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I See Alphys, I See Francis	By : xandermartin98 Category: +S through Z > UnderTale Views: 1983 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The video game Undertale and all of its respective characters and settings belong exclusively to Toby Fox and his affiliates. This is a non-profit fanwork with no intention of infringing on said copyright.

Chapter List
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ISAISF: PART 2
A few minutes later at Sans' house, Alphys and Francis were rather surprisingly-cutely sitting right next to each other on the sofa, french-kissing each other in secret while Sans made them two cups of coffee (one cup of espresso for each of them, to be exact) in the kitchen; meanwhile, Papyrus was busy training himself for Royal Guard duty at the local gym with Undyne.
"OHH, Francis, you're such an utterly deplorable, almost completely unlikable, thoroughly disgusting douchebag version of myself, and I love you oh-so-very much for it!" Alphys moaned while Sans just shook his head and tried not to imagine what the two of them were secretly doing with each other on a daily, perhaps even hourly basis as he set their lovingly filled cups on the coffee table right in front of them and gave them an encouragingly winking thumbs-up.
"Ready, set, DRINK!" Sans laughed, pulling a bottle of ketchup from his coat pockets and guzzling an incredibly large portion of it right down while Alphys and Francis eagerly picked up their cups and began doing the exact same with their coffee...which, as Dean from The Iron Giant put it, was like Coffeezilla.
TEN SECONDS LATER...
"Alright, so Asgore allowed me to skip college entirely because I wasn't fitting in, so now I'm suddenly even MORE not fitting in! I was getting good results from my experiments, y'know, like always, so Undyne said 'YOU NEED STIMULATION!' and I say NO, I'M STIMULATED ENOUGH RIGHT NOW-" Alphys began hyperactively ranting, pacing to and fro all over the living room and frantically sipping her coffee in the process while Sans and Francis both stared at her in dumbfounded amazement.
"THAT'S for sure!" Sans and Francis both agreeingly shuddered and thought to themselves.
"-and then Asgore goes 'NUH-UH, YOU DON'T HAVE A CHALLENGE, YOU NEED A CHALLENGE!' So now I'm CHALLENGED all right; I'm MENTALLY challenged to hold on to my freaking SANITY, cuz of all the big nasty amalgamations of monsters down in my basement who wanna f%#$ me because I'm a shrimpy dork who thinks she's smarter than them, but I DON'T think I'm smarter; I just do the stupid experiments! If everyone ELSE just did the stupid experiments, they could melt people together into horrifying eldritch abominations and get their pussies violently pounded by whatever happens to be left of the poor victims too; IS THERE ANYMORE COFFEE?!" Alphys continued ranting, even going as far as to perform a wildly hyperactive interpretive dance all over the room before finally collapsing back onto the sofa and eagerly asking for more coffee, with her eyes still every bit as wide open as could be as Francis took her hand and led her right into the very middle of the living room with him.
"Boy, this oughta be a great big load of EYE-POPPINGLY CORNY fun if I do say so myself!" Sans snickered, summoning literal eyeballs on springs from his eyesockets and pulling out a freshly pre-cooked tub of popcorn from his coat pockets as the absolute madness began.
"So anyway, I heard you spend most of your free time wearing footie pajamas and watching Mew Mew Kissy Cutie all day! HAH HAH, Jesus Christ, you're such a fricking pathetic little dork!" Francis pointed and laughed at Alphys, causing her to irritatedly cock an eyebrow at him in response as she eagerly began racking her brain for a properly suitable reply and/or comeback.
"YEAH?! Well, back home, YOU spent literally ALL of your goddamned free time sitting on your couch eating ridiculously fattening foods, pissing people the F%#$ off on Tumblr and various other social media sites, NEVER taking showers, generally being an absolute disgusting and filthy little manchild pig, AND jerking off to f%#&ing SAILOR MOON and the like, am I RIGHT?!" Alphys ranted furiously at Francis, prompting the two of them to angrily throw their coffee cups across the room in opposite directions, lean forward directly toward each other, and lividly press their pudgy snouts up against each other as their tails and quills began pointing upward with agitation.
"HOLY SHITE!" Sans screamed in surprise, ducking under Francis' bouncy rubber coffee cup right before it hit him in the face. "Geez, that one really BOUNCED back, am I right?" he smugly shrugged his shoulders and winked at the audience while Alphys and Francis continued arguing.
"HA! Are you freaking KIDDING me?! Your anime collection is literally NOTHING compared to mine! In fact, I'll have you know that my current house is, in fact, nothing short of a giant freaking castle...and more importantly, the fact that the whole damned thing is literally MADE out of pure freaking anime fanservice!" Francis laughed maniacally, clutching his chest with glee.
"Yeah, well I have a freaking nerd castle TOO, you know! It's called my LAB!" Alphys yelled angrily at Francis, slapping him across the face in hopes of perhaps knocking some sense into him.
"Oh, give me a BREAK! You can't really expect me to seriously believe that your stupid little LAB, of all things, has the absolute LATEST AND GREATEST in 100-percent anime-neko-kitty-themed defense systems, not to mention literal wall-to-wall anime poster carpeting (WITH bouncing boobs, no less) and glittery pink wallets full of magically meowing, cat-eared f%#&ing credit cards, CAN you?!" Francis rolled on the floor laughing hysterically while Alphys merely facepalmed and shook her head in utter disappointment at just how incredibly "far" the modern-day generation of kids had truly come in society, both in maturity and in usefulness.
"Oh, puh-LEEZE, the only freaking reason why you even HAVE any of that stupid sh%# in the first damned place is literally SOLELY because you had the absolute RICHEST f%#$ing parents on the whole goddamned PLANET and just so happened to inherit their money from them at the very last second after probably THE most disgustingly spoiled-rotten childhood ANYONE could ever even hope to f%*#ing DREAM of, ALL so that you could just carelessly WASTE it all on f*^%ing ANIME CHILD PORN and the like!" Alphys sneered increasingly angrily at Francis, balling her hands into tightly clenched fists and struggling with all of her hard-earned might to resist the unbearably overpowering urge to pounce onto him like a ferocious neko tiger, violently slug him right across his stupid, ugly, rotten, douchebag face and kick his moldy yellow buck teeth right in.
"Oh yeah? Well, at least MY parents didn't make their living off of selling freaking POKÉMON AND YUGIOH CARDS!" Francis laughed and sneered arrogantly at Alphys, kicking her right in the crotch and causing her to squeal and grimace furiously in downright unbearable pain as she reluctantly reached into her pocket and pulled out her size-alteration ray.
"Try saying that AFTER I KICK YOUR F^#%ING DIRTY ROTTEN WEEABOO ASS!" Alphys roared like Godzilla as she leapt straight up into the air with all of her vertically-challenged might and jump-kicked Francis in the face so hard that it knocked two of his teeth out, knocking him over onto the ground and giving her ample opportunity to shrink himself, crawl into his Mario-power-up-patterned shirt and start dealing massive damage to the various weak points hidden within.
"YOU KNOW, (OOF!) YOU AND (OW!) ME HAVE AN AWFUL (OOOOOOOH!) LOT IN COMMON; WE'RE BOTH (GAH!) FATASS AND F%#&ING DISGUSTINGLY STEREOTYPICAL (YEOWCH!) WEEABOO TRASH, ALBEIT PERHAPS (KYAAAH!) TO A MUCH LESSER DEGREE IN YOUR CAY-HAY-HAY-HAYSE!" Francis moaned, screamed, yelped and laughed hysterically in a mixture of pain and unfortunate ticklishness, rolling frantically on the floor and smacking all over himself with his hands in an attempt to squash the unwelcome intruder as Alphys scurried about wildly all over his surprisingly wholesome and delightfully scaly chameleon body on all fours with her sticky little lizard appendages, twisted his milky man-teat nipples with her teeth, scampered straight down into his crotch area and chomped right down on his fully exposed big green dick hard enough to leave tooth marks, left scratch and bite marks all over his torso, and even went as far as to travel all the way down his legs and tickle the soles of his bare, unwashed and sweaty feet with her pointy little claws and her ever-so-wonderfully-dextrous lizard tongue.
"Well, Sans is already magically recording this entire unfortunate little DEBACLE of yours on public-television camera for all we know, so let's just take this wonderful opportunity to show the entire world EXACTLY what's going on INSIDE YOUR FAT F%#&ING HEAD, SHALL WE?!" Alphys laughed maniacally as she shrunk herself even smaller, clambered her way up Francis' man-teat cleavage and onto his face, then finally proceeded to crawl right up his nose, eating her way right through all of the nasty sticky mucus gathered up inside until she finally reached his unsurprisingly large brain, climbed up the stem and wormed her way right in like it was nothing.
"GAAAHHH! Weeb in head, WEEB IN HEADDD!" Francis clutched his head and screamed in absolute terror while Alphys just casually waltzed right on over to the central control supercomputer unit in his frontal lobe without a care in the world (causing him to wince and grimace in pain with each footstep, naturally enough and smugly took her seat at the keyboard.
"Oh, FRANNNCISSS, what's your PASSSWORRRD?" Alphys grabbed Francis' internal voice microphone and asked her in literally THE most teasing fashion imaginable, turning on his mental imaging camera, sticking his tongue out mischievously (even for the current situation) at him and offering to strip herself naked for his pleasure if and when he finally spilled the beans.
"It's HI-TECHNICAAAAAAL, is what it is- D'OH!" Francis yelled excitedly, then disgustedly facepalmed himself as he suddenly realized how SOUL-crushingly stupid he had just been while Alphys stylishly typed in the already-pretty-obvious password in all of its hi-techical glory.
"Thank you for letting yourself get tricked so phenomenally easily into giving away your password by a silly little lady like me, smoochums!" Alphys laughed teasingly at him as she stripped herself naked right in front of Francis' mental-imaging camera and proudly displayed herself to him, causing him to openly and willingly masturbate himself to a woman who was not only half his age but also very clearly INSIDE HIS FREAKING BRAIN on public television.
"F%#& this sh#%, I'm out!" Sans shrugged his shoulders and chuckled snidely, using his magical powers to turn himself invisible so that no one would be able to see him jerking off to the following events.
"Hmm, let's see what we've got in here..." Alphys playfully teased Francis as she scrolled her way through the poor bastard's memory banks and deliberately picked out all of the most embarrassing and humiliating entries she could find while Francis just flopped down on the couch, hugged one of its Sans-faced pillows tightly, sucked his thumb and trembled in fear.
"Oh dear god, in the name of Tokyo Mew Mew, how could this POSSIBLY get any worse?! Francis screamed in dreadful horror, beating himself over the head with his pillow and crying in frustration as Alphys clicked the EXPOSITORY SONG and ANIME COSTUME buttons on Francis' control panel, causing his clothing to somehow inexplicably transform into a glittery-pink anime catgirl costume, complete with the poofy girly skirt and literally everything!
"Umm...I-I CAN EXPLAIN!" Francis stammered mortifiedly with a rosy-red blush and a conspicuously awkward grin on his face, leaning forward and covering his crotch with his hands; meanwhile, his entire television audience had already begun laughing their asses off to their heart's content as the intro to his own notoriously catchy battle theme from Super Paper Mario suddenly began uncontrollably playing in his head, causing him to just-as-uncontrollably start dancing and singing while his audience just gawked and cried tears of joy in amazement.
"I was born into the richest family in my whole galak-SEE!" Francis sang embarrassedly, blushing and sweating nervously in utter humiliation as he stumbled aimlessly around the room in a hilariously, inevitably failed attempt at properly dancing the tango with only one person involved.
"And they loved nothing more thoroughly than to spoil their own kids, CAN'T YOU SEE?" Francis sang as he clumsily twirled his magic wand between his fingers like a magic baton.
"All these years of coddling have made me a wuss who jerks his dick to freaking underaged anime girl PUSS-PUSS!" Francis sang while Alphys began dancing as well in his brain.
"Wasting my parents' retirement cash on my castle-wide neko porn stash!" Francis sang as several pain-induced tears leaked from his eyes from the sensation of Alphys' ridiculously sharp toe-claws against the soft and delicate interior surface of his central nervous tissue.
"At the age of twenty-two, I went trick-or treating as Sonichu, and I'll never ever be able to live it all down!" Francis sobbed, burying his head in his hands as the background music suddenly segued into Alphys Takes Action from the Undertale soundtrack.
"Oh, this is going to be SO much fun..." Alphys smirked maliciously and thought to herself, rubbing her hands together like a fly and continuing to dance as the song's intro finally reached its conclusion, prompting Francis to also continue dancing in only THE most embarrassing fashion possible.
"My daily life consists of nothing but sitting and watching TV on my fat and lazy butt!" Francis sang while twirled about on her tiptoes like ballerina, dancing on the grave of his own already-practically-nonexistent-to-begin-with self-respect while the poor bastard screamed and cried in unbearable agony.
"I was homeschooled for more than half of my whole life, and I've got no hope of having a wife!" Francis curled up into a ball on the floor and sobbed while Alphys gleefully, furiously fingered herself to his absolutely pitiful pain and suffering.
"Like it or not, Alphys is what I'm not! Well-written and not an awful stereotype, THANK GOD!" Francis sang, twirling about on his tiptoes, tripping over his tail and falling flat onto his face while Alphys (and the rest of his audience) rolled on the floor laughing hysterically in response.
"I have nothing better to do than go on boards, and complain about perfectly good games that I've never played!" Francis sang as he literally put his own sweaty, nasty foot into his mouth and began passionately sucking on it, wanting to kill himself from the sheer indignity while Alphys continued fingering herself, moaning with pleasure while Francis internally screamed in pain.
"I'm so lazy that it can't even be expressed in words; when my remote needs to be picked up, I call on my robo-maid!" Francis sang as he twirled around on his tiptoes yet again and struck a Sailor Moon pose while Alphys panted and murred with delight, rapidly aproaching the point of sexual climax as her red-hot, blushing face began sweating all kinds of buckets with arousal.
"Sitting on a couch and watching anime and eating junk food by the bucketfuls of lard...is this really how my parents wanted me to grow up, as a fatass autistic retard?" Francis ran aimlessly around the room, flapping his arms like a bird and punching himself in the face took a brief pause from fingering herself to sarcastically shrug her shoulders in reluctant agreement.
"Sometimes, when there's no one else around, I like to wear a dress, and when I do so, I always sing and dance, I must confess!" Francis sang as he stripped himself naked and began prancing about like a forest-green, 35-year-old fairy, causing his lusciously fat and sweaty man-boobs and his big chubby penis alike to bounce and jiggle about like a bowl full of jelly while Alphys struggled desperately to resist masturbating herself any further to his agonizing plight.
"I wish I was an anime princess, cuz then I could sparkle like a great big butterfly in the sun and prance around like a fairy pig!" Francis sang, continuing to prance about the room like Tingle on cocaine while Alphys threw her head back and screamed orgasmically, blasting out a gigantic load of creamy, sticky female ejaculatory fluid all over her fingers and lovingly fingerpainting a disgustingly sloppy heart shape onto the screen of Francis' central control computer with it.
"But alas, I'm morbidly obese and smell like the corpse of a goat; and whenever I look at myself in the mirror, it makes me want to scream in TERROR!" Francis sang, accidentally breaking his rhyme scheme as he stumbled back and forth dizzily and exhaustedly from overexertion, his tongue dangling drippingly and sexily from the corner of his mouth while Alphys' did the same.
"Such is my pathetic, sad joke of an existence! Would somebody please just come and kill me in pretense?" Francis curled up into yet another pathetic little ball on the floor, buried his head in his hands and sobbed miserably while Alphys covered her mouth, blushed in ironic shame and giggled adorably as she fervently, diligently licked her own ejaculatory fluid off of her dirty, sweaty hands in honor of her one true love besides Undyne...well, okay, more like a love/hate, but you get the idea, right?
"I'm total trash, I deserve worse than death; now where'd I leave my stinking meth?" Francis raised his head out from his filthy and sweaty palms, clenched his hands and moaned devastatedly to the heavens in despair while Sans literally passed out from sheer arousal.
"LOL, did I mention that there was also a public BRAIN CAM? Heh, guess you could say Francis really had Alphys ON THE MIND!" Sans snickered, with the audience angrily booing him in response while Alphys redressed herself, crawled back out of Francis' head the same way that she had gotten in, grew herself back to normal size, wrapped her arms around the poor misunderstood bastard and hugged him endearingly, causing the entire audience to immediately go AWW in response.
"Oh, you poor lovable manchild f%#&ing asshole, you...if you had a body like Undyne or Mettaton, I would totally f%&# you for DAYS..." Alphys lovingly whispered into Francis' left ear, sticking her tongue seductively into his ear canal and licking out almost half a cup's worth of slimy hairy earwax.
"Umm...who exactly are THOSE guys, might I ask?" Francis asked, his outfit suddenly shapeshifting back into its regular Mario-powerup-patterned T-shirt form and somehow teleporting itself back onto his body as he picked his left ear with his finger (despite the fact that it had already been thoroughly cleaned out) while Alphys gave the exact same lovably revolting tongue treatment to his other ear, drooling and licking her lips with delight.
"Oh man, you really do have a LOT to learn, pal...come on, you silly goose, let's GO PLACES!" Alphys giggled adorkably, patting Francis on the back and stroking his head affectionately as the two of them interlocked hands with each other and eagerly walked out Sans' front door together.
"Can anyone say I SHIP IT LIKE FED-EX?!" Sans laughed maniacally as he suddenly woke up with an incredibly energetic start and sprung right back up onto his feet, his left eye already glowing sky-blue with excitement as he drooled rabidly from his ecto-tongue at the mere thought of all of the wonderful possibilities for this lovely new crack-shipping of his...this crack shipping that he wished had already been properly done a long time ago, might I add.
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I See Alphys, I See Francis