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In good times and in bad	By : kruemel Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 14749 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Dragon Age and the characters of the game do not belong to me. This is a no profit fanfiction

Chapter List
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Furiously I swat at low branches and tree trunks with my pike on my way deeper into the forest. I run until my body is covered in sweat and my heart is pounding so hard, it feels like it's going to jump out of my chest. I am upset, confused. I don't know what to believe. I don't know what to feel. Ever since the battle of Ostagar I've been lost in a turmoil of emotions, sadness, sorrow, regret, despair and hope, moments of happiness, moments when I believe there's a future lying ahead. And then everything comes crashing down on me again.
Coming to a halt, I bend, my hands resting on my knees. Blood is rushing into my head and the beating of my heart is deafening any other sound. My breathing is ragged but I finally manage to calm down. Slumping down to rest my back at a tree, I close my eyes, wishing the images that pop up in my mind everytime I do so would stop. I see Duncan and Cailan. Arl Eamon and Teagan. Loghain. My fewllow Wardens. And Rori above all of them.
I refuse to think about what Wynne said. Yes, I am being defiant. Maybe... maybe she's right? Maybe not. If I only could figure what I truly feel.
A rustling of branches alerts me. I squint my eyes, trying to make out what it is that moves in the twilight of the forest. My fist clenches around my pike as I rise silently. The rustling stops and a short woof announces Barkley. Only shortly later he bursts through the bushes, wagging his tail when he sees me.
"Did Rori send you?"
"Woof!"
I wonder why she hasn't come searching for me herself. Doubt creeps back into my mind. What am I doing here? Is this the right thing to do? Is this what Duncan would have done? Errr... forget about that last thought. Now I'm having images of Duncan and Rori in my head. He could be her father! I totally hate it when my mind does things like that to me. Duncan didn't disapprove when I admitted I was flirting with Rori back in Ostagar. Maker's Breath, that seems so long ago now. The Grey Wardens aren't like the Chantry. But would he still have said the same if he had known it would be only the two of us to face the Blight? I have no idea.
Barkley is hopping around me expectantly. He makes a few steps towards the path, waits for me to follow and when I don't, he returns and tries pulling me with him by biting my shirt.
Whoa! Slowly!" I'm not going to let myself be ordered around by a dog. Even though Morrigan thinks the dog is smarter than me. "Is she worried I could get lost?"
"Woof!"
"Well, I guess I should return to the camp then before she sends Morrigan after me."
"Woof!"
Rori awaits me at the campfire. The others have gone to bed already. It's late and she must have switched watch with Leliana and Zevran to be still here.
"You found him. Good boy." She pets the dog and gives him one of his cookies before she turns to me and hugs me tight. I wrap my arms around her waist, my mouth finds hers and we kiss.
It starts rather innocently. But before I know what has happened we're on the ground together, Rori sits in my lap, straddling me. Kisses grow more urgent, almost feverish. I can feel her hands roam my body. Hesitantly first she rubs my back, then slips her hands under my shirt and I shudder at the sensation of her fingers on my skin. Her mouth leaves mine and trailing kisses across my jawline, then gently nibbling my earlobe. I gasp at the sensation when she puts anything Zevran told her about ears into action. She certainly remembers well - and I have to give the elf credit, he wasn't lying about ears being rather sensitive. Rori shifts in my lap and I hear someone moan: "Oh, Andraste, help me!"
Oh, blast! That was me.
I have no idea what I am doing. My hands move on their own accord, cupping her firm little buttocks. I can feel the heat of her core through the fabric of the leatherpants that we both still wear. Or maybe it's just my own heat. How should I know? I am about to lose my mind. This is so overwhelming it's hardly bearable.
My mind is weirdly quiet and at the same time I am frantic. I cannot come up with one coherent thought and I probably have lost the ability of speech altogether. All I can do is moan. It's as if my body is possessed. How else could I dare to slide my hands under her shirt, roam them across the flat of her belly, upwards to the soft mounds of her breasts.
Rori arches her back when I cup her breasts, leaning into the touch. I cannot believe I am doing this! A tiny voice in the back of my head screams at me and is drowned by Rori's moans of pleasure when my thumbs rub across her nipples. I am astonished at how they harden to become little pebbles under my assault.
STOP!
I withdraw my hands. My breathing is as ragged as Rori's, my body tense, nerves tingling. I gulp hard, trying to calm myself down. Blast! How could this get so out of control?
"Rori..." I so don't sound like myself.
"So," Rori begins timidly. She inhales deeply, closing her eyes. A shiver runs through her. She clears her throat and manages to speak without her voice shaking. It sounds husky. "How would you like to join me in my tent?" Her fingertips whisper across my chest.
I freeze. "Your tent. Ah..."
"No?" Suddenly her voice sounds so small. She looks at me almost frightened.
No, I don't want her to feel hurt about that. I take Rori's hands in mine. Now I only have to beat my tongue into forming real words. "I know most guys would probably leap at the chance to be with you but... I don't know if I'm ready for that. It's a big step." I've never done this. She has never done this. Merciful Andraste, I'd deflower her if I accepted! And myself in some way, too. That's a mighty big step. I want her but at the same time I am scared. And of course I know this wouldn't be the right thing to do, to take advantage of her.
I have to remove her from my lap before I forget what's the right thing to do. And I have to do it in a way that does not hurt her more than I've already managed. She looks as if I slapped her. Gently I push her away from me and rise, making her stand with me. I don't let go of her hands. One because I want her to see this is not about her. Two because I need to make sure my hands are occupied with something. "I guess that makes me sound like an idiot. I mean... turn down an incredible woman like you? I have to be."
She tilts her head to one side, watching me intently. Her own expression has changed, she's confused but the frightened look has disappeared. She seems calmer now. "Oh, I think it's cute."
So it's that bad, right? I'm not only an idiot but a cute idiot. I probably deserve that for what I just did. "Just what every man wants to hear."
"Don't worry, Alistair, it's okay." She tries to hide behind cheerfulness but I can now tell for sure she's profoundly confused.
"I guess I was just raised not to take this kind of thing lightly. I hope that doesn't put you off." Actually I was taught you marry a woman before you spend the night with her as not to dishonour her. And I am not sure about that. How could I after such short a time? Actually, the things we've already... done... only a moment ago. That's probably more than should be allowed before getting married.
And for her first time - my first time - I'd like things to be perfect. The right time and the right place, not some hurried encounter in a tent in the middle of nowhere.
"Alright so. Now I've handled that with my usual deft brilliance it's time to move on. And take a cold bath maybe."
At least that makes Rori giggle. For a few moments we just stand there, looking into each others eyes. "Shouldn't you let go of my hands now?" Rori finally asks. I haven't even noticed I was still holding them.
"Oh, of course, I'm sorry."
"No need to be sorry. Not on your side. I... I think I should be going... uhm... to my tent now..." She bites her lips, then offers a sheepish grin before she tiptoes to kiss my cheek.
I still stand there when she walks off, muttering something under her breath. It sounds as if she's calling herself a complete idiot. I close my eyes and not for the first time wish I could turn back time and erase all these awkward moments from my life.
Later I lie in my tent, staring at the ceiling, too upset to sleep. Outside Leliana sits at the campfire during her watch and hums softly. It's soothing and I listen, hoping her song will lull me to sleep. Suddenly when I almost managed to fall asleep, she stops.
"Rori, what's wrong, sweetheart?"
And I'm wide awake again.
"Nothing."
"You don't look like nothing."
"It's... I'm just feeling quite awkward, that's all."
I know I shouldn't be eavesdropping but it's absolutely impossible not to listen to them. I could stick my fingers into my ears and sing to myself. That would work. But I stay immobile. I even hold my breath.
"And why would you feel awkward? Come on, we're friends, you know you can tell me." Pause. "Alright, let me have a guess: It's about Alistair."
Rori lets out a deep breath. "Tonight I... I asked him... asked... well, I asked him if he wanted to join me..." Her last words fade into an inaudible whisper.
"And he didn't react as you thought he would."
"He turned me down." Blast! She sounds so meek.
"Maybe he lacks the proper parts?" Leliana suggests - and she means it.
HEY!
"NO!"
Thank you, Rori. Why so many jump to the conclusion that a man cannot perform the act just because he doesn't welcome any opporunity given is totally beyond me.
"He's as well... uhm.. equipped as he should be... as far as I can judge that." I can hear her blush a deep crimson. Just like I do. This is awkwardly embarrassing. There's two women sitting outside my tent discussing the proportions of my most private parts!
"Then how did he explain? He did give an explanation, didn't he?"
"He said he didn't feel ready, that it was a big step and that he was raised to take things like that serious." I cannot see her but I know Rori well enough to know she has plucked a blade of grass and now tears it to tiny pieces. She does that when she's nervous and doesn't know what to do with her hands.
"AWWWWWWWWW!" Leliana squeals and claps her hands. "How CUTE!"
Yeah. Cute.
"You don't think it's really about me?"
NO! No, Rori, please don't think that! Oh, what have I done?
"No, sweetheart, Alistair is a gentleman, " Leliana rushes to my defense. "Something very rare and precious. He wouldn't just use and discard you. He really takes this serious and the moment he asks you, you can be sure he still will be with you the next morning."
"Oh, he now has to think I'm a whore!" Rori wails. Tears well up in her eyes, I know by the sound of her voice. "I feel like a complete idiot!"
No, no, I could never think that of her! And the idiot, that's me.
"Alistair would never think so low of you."
Bless that bard!
"Don't worry, honey. You both worry too much that things won't proceed natrually. Just let it happen. Alistair has his own pace and believe me, that's a good thing."
"I thought that's what I was doing. Let things happen." Rori sounds seriously compunctious. "I mean, when a man shows... uhm... when he has... when his body... reacts in a certain way... then you would think that's what he wants, right?"
And when he smooches with her and cannot keep his hands under control.
"Rori, Alistsair and you cannot even talk about anything sexual without stuttering and blushing. Neither of you is ready for this. Bless Alistair for being such a gentleman!"
I don't feel as gentlemanly as Leliana claims I am. So I pull my blanket over my head and hope that this awful feeling of shame that makes me wish for a hole in the ground to open and swallow me will go away soon. Last thing I hear is Rori groan in exasperation so I take it she is probably feeling quite the same. Poor girl.
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In good times and in bad