-colored spherical pieces, known to us pathetically unintelligent mortals as planets." Undyne explained, already struggling to keep a straight face.
"GO ON!" Sans shrugged, already holding up a gun to his own mouth and trying not to fire it.
"So then the new lord of this 8rand-sp8nking-new universe, known as none other than Lord English (chuckle, snicker), who coincidentally enough was actually an anthropomorphic skeleton just like Sans and Papyrus, as well as the split-personality clone of Cantaloupe...er, I mean, Calliope, decided to be an asshole and take everything for himself." Undyne explained.
"SO BASICALLY, HE'S LITERALLY EVERYTHING I'M NOT!" Papyrus put his hands on his lips and laughed both snarkily AND sassily at the poor ridiculously overpowered Time Lord's expense.
"Apart from the comically oversized ego, yes." Undyne sighed, shrugging her shoulders.
"ooh, sick burn! she totally got you there, pal!" Sans laughed, nudging Papyrus on the shoulder and summoning an additional time clone of himself just so that he could also simultaneously nudge Papyrus on the other shoulder as well, solely for the sake of the added smugness effect.
"And then 8asically, the only other really important thing that happened was that this one super-sexy fish l8dy in particular, who was pretty much my not-so-distant evil cousin from another planet, took over the Earth as well as its world-famous 8etty Crocker snack company, and ensl8ved all of its denizens to a life of eternal sl8very." Undyne explained, hanging her head in shame at the very thought of being related to someone so utterly despicable.
"Shortly thereafter, Sans' ancestor Sass did, and I quote, a Fucking Acro8atic Pirouette onto the very tip-top of the White House on one of the world's douchiest sk8te8boards, with some of the a8solute douchiest hair and sunglasses you could possi8ly ask for as well...and then proceeded to hack and slash the living shite out of a bunch of juggalo clowns led by none other than Guy Fieri from Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives." Undyne explained, busting out into tears of hysterical laughter while literally everyone who was still listening to her did the exact same.
THREE HUNDRED MILLION YEARS OF INCESSANT NONSTOP TALKING (AND ONE RIDICULOUSLY ADORABLE SOUL-FUSION OF PAPYRUS AND ALPHYS) LATER...
"All right, here we go!" Undyne cheered everyone on as their ship finally went through the wormhole and reached...what appeared to be an alternate-universe version of New Home City?
"Oh, well, it'll do!" Alphpyrusprite^2, who was now an adorkable chibi catgirl dinosaur skeleton with big fluffy wings and dainty little claws, chuckled as the nine of them flew in with their magical flying abilities and readied themselves for the single most epically over-the-top battle of their entire lives.
GOD KNOWS HOW MANY FREAKING SIDE VILLAINS LATER...
"Alright, so...(huff, puff)...at long last, we've FINALLY defeated all TWELVE or whatever of your freaking retarded-ass anthropomorphic pool-8all-or-whatever-the-f%#^-they're-supposed-to-8e cronies!" Undyne sputtered and wheezed, kneeling on the thickly flower-overgrown floor of Lord English's new throne room (which was formerly Asgore's, obviously) in exhaustion and coughing up blood.
"WHICH ONES ARE YOU TALKING A8OUT?" Lord English, ridiculous outfit and all, replied in an amazingly intimidating and booming voice that shook the entire castle with its astonishing grandeur.
"You know, the one that locks himself in a freaking oven for no apparent reason, and the multiple ones that constantly make a living out of f#%*ing around with the flow of time just to f%#& with people, and the one who's so goddamned 8ig and strong that he can literally PUNCH people into the next f $%ing WEEK, and all of that incredi8ly convoluted 8ullsh%#?" Undyne groaned, struggling to suppress the utterly horrid memories she had of those twelve.
"UM, WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE GENERICALLY-NAMED SHADOW DUDE WITH AN ABSOLUTELY F%*$ING RIDICULOUS NUMBER OF DIFFERENT INCARNATIONS?" Lord English asked Undyne inquisitively, stroking his chin and tapping his foot impatiently as always while the only two Jack Noirs remaining (the dark dog one and the light dog one) collided directly into each other at maximum velocity, swords and all, creating a paradox that caused them both to immediately vanish from existence with naught but one simple big explosion!
(If only things were that simple in the real series, am I right?)
"WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT TAKES CARE OF THAT..." Lord English sighed. "I PRESUME YOU ALSO TOOK CARE OF MY BELOVED EVIL FISH QUEEN AS WELL?"
"YUP! In fact, I've even got her head right here for you! Killed her fair-and-square in a girl-on-girl, spear-on-spear duel to the death myself 8ecause I'm just that much of a 8adass!" Undyne grinned smugly, holding out said evil fish queen's head in her hand in a proud display of both honor and badassery.
"WELL, IN THAT CASE...I'MA FIRING MY LASER, GRAAAAHHHHH!" Lord English roared, firing a ridiculously massive laser beam from his mouth and completely eradicating Frisk, Temmie and Catty as everyone else luckily sidestepped out of the way just in time.
"you're going to freaking PAY for that, you dickhead!" Sans yelled angrily at him, pulling out his katana, summoning a myriad of time-clones from all different directions and brutally attacking him with all of them at the same time as he (Lord English) threw off his outer layer of clothing, revealing his outrageously ripped and muscular colossus of a body in all of its entirety as he viciously tore into his remaining attackers.
"sticks and stones may break my bones, but GAHHHH! oh my ever-loving JESUS, this hurts so bad!" Sans winced in pain as Lord English brutally clobbered him with his bare fists and feet before finally pulling out his ridiculously overpowered (just like him) golden machine gun and firing it directly at Muffet...only he had accidentally set it to BULLETS instead of LASER BEAM.
"1'M L1K3 4 FORC3 OF N4TUR3, 4R3N'T 1?" Muffet giggled snidely as she painstakingly caught every last bullet of Lord English's massive onslaught in her webbing shield, basically re-enacting The Matrix as she then used the web's magical properties to shoot the bullets right back at Lord English!
"GAHHHH!" Lord English yelled angrily in pain as the bullets hit him right in the face, making him so angry that he outright lunged straight into Muffet and slammed her with both of his fists combined and with so much force that she was cartoonishly flattened into a pancake while Burgerpants charged directly at him and hit him with literally everything he had!
"Let'2 2ee, ii've got my golden 2patula, the kitchen 2iink, my fryiing pan, my pet turtle, my 2ledgehammer..." Burgerpants chuckled as he whacked Lord English upside the head with each thing in that exact same order, then backed away and readied his ultimate attack.
"BOMB2 AWAY, VEGAN MOTHERF%# ER!" Burgerpants laughed maniacally as he reached into his pants, pulled out a nearly-infinite number of exploding cheeseburgers, and rapidly threw every single one of them right into Lord English's face at machine-gun speed while Alphpyrusprite^2 snuck up behind him and puckered her lips in preparation for the finishing blow.
"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Undyne yelled, eager to take at least some of the credit for finishing Lord English off as she summoned spears from all directions and impaled him with them like a big, bony pincushion.
"Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels send thee to thy rest!" Alphpyrusprite^2 giggled as she smooched Lord English right on the lips, embarrassing him so much that it actually caused him to petrify into stone and explode into something like a million pieces!
"ALPHPYRUSPRITE^2 WINS. FLAWLESS VICTORY. FATALITY." Lord English announced dramatically from the afterlife as everyone regrouped back together and caught their breath.
"Oh, come on, at least give me SOME of the freaking credit!" Undyne yelled angrily at him.
"Oh, don't worry about it, there's always a next time for everything!" Alphpyrusprite^2 giggled playfully as she flew in and lovingly smooched Undyne right on the lips, causing her to flinch backward in surprise as she herself also turned into stone and exploded in humiliation.
"well, guys...sigh...what did we learn this time, other than that being a time lord is actually a quite f%#^ing horrible experience that i quite frankly would not wish upon mostly anyone?" Sans asked Burgerpants and Alphpyrusprite^2 since they were the only allies remaining.
"Um...I gue22 we learned that Home2tuck iis easiily wiithout a doubt the mo2t overrated comiic book 2eriie2 of all tiime?" Burgerpants shrugged and sighed dejectedly, hanging his head in shame at how big of a fan of the series he actually used to be, contrary to my recent claims.
"well, that too..." Sans sighed, sarcastically waving goodbye to all of his annoying time-clones as they left through one of his many, many time portals, never to ever be seen or heard from again.
"More importantly, however, we learned that sometimes, sacrificing a few measly little lives is well worth it if it ultimately means preserving the overall well-being of society as a whole!" Alphpyrusprite^2 giggled as she playfully pawed at Sans and Burgerpants with her paws.
"WHY, CATTY, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?!" Burgerpants collapsed onto his knees and broke down into a fit of sobbing while Sans crossed his arms and waited eagerly for him to stop.
"So, boys, how did you like Homestuck?" Toriel asked her students as she pulled off their helmets and returned them back to the real world again.
"YES, FINALLY, NON-HOMESTUCK GROUND! I COULD JUST KISS YOU AND LICK YOU RIGHT NOW!" all nine of them cried with joy as they bent over and began taking turns licking Toriel's feet while she just sat down on the ground and stared awkwardly at them in confusion.
"What is it about my wrinkly old soles that you suddenly find so attractive now?" Toriel sighed.
- 1
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Alphys' Bad School Day