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Brothers in Arms	By : ktatters Category: +M through R > Metal Gear Views: 3912 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Metal Gear, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Love Me Like a Man

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. - Mahatma Gandhi

Day 6: Deir El Zor to Baghdad

Arthur got into the passenger seat in the truck and let his eyes fall to the floor. He didn't want to see anything or anyone right now. Big Boss would be assigning people to various places, giving a final go-for-it mission speech-- probably exactly like yesterday's, and Arthur didn't want to hear any of it. The mission was already over. They just hadn't realized it yet.

The door opened, and the cab rocked as Ocelot got in. Arthur didn't want to talk to him, either. He'd been manipulated. Used,R fucked/R and left to wake up alone.

The truck started with an awful noise and jerked forward. "Careful," said Arthur tonelessly. "You'll knock the cargo over."

There was no response from beside him, but the jerking lessened.

Arthur kept his eyes on the floor, unable to look up. The dark steel-toed work boots he preferred looked dusty. He reached down and brushed at the dirt on the right shoe, then spit in his hand and rubbed it to as much of a polish as he could. He repeated on the left.

It took all of five minutes.

He should have talked to Big Boss. A little discomfort and embarrassment would have saved him a trip with this... whatever he was. Rapist, torturer, manipulator... murderer, most likely... He wasn't a soldier at all.

"Maybe," he said slowly, "we should talk. About last night."

The noise from the engine leveled as Ocelot found a good driving groove. The other man took a breath, but again said nothing. Bored probably. From his point of view, what would there be to discuss? He'd won, or whatever it was he was trying to do.

"I'll talk then." He pulled out his gun and snapped the magazine out. He had to have something to do with his hands. "Yesterday was..." He paused, trying to figure out what word to use. "It wasn't normal. And it's not going to happen again. I want you to stay away from me once this mission is done."

There was a sharp puff of air beside him.

"Don't-- Don't. I don't know where you were in the morning, but it gave me time to think about what you did to me-- and to him, and he deserved it less than I did... If I could face him, I'd have told him--"

"Arthur, I'm sorry I watched. But you have no right to be mad at me."

Arthur looked up in surprise. "Boss? I thought--" He stopped and bit his lip. There was no way he was going to say anything-- "I didn't think you'd want to see me again." Damn it. Stupid mouth that said words before the front of his brain had filtered them...

"We said we were going to talk today. I guess you forgot that along with the rest of the promises you made to me," he said in a strained voice. "At any rate, we should be in Baghdad in another two hours. I thought it might be best to get it out of the way. And then you won't have to deal with me any more."

"Oh." Arthur looked back down at his gun and cycled it a few times. "Last night was... I..." Arthur sighed and shook his head.

"Do you love him, Arthur?"

"Is it better or worse that I don't?"

There was a short pause from the driver's side of the vehicle. "I don't know."

Arthur locked the slide and started to rotate the barrel bushing. "You probably didn't hear what we were saying. That second time, I told him to stop. Wouldn't even have been a question with you. Him, he just... kept going, like I hadn't said a word. Or like it didn't matter..."

"Did he." Big Boss' voice sounded hard all of a sudden.

"Don't-- don't be angry at him. It's my own fault..." He pulled the barrel bushing away. "What I did was unforgivable. To both of you. I just didn't like that he called me on it. It's probably the only reason I told him to stop," he admitted quietly.

He swallowed over the lump in his throat while waiting for Big Boss to digest that. It was probably the closest Arthur could get to an apology without actually saying sorry. But if he gave the word and Big Boss didn't accept it-- Arthur just hoped the other man would understand. "I'm not perfect either," the older man said finally.

"No one would accuse you of that," said Arthur with a faint, uncomfortable smile. Still, it sounded like a tentative acceptance. "On second thought, some people might. I don't know how I'm going to--" He frowned again and turned his attention to the gun. He aligned the slide lock and removed it, then pulled the slide away from the frame. "I'll figure it out. I'll have to. I'm not going to have any of this, so I'll..."

"You still want this to be the last? We could... start over," said Big Boss.

"That's crass. You can't just recreate--" He started putting the gun back together, putting the slide back on and locking it into place and shook his head. "That's not what you mean, though, is it," he said softly.

They were silent again as the truck rumbled, the engine making a noisy, growling undertone for a conversation unwelcome by both parties.

"It comes down to this. Do you still love me?" asked Big Boss.

Arthur frowned. "You're a complete bastard. You think people are toys, you don't trust anyone fully, and after being with me as long as you have, it's really unacceptable that you can't trust me... I should say I don't." Big Boss nodded slowly as Arthur stared into his own eyes in the side view mirror. "But that would be a lie."

"Do you really think you have to lie to me?"

"Do you really think I can?" Arthur shot back, then shook his head and started again. "Do you still love me?"

"I'm not very good with words, Arthur."

"It's a simple question," said Arthur harshly, "and I only need a yes or no."

"You're an idiot. None of what's happened is your fault, it's mine for not training you against torture. If you stay on with me, that's damn well going to be rectified before you go on another mission." Arthur raised an eyebrow at that, then frowned. Big Boss still hadn't said yes. The other man sighed. "And I'd be willing to give you up to Ocelot, if that would make you happy. Yes, I love you."

Arthur looked at Big Boss, then turned his eyes away. "That's not love. That's just... expedience." Big Boss frowned, and so did Arthur. "Why have you never told me your name? Why did you tell him?" demanded Arthur.

"John Doe is only barely a name."

"John... Doe?" Arthur blinked a moment. Suddenly, the world looked lighter. "You told him your name was John Doe." At Big Boss' cautious nod, Arthur began to laugh. "John Doe!" Big Boss gave an uneasy chuckle with him, which only served to make Arthur laugh harder. He wasn't sure why he was laughing himself, but he couldn't seem to stop. He kept laughing for a very long time, until it turned into tears streaming down his face while he laughed and laughed and laughed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked as the wild, violent euphoria subsided. He leaned back in his seat, completely drained.

"You never asked," said Big Boss.

Arthur sat quietly in his seat for a moment. "You are such an idiot," he said, then looked down. It wasn't as though he'd been thinking straight this mission, not even enough to have asked the right question of 'is it your name?' And the complete and utter failure to work together as they usually did, that was what had made this mission fail. He hit the window. "But I guess I am too..."

"You've been under a lot of stress."

"Don't make excuses for me," snapped Arthur. He'd made enough of his own. "You don't have to defend me all the time. I can do that myself."

"That's what partners do, Arthur." He shook his head. "I can't let you down. This... There's still a chance, you know. For this mission to succeed. If it works out, promise you'll stay with me."

"You still want me to?" Big Boss shot him a glance. Arthur nodded. "We're still family." He took a deep breath and let it out, shuddering. "But I can't live without family."

"I understand," Big Boss said quietly with a small, slow nod. Arthur imagined it looked almost upset. "And the rest of it? Are you ready to talk about it? The nightmares, the jumpiness... it won't go away unless we talk."

Arthur felt himself go absolutely tense. "I still can't," he said quietly. "Not until we know for sure how badly I screwed up."

"We'll deal with it later, then," Big Boss said with finality.

It took Arthur quite a lot of time to calm down after that question. He stared out the window and watched the desert go by. During the border crossing into Iraq, he didn't say a word, letting Big Boss handle the whole thing. Above them, the clouds continued to gather as they drove through Iraq.

The sands were beating at everything around them, the winds growing higher even as the sunshine faded from their surroundings. And finally, the city was rising ahead of them. "Baghdad," he breathed. Or was it both of them that said that word, twinned, half-lost whispers that couldn't decide whether to be hopeful or terrified?

And then the palace was looming in front of them, in less time than it took to figure it out.

It was the final question. Had they truly failed? Or, through some miracle or act of God...

Had they succeeded?

Day 6: Baghdad

The sky was black when they arrived in the courtyard entranceway, heavy with unshed tears. Today was the sort of day when Big Boss almost expected it to rain blood, as it had more than twenty years ago. He got out of the truck with his gun out and watched carefully as Arthur did the same before looking back at the men.

Most of them had ridden in the back of the supply truck today. The notable exception was, of course, Revolver Ocelot, who carelessly put his bike against the side of the truck before he walked up beside them. Big Boss didn't fail to notice the uncomfortable way Arthur moved when he caught sight of the man. Arthur might not want to be protected from everything, but it was clear he didn't want to spend any more time with Ocelot than he had to. Thank heavens for small mercies... Big Boss moved in between them with a satisfied grunt while the rest of the men arrayed themselves behind their officers in various rest positions.

Above and around them, the courtyard was covered with guards who watched them with suspicious eyes. Big Boss made no movements toward them, consciously projecting a powerful, don't-mess-with-me demeanor to them.

After a few minutes, a minor dignitary came out to greet them. "We're here with a delivery," said Big Boss slowly, quietly and above all, dangerously. It was a tone he had practiced extensively. "We need to see your head of military."

The man looked at them all and nodded shortly. "Please wait here, sirs," he said formally, then turned his back. Big Boss nodded.

Arthur had started to shake beside him. Big Boss doubted the guards or even the soldiers behind them would notice, but he put a hand on his lover's shoulder regardless. "Parade rest, Arthur," he said under his breath.

Arthur turned his head to Big Boss before nodding shortly and schooling his body into the semi-formal position. Behind him, he could hear the men following Arthur's lead.

"Ocelot, turn around and watch them. If anyone gets out of position, shoot them."

"Yes, sir," said Ocelot quietly, turning.

They waited that way for over twenty minutes. Every now and then, Big Boss would murmur Arthur's name again, as the tense shaking became noticeable. When the minister finally arrived, Big Boss inclined his head at Arthur very slightly.

"Attention," Arthur called out.

The men moved behind him again. Big Boss gave the incoming man a sharp salute. "We've brought the cargo," said Big Boss, stepping forward. "More than enough to fully arm your country against Iran."

"You are late," said the Iraqi without preamble. Arthur stepped forward. Big Boss put a hand out and pushed his lieutenant back.

"We have the cargo," he said again, "but if you have more concern to time, then we will take it away. There are other nations that will be more than interested."

"I'll keep it if they don't want it," muttered Arthur. Big Boss moved his hand sharply.

"It is an insult to us, but we will accept it." The Iraqi made a motion with his hand. Big Boss stepped back into line with his officers.

Ocelot turned his head fractionally. "What's going on, Boss?"

"A transaction," said Big Boss, more quietly than ever. Arthur had stopped breathing beside him. Big Boss put a hand on his shoulder again.

A door opened somewhere. Big Boss kept his eye fixed on the minister and his hand ever so slightly closer to his gun than it needed to be.

"Daddy!"

And Arthur was running.

Big Boss let his eye follow the man for an instant, and his face lit with a satisfied smile. Beside him, Ocelot stared in surprise. In front of him, the president of Iraq graced the field, walking towards them with an air of success. He thought he was better than them. He thought he'd won, didn't he... Maybe he had, at that.

Big Boss' smile stayed in place. After all, the man might be a real client one day, or related to one at any rate. Damned Saudi politics.

"A pleasure doing business with you," said the president. "I hope we'll have business together again soon."

Big Boss glanced at Arthur. He was holding Hal as though afraid the boy would slip through his fingers at any moment. "Hopefully," said Big Boss carefully, "your people won't see the need to ransom children for our help again."

"I was told he was offered freely by your second-in-command as a guarantee." The man's smile broadened. "Most regrettable, but a happy ending nevertheless."

Happy? Big Boss nodded without humor and kept his eyes from flicking over to Ocelot. The president gave him a final self-satisfied smile and walked away. Big Boss stared after him, wishing he could raise his gun and fire.

Ocelot stared at him. "That was it?" he asked a moment later. "This whole mission was for his kid?"

Big Boss smiled and nodded. "I'm not letting them get any of my kids," he said, viciousness seeping into his voice as he glanced at Ocelot. Clearly, he'd seen how it turned out when others stole children. They made children into unfeeling bastards who were willing to take advantage of any vulnerability to get what they wanted-- and then those children didn't even win. But there had to be a remedy for Their destructive whims...

Ocelot shook his head. "I would be a much better second in command," he said resentfully.

"But you won't be. Working against me from the inside was never a way to make me like you." Big Boss laughed. "Arthur was right, though. You'd be wasted in the rank and file. It might take a while, but you'll be a good third."

Ocelot let out a disbelieving laugh and shook his head. "I'd be a better second. Chernobyl, for a little kid? Can't you see he isn't worth it? What can he possibly give you that I can't?"

Big Boss gave Ocelot a sad, wistful smile. He really didn't understand at all, did he? He was the lesser man for it. "A man's worth, Ocelot, isn't just in what he gives." He looked over fondly at his lover and his son, then smiled again at Ocelot. "It's in what he costs to give up."

Big Boss walked to his family, knelt and kissed Arthur's cheek. High above them, the sky exploded into rain.

"Let's go home."

These, in the day when heaven was falling, the hour when earth's foundations fled, followed their mercenary calling, took their wages, and are dead. Their shoulders held the sky suspended: they stood, and earth's foundations stay. What God abandoned, these defended, and saved the sum of things for pay. - A. E. Houseman

Notes

This is not the end of the entire thing, there is one more act planned and mostly written... but the last three chapters are going to make me rewrite a bunch of other things, as they kinda suck. So, the next chapter probably won't come out next week. Sorry.

Now, tell me what you thought! Did I do this properly?
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Brothers in Arms