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Free as a Bird	By : Letticiae Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 9738 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age, nor do I own the characters. I do not make money/profit from writing this fanfiction.

Chapter List
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It was a good thing Hawke had listened to her companions and had decided not to go to the mountains during the cold season. Since the beginning of Haring, the weather had been especially nasty. There were no records of the temperature in Kirkwall ever reaching a lower average. It had been snowing relentlessly for weeks now, which was keeping everyone holed up inside their homes – thugs included. At least Hawke was having a break from the Carta attacks.
Cullen and her still hadn't cleared the air between them. They had spent First Day apart – he in the Chantry, she at the Hanged Man – each looking more miserable than the other. Sleeping alone after she had gotten used to spending the nights in his warm, loving embrace was making her feel colder in her bed than if she were lying naked on the snow blanketed rooftop of her estate.
It wouldn't be much longer until she left for the Carta hideout in the Vimmark Mountains, and she couldn't leave things unresolved with Cullen. Her relationship with him was the only thing in her life that made her feel like a normal woman. She needed that. She needed him.
Having decided to have him back in her bed that very night, she opened her front door to go in search of him, only to find him on the other side, about to knock.
It wasn't that much of a coincidence, though. For over a month he had been waiting for her to show up in the Gallows and say she was sorry, but during that time he had realized that even though she had disappointed him, he had never been as happy as he had been with her. He couldn't just let her go and was making a huge effort to try and see reason on the way she had behaved. More than anything, he wanted to forgive her – even if she didn't ask for his forgiveness – and forget that fight, just so he could come back to being happy again in her arms. For over a week now he had been going to her house in the evening and standing outside her door for long minutes as he tried to overcome the last remnants of his pride so he could apologize to her and ask her to have him back, even though deep down inside he knew it should be the other way around.
"Marian?" he said, startled.
"Cullen! I was just leaving for the Gallows. I… wanted to see you."
"I'm sorry," they both said at the same time.
She smiled. "I've missed you."
"I missed you too, baby. I know you have to go after the Carta. Staying here and waiting for them to attack… this is no way to live."
"Still I shouldn't have forced the issue about my sister upon you like that."
"All I want is for you to be safe. Bethany will be released to join you in your quest and I," he took a deep breath and continued, "trust you'll bring her back to the Circle when you return."
"Thank you, Cullen," she said softly, her gaze steady on his. "This means the world to me. And I really am sorry for arguing with you over this. I should have apologized sooner," she uttered and pulled him into a hug.
He didn't resist her. As he put his arms around her, she reveled in the familiar feel of his love and care. She had been missing that so badly…
"Would you like to come in?" she purred in his ear.
"There's nothing I'd like more," he replied, a smile spreading across his face.

It was not only until the beginning of Cloudreach that the weather improved. After Cullen brought news that the templars had apprehended Carta thugs in the Gallows and Garrus had chased some more off her garden, Hawke decided she couldn't wait a moment longer to go get them in their hideout. At the break of dawn, on the 5th, she went to the Circle along with Varric, Fenris, Leandra and Garrus to meet Cullen and pick up Bethany.
Leandra had tears of joy in her eyes the entire time during this brief reunion with her younger daughter. Though she wouldn't mention it in front of the Knight-Captain, she was sure Marian would never bring Bethany back to be locked up in the Circle and would certainly find a way for them to be together as a family again. Of course her older daughter's affection for the templar wouldn't topple her love for her sister.
Hawke told Garrus to take good care of Leandra and said goodbye to Cullen with a heated kiss.
The rogue wasn't sure what to expect from this encounter with her sister. As they made their way towards the mountains, they filled the silence with small talk. Both had a lot of serious issues they wanted to discuss with each other, but they wouldn't do it in front of Varric and Fenris.
When the night fell and they set camp, they had already reached the mountain range and had covered about a third of the way to the chasm where the Carta hideout was supposed to be located. Varric had warned them the area was a wasteland of sorts, so they had decided to carry only one tent for all of them to share, leaving more room for food and potions in their packs.
After dinner the siblings immediately retired to the tent so they could talk in privacy while the dwarf and the elf played cards by the fire.
"How are the templars treating you, Beth?" Hawke asked, pretending she wasn't about to fall on her knees and beg her sister to forgive her for having failed her so miserably.
"Wonderfully, thanks to you," Bethany answered, an unusually sarcastic tone in her voice.
Hawke looked at her surprised. "What do you mean?"
"I've always heard how bad things are for mages in the Circle and how abusive the templars can get, especially in Kirkwall. A mage can't sneeze in the Gallows without being threatened to be made tranquil. They are building twenty more solitary cells because the fifteen that already exist aren't enough anymore to satisfy the Knight-Commander's need to punish us. Not only that but there are some templars that torture and rape mages. Everyone knows who they are but no one does anything about it. The Knight-Commander, your Knight-Captain and even the First-Enchanter turn a blind-eye on these abuses," Bethany said harshly.
Hawke felt the sting of tears in her eyes. "Did they do anything to you? I'll tear that place down if they did, Beth. You don't have to go back there. I have coin now. We can go anywhere," she said, her tone half pleading, half angry.
"Of course you must know none of that has ever happened to me…" Bethany uttered, watching her sister's expression intently, looking for any changes that could confirm her suspicions.
Hawke sighed, somewhat relieved. "Cullen promised me he would look out for you in there, but I don't know why I can't get myself to completely trust him."
"So it's true? You are sleeping with him for my sake?" she looked at her older sister with a mixture of sadness and revulsion in her eyes, making Hawke feel as if she had been stabbed in the heart.
"It's nothing like that. We've been together for over a year now. We are even talking about marriage… I would do anything to keep you safe, sis… even this if I had to. But Cullen and I, we really like each other," she tried to explain.
"Many templars say horrible things to me about you, Marian. They say I should thank the Maker my sister is… the Knight-Captain's… w-whore or…" she sobbed. "They don't touch me, but they threaten me and say these things about you… As much as I hate that you have to do this for me, I'm afraid of what might happen if you don't… And I hate myself for thinking this. You deserve better, sister," the mage buried her face in her palms.
"Bethany, I told you I like Cullen. I love him, that's why we're together," Hawke said, reaching out a hand to console her sister, but the mage pushed it away.
"No, you said you would run away with me if I want to. You said I don't need to go back to the Circle. You didn't even consider him when you said those things. And Arthur's engagement ring is still on your finger. You don't fool me, Marian. I'm not your clueless little sister anymore. You are sleeping with him to keep me safe and this makes me hate you and myself," Bethany snapped, tears running copiously down her face.

The elf had already lost five matches of Wicked Grace in a row to the dwarf, all his attention directed to the conversation the sisters were having inside the nearby tent. Suddenly Hawke stormed out and stalked past them without even sparing a glance in their direction, rushing towards the darkness.
"Go!" Varric said, waving Fenris off after her. "I'll talk to Sunshine."
The warrior complied and jumped on his feet. When he reached her, she was sitting on the ground, shoulders slumped, knees against her chest, sobbing as he hadn't ever thought she was capable of.
Cautiously, he sat by her side, keeping a polite distance between them. Then he hesitantly started stretching his arm to lay a hand on her shoulder.
She wiped up her tears and gave him and irritated look. "Damn it, elf! If you're still this afraid to touch me why are you even here?"
He quickly pulled back, unsure of what to say.
"Well?" she hissed, upset that he had caught her so vulnerable.
He had nothing. He completely agreed with the accusations Bethany had thrown her way, but he knew best than to talk about that now; after all, he had gone there to comfort her. So he kept his mouth shut and scooted over to her side until their bodies were barely touching each other.
Hawke gave him a searching look, noting the way his body had tensed, and the way he seemed to be holding his breath. But he was there, offering her whatever comfort he could. From a man with an aversion to being touched, it was saying a lot.
She took a deep breath, swallowing back the remainder of her tears. "How much did you hear?" she asked.
"All of it," he admitted. "… this name you call in your sleep…"
She rubbed a finger over the hawk carved in her ring.
"…was he your fiancé?" he continued.
"Yes," she sighed and hastily thought of something else say to change the subject. "You're stiff as a board," she forced a laugh and nudged him on the ribs with her elbow.
He fidgeted and tried to relax, but he just couldn't.
She noticed his discomfort and shook her head. "Look, Fenris, you don't have to do this."
Realizing she was about to stand up and leave, he replied, "I want to." And this time he didn't hesitate one second before wrapping his arms around her and holding her closely.
She welcomed his embrace and leaned into him, her head pressed against the side of his neck, her warm breath washing over the sensitive skin of his throat. He couldn't resist resting his chin in her hair as he inhaled her scent. The way she fit in his arms it was like she was made to be there and he resented having yelled at her that day when they were returning from the Deep Roads. How much had he lost because of that tantrum? Thanks to that he had had no option but to sit back and watch in agony as she had slept half-naked and cuddled with the abomination and the dwarf. He could have been the one to keep her warm those nights… and then he had told her all the wrong things when Bethany was taken to the Gallows. That time it had been even worse for Varric and Anders had failed her too. None of them had watched over her. They all had stayed back and let her sell herself to the Knight-Captain for the sake of her sister.
"I'm tired. Let's go get some sleep," she murmured after long minutes in his arms, breaking his train of thought.
Gently, he disentangled himself from her and helped her up. They walked back to the camp and got into the tent, leaving the first watch to Varric.

At daybreak, Bethany – who had been last on guard duty – came into the tent to wake up the others so they could continue their journey.
As Hawke idly came out of her slumber she had the feeling there was an arm around her. By the time she was fully awake and aware though, all she saw was Varric getting dressed and a glimpse of Fenris walking out of the tent.
Even under a punishing sun and having to endure an awfully dry weather, they managed to make good progress on their second day of travel. During most of the time Varric and Fenris had talked to Bethany, asking her questions about Lothering, her family's flight from Ferelden and Carver's death. Getting straight answers from the mage was much easier than from her older sister and the men took advantage of that.
Though upset that the girl was getting in too much detail with them, Hawke kept it to herself. Or that was what she was doing until the dwarf started testing her patience.
"And what about this Arthur? What exactly happened to him?" he asked.
"He was Marian's sweetheart since they were kids. He died at Ostagar," Bethany answered and seeing that Varric's questioning look had not waned, she added, "I don't know how. She has never talked about it."
"It must have been hard," the dwarf uttered.
"I'm sorry for your loss, Hawke," the elf said.
She rolled her eyes and breathed out heavily. "Can we please not talk about this?"
"Your sleep has been oddly peaceful," the dwarf remarked.
"How could you know that? We shared a tent for one night," she retorted.
"Have you ever told Cullen about Arthur?" he asked.
"No," she said simply.
"Has he ever asked?"
"No."
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that if you had been calling another man's name in your sleep, your boyfriend would have wanted to know who this guy was. So I guess you're not having nightmares anymore," Varric explained.
"You know what, you may all think I'm just… whoring myself out to the Knight-Captain," she spat, "but the truth is that he makes me feel loved and safe. I don't always like to be one of the boys. He treats me like a woman. A normal woman. Yes, the nightmares ceased and it's thanks to him. I fucking love him! Now can we please drop this?" she bellowed and increasing her pace, quickly put some distance between her and her companions.
After her outburst there wasn't much talking anymore. Apart from running into a merchant's guild caravan that had been attacked by the Carta – which was odd, because though they were criminals, they never targeted other dwarves – the rest of the day passed uneventfully.
The next morning they were raising camp when Fenris stilled and signaled them all to be quiet.
"I think someone is watching us," he whispered and then they heard shouting and running.
Hastily they stuffed everything in their packs and rushed to follow the noise. It led them to a dwarf who was willing to talk, though not that much. He mentioned Malcolm Hawke, but before anything could really be explained, Hawke and her companions were attacked by more Carta thugs. They easily dealt with the foes and kept pressing forward in the Vimmark Wasteland, the sisters even more eager to find some answers now.
Not much later they had to fight their way through another ambush. That place definitely wasn't safe and when they set camp that night, Hawke decided it was best if they stood watch in pairs.
Fenris cursed under his breath when she paired him with the dwarf without even giving anyone a chance of saying something in the matter. Though she noticed the displeased look on the elf's face, she didn't give it much thought. It was not like it was unusual to see him brooding. At any rate, she really needed this time alone with Bethany, so they could clear the air between them.
During their watch, the sisters had five straight hours to talk. Most of which were filled with Bethany weeping about Hawke having to sleep with the Knight-Captain in exchange for her safety mixed with the retelling of the atrocious things she witnessed templars doing to mages in the Gallows. Feeling utterly frustrated, Hawke finally gave up on the matter of convincing Bethany she was not a whore and switched to more inconsequential subjects. However, now she couldn't stop thinking that if things didn't work out with Cullen, her sister would be in danger in the Circle. Damn! Suddenly being with him didn't feel like a choice anymore, but an obligation. She would have to stay with him. And keep him pleased so he would want to stay with her too. What have I done? I really am his… Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This was the one relationship she had had that was normal, where she had been given the love and affection she craved, or at least that was what she had thought. She had gotten it all wrong. Mistaking that for love… that's how needy she was… Pathetic!

By midday the four companions had reached the Vimmark Chasm where they found some sort of fortress. Hawke was thankful for all the traps, brontos and crazed dwarves they ran into while exploring the place. At least it was a distraction from her thoughts of how shitty her life had become all of sudden.
By sundown they were already inside the Carta hideout. The rogues were walking two steps ahead of the warrior and the mage to spot and disarm the many traps that were laid on their path.
Hawke found a note and smirked as she read it. "I guess they failed at the 'do not spill Hawke's blood' part," she commented.
"Maybe that's why they went for the legs. They didn't want to kill you," Varric pointed out.
"Still, they got me pretty bad. The way I was bleeding, I'd be dead before they would be able to carry me out of Hightown," she replied and passed the note over to Varric.
"Hey, they even mention me here: 'the young dwarf who sees things'. I'm flattered," the storyteller chuckled.
"I think they mean Sandal…" she said.
"Let me have my moment, Hawke. This quest is all about you. It's getting boring," Varric jested and passed the note over to Fenris.
The elf pretended not to see it, but then the dwarf practically shoved the thing in his hand and he had no other option but to take it. His face immediately contorted with distress and discomfort and he looked at the piece of parchment for no more than two seconds before passing it on to Bethany.
Hawke furrowed her eyebrows, a questioning look on her face. When she realized he was avoiding meeting her gaze, she just shrugged and led them forward. Probably he was pissed about something she had said or a spell Bethany casted. Whatever. It was best to leave him be. There was no time to deal with that kind of stuff right now anyway.
The more Hawke and her companions advanced in that place the weirdest it got. Armored brontos, dwarves talking about drinking blood… when they thought it couldn't get any weirder, Varric found an acquaintance among all those lunatics.
Just like all the other crazed dwarves they had met before, Gerav had murky, foggy eyes and Hawke was happy to see how Varric did not hesitate in putting an arrow through his heart. She even remarked at the irony that the man who had crafted Bianca was killed by her, though Varric wasn't amused at all. That was a first. When they next found some peace and quiet she decided she was going to talk to him about his friend's death and make sure he was okay.
Unfortunately the thugs seemed to never stop coming. It was morning already when Hawke and her band finished off Rhatigan, the Carta leader.
As Varric and Fenris gathered around Bethany for healing, Hawke limped her way to Rhatigan's body and got from him the most wicked dagger she had ever seen. The instant she put her hands on the blade, she felt like it connected with her somehow and that she was meant to own it.
"Marian, your arm! You're bleeding!" Bethany tried to send some healing magic towards her sister, but her mana was completely drained. "Varric, get me a lyrium potion, quick," she said and turned back to Hawke. "When you didn't come over for healing after the battle I thought you were okay."
"There's no need to fuss over me, Beth. I'm fine. It's just that… I felt drawn to this weapon. This is going to take me to Corypheus. I… I think it was father's," Hawke said and her companions shot her bewildered looks, probably wondering if she had lost her mind.
"Sure, Hawke. We're all eager to do what the dagger says," Varric replied sarcastically. "But let's get some rest first."
She complied. Exhausted from spending a whole day and night fighting incessantly, they would have to sleep there. It wasn't safe, but taking on up more foes in the state they were in would be foolish.
They didn't set up camp, only spread their bedrolls on the darkest corner they could find while the dwarf took the first watch and reactivated all the traps to buy them time in case more enemies showed up.

Down and forward they went, fighting demons and darkspawn, following an undead Grey Warden, hearing voices… Their father's voice, Hawke and Bethany recognized it. With every unsettling bit of information they uncovered Hawke grew more and more concerned. All that talk about blood, her blood… Something was very wrong in that place.
Hawke was certain Varric would understand, no matter what it was they were going to uncover there. But Fenris… They weren't even sure if her father actually was a blood mage and the elf was already saying she shouldn't make the same mistakes Malcolm had made. That annoying broody elf! She was probably going to regret bringing him along in this quest.
After four days of very little sleep, a lot of fighting and having to endure Larius' demented rambling, the companions were strained and stressed. When they ran into the Grey Warden Janeka, Hawke was relieved. Janeka was the first sane person they had met in that place and the rogue took the opportunity to get some straight answers for a change.
"The Grey Wardens built this prison to contain one of the most powerful darkspawn we've ever encountered. But even the best magic fades. The Wardens need to reinforce the seals. This requires the blood of a mage untainted by… Warden training. The last to perform the ritual was you father," Janeka explained.
Hawke knew exactly what that meant: her father was a blood mage.
Learning that didn't change anything in the way she felt about him, though. He was a man willing to do anything to be with his family and protect them and, unlike her, he had never failed them. He had done what had to be done and she admired him for that.
"We need your help, Hawke," Janeka continued. "I have done extensive research on this darkspawn and I believe the original Wardens were wrong. He isn't a threat to humanity – he's our greatest opportunity. A darkspawn who can talk, feel, reason…"
"Corypheus cares nothing for Blights. He used you!" Larius chimed in.
"Don't listen to this… creature. He's half darkspawn himself," Janeka retorted. "I know how to harness Corypheus, use his magic to end the Blights."
That certainly piqued Hawke's interest. Even when Janeka told her that more blood magic would have to be used and it became clear that the Warden mage was working with the Carta to bring the "blood of the Hawke" to this place, the rogue still couldn't dismiss that possibility. The last Blight had been a short one thanks to the Fereldan Grey Wardens, but even so, what she had witnessed in Ostagar, the destruction of Lothering, the thousands of people dead in Ferelden alone… if there was a chance setting this Corypheus free could prevent that from happening again, she had to take it, right?
"No! The Wardens knew. Corypheus is too powerful," Larius protested.
The rogue wished she had brought Anders along to aid her in this decision. Being a Warden, a mage and her friend his opinion would be much more reliable than those of a mad Warden against a power-hungry one.
Noticing her older sister was entertaining the idea of performing the blood ritual to free Corypheus, Bethany tried to reason with her, "Don't you think Father would have considered this, done the research? If this creature could really be of help, he would have let it free. Thrust that he was right when he chose to help keep it imprisoned here, Marian."
"A darkspawn and a mage. Just what the world needs," Fenris hissed with contempt.
"It's worth the risk. If he doesn't help, it's one more big darkspawn to stick a bolt in. No big deal," Varric gave his opinion and it was just the push Hawke needed to side with Janeka. It really was worth the risk.
The elf snorted. "These are just convenient excuses for the use of blood magic. You don't know if this will work or if there is any truth to what she's telling you, Hawke. No good can come from this, I'm warning you," he grumbled, anger in his voice and disappointment in his eyes.
"Enough, Fenris. Larius is a madman. Let's use every weapon we have against the Blight," Hawke cut him off.
He muttered a curse in Arcanum which she chose to ignore. When they next had a break, she would talk to him. After she managed to talk to Varric about his deceased friend, of course. And to Bethany, who had been scowling at her sister for agreeing to take part in this blood ritual. Shit, everybody was on the edge. If they didn't catch a break soon they would fall apart…
With Janeka leading them, they pressed forward on to the next floor of the prison.
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Free as a Bird