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Free as a Bird	By : Letticiae Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 9737 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age, nor do I own the characters. I do not make money/profit from writing this fanfiction.

Chapter List
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A/N: Anders and Cullen know each other from Ferelden's Circle, so I made up a reason for Cullen not trying to lock the healer up in the Gallows. And if you don't bring the mage along when you go to the Gallows or to Wilmod's Camp during "Enemies among us" you can finish Act 1 without the two men ever running into each other. In Kirkwall, I mean. This is the current situation here.

I Wanna Be Your Man
Anders entrusted Varric with the tasks of both making sure Hawke was eating and getting her to move out of that room. The dwarf fulfilled both, however the mage was not pleased to find out that when she had finally left Alistair's old room, she had gone back to Gamlen's.
"Varric, why did you let her go to her uncle's house? Did I not tell you how her mother is blaming her for what happened to Bethany. How could this be of help?"
"You didn't want her to stay here, Blondie. She has nowhere else to go."
Anders and Varric just had to be good friends for her and hope for the best now, since they could not intrude on her relationship with her mother.

After a whole day of Leandra nagging around her, Hawke was almost looking forward to her meeting with Cullen in the Gallows.
"Hawke, is something wrong?" the Knight-Captain asked as soon as she arrived, instantly noticing that her smile was not meeting her eyes.
It surprised her that he would observe that. "No, I'm okay." Except for the fact that you imprisoned my sister and I can't get her out.
"Your sister is fine," he said.
As far as fine can go when you're locked up. "I'm glad to hear it," she replied insincerely.
"You don't look glad at all," he remarked.
She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. "That day you took her, I had just arrived from the Deep Roads… Your timing was… cruel," she gave up pretending she was not hurting.
She thought he would look away, but he kept his gaze steady on hers. "I could try to excuse myself saying I was following orders or just doing my job, but I don't think that would be fair to you. The truth is that I believe in the Circle and in the Templar Order. Mages need guidance and training, which only the Circle can properly provide and the templars keep them safe while also protecting society against them."
Hawke wondered about that for a moment. It was not unreasonable but definitely not enough to convince her. The reality wasn't so plain and simple like his words. Everybody knew there was a lot of abuse in the Circle.
"Bethany received training from father. She learned how to control her powers and she would never fall prey to demons or resort to blood magic. She was well taught, yet she was not given the option to be free. When you heard she was a mage you came for her as you would've done with a maleficar," she pointed out, though she was exaggerating a little for emphasis. If he had thought her sister was a maleficar he would never have taken her in alive.
"All mages are susceptible to temptation. All of them can become abominations in a fit of a whim," he argued.
"Do you think Solona would do that?" she questioned cunningly, knowing that to be his weakness.
He finally broke eye contact, looking down. "…no, I don't. In the Tower of Magi many mages resisted when Uldred…" he raked his fingers through his short curly hair and sighed heavily.
"I didn't mean to make you remember that. It must not have been easy."
"I can't forget it. But I reckon that Solona, Wynne, Kinnon, First-Enchanter Irving, Petra, Keili and… actually half or maybe even more of the mages there did not give in to Uldred's depravities. Many were killed fighting him."
"See? Not all mages are willing to consort with demons. There's fault on both sides. The Templar Order would benefit more trying to live in peace with the mages instead of outright antagonizing them."
"I guess… you're right. Perhaps mages need better education as to why the Chantry function as it does. Perhaps the templars should not be taught to see them as enemies. I will look into it."
The rogue gave him a genuine smile this time and he smiled back at her. A few drops of water fell upon her and she looked up at the cloudy sky. "It was nice talking to you, Cullen. I'd better go before it starts pouring."
He impulsively slipped his arm through the bars of the locked gate between them and grabbed her hand. "I see you tomorrow, I hope," he said expectantly and squeezed her hand before letting her go.
"Sure," she replied already rushing to the boats.
Still feeling her hand tingling from his touch and surprised at herself for finding his gesture pleasant rather than upsetting, Hawke reckoned that making friends with him probably wouldn't be half as awful as she had imagined it would.

The rogue and the templar had been meeting almost every evening for the past thirty days now. She would only skip their date when the rain was too heavy and then she would find herself missing their time together. They always talked through the bars of the locked gate to the Gallows, her on the outside and him on the inside. With each encounter they talked less and less about mages and templars and more about Ferelden, about blades and fighting techniques and about their likes and dislikes.
"Hawke! It's been three days. I thought you weren't going to come anymore," he said, smiling brightly as he saw her approaching.
It's been raining a lot and since you can't invite me in…" she teased.
"I'm sorry. I should have thought of a better arrangement."
"Soon it'll be snowing," she added.
"Maybe we could start meeting at the Chantry for the 7p.m. service."
And sit through a whole hour of prayer every day? No, thank you! Hawke looked almost desperate, trying to come up with an excuse to reject his proposal without revealing her lack of faith in the Maker. That was not something she was eager to discuss with a templar and until now she had successfully avoided that subject.
"Is anything wrong? You do not like going to the Chantry?" he asked, noticing her hesitation. "Your sister is very devout. I thought you'd be too."
"I'm busy at 7. How about I keep coming here at 6 and when the weather is bad and I don't show up we meet somewhere else after the service?"
"All right. Where?"
"The Drowned Mermaid, perhaps?" she said, hastily suggesting a tavern in the Docks. She didn't want to go to the Hanged Man and risk meeting one of her companions there. Isabela would hit on him lewdly, Varric would rip him off on the cards, Anders would probably pull him into an argument that had no possible way of ending well, Aveline would have the most boring conversation ever about templars interfering with the duties of the Guard and none of that would be of help on her plan of being friends with him.
"The tavern?"
"Do you know any other Drowned Mermaid?" she asked wryly.
"No. It's just that… I didn't think you would want to go out with a templar."
"And I don't. I'm not asking a templar out. I'm asking you – Cullen."
It was only after the words were out of her mouth that she realized what she had said and done. Did I just asked him out and flirt with him? Shit! I did. I invited the Knight-Captain of the templars on a date. The templar who threw my sister in the Gallows! Next time I meet Anders, Justice will probably have me killed, she thought. "I mean if it rains and I can't make it here, we could meet at the tavern. Or it could be at the Chantry. You know what, the Chantry is fine," she rambled.
But all he had heard was that she wanted to go out with him. "It really seems like it's going to rain tomorrow and the tavern is closer to your place than the Chantry. Let's go there," he said.
"…Tomorrow?" Though she wanted to go out with him it felt like she was betraying her sister. At first when she started seeing him it was to pull him onto a fake relationship for Bethany's sake and Hawke was totally fine with that. But now that she was beginning to truly enjoy his company, she felt bad and guilty about it. Hell, what a mess she was!
"Yes. Can I pick you up at 8?" he asked.
"I… uh… there's no need," she staggered. "I can go by myself."
"Please, Hawke, I insist. I don't think it's safe for a lady to walk alone after dark in Kirkwall," he explained.
"Alright, I guess… It's very nice of you to bother," she smiled, embarrassed. So it's a date.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Hawke. Blondie will not want to follow you around anymore. We will lose him over this."
"I have to think of my sister first, Varric."
"Is that the only reason why you're going out with the Knight-Captain?"
No. "Yes! Of course it is!"
"I wish you'd be this bad at bluffing when we play cards. I'd win every time."
"Fine, dwarf!" she conceded, upset over being caught. "He's not as bad as I thought he would be."
"I thought so."

The silk dress Alistair had bought Hawke was by far the best piece of clothing she had in her wardrobe, but wearing it to go out with another man did not feel right, so she put on the only other dress she had. After having washed it three times, there was no sign of blood on it anymore, though now it was looking a bit battered. She put on black boots that went mid-way up her calf, grabbed a black overcoat and left to wait for Cullen outside her uncle's house.
As she saw him coming she could not believe that was the same man she had been talking to almost every day in the Gallows. It was the first time she saw him without his templar armor and she certainly enjoyed the view. His plain white shirt was clinging slightly to his muscles and she caught herself staring at his chest as he approached.
"I'm guessing you are not out here because you're eager to see me," he said.
She looked away, biting her lower lip. "Uh… the last time you came here was to take my sister away from us. I don't think mother would li–"
"I understand. Shall we go?" Maybe this was not a good idea, he thought.
The journey to the docks seemed endless as an awkward silence stretched between them. When they finally reached the tavern, Hawke hastily ordered two shots of rum so they could loosen up a bit.
"Are you uncomfortable, Hawke, going out with me?"
She downed her shot. "Honestly? Yes. Very."
His shot was untouched in front of him, so she took it and drank it too. "I thought we were friends, but I don't think I can get over the fact that you locked my sister up. If something happens to her…"
He reached over the table and held her right hand. "I care about you a great deal, Hawke. I told you so much about my life already. You should know by now that I'm not a cold-hearted man. I won't let Bethany be made tranquil. You have my word."
Her expression softened by the relief his words brought her, but there was still some uncertainty in her eyes.
He held both her hands in his and looked deep into her eyes, reassuringly. "I'd never promise you that without meaning it. You can trust me."
Hawke made a mental note to thank Merrill later. That elf was a genius!
Beaming at him she raised an eyebrow, "And you wouldn't say that just to get in my pants, would you?" She knew for a fact that her question would embarrass him. But since she was not feeling that much like a traitor anymore for going on a date with him, she might as well try and have a good time now.
He pulled his hands back, blushing furiously. "No, Hawke. Serah. I wouldn't. Never!" he mumbled nervously.
"You are one of the good guys, Cullen. I know you wouldn't do that. I was kidding," she chuckled.
He recomposed himself. "I know how difficult things are for Fereldans in this city. There's a lot of prejudice. We have to look out for each other."
"So you're doing favors for a lot of Ferelden refugees here?" she teased.
"It's not like that," his face reddened again.
She found his embarrassed, blushing face adorable. And how easily she could cause that amused her.
He cleared his throat and continued. "Though you never brought him to the Gallows with you, I know you count an apostate among your companions. You went to the Deep Roads together."
Shit! Despair took over her as she started pondering her options, her mind racing. Maybe she should try bribing him first and if it didn't work, like the others said it wouldn't, then she would… kill him? Could she just murder the Knight-Captain? Fuck, there had to be a better way. Should she rush to Darktown and defend Anders from the templars to her death?
He hurried to explain himself further, for the way her face was contorting with a mix of angst and fury was not a good sign. "Hawke, please, listen to me before you jump to conclusions. I know Anders from the Circle in Ferelden. The last time he escaped he became a Grey Warden and I respect the Order. I also know he's a healer and has a clinic in Darktown, where he treats the poor and the refugees without asking them anything in return. It's out of respect for the Grey Wardens and compassion for all the people that I know depend on him that I won't bring him in, nor will I tell the other templars about him. As long as no one else in the Order finds out, he's safe."
"Bethany was taking care of his clinic while we were away. Why didn't she deserve your trust?" she couldn't help but ask him.
"The order to bring you sister in came straight from Knight-Commander Meredith. Someone had told her about Bethany."
"Who?"
"I don't know. And I'm glad I don't, because if I knew I'd end up telling you and you'd take revenge on this person. No good would come from that."
Hawke believed he was telling the truth, after all he was always completely honest with her, but that didn't keep her mood from souring.
"I have to go, Cullen. Drinks are on me," she said, throwing some coins over the table, putting on her coat and leaving.
"I wish you wouldn't be so upset. Bethany is fine at the Circle," he said, catching up with her, already out of the tavern.
"Is she? She has no freedom. She's locked up in there. Do you think it's possible to be fine like that?"
"Hawke, please."
"Cullen, going to the Gallows to talk to you has been the highlight of my days. You're an admirable man… and very attractive," she took a deep breath and was about to continue when he grasped her shoulder, turned her around and shut her up with his mouth.
She looked at him, startled, but he had his eyes closed and his warm and demanding lips still upon hers. He curled his arm around her waist and his free hand went to the back of her head, holding her close to him.
She put both her hands against his chest, his hard, muscled chest… No, you want to push him away not to feel him up. Focus, Marian! she said to herself and then she pushed him without much conviction.
"Don't fight me. Please," he muttered low and huskily against her mouth, tightening his grip around her waist and that was all it took to make her yield.
As her lips parted in acceptance his tongue eagerly slid into her mouth. He kissed her longingly and passionately, making her put her arms around his neck and press her body even more against his.
Some drunk patrons coming out of the tavern saw them and started whistling and catcalling. Cullen broke the kiss and gave them a dirty look.
"Shit, it's the Knight-Captain!" one of them said and they all hastily moved along shouting apologies.
Hawke took the opportunity to pull away from the templar and try to think straight in spite of being all flushed and bothered from their kiss. "Ahem. I had a lot more to say when you… interrupted me," she told him.
"I know. It's just that I could sense a 'but' coming and I couldn't let you say it."
She looked at him sadly. "I don't know if I can get past all this shit that happened to my sister."
"And you said it anyway," he let out a frustrated sigh. "Hawke, listen to me. I told you I was in love with Solona, but what you don't know is that she kissed me once and I just stood there. I didn't even react, because I couldn't get past the fact that she was a mage. I lost her. I let her go without ever telling her how I felt. I regret every day for –"
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I care about you a great deal, Hawke. I didn't think I'd ever be so lucky to find someone else I wanted to be with, but I did and I don't want to make the same mistake," he continued, looking deeply into her eyes. "If there's a chance, any chance that you might feel the same way about me I won't let you just walk away from me. And I think you do. I think you care about me too."
She didn't respond. Instead she stared pensively at a random spot on the ground, rubbing her own arms crossed over her chest. Why faking she was interested was much lighter in her conscience that actually feeling attracted to him? That was so twisted.
He watched her. That defensive posture was unsettling. She was going to back out, so he made another effort.
"I'm holding on to my promise that your sister won't be made tranquil and that I won't tell anyone about Anders," he said as he gently pulled her to him and embraced her. "I can't do more than that. I'm still the Knight-Captain. Can you accept that? Can you accept who I am?" he cupped her face as he spoke, his thumb softly stroking her cheek.
How could she deny him a chance? She had no problems accepting a blood mage, an abomination, a known raider…
She leaned slightly into his touch. "I want to, Cullen, but –"
"Please, Hawke, no 'but'," his plea came out barely audible.
"But I want to take it slow. Is that okay with you?"
He breathed out, relieved. "It's perfectly fine," he replied, a contented smile on his lips. "May I walk you home?"
"Sure," she answered.
As they took the stairs to Lowtown he held her hand. Hawke had never walked holding hands with anyone, not even with Arthur. It surprised her how that small gesture could make her feel so safe and cherished. She could easily get used to that.
"Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked when they reached her uncle's door.
"If it's not raining," she answered.
"If it is we'll meet at the tavern, right?" he said, raising a brow.
"What about taking it slow?"
"Taking it slow from here is fine, but I'm not taking any steps back," he said, pulling her into a blistering kiss that this time met no resistance whatsoever from her.

The next day Varric went over to Gamlen's and asked for Hawke's company while he ran some errands in Hightown. Having nothing better to do and actually glad she had an excuse to be out of her uncle's house, she left with him. As they walked she began telling him about her date with Cullen. When they were right in front of the old Amell Estate, he halted.
"What do you think? Want to live here?" he asked her.
"Live here? What are you talking about?" she gave him a confused look.
"I finally sold all the pieces we collected at the thaig. We're rich, Hawke. You have enough coin to buy back this house and another one like this if you want to."
She opened her mouth in shock. "Are you serious, dwarf?"
"Dead serious," he answered. "So, do you want it?"
That was too good to be true. Not only she would move up in the world, but she would be out of that Lowtown hovel she lived in and her mother would certainly be off her back, at least for a while.
"I do. Of course I do!" she readily replied.
"Wonderful! Don't worry. I'll take care of everything. You'll probably be able to move in by next week," he grinned widely.
"Why so excited, dwarf?" she frowned.
"I'm happy for you."
"You're getting a fee for this sale, aren't you?" she gave him an accusatory look.
"Hawke, you wound me. I am not!" he lied.
"I know you are and I won't buy it unless you get me a discount," she insisted.
"The price is excellent as it is. You won't find a better bargain in Hightown," he said, trying to close the deal.
"Hmm… No. Good luck selling a house full of slavers' rotting corpses," she refused, shrugging.
"Fine, Hawke," he snorted. "I'll get you a discount," he conceded, scowling.
After spending all day taking care of payments and paperwork for the ownership of the Amell Estate, Hawke went to see Cullen. She told him about her mother noble heritage, about how she had cleared the estate of slavers a few months ago and how she finally became the owner of the place.
"That's wonderul, Hawke. We should celebrate!" he proposed.
Yeah, right… she had already made plans with Varric for a celebration at the Hanged Man that very night. There was nothing about taking it slow if she was bringing Cullen as her date to a party with her friends only one day after sharing her first kiss with the templar. Also, she would put Merrill in danger unnecessarily.
"How about I settle in first and then we celebrate? Maybe dinner and a bottle of wine at my new home? Just the two of us. What do you think?"
"Sounds like a plan. When are you moving? I can help you out."
"Thanks, but all I have fits in one trunk. A small one."
"I can carry it for you."
She smiled. "That would be very nice. Thank you."
His courtesy was something new to her and she really appreciated it. It made her feel more like a normal woman. Her male friends were never like that with her.
After leaving the Gallows she went to meet her companions at the Hanged Man. They were all there except for Fenris who had not been invited. The first one she greeted was Garrus, who was finally back from the barracks with Aveline. She opened her arms to him and he jumped excitedly over her, throwing her on the ground and pinning her down while he happily licked her face.
After the dog had set her free, she sat down with her friends around the large table on Varric's room. There was an empty chair by the dwarf's side where usually Fenris would sit and Garrus skillfully climbed on it, claiming his place on the table. Then he muzzled Varric on the arm and pointed to the deck of cards. The dwarf complied and began dealing so they could play a hand of Wicked Grace.
"This dog scares me, you know," Anders said. "And not just because he's a warhound…" He turned to Hawke. "You should wash after he licks you. Dogs can carry a lot of diseases."
Ignoring reasonable advices was one of her favorite activities, so she just rolled her eyes at the healer's remark and began talking to Aveline.
During the whole night Hawke kept her drinking to a minimum. She was a talkative drunk and she didn't want to risk spilling the beans about her relationship with Cullen too soon. Thankfully the celebration didn't last much. Merrill fell asleep after two drinks, Aveline didn't stay long because she had to be up early the next day and Isabela went to get a drink from Corff and never came back – probably met someone more interesting along the way. When Garrus caught Varric cheating and started growling angrily at the dwarf, Hawke decided to call it a night.
"I'll walk you home," Anders offered, already following her out of the tavern.
"You know I still live right next to the Hanged Man, don't you? And Garrus is with me."
"It's just that… there is something I want to tell you."
"Okay, then. What is it?"
"Every day in my clinic, no matter how crowded it is or how busy I am, I keep looking at the door, hoping that you're going to come in and call me to go somewhere crazy and dangerous with you. I can't stop thinking about you, Hawke. I think I–"
"Anders, you're very kind and sweet and I really appreciate everything you do for me, but I'm seeing someone," she interrupted him before he could say something that would make this even harder.
"Are you? I didn't know. Who? It's not Fenris, is it? Please don't tell me it's that mongrel."
"No! Of course not! That elf hates me. And it's probably my fault, but… never mind. It's not him."
"Thank the Maker! Look, Hawke, I wish we could try again. I wish you could give me another chance. I'm really sorry for that day… for pushing you away like that."
She shook her head. "I'm sorry too, Anders," she said and without another word she got into her uncle's house.
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Free as a Bird