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In good times and in bad	By : kruemel Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 14749 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Dragon Age and the characters of the game do not belong to me. This is a no profit fanfiction

Chapter List
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During dinner I do not dare to look up from my plate. Well, once I cast a quick glance at Rori across the table. She's all flushed, keeping her eyes cast down while she nervously attacks the coney on her plate with her knife. Noticing me stare, her eyes meet mine briefly. She looks almost scared.
Around us a far too cheerful conversation takes place. It's almost painful to listen. Silence, however, would be even worse. I am surprised Morrigan hasn't yet told every juicy detail. So at least Rori and I are spared even more embarrassment.
Blast it! I have never had as much trouble to stay true to my upbringing. I cannot even blame Rori. Things just get out of hand whenever we are left alone with each other. I have no doubt she didn't intend seducing me first place. The way she kissed and touched me back in Avernus' study was far more testing and exploring than a planned assault. I can sense her hesitance as much as her excitement when she is with me. And the surprise and shock when her actions show certain results. It's the same with me. It's so overwhelming it's a bit like looking down at oneself from outside one's body. I cannot explain it any better. It's all: Whoa, what am I doing here? And while I still wonder about that, I have already moved on to doing something else that's even more scandalous.
I mean, it's got nothing to do with thinking first, there's no plan behind it. I don't sit there and go, hey, I could fondle her breasts. It just happens. Like now when I am having dinner with my companions and all I can think about is the slightly salty taste of Rori's skin and the softness of her flesh against my lips.
"Alistair?"
"Huh?" I haven't noticed Wynne was talking to me.
"I've asked if you found something interesting in Avernus' study?"
"Oh he indeed did," Morrigan comments. Rori's head bounces up just like mine and we both stare at the witch with horror. Morrigan only chuckles. Oh that mean witch!
"Uhm, Grey Warden stuff. I'm not sure what I can tell you," I mutter, hoping Wynne will not ask for more information. The Grey Wardens keep many secrets and I don't know how many I should tell. Rori and I have found a lot of books and scrolls written in cipher. Maybe Avernus could tell us what they say but it is quite clear the Grey Wardens didn't want just anybody to know
Wynne looks at me, waiting for more explanation but gives up when I only stare past her blankly. I wish this dinner would end.
When it finally does, Rori and I are the first to jump off our chairs like little children do that cannot endure to keep still any longer. We excuse ourselves and hurry out of the room, almost bouncing into each other at the door. Rori dodges past me towards her room, but stops in front of her door, uncertainly. Across the corridor, right opposite her room, there's mine and we both stand there in front of our doors, unsure of what to do. I can hear her breathing although I cannot see her, having my back turned towards her.
I just have to push the door open and close it behind me. Then I would be save. Instead I turn, finding myself to face her as she turns at the same time. "Rori," I begin, then, searching for words nowhere to be found, I pause.
"I'm sorry," I finally blurt out at the same time as she does. She blinks, then laughs and I laugh with her. Tension broken. It's as easy as that. She bites her lips, blushing as she kneads her hands. There's still an awkwardness between us but it seems to be part of what we are so it's not that bad, is it?
"Things got a little out of control today, didn't they?" Rori asks timidly in a low voice.
"Seems they get out of control whenever we... are close," I sigh, leaning against the wall. The distance of the corridor is still between us.
"Is that a bad thing?" Rori asks, making one step towards me.
"Do you think it's bad?" I close the room between us by another step.
"No. Not at all." Another step closer.
"Good." I smile, make my step and embrace her. She slips her arms around my neck when I kiss her, a soft kiss and I intend to keep it like that - although I am tempted to throw her at the wall and kiss her with passion. We say goodnight like a good boy and girl. I dare say it takes her as much self-control as it takes me. At least I can go to bed without having to worry about how she feels about our encounter.
This is a dream. It's a realization that dawns on me the very moment I am thrown into the illusion of Rori and I together in front of a crackling campfire. We are surrounded by a pitch black darkness. Something lures in it, I can feel it there although I cannot see it. Rori seems unaware of the danger. She doesn't listen to my warnings but drowns them with her kisses. I try to resist but fail and in the end I give in, allowing her to push me down to the soft ground as she mounts me. I have no idea where her clothes went or when it happened that I am making love to her. I move with her rhythm as she rides me, arching her back and tilting back her head to expose her throat to me. I reach out to touch her...
Suddenly she is pulled of me. Clawed hands, the darkened flesh on them covered in blisters tear her away. Her cry is muffled by a hand clapping down on her mouth.
I am watching now, pushed aside to become an observer. The darkness is lit by a reddish glow. Darkspawn has risen from their hiding places and they grope at Rori's naked body. I cry out in fury and pain, struggling to get to her but I can't. It's as if I was frozen to the ground. I call her name and she turns to look at me. Only then do I realize it's not Rori. It's a dwarven woman and she is crying. The darkspawn claw at her but they do not tear her apart. Her mouth opens for a scream but the sound is drowned by a darkspawn covering her mouth with its.
I wake with a startled cry. My heart is hammering in my chest, I am covered in cold sweat and tremble so badly I can hardly sit up. I feel bile rising and have to fight it down not to become violently sick. Wet dreams about Rori mingled with my darkspwan nightmares! That's nothing I ever want to experience again.
This all felt so real - because that's what it was. At least the part about the darkspawn. I don't know who the poor dwarven female was. I cannot even imagine what happens to her. And there's nothing I can do for her. Dwarves do not believe in the Maker. Still I pray for her, beg the Maker to have mercy - because the darkspawn certainly won't.
I'm on my knees, reciting Chantry intercessions. My breathing is still ragged, my heartbeat only slowly returns to its normal pace. There's silence but my mumbling and the sound of my blood ruhsing in my veins.
Suddenly a scream pierces the silence. I bolt, grabbing my sword as I burst through the door and across the corridor. Another scream, agonized and panicked. I kick Rori's door down and storm into her room at the sound of her third scream. She's sitting upright in the middle of her makeshift bed, blankets tossed aside, and screams in frantic terror. Her eyes are huge and fearful, tears stream down her cheeks and she's shaking violently. I drop the sword where I stand and hurry to kneel beside her.
Trying to touch her makes her jump and back away until she's cornered with her back against the wall. She never stops screaming. I've never heard such agonized cries before. She kicks at me when I try again to get hold of her, talking to her soothingly.
There's noises behind me when the rest of the group charges through the door. It has to be quite a picture for them. Rori backed up against the wall, screaming as if she was getting skinned alive. I on my knees in front of her wearing nothing but my underwear.
"What have you done to her, you filthy deviant?" Morrigan snarls behind me. I really have no blasted nerve to deal with her now.
"Nightmares," I simply snap before returning my attention to Rori.
"What kind of nightmare can cause such a reaction?" Morrigan demands to know.
I know. But I won't explain it to her. She wouldn't understand. Rori hasn't woken in time. She has seen and felt what happened to the dwarven girl while I was lucky to wake before the darkspawn could show me whatever it was they did to that poor soul. I cannot imagine. I do NOT want to imagine.
In the end I have no other choice but to slap Rori. She abruptly stops screaming and stares at me, blinking bewildered. Her vision is all blurry with tears. She's still trembling, she's still frightened but at least she's silent. She pulls her knees up, hugging them against her chest and sobs. It's a heartbreaking sound but at least this time she allows me to pull her into my arms. She clings to me as if her life depended on that contact between her and me.
I hug her, I hold and cradle her and whisper idiotic things we both know aren't true like everything's going to be alright to her. I don't care about the others. This is only Rori and me. Only Grey Wardens can understand what it feels like, these nightmares that are so real one can smell them, taste them, and feel utterly soiled inside and out for days afterwards. Behind me I hear Wynne shoo everybody else out of the room. She drowns every protest immediately and shuts the door firmly behind her.
There's an argument taking place in the corridor outside Rori's room. I do not care to listen. Rori begins to relax in my arms. Maybe she's just exhausted. Maybe she has reached that point where the horror fades into a dull ache that is yet another scar on her soul.
She cries with her face pressed against my shoulder. Her tears tickle down my bare chest. I gently rub her back, noticing she again has stolen one of my shirts. Finally her sobbing ceases. She isn't trembling anymore, just lies very still in my arms.
"There..." Her voice is raw, fearful and husky. She doesn't sound at all like herself. "There was a dwarven girl..."
"Hush." I whisper into her hair. She doesn't have to tell me. I understand without her giving me an explantation she shouldn't feel obliged to give. She noticeably relaxes against me. It's a comfort to not have to excuse yourself for getting freaked by your dreams. It's good not to be looked upon as if you lost your mind.
The others, they know Grey Wardens have nightmares - more than any normal person. It is impossible to travel with Grey Wardens and not notice the nightmares. They claim to understand but truth is, they don't. They have their own nightmares - who wouldn't after all we've been through? But those nightmares, they are not like ours. You only understand after the Joining. The others always have that strange look when they regard you after another nightmare has woken the whole camp. There's pity in their eyes. And the last thing you want is to be pittied. They also believe you to be a bit odd. Maybe they admire your strength or comment on what you have to endure. And all you wish for is they would shut up and leave you alone.
I'm too nice to do that. I just force a crooked smile onto my face and nod. Rori isn't as nice. She has an explosive temper. She only a week ago snapped at Leliana to shut up and get lost when the bard commented on one of her nightmares. "The Maker smiles sadly on His Grey Wardens as no sacrifice is greater than theirs," Leliana recited and Rori almost punched her in the face.
"Fuck the Maker and His blasted smiles!" she cried. "Shut the fuck up, Leliana. You know nothing about this!"
The bard looked thoroughly hurt but did as she was told. Nobody afterwards dared to say a word. Even Morrigan didn't make a smart comment. Later Rori apologized and gave a lame explanation - one of those we have for the outsiders. For those who never have felt the darkspawn entering their minds.
"Alistair?" Rori mumbles, her lips brushing against my skin.
"At your service." That makes her smile. It's a very small smile, though.
"Can you stay here tonight?" She glimpses at me shyly. Her eyes are reddish and puffed. Tears make them glitter in the dim glow of the burnt down fire in the fireplace.
"I won't leave," I promise. "I will stay and watch over you." I try to make her lay down again but she won't let go of me.
"Can you hold me?" It is a timidly and hesitantly asked question. I was intending to sit next to her and watch her sleep not to lie beside her and embrace her. It seems inadequate. This is certainly nothing a not married couple should be doing and I don't want to add to all the other things we already did that a not married couple shouldn't be doing. One look at her face and all these thoughts get tossed out of the window.
Oh... blast it! She needs this. She needs me. Tomorrow she'll shrug it off, hold her head up high and move on. She'll cope with it. But tonight she can't do it alone. Only a heartless fool would give her a lecture about appropriate behaviour now.
Nodding my consent, I lie down beside her. She snuggles against me, resting her head at my shoulder, as I cover us both with her blanket and wrap my arms around her.
Maybe I should be more excited - but there's really nothing sexual about holding her. It's just Rori and I being together and it feels so right. To hold her in my arms, to feel hers sneak around my waist, her head resting at my shoulder. It's one of the most peaceful moments in my life. It's as if I finally have come home.
She's so exhausted, she drifts back to sleep almost immediately. I stare into the glow and listen to her breathing. "Alistair," she murmurs softly, snuggling closer. I smile and kiss the top of her head.
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In good times and in bad